Rest Assured That I Was on the Internet within Minutes

It’s developing rather slowly, natch, but we see his week’s plot begin to take shape: “dyed-in-the-wool fan” John, not content with merely possessing advance knowledge of the Starbuck Jones plot, is compelled to disseminate it online. It’s the only way this overgrown adolescent, alienated from the affection of his busy wife and running an unprofitable comic book shop to support two children who are not his own can be made to feel alive.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “Rest Assured That I Was on the Internet within Minutes

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Wait…didn’t get them via he internet? Thus they’ve already been posted somewhere. BanTom is about as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal, the look on DSH’s face indicates that no good at all will come of his inter-nut shenanigans and excessive fanboy-ism. And why does he have that malicious look on his face, I thought he LIKED Starbuck Jones?

  2. There was actually a strip from early Act III in which John said he’d opened a second location in Centerville. (Or whatever it’s called.)

    Today’s strip reminds me of that (also Starbuck Jones themed) story of Jff solving a third-rate cryptogram. If posting stills online is enough to enable an imbecile like John to figure out the entire plot, then the Starbuck Jones producers didn’t have much of a plot to start with.

    Which makes sense, really. After all, who is their scenarist? None other than the second greatest (after Tom Batiuk) generator of lame, boring, obvious plots ever, Pete Rostankowskijump.

  3. spacemanspiff85

    If nobody else has looked at the pictures and figured out the plot, then nobody else cares about it, John.

  4. billytheskink

    Reposting someone else’s images on the Internet, eh? That can get you a cease and desist letter, DSH.

    Yet another subject TB knows nothing about…

  5. Yes, because every Starbuck Jones fan would rather spoil the plot of the film by looking at a collection of crappy still photos than wait for the actual movie and see the plot unfold the way the director envisioned it.

  6. The Dreamer

    He’s going to get a nasty call from Mason Jarr. Big star Mason probably has backend points and leaking the plotline before release can hurt box office. Cindy will have to intervene and stop Mason from killing John

  7. 1966tvbatman

    I’ve actually done this with the heads up art going on in Judge Parker.

  8. Gerard Plourde

    If we are to assume that the plot of the Starbuck Jones movie is a closely guarded secret (like that of the latest installment of the Star Wars franchise was) and John knows and is supposedly friends with people who worked on it (Pete and Darin and possibly he considers Mason a friend), why on earth would he want to reveal it prior to the film’s release for any other reason than a malicious one?

    Isn’t there anyone in this comic who isn’t horrible? (Well, maybe Funky, who seems to just be perpetually cursed with bad fortune.)

  9. Epicus Doomus

    Gerard Plourde: AND he owns a comic book shop! So John, comic book shop owner, actually knows a few people who are heavily involved in making a comic book movie and instead of finding a way to possibly profit from that fact he maliciously wants to spoil the movie instead. Personal appearances, SJ merchandise, actual items from the set, autographs, it’s a land of opportunity right there in front of him and he can’t see it.

  10. ComicTrek

    Looks like Plantman escaped from prison and disguised himself as DSH John to bring about the end of Starbuck Jones! Forever!

    Okay, not really. But that would be awesome. (*sigh*)

  11. What bothers me about this malicious dunce is that when the hammer drops and the response to his true fandom is either a death threat or a Cease And Desist order, we’re going to be asked to take pity on him.

  12. Chyron HR

    Considering that the entire third act will probably be Mason’s head pasted on a CGI spacesuit fighting CGI monsters and flying CGI spaceships, I really doubt John could figure out the entire story from photos of the set.

  13. Rusty Shackleford

    So this is so….eh, forget it, I don’t care.


    Well OK,Harry. But is your NAMBLA forum really going to be interested in Starbucks Jones spoilers?



    – Well I guess we should be thankful that these three haven’t stripped naked and covered themselves in mud.

  16. Hitorque

    1. Waitjustagoddamnedminute…. Did Comic Book Store Guy just complain to Funky of all people about not getting any from the wifey? Why is that any of his business? Or ours, for that matter?

    2. I though Batiuk was a self-admitted comic geek loser? Does he ever actually *talk* to any of them? Does he really believe this is how fanbois and fangirls behave?

  17. Hitorque

    Krankenschaaften: Damn… A wood slingshot, specially crafted to handle brick brownies, no less?? And did Batiuk forget we live in goddamned America? Why aren’t his characters reaching for their sidearms and shooting that motherfucker?

  18. Comic Book Harriet

    I follow a blog that regularly breaks down movie trailers. Using logic and clues from background/ character costumes and etc, they usually can put together at least the ORDER that the scenes take place. So if DSH managed to get like say. 20-50 stills, I’d say it was plausible he could get them in order and parse out a plot. I’d also say that probably fifteen mouth foaming ubernerds have already done exactly what he’s doing.

  19. batgirl

    I’d thought John was one of TB’s avatars, like Les. I wonder if that means we’re supposed to approve of whatever it is he’s doing on the Dreaded Internet after all, or whether this spoileringness means his character is being cast into the outer darkness like Funky’s was.

  20. Once the spoilers are revealed to the whole internet, Masone Jarre won’t be able to afford the e’s he added to his name. He’ll have to hock the a’s and end up with the name Msone Jrre. Then he can start a club with Pm & Jff. They’ll meet every 2 weeks at Montoni’s.