“Anyone who has never made a mistake…

…has never tried anything new.” – Einstein

It’s taken four days to come to the point, but in today’s strip, we’ve finally Batiuked around to it: Funky knows the Pizza Drone is going to fail because all of Tony’s other ideas have failed.

It seems to me that T-Bats really didn’t put a lot of time or effort into Funky’s list.

  • Pizza Fax – There are still pizzerias in my area which accept take-out orders via fax. It started back in the bad old days of pay phones and copper landlines, but because some business still inexplicably insist on using the clunky, slow, and low-resolution fax even in an era with reliable and cheap internet, the service lives on.
  • Pizza on a Stick – Popular at heartland State Fairs, apparently. Just not in Westview.
  • Bucket of Pizza…well, okay, I’ll give him that one.

But I’d venture to say that most of Tony’s ideas have worked out pretty well for him. He immigrated to the US, opened a  successful restaurant which provided him with a good living and a decent retirement (after all, he spends his winters in Florida) and – with the exception of taking on a business partner who holds little respect for him – shows evidence of having made some pretty good decisions over the years.

And notice that none of Tony’s failures were on the scale of nearly bankrupting the company by trying to sell shitty Ohio pizza in New York City, Funky.

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23 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to ““Anyone who has never made a mistake…

  1. spacemanspiff85

    Funky has a lot of attitude, considering Tony’s idea of Montoni’s has provided for literally everything in Funky’s life.

  2. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    And then Tony’s dumbest idea ever — Putting Flunky Wankerbean in charge of his business.

  3. Rusty

    Batiuk’s biggest show of arrogance was floating the concept of a little Ohio pizza joint making it in Manhattan.

  4. And whose idea was “Let’s just close on Sundays because apparently nobody orders pizza on that day, ever,” Funky?

  5. billytheskink

    Yeah, and it was Tony who initiated the Montoni’s website and allowed for online ordering back in Act II, when most of the country was still using dial-up. The guy has clearly had his forward-thinking and winning ideas.

    I was picturing Tony’s pizza fax as a fax machine that transmits actual pizzas, which would be awesome, but I can’t see TB coming up with something that imaginative, even for a dream sequence.

  6. spacemanspiff85

    @billytheskink:
    That’s what I pictured, too. I guarantee the way 3D printing is going, someone is working on that exact thing, since you can print food.
    And another lousy idea? The fact that a pizza place apparently opens at 5:00 A.M. so Harry and John can hang around and drink coffee.

  7. To give Funky a break, his alcoholism probably damaged his memory, so all he can remember are those terrible Starbuck Jones themed pizzas. Anything longer than a month or two back has disappeared into the swamp.

  8. Jimmy

    Who came up with breakfast pizza and an unnecessary app through which the pizzeria had to hire an overpaid MBA?

    Funky alsio overlooked Tony’s best idea:

  9. Here, a man who doesn’t realize that the only really bad decision Tony made was hiring a self-pitying drunkard; on the other side, people who aren’t irate parents or first responders knowing the name Ed Crankshaft.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    Wait. I thought Funky owns the place now. So now I get it. Montoni just escaped his nursing home where he was being treated for dementia. He wandered on up to Ohio and won’t be long before Funky is seen driving him back. Hey, it’s another week of easy, do nothing strips for Batty!

  11. @billytheskink, spacemanspiff85: “Fax machine that transmits actual pizzas”

    3-D printers capable of making food products, including pizza, have been around for a couple years now courtesy NASA (they’re trying to come up with a way to give astronauts a more interesting variety of foods on trips to Mars):
    http://www.digitaltrends.com/cool-tech/beehex-3d-printed-pizza/

  12. Merry Pookster

    Just let Toni run with it…. go a head what harm could befall in Westview.?
    Maybe Wally will flashback and shoot it down?

  13. Gerard Plourde

    It does seem that the “failures” that Funky is pointing out are pretty minor (the initial cost of test-marketing pizza on a stick and a bucket of pizza would be almost non-existent). Contrast that with the enormous cost of opening a location in Manhattan. Running a successful business- another thing Batty seems to know nothing about.

  14. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Wait a second. Didn’t Montoni’s other franchises close down during Funky’s reign? Bricks and glass houses, dude.

  15. DOlz

    Another sad day for cartooning fans. Jack Davis one of the founders of “Mad Magazine” has passed.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-36912468

  16. Looking at this strip, I’m wondering if that reference to “pizza fax” might provide a clue to the two great Mysteries of Montoni’s: (a) how they stay in business when there are almost never any customers in the place, and (b) why does Funky so hate Tony?

    I think the answer is that many years ago, TONY INSTALLED A PHONE. Before that time, if people wanted Montoni’s pizza (why they would is of course the third great Mystery of Montoni’s), they had to show up in person and either eat it there or wait while it was being prepared. This gave Funky a chance to actually be in the presence of ordinary people (the ones not “quirky” enough to be a part of the strip, unless they bribe Bathack into including them in a panel), which provided his thin lifeline to the normal world. Then Tony put in the phone, people started ordering for pickup or (worse) delivery, and now the only people Funky sees in Montoni’s–and therefore, anywhere in his life–are Dead Skunk Head, Crazy Harry, Masone Jar-Jarre the Actor, Smirking Les, Durwood and Mopey Pete…

    Yeah, if someone had done that to me, I’d be pretty bitter, too.

  17. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Crankshaft
    Yeah, everybody will know who you are, Crankshaft.

    Just ;like everyone knows Mike Hessman. What? You never heard of Mike Hessman the all time leader in Home Runs for the International, League? He broke the record from Ollie Carnegie. What you never heard of the immortal Ollie Carnegie? He only held the record since 1945!

    Or Jason Anderson. Yeah, his number is supposed to be retired by the Staten Island Yankees a minor league team this year. What you never heard of him?

    But you probably have heard of Robinson Cano a person he will also share a retired number with Anderson. Yeah I’ve heard of him. Not because his Jersey is retired but because he actually has a fucking all star career in the Major Leagues!!!

    All apologies to the people and their famillies mentioned in this rant, but nobody is going to fucking remember Crankshaft any more than they did before this ceremony!!

  18. HeyItsDave

    Another sad day for cartooning fans. Jack Davis one of the founders of “Mad Magazine” has passed.

    @DOlz – Wow. That’s a punch in the gut for me. When I was a kid and exploring my own drawing style, Jack Davis was my biggest idol. I used to track down everything he did – Mad Magazine, advertising work, his illustrations in Sports Illustrated, anything I could find – and go over it all carefully, looking at his penwork, his use of color, how he applied the watercolors and inks… You know how so many dead-tree cartoonists fawn all over Charles Schulz and say he was their major influence? Yeah, Jack Davis was mine.

  19. Comic Book Harriet

    The most baffling thing about this whole week has been Wally just standing there, looking haggard and depressed, not saying anything, not being acknowledged by anyone.

  20. @Comic Book Harriet–they don’t acknowledge him because he’s been dead for over a year, so they can’t even see him.

  21. What about your failures, Funky? Besides opening a restaurant in Manhattan, you also tried to pass off shoddy product (Remember the pizza intervention?). You also hired Cory to work there, even though he possessed no interest in working there. Having ridiculous hours of operation (before Boy Lisa came along and suggestion opening for breakfast, which we don’t what happened to that). This is just more garbage.

  22. Epicus Doomus

    Comic Book Harriet: Wally, the forgotten character. Has he finally beaten back his demons? Is he attending college? Where the hell is Buddy?

  23. Don

    So, of course, this time, Tony listens to Funky, doesn’t “invent” the pizza drone, and in a few weeks/months, business is worse than ever because a competitor started using one and everybody loves it. Amazing how a pizza drone (a) knows exactly where your front door is (or better, you can set it up to deliver to your bedroom window somehow!), (b) collects on delivery (of course the only way this works is if the pizzas are charged to a credit card upon order), and (c) manages to avoid somebody trying to steal the pizza.