Friday, September 30

Alas, today’s strip was not available for preview, so I’ve once again fired up the WABAC Machine and gone back 30 years. Here’s what was happening on September 30, 1986:

A band plot, really? It seems like every time I fish an old FW strip out of the archives it is in the middle of yet another story arc about Dinkle’s megalomania…

In this installment, the Westview High School Marching Band is performing at halftime during a Monday Night Football game in Cincinnati. In order to force ABC to televise the performance, Dinkle sabotages the broadcast. He cuts the ABC network feed so that highlights of the weekend games can’t be shown, kidnaps a coach so that there will be no one to interview, and has the president of the Band booster club hijack the Goodyear blimp to make sure that the aerial cameras stay trained on the band. The only fallout from these felonious acts? The booster club president is jailed and the band members have to sell extra candy to bail him out.

Still more realistically portrayed than this whole Starbuck Jones movie thing.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

19 responses to “Friday, September 30

  1. spacemanspiff85

    Knowing that Funky is sitting there thinking about the weird old fat man who told him to buy a comic book really adds so much depth to this strip.

  2. spacemanspiff85

    And Cindy, age and crippling insecurity is no excuse to be an absolute bitch to an apparently perfectly nice person.

  3. Jim in Wisc.

    I do not believe it! L’ Auteur Glorieux actually showed us Marianne Winters. Of course, since his artistic ability is so atrophied, she doesn’t appear any more or less attractive than any of the other females in this strip.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    The old stuff was certainly way more thought out than it is now, like for example today’s idiocy. Marianne Winters is finally introduced and Cindy slams her with a rude and woefully unfunny crack based on her rampant insecurity issues. Just terrible. As if she doesn’t already know everything there is to know about her too.

  5. billytheskink

    With all the time jumps, I’m not sure anyone in the Batiukverse could tell you how old they are without a calculator.

  6. Charles

    I can’t help but notice that Marianne looks like Summer with a slightly more rounded hairstyle. Guess we know now why Batiuk goes with it.

  7. And the worst of it that the walking, talking Billy Joel song writing this mess thinks that this is just how woman are.

  8. Chyron HR

    “I’m twenty-six. How awful are you?”

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    i gotta hand it to Batty, he tackles some deep issues in a thought provoking way. Here he is “exploring” the issues beautiful women face as they age. Who knows how far he will take his art.

    Well done sir!

  10. DOlz

    I wonder if TB has ever meet or had a conversation with a real woman in his life?

  11. For a woman who’s entire career has been based on being a people-person, Cindy gives zero effort into making a good first impression. We’ve seen this numerous times – Cindy meets a younger person for the first time, (usually someone who will be having some control over her career future) and comes right out of the gate with an insulting, condescending remark before even saying “Pleased to meet you”. In the real world, with an attitude like that, she’d be sent to work in the editing room.

    And is there supposed to be a joke in today’s strip? Is it supposed to be funny to watch a person act like a complete shitbag?

  12. Well, score one for Tom Batiuk. I was pretty sure we’d never see Marianne Winters. And of course, maybe we aren’t seeing her now. I seem to recall her face being a little more angular. Here, she looks like every other dark-haired female.

    And really, are we supposed to be sympathetic toward Cindy? Because every single time she comes into contact with a woman younger than herself, she’s very insulting to that person.

  13. @bobanero – synchronicity.

  14. “How old am I?” What a delightfully absurd and tactless conversation opener! You’re former newscaster Cindy Summers-Winkerbean, and you’re doing that profile on Cliffe Anger, aren’t you? Well I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that early-onset Alzheimer’s is creeping in and you mistook me for Mr. Anger, who is standing over there way off-panel… Even though I can appreciate you growing up in the cultural backwater of Shitsburg, Ohio, I will say I’m a bit surprised that those virginal internet geeks over at haven’t taught you how to Wikipedia or IMDB yet – At least then you’d be able to waste a lot less of Mr. Angere’s time from asking basic, simple questions.

    BUT – On the remote, off-chance that you intended to address me, I’ll lay it on the line for you, woman to woman: Bitch, this is a movie studio set and since this is our livelihood you might want to take a huge fucking step back while grown folks are working… Just because you’ve got Masone temporarily strung out on your vintage, ‘Penthouse Pet of the Month for July ‘87’-pussy and gotten half of the yokels from your bass-ackwards scummy hometown put on the studio payroll for this project, NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER think for a moment that your shit doesn’t stink or that you’re some influential Hollywood player who’s running things around here! A golden meal ticket fell into your lap, and nothing more – You’d be smart to not fuck it up like the rest of your career… “How old am I?” I mean, for fuck’s sake I’d have thought a woman who got aged out at MSNBC or wherever would have had a bit more self-awareness before asking that. At least have the bravery to just come out and ask what you really want to ask, which is “AM I FUCKING MASONE?” And the answer is: “It’s none of your goddamned business!” Not that it matters anyway, because you’ve already got a predetermined conclusion in your brain no matter what I say. Now get the hell out of my face and go play twenty questions with Cliffe…

    And by the way, congratulations on your engagement, Masone – That sure is a sane, level-headed mentally and emotionally stable woman you’re about to make a permanent part of your life! You sure know how to pick a winner. If she’s going to pull this bullshit stunt every time you have a female co-star, I’m guessing you’ll see some severe limitations on the roles offered to you in the future…


    Well that took forever. Marianne Winters. And you know what? Mason Jarr would be completely justified to dump Cindy for her! Marianne is polite and cordial and what does Cindy do. She rudely tells her “How old she is?”.I

    It’s your not body that needs remodeling, Cindy. it’s your fucking personality that does.

  16. sgtsaunders

    Wow. Cindy really has a complex of some sort. Her once-humorous (allegedly) obsession with her looks in the early FW strips has now grown into full blown mental illness. – apparently some weird and crippling combination of Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Coprolaia – that will likely leave her Jarr-less and alone. Man, this is neither funny nor entertaining. Whaddaya want, I suppose, this is Funky Winkerbean.

  17. @Paul Jones:

    So in other words Cindy got a “New York state of mind” with Marianne and had to “tell her about it” by being a “big shot” and creating a “scene from an Italian restaurant” with “the stranger” because Cindy wouldn’t “leave a tender moment alone” between Masone and Marianne since from her humble Ohio beginnings she has always been a wannabe “uptown girl” but despite being middle-aged she’d always believed in “only the good die young”, so then Mason tells her the engagement is off so Cindy can “say goodbye to Hollywood”, and Cindy tells him but it’s “my life” and why can’t you overlook my character flaws when I love you “just the way you are”, but Masone remains resolute and tells his fiancée that she’s “moving out!”


    (takes bow)

  18. @sgtsaunders: Even Robert De Niro’s portrayal of Jake La Motta thinks that Cindy is a bit too over-the-top with her insane paranoia and jealousy…

  19. @Jim in Wisc.: To be fair, Marianne could look like that old lady librarian from over in Crankshaftland and Cindy’s reaction would have been 100% the same — She’s that unhinged