A Couple of Dinghys

SosfdavidO still here, and I have to admit, from the looks of today’s strip, the plot-line is advancing at a rather nice pace! I even half chuckled at the punchline as well, so I’ll forgive the idea that Mason would let two guys from Ohio who have probably absolutely zero sailing experience take his presumably pricey, large sailboat out on the open seas. I’m just going to pretend everyone has an instinctive, innate ability to operate a 20ft sailboat on the open seas and see where this week takes us.

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31 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

31 responses to “A Couple of Dinghys

  1. spacemanspiff85

    If Batiuk wants to manufacture drama by killing off some characters, this is a golden opportunity. Lost at sea, wrecked against the container ship, kidnapped by pirates, shot by the Coast Guard, beaten to death by striking longshoremen. So many ways to go. And best of all, nobody will miss these two, and the strip won’t have to change at all.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    So Boy Lisa is actually going to commit piracy? Like, REAL piracy? And he’s going to use Mason Jarr’s boat to do it? All over some pens? Well, at least it’s sort of a departure from BanTom’s usual subject matter, I’ll give it that. Does anyone involved with this SJ movie ever actually do any movie making work?

  3. Merry Pookster

    …a 3 hour tour

  4. billytheskink

    If Batiuk wants to manufacture drama by killing off some characters, this is a golden opportunity. Lost at sea, wrecked against the container ship, kidnapped by pirates, shot by the Coast Guard, beaten to death by striking longshoremen. So many ways to go. And best of all, nobody will miss these two, and the strip won’t have to change at all.

    Agreed, and I think Mason is in on it too. Pete and Durwood’s contracts must be incredibly generous or their union incredibly powerful if Mason thinks it is easier and more cost-effective to lose his boat by having the two killed at sea than it would be to hand them pink slips.

  5. So with this and yesterday’s strip, it seems that most of the characters in this strip are whiny idiots who are absolutely helpless when circumstances change. Funky can’t start his car, and Darrin here will go to absurd lengths to avoid using a different pen.

    The one character that the above does not apply to is Les, of course. When things happen to Les, it’s not because he’s incapable of change, it’s because those around him aren’t competent enough to serve him.

  6. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    I’d like to think, this is one of the ships “The Greek” and Vondas are using to smuggle drugs and prostitutes into Baltimore. A faceless, handless Mopey & Durwood would improve the strip.

  7. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Plus, why the fuck can’t superstar Mason Jarr get those pens for him. I’m pretty sure a big budget Hollywood star greases the wheels with his name alone.

  8. spacemanspiff85

    I’m pretty sure in a situation like this there would be a lot of people who’d want to get more important cargo from those ships than pens, so it wouldn’t be that easy just to sail right up and hop on. Of course I’m positive they also wouldn’t all be just sitting around in the water waiting, since they’d be losing millions of dollars doing that.

  9. Gerard Plourde

    So now we know that the world depicted by Batty must be one in which the inmates of the asylum have escaped and taken on the roles of the townspeople á la “King of Hearts”. Only people with a tenuous grip on reality would act in the ways shown over the past few days in both California and Cancerdeathville (blaming the car for having forgotten the key fob, launching an attempt at piracy to retrieve Darrin’s pens and getting unconditional permission from Mason to use his sailboat).

  10. Epicus Doomus

    I’m actually kind of shocked to see Boy Lisa being involved in this much action. Usually he’s doing things like opening mail, giving Summer the flu, ignoring his family or pointlessly standing around looking bland, boring and annoying. But today he appears to be planning to use a movie star’s boat to illegally board a container ship in order to steal pens, which is definitely not the definition of a typical Boy Lisa story arc to say the least.

    It’s an extremely peculiar confluence of events and I can hardly wait to see how BanTom totally f*cks it all up. Does he take the glacial pace where they’re still approaching the ship seven months from now? Does he do an abrupt “jump-cut” kind of thing where all of a sudden out of nowhere he already has the pens? Will the characters begin to fantasize about what illegally boarding ships was like back in the 1950s? Will the SJ producers finally tire of the endless tomfoolery and shut the damn thing down?

    Boy Lisa though, geez, I never thought he had it in him. Just last week I was mocking him for never taking any initiative and now just completely out of nowhere he’s preparing to commit piracy on the high seas just to obtain his special pens. So far in Act III Boy Lisa’s highlight reel isn’t exactly full of hilarious deranged schemes like that. Moving into Les’ house, working at Montoni’s, being humiliated by Frankie, being an excuse for TomBat to relive the Lisa pregnancy arc, discovering his parents never really cared for one another, meeting his weird mysterious half-sister and using pizza boxes as furniture…it’s quite a sad little legacy. This would easily be the most noteworthy thing he’s ever done, even if he fails horribly.

  11. Spacemanspiff85

    @Epicus Doomus:
    I bet he caught Mason’s bi…polar.

  12. Here, we have Boy Lisa angered because Pete wants to “sabotage” his career by keeping him out of the clutches of Homeland Security. On the other side, the Toledo Mudhens are about to debate a plea to give Ed Crankshaft a minor salve to a long-ago injury. Simply put, they ARE SO going to retire his number in order to make up for what Bull’s racist cockhole grandfather did to REALLY sabotage his life.

  13. A HREF

    Maybe Durward can use Les’s hall monitor machine gun. Give them all an excuse to jet back to Ohio to search for it.

  14. HeyItsDave

    Of course I’m positive they also wouldn’t all be just sitting around in the water waiting, since they’d be losing millions of dollars doing that.

    Ships standing around in the water just offshore is about the only part of this thread T-Bats got right…during the 2015 west coast dockworker’s strike that’s exactly what happened.

  15. HeyItsDave

    Sorry, uploaded the wrong image.

  16. Rusty

    Just looking at those pictures, how the f are they supposed to open shipping containers stacked like that, which are undoubtedly jammed tight with boxes, just to find this idiot’s pens?

  17. The proper response from Masone would be “no fucking way”, unless of course he has the boat insured for a lot more than it’s worth, and he’s planning on these buffoons sinking it so he can collect some insurance money and cover the mortgage on that beach house for another month.

  18. 1. I guess since Masone is at Marina Del Ray or wherever and dressed like a jagoff tourist the movie shoot is complete?? So what the hell does Darrin need these pens for again? Did they just leave the office without telling anyone just to illegally snatch some pens from a ship? I know workplaces in California are supposed to be much more lax than what I’ve known all my life on the East Coast, but isn’t this pushing it??

    2. As an aside, in the most image-conscious industry in the most image-conscious place on the planet, how does Masone get away with such sloppy, ill-fitting, low-rent attire sourced from Wal-Mart? He’s the only Hollywood player who doesn’t dress the part… I mean, he isn’t even wearing it ironically?

    3. “Please take my custom made 40+ foot yacht out for a joyride, no questions asked!” –said no one ever, in the annals of recorded history… Much less to someone whose only experience with boating comes from playing with toys in the bathtub…

    4. Remember when we first met Masone Jarre? He was just some D-list schnook with leading-man looks, small-town middle America values and a pea-sized brain trying to make it big in the most merciless city on Earth? Remember when he couldn’t even do a table read without jizzing his pants (although who could blame him seeing those 40 FFF-sized warheads his co-star was sporting)? Yet he’s somehow been successful enough to own a Porsche Carrera GT, a huge Malibu beachfront estate, can afford round-the-clock charter jet service, has enough clout to singlehandedly micromanage every facet of production for this $500 million movie and now he has a 40+ foot yacht?? So how is it that he can go anywhere in public and never get recognized by anyone again??

    5. So why can’t Darrin just take Masone’s jet, fly to Japan, load up as many cases of pens that it can carry in the cargo hold, and come right back? And don’t anyone dare fucking say this is an outrageous or unrealistic idea compared to the litany of absurdity we’ve seen in this story arc up to now…

    6. In the real world Darrin and Pete would be arrested and shipped off to an ‘enhanced interrogation’ site until they admitted their involvement with Islamic Jihad… But in the Funkyverse, either Mason’s celebrity will get them welcomed aboard, or Darrin+Pete will simply bribe their way on with a few SB comics…

    7. As mind-numbingly fucking stupid as this is, I can say that at least we aren’t revisiting 1957 Pete+Darrin…

  19. 70 years on, are any fans going to give a shit about retiring Crankshaft’s number? Is it even that much of an honor, playing one decent season for what was then a AA team?

  20. Preview of Sunday’s sideways panel:

    And a tip of the Funky Felt Tip to James Allen!

  21. Bobby Joe

    How much more ridiculous can this get. Are they going boat to boat looking for his precious pens. Like looking for a needle in a haystack. Durwood needs to be sedated and put away for the safety of all involved.

  22. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    RE: Crankshaft’s number.

    While I can appreciate the struggles of minor league baseball players, nobody really cares about minor league records.

    I think Crash Davis said it best in Bull Durham. It isn’t an honor to have the all time HR record in minor leagues. It just a big reminder that you weren’t good enough to make it in they major leagues.

  23. Jim in Wisc.

    @ Rusty: Those containers are not only stacked tightly together. Those stacks are also chained down to prevent them from falling overboard.

  24. @Hannibal’s Lectern: GREATEST PANEL EVER

  25. Jim in Wisc.

    @ Bobby Joe: No doubt the company he bought those pens from has package tracking software on its website that’s so sophisticated it gives him: (1) the name and GPS coordinates of the ship they’re on, (2) the ID number of the container they’re in along with its specific location on the ship, and (3) the precise location of the pens inside said container.

  26. Eldon of Galt

    This one is another “feast for his readers”. A story based on an insane premise. A puzzling “punchline”. And another example of Darrin’s amazing morphing nose.

  27. @Jim in Wisc.: And the shipping company that pen maker contracted their services out to has a very liberal policy about total strangers approaching and boarding the ship and buying their goods on-site… I mean, all cargo ships have a cash register aboard these days…

  28. 8. Can we point out what a colossal dick Darrin is being for crossing a picket line? Or are we not allowed to mention that? I mean, to hell with the International Longshoremen’s Association and whatever rights they’re fighting for, amirite? It’s not like they’re striking over a life-and-death matter, like kitschy comic books or something…

  29. Nobody’s mention how Mason Jarre can afford a yacht since his biggest movie so far is “Dino Deer,” which sounds like a cruddy SyFy movie. And does the boat have an engine. If not, then Mopey Pete and Boy Lisa are going to be at Nature’s mercy.

  30. @hitorque: James Allen’s stories may meander like a passage in a dead-end cave, but NOBODY can blow up a boat like he does!

    @dougputhoff: If Mason’s boat doesn’t have an engine at all, Durwood & Mope will never make it away from the pier. If it’s got just a tiny putt-putt engine for moving around the harbor, THEN they can get out past the breakwater and be at Nature’s mercy. We can only hope…

  31. The

    Why is Mason even in LA when they are shooting two Starbuck Jones movies back to back in Cleveland?