Holy Corpses Batman

Aw, come on, Tombat! You referenced the 1960s Batman in yesterday’s strip, at least bring it home in today’s strip with a cartoony blam.

blam

I joke around about this but it’s really all rather sobering. Darin is either dead or has suffered a life-altering wound. Pete could be charged with his murder as an accomplice if Darin *is* dead, and that’s assuming Captain Boomstick doesn’t plan on unloading on Pete next.

This means Jessica is now likely either a widower who will now have to raise her child on her own or her hubby is now in prison for piracy. Pete, well, does it matter? Their careers are over. It’s done. All for some pens he couldn’t wait 8 hours for.

Was it worth it, Darin?

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33 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

33 responses to “Holy Corpses Batman

  1. spacemanspiff85

    When I first saw this strip, I said to myself “Please be dead please be dead please be dead”. But there’s no way he’s dead. Nothing happens in this strip anymore. I would bet money that tomorrow Pete will wake up in front of his laptop and Darin will be screaming “My pens came!”.
    And did Darin get shot while halfway over the edge of the deck and then somehow flip over the railing, toward the gun?

  2. Jimmy

    It says somehitng when you wish death upon a character (I did, too).

    I’m sure this will end with Darin getting a lifetime supply of his precious pens and Les writing a best-selling novel about this crap.

  3. If this was the end of Darrin and Pete, I would personally lobby the Pulitzer committee to award this strip.

    Alas, I suspect the history of Funky Winkerbean will make such an effort fruitless tomorrow. Because if we’ve learned anything from Funky Winkerbean, it’s that whatever you may hope, you will always find the biggest disappointment.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    Looks like Les has a new book idea! “Darin’s Story…The Other (zzzzzz)”. No way this is real, BanTom eliminated tragedy from FW years ago. I could see this happening in 1999 or something but now? Has to be a dream/fantasy sequence or something. Still though, I definitely enjoyed seeing Boy Lisa die. Maybe Batiuk could ape “South Park” and Darin could be the new Kenny.

  5. billytheskink

    TB is most assuredly going to cop out on this, it is far too interesting a way for anyone in this strip to die.

    It’s too bad, too, because if Durwood is dead it would provide a pretty sensible and satisfying ending to this idiotic story. Do something as stupid as try to rob a foreign container ship with nothing but a black toque and your friend the comic writer, get shot and die.

  6. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Dream. I’ll call it now. Which would be a totally fucking lame way to end what might have been an interesting set of strips.

  7. There’s only one “r” in “Darin”? I didn’t know that…

  8. Also note the stereotypical slanty-eyed Asian in the first panel… good to see Batty dealing with issues in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner.

  9. @spacemanspiff85: Not till Monday. Sideways Sunday will be a takeoff on this Batman cover:

  10. erdmann

    “Oh, my god! They killed Darin!”
    “You bas– Uh, wait. Did you say ‘Darin?’ That’s different. You wonderful people! Would you like some pie?”

  11. Gerard Plourde

    Whether this arc ends up being a dream or not, it once again reveals the way characters and plot are manipulated rather than developed in the Funkyverse. Up to this point this arc has depended on unreal situations – Darin’s obsession with a particular brand of pen to be able to work would not be tolerated and he would either be fired or his friends would intervene to get him professional help if necessary. Mason would not blithely lend out his sailboat without first determining whether Pete and Darin possessed the requisite skills to sail it. Pete and Darin’s antics took on a cartoon quality that furthered the unreality being depicted. Now for whatever reason Batty has decided to abruptly flip the whole scenario to the dark side. It’s this inconsistent conceptional vision that makes this strip frustrating as story but a fascinating puzzle vis á vis the author’s thought process.

  12. Tnhed Dreamer

    Darrin’s mother St. Lisa will come down from the heavens and save him.

  13. The problem is that if Darin does die, we’ll be expected to be sorry for a grotesque brat who put art supplies first and his wife and son a distant second. It’s all about the trivial needs of stupid white men, after all. It’s like watching them try to make up for what happened to Crankshaft sixty years later. No one actually knows IF the scouts would have signed Ed if he’d shown up that day so wailing about it as a means of explaining why he’s a whizzled-up old coot is just stupid.

  14. In the end, Darin, did you enjoy it? When death arrived, did you welcome it?

  15. Saturnino

    “Now for whatever reason Batty has decided to abruptly flip the whole scenario to the dark side.”

    Maybe he’ll cover all the lawsuits that Mason is going to have to deal with when all this is over, as well as finding out his insurance was null and void because he let untrained people use his sailboat to commit a crime.

  16. sgtsaunders

    Well, I guess that’ll show those upstarts at Gil Thorp. Nobody, but nobody kill off characters like TomBats.

  17. HeyItsDave

    His epitaph should read, “And Nothing Of Value Was Lost.”

  18. Many of us wondered why Durwood couldn’t just have his precious felt-tips shipped overnight from Japan by air. Now we know:

  19. Jim in Wisc.

    Yeah, I’m jumping on the “it’s a dream” bandwagon, too. That seems to be Batty’s favorite device for wrapping up the so-called storylines in this strip.

    BTW, Hannibal’s Lectern, very nice touch adding the James Allen ball in the second panel!

  20. Merry Pookster

    This is Batiuks sorrowful cartooning legacy….when people cheer when prime characters die off or. Have udder life failures. He has failed to create characters of enduring favorbility. Walt Kelly and Al Capp you ain’t….heck Lynn Johnson beat you out on character development…..fans like Blondie and Nancy more.

  21. DOlz

    @Merry Pookster,

    All though most days I’d still rather read FW over “Mallard Fillmore”. But that’s one of those gun to the head choices.

  22. Jason

    On a positive note, this is the first realistic thing to happen in this storyline!

  23. Bobby Joe

    Here’s my guess. This was a warning shot and Darin crapped his pants and fainted.

  24. After the incident several years ago where Wally was vaporized by an IED in Iraq only to find out the next day that he was playing a video game (why would a PTSD-ridden soldier play a video game that simulates they very environment that you’re living in?), I’m not putting anything past him. Clearly, this will not be the way that Durwood meets his end in the strip. The most plausible explanation is that this has all been Durwood’s dream and he’ll wake up screaming on Monday morning (after the Batman comic book cover homage on Sunday with Pete Renner holding a lifeless Durwood in his arms), and there will be a UPS package from Japan on his doorstep.

  25. Hitorque

    Well done bravo great shot four stars 10/10 would read again

  26. We look into the great crystal balls, and we see where this must inevitably end:

  27. spacemanspiff85

    For anyone who forgot, it’s about this time last year that Batiuk had that stupid “time pool” storyline which ended in a dream copout. Apparently this is an annual tradition for Batiuk now.

  28. bigd1992

    Sounds as if Jessica has fodder for another documentary.

  29. @Bobby Joe “Darin crapped his pants and fainted.”

    If this was the final panel of every Funky Winkerbean strip from now on, it would be a staggering improvement.

  30. Charles

    Here’s my guess. This was a warning shot and Darin crapped his pants and fainted.

    That would’ve been my guess, but then I thought that even if Darin just shits his pants and faints, he’s still a criminal, so it’s not happily ever after, no harm no foul. But then I realized that Batiuk’s enough of a dope that he might not realize how serious a crime he’s having Mopey and Darin committing here, so he might actually think it would be resolved in that fashion. So I don’t know.

    Since I can’t resolve that conundrum, I’m going to guess that he’ll have Darin come out of his unconsciousness to discover that he fell asleep on the job and this was his dream. And Mason has a new delivery of pens for him because he’s just that swell a guy!

    For anyone who forgot, it’s about this time last year that Batiuk had that stupid “time pool” storyline which ended in a dream copout. Apparently this is an annual tradition for Batiuk now.

    In 2013, if you remember, Les fell asleep on the job and had the dream that led to the inexplicable “kill fee” resolution to Lisa’s Story/Lust For Lisa. Was there one for 2014?

  31. Charles

    In 2013, if you remember, Les fell asleep on the job and had the dream that led to the inexplicable “kill fee” resolution to Lisa’s Story/Lust For Lisa. Was there one for 2014?

    I was wrong! It was 2014! So this could be the third annual “Character has an inexplicable dream sequence” event!

  32. spacemanspiff85

    @Charles:
    Add “unfunny” and “awkward” to inexplicable. First it was Les having a sex fantasy about the actress playing his dead wife cheating on Mason with him. Then it was Les imagining having the opportunity to tell his not-yet-dead wife what would happen to her, but not, because women are delicate flowers who can’t handle things like the truth.