No preview for today’s strip but here’s a post for night owls!
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Tagged as Darin, Pete
Hoo boy. So Pete’s a sailor now, is he? I hope that ship cranks up the firehose and drowns these two imbeciles. Does BanTom really seriously believe this is plausible in any way whatsoever? If they actually board this ship and get those pens it could be a new low for FW.
I like how they wore black to be sneaky and then decided to raid the ship in broad daylight.
So did Masone Jar-Jarre give them those black outfits, or what?
I’m still trying to figure out where Batty gets his ideas of how sailing ships work.
Is that sail attached to Durwood’s foot, or what?
I’ve been duped! I read How To Avoid Huge Ships cover-to-cover and there wasn’t a single sentence about not reading Funky Winkerbean.
Word Balloon Placement 101: Try not to position the tails of the balloons so that it looks like the same person is speaking all the dialogue.
“I’m still trying to figure out where Batty gets his ideas of how sailing ships work.”
The same place he figures out how everything works … out of his ass. I swear TB is the living embodiment of the Dunning–Kruger effect. So much so that people like him should be said to have Batiukitis.
Here’s a boating safety tip Boy Lisa should learn: “Sailboats have the right of way but freighters have more momentum.”
Also, do they still keelhaul pirates?
This arc illustrates the weird almost bi-polar way he treats his characters. He goes from situations where he appears to want us to like or at least sympathize with them to ones where he makes them truly unsympathetic and the butt of ridicule.
Come, friends, who plough the sea!
Truce to na-vi-ga-tion
Take another sta-tion
Let’s vary piracy
With a little bur-gla-ry!
I’m sorry, when did Darrin become such a refined artist that only the highest quality top-dollar supplies will do for him? All we’ve ever seen from him are basic sketches, scribbles and doodles… If he was that fucking great at his job, it wouldn’t have taken until his mid-30s to find professional work (a job he strictly got out of cronyism, by the way)…
Can we just fast-forward to the end where the ship’s captain happily hands over the pens in exchange for a rare comic book or Masone’s autograph, and instead of getting arrested, fired, and sent home in disgrace after a prison stint, Darrin and Pete get promoted by the studio to executive producers??
And as others have mentioned: Nice job rockin’ the oh-so-cliche all-black prowler outfits, with the requisite wool skullcap in broad daylight… It totally makes you not look like hijackers/criminals/terrorists at all… I have a feeling the coast guard will intercept them long before reaching the ship…
I mean, doesn’t Mason’s boat have a radio? Are they not even going to make contact first?
Nice sailboat rendering, T-Bats, you landlocked midwestern ground squirrel. At least take a look at a photo next time so the sail won’t be goddamn backward.
Let’s be fair here, guys. At least something somewhat exciting is happening here. It’s based of a ludicrous concept but at least it’s action. Let’s enjoy it while it lasts. Next two weeks we’ll probably be back to Funky & Les jogging or more Dead Lisa.
So how did these airhead find out which ship the precious pens were on? Again no explanation.given. Maybe there is a sign hanging on the boat ” get your art pens here”. Can’t wait to see how they are going to get on the boat.
“So how did these airhead find out which ship the precious pens were on? ”
Not to mention its a container ship. Unless they know which container the pens are in and its one the few containers with its door exposed, they’re going to need a lot of time and a crane to go through them all.
Oh wait, I forgot these pens are soooo valuable the captain must keep them in his cabin for safe keeping.
And yet this story is still more plausible than how the SBJ movie itself is being made.
As a sailboat owner, I can point out several dozen things that are wrong with this drawing, most notably – 1. The impossible position of the jib, and 2. The complete absence of a headstay. I suppose it is possible that this is a Freedom Yacht, which has a freestanding rig, and that they’re flying a spinnaker instead of a jib as a head sail.
As for right of way, seeing as the cargo ship is anchored, it’s the sailboat’s responsibility to steer clear of it. The real trick will be for Durwood to actually board the ship, since the deck of the cargo ship is probably at least twice as high as the top of their mast, and the only way to gain access is for them to drop a boarding ladder for you, not to mention that when that sailboat comes up close enough to board the ship it’s going to get pounded into splinters, and they likely won’t have enough anchor line on the boat to properly secure it.
@billytheskink – the Amazon reviews for that “How to avoid Huge Ships” book are comedy gold.
On the plus side, any week without Les is a good week, no matter how absurd the story is.
Sez Durwood: “That’s the boat MY PENS are on!”
They are not HIS pens till they are delivered to port, pass customs, are shipped to the wholesaler, delivered to the art supplies shop, and Durwood walks in and PAYS FOR THEM. Until that time they are SOMEBODY ELSE’S PENS, and what Durwood’s doing is called “theft.”
This being the Funkyverse, here’s what I think will happen next: Durwood & Mope get to the container ship, and then find they have no way of climbing the 50 or so feet to its deck. While grousing about that, they are picked up by the Harbor Patrol (or, better, the Jungle Patrol) and dragged in for questioning. Having been the most inept “pirates” in history, they’re released with a stern warning after spending a few hours in the Patrol’s custody. But… during those few hours, the strike is settled, the ships are unloaded, the pens are delivered to the art supply shop, and the last package of them is sold to the guy who’s walking out of the store (with a vague smirk on his face, of course) as Durwood goes running in.
And then everybody gets cancer.
This should be interesting in an unhinged way but since the Author can’t really tell a story or handle characters (as noted above just when did Boy Lisa become the insane diva artist?) it’s just stupid.
Meanwhile, on the Crankshaft side of the Funkyverse:
You know I remember seeing the Yankees play US Army Cadets in an exhibition. One pitcher struck out A-Rod, Jeter & Hideki Matsui. While kudos to him for striking out three potential Hall of Famers, it really isn’t that impressive. There is a reason it’s called EXHIBITION. The games don’t count and these big league players aren’t going to pull a muscle just to show up a minor leaguer.
Plus, that guy has never been heard from again. I don’t even remember his name and I doubt anyone ever will. While he can always brag to his family and friends about it, I’m pretty sure nobody ESPN is creating a 30 for 30 on the guy.
This is a roundabout way of me saying:
“NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT CRANKSHAFTS BASEBALL CAREER, BATIUK!!!”
Where does Batiuk get his ideas about sailing? The same place he gets his ideas about everything else. Comic books from the sixties.