Dare To Be Stupid

So here’s today’s strip.

Too easy, Cindy. Too easy… but OK, I’ll bite.

stu·pid – /ˈst(y)o͞opəd/ – adjective

adjective: stupid; comparative adjective: stupider; superlative adjective: stupidest

1. Taking a trip with your attractive co-star without telling your fiancée.
“Why don’t I just give you a lift home?”

2. Failing to notice that a hatchet-faced man is conspicuously tailing your car or parked a few yards away, recording you with his smartphone.
“Your daughter is a great actress, Mrs. Winters.”

3. Rushing off to find a missing and possibly imperiled person yourself upon deducing their likely whereabouts, rather than informing the police who are already looking for said missing and possibly imperiled person.
“I just realized where we can find Marianne!”

synonyms: Mason, Mason Jarr, Mason Jarre, Masone, Masone Jarr, Masone Jarre, and so on an so on..e

Well, Cindy is certainly asking the right person.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “Dare To Be Stupid

  1. “There’s her car!”

    Really? She had some sporty little model, didn’t she? That looks like a Ford F150 with the “convertible” option.

    Yeah, I know, we’re all supposed to be caught up in the drama, but when the creator puts so little effort into it–so little it can barely be measured–is it any wonder people have to entertain themselves by pointing out deficiencies? The alternative is taking this stuff seriously, and no one is quite that insane.


  2. spacemanspiff85

    So her car is just sitting right there in the open like that. And there’s an APB out on her. And yet nobody spotted the car in all this time.

  3. billytheskink

    I don’t ask for much when I read the comics page. Really, I don’t.

    But I do ask that the artist keep their black marker scribbles inside the panel borders.

  4. Gerard Plourde

    On top of all of the other impossible and foolhardy things that have happened in this arc we now can add two more –

    There is no road that comes that close to the base of the Hollywood sign.

    Mason and Cindy are going to try to make the climb to the sign at night.

  5. I’m pretty sure referring to a suicidal person as “stupid” is at best grossly insensitive, but given the light provocation I think the term applies here.


    What’s amazing is how this story is being padded. And it’s being padded to curiously match up with a climax occurring on Christmas Day. Okay as much as misery porn lover Batiuk is, even I don’t think he will have a suicide occur in the pages of newspapers on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. So get ready for a sappy and crappy “It’s a Wonderful Life” – style story.

  7. Jimmy

    That’s not a Ford, BC. It’s a bitchin’ El Camino. I just hope her mother puts it up for sale on Craigslist for less than 2 grand.

    Ok, make that 3k, but not a penny more.

  8. Epicus Doomus

    “Stupidity Defined…The Complete FW Collector’s Edition”. You bet your ass I’d stand in line at the Dayton Comic Con to get that baby autographed, no f*cking doubt. This is a comic strip that just cries out for a definitive archive where you can access the many decades of zaniness on demand. You know, to settle arguments and whatnot. “Hey! Remember that weird superhero wedding strip where Les married some young boy? That was actually Lisa! I know, weird, right? And look at Darin’s nose here, then now! WTF?”.

    “Something stupid”…uh yeah. Some “pal” Mason is, the guy thinks his “friend” might be considering a dramatic symbolic suicide attempt so despite being right next to someone with actual resources to help he says nothing, leaves and doesn’t even tell his own fiancee what’s going on until he arrives at the scene. What he believes could be a possible crime scene, no less. And he’s the hero of the story. Now that’s pretty stupid.

  9. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    Greetings, fellow stunted human mosquitoes!

    “Sappy and crappy” – accurate, succinct, and rhyming. Well said, $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$.

    Masone will rush up and catch Marianne in his manly arms as she plunges from the H. “Oh Masone, you saved me!”

    Then it’s on to the next craptastic story line about Funky’s hemorrhoids or Less’ dandruff.

  10. Stupid is Batiuk expecting people to praise him for a moronic exercise in emotional manipulation that has someone plan to end it all because having a hatchet-faced man go on line and chant “Mason and Marianne sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” means that her life is over.

  11. Rusty Shackleford

    So wait, when they called the police they didn’t tell them about her safe place? I’d call that stupid.

    This story is unfolding like an advent calendar, albeit with much poorer artwork. The payoff should come on Christmas Day when we open the big doors.

  12. I am somewhat puzzled by Cindy’s remark. Is it supposed to be a punchline? Is she supposed to be serious? Is there any reason why Masone shouldn’t bitch slap her to Santa Monica after that? I mean, despite the fact that the entire FW readership knows that this is a totally ridiculous and nonsensical situation, in the Funkyverse this is being represented as gravely serious, with the actual life of a young woman hanging in the balance, and Cindy wants Masone to “define stupid”? That’s the best line that a 45-year veteran comic writer can come up with?

  13. Charles

    “I hope she hasn’t done something stupid!”

    Too late.

    Also, every single thing in this sequence has been stupid. So why stop now?

  14. Professor fate

    Add to the list. Both of them have cell phones. If nothing else They could have called while on the way. Hell it would make a more dramatic scene yes? Police cars searchlights helicopters tv camera crews. Then Mason after asking politely if he could have a megaphone strides towards the sign then pauses, pulls his bent nail out of his pocket gives it a glance says something like “I hope you are still lucky” , and starts to talk.
    If we are going for melodrama let’s go for it yes?

  15. Rusty

    Real life young actresses would be instagramming and/or snapchatting the entire trip up onto the sign, so she should have been easy to find.

  16. hitorque

    1. How the hell would Masone know what Marianne’s car looks like, when said car didn’t even exist until she drove out to the sign to rethink her life…

    2. If Marianne has her own car, WHY did she bum a ride home from Masone? (Sorry Tom, but that question isn’t going away)

    3. WHY is a Hollywood starlet driving such a beat-up shitpile?? I know there was a longtime trend of real-life Hollywood celebs driving 20-year-old pickups or grocery-getter rattletraps to decrease the odds of being recognized when they just wanted to get around the city, but I’m pretty sure Batiuk wouldn’t have known that…

    4. Is it me, or does Masone seem to care about this a little TOO much? Maybe he is in love with Marianne after all? I won’t be surprised if Masone’s two brain cells finally realizes the bloom is off his engagement rose… Or then again maybe Masone is planning a three-way (in full costume, naturally) and still hasn’t closed the deal yet?

    5. I trolled the hell out of a C-list celeb on Twitter the other day over politics, and she got salty real fast… Batiuk should have been taking notes…

  17. DOlz


    ” Okay as much as misery porn lover Batiuk is, even I don’t think he will have a suicide occur in the pages of newspapers on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.”

    Or comedy. It takes a real comedic talent to make a Christmas suicide funny. Like lets say Jack Benny who knew how to set up the pay-off.