Takes One To Blow One

Link to today’s strip

“Lampshades Askew – The Cliff Anger Story”

I’m looking forward to the part where Cliff explains what he was doing for those sixty years between film gigs. Should be some compelling stuff there. She’ll no doubt have minutes of footage to sift through. It’ll be the first documentary film ever where they ADD stuff from the cutting room floor.

“Food, dope, hookers…you can get anything delivered in Manhattan but just try to find a lampshade de-skewerer that speaks f*cking English in that town, consarnit! No one knows the shame I’ve had to endure (beings weeping). Uneven shadows, difficulty reading properly…so many wasted decades….damn that Nixon for de-regulating the lampshade de-skewering industry back in ’73!”

BanTom is really going all out to very, very slowly and painstakingly set the stage here, or as we call it, “killing as much time as humanly possible to avoid having to exert any effort at all or create a story anyone would actually want to read”. I’ve seen enough wry Mason/Cindy banter for ten lifetimes, just get to the f*cking fireworks factory already, dammit. And what the hell is the deal with this f*cking movie? What is it, “9 1/2 Weeks In Space” or something? It’s more like “9 1/2 Years”, amirite?

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12 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

12 responses to “Takes One To Blow One

  1. The best part of this is the director, over on the left.

    “What? Of course I don’t use Pete Rotgut’s script. I’m making my own. How? Well, I just pull it out of my ass! **UNGH** See? Script girl! Oh, script girl! Here’s some fresh pages!”

  2. louder

    Right, a visitor on the set causes a take to be trashed, which is $$$$, but blondie can stay around if she wants, no problem! Oh, you want to leave? “That might be best…” Bat “Hollywood” Hack, teaching us all how movies work.

  3. billytheskink

    No maybe about it, getting started on the Cliff documentary would be best. Maybe he’s already shot his cameo or maybe it is still to come, but either way he’s been twiddling his thumbs on set for weeks, maybe months. There is only so much ice cream an octogenarian can eat, even in the company of Vera Nash.

    With all the decision’s he has made about this movie, I keep forgetting that Mason isn’t directing (producing? probably, who knows…). The fact that the director’s chair doesn’t say “directore” should tip me off.

  4. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “Well, you’ve made a nuisance of yourself here, and you’ve embarrassed me repeatedly. You also drive me fuggin nuts with your constant childish jealousy. You’ve also been a real asshole to the people I’m working with. But that’s okay, snoogums. Meet me later on the beach. We’ll smirk and watch Internet streams of high school football. Love ya!”

  5. spacemanspiff85

    Why is Pete hanging around during filming? And why on earth is Jupiter Moon going over to him? “Did I kiss Mason just the way you imagined it when you wrote the scene, Pete?” This is so terrible.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    I’m looking forward to 2027’s Act IV “where are they NOW now? arc about Cliff during the big Starbuck Jones reboot arc featuring Wally Jr., Rachel’s kid and Les. The Gang, with some help from Mason and Cindy’s daughter Dora, find the now 101 year old actor holed up in NYC, once again forgotten by everyone as soon as filming ended and getting angry upon discovering that his box of “new” old SJ crap from 2017 is selling for squat on Fleabay.

    “Starbuck Jones Replica Decoder Ring Key Fob (does not actually decode). Buy It Now, $1.99. 144 still available”

    I am assuming that weird smirky guy who runs BuddyBlog either doesn’t know or doesn’t care that his lead newscaster/reporter has full unfettered access to the set, cast and crew of a much-anticipated Hollywood blockbuster as it’s being filmed and has opted to spend months on end making a documentary about an eighty-nine year old bit player in the film who has an incredibly boring life story instead. It’s yet another burst of Batiukian logic, like the food truck, Darin not saying anything to anyone or no one pointing and laughing at Mason’s hair. He never fails to make absolutely sure that not a single element of the story makes sense.

  7. Great. A week dedicated to making a very stupid man who brainlessly wasted his life on a self-pity tantrum being made into a hero. It’s a metaphor for the strip itself.

  8. Batiuk assumes a movie set is like a play, and everyone who is not performing at that moment is just hanging around behind the scenes.

  9. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Yeah, you messed up Cindy! Look. You’ve gotten the director so mad he is pulling his shorts out of his pants so he can eat them. Yes. That’s what it looks like in panel 1. If you want me to not make those assumptions Batiuk, draw better.

  10. 1. Why the hell does this director never take control of his set? I’d have thought he’d gotten tired of the daily intrusions back when he was still filming in Cleveland… Especially since this abortion of a movie is three years late and a half-billion over budget by now… I realize Masone has more power and influence at this studio than any actor in history, but enough is enough after awhile…

    2. Speaking of Cleveland, thanks for nothing, Ohio!

    3. Yeah, because Cindy couldn’t have interviewed Cliff at his home or hotel or the BuddyBlog.com set any time before now…

    4. You know what impresses me most about Cindy? Her professionalism… Showing up for an interview in a casual top+shorts, and with no cameraman in sight… How the hell does Cindy do all these interviews with no tape recorder/cameraman/notepad? You will remember that her *exclusive* interview with Mason at Montoni’s was nothing but a glorified date (and she wore her little black “fuck me” dress) with no cameraman in sight, either… So either Cindy or Batiuk have completely misunderstood what the term “documentary” means…

    5. I’m still waiting to learn just why the public would give a good goddamn about what Cliffe Angere has been doing with his life, unless it was literally some “Most Interesting Man in the World” –type of shit.

    6. Good thing those mooks from DMZ rented that food truck so they can show the world firsthand how much of a neurotic, jealous, paranoid menopausal bitch Masone’s fiancée is—Wait, what do you mean the food truck only gets them into the parking lot??

    7. Seriously, why can’t those mooks from DMZ just waltz on the set with a mini-camera?? It’s not like the director gives a shit…

  11. Professor Fate

    Well it will be at least interesting in one way – to learn how Cliff Anger managed to raise self pity into an art form.
    The Author is really unerring in his ability to chose the most tedious story arc and follow that. At least Evil Frankie trying to sand bag the movie because he’s well evil is someone doing something – this plotline goes nowhere and doesn’t even tell us anything we don’t already know (he sulked in his apartment of years – how he managed to do that is really not a story)
    But it wastes a week and that seems The Author’s main concern these days.

  12. Gerard Plourde

    I’m waiting for the big reveal that Frankie is Marianne Winters’ father who abandoned his family when she was a child.