To Fetch A Pale Beyond The

Hiking boots? Who needs hiking boots?

No one in today’s strip seems to. Mason and Cindy have sauntered up the side of Mount Lee in loafers and ballet flats respectively. In fact, nary a bramble nor briar has scuffed Mason’s chinos or Cindy bare legs. I drastically overestimated Marianne’s ninja skills.

Also, Marianne is fine. Mason is a confirmed drama queen. Another Funky Winkerbean story arc winds up being all sizzle and no steak. Carry on. I


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

24 responses to “To Fetch A Pale Beyond The

  1. Two ways this storyline could have worked.

    1. She was going to jump because she was terrified of how Cindy would react to the photo. I hope tomorrow’s strip shows her shrinking back in terror because Cindy is right there.

    2. This one would require a major ret-con. Not that the strip is any stranger to those, but I’m talking huge.

    Forget Marianne as an actress with a filmography. Instead, during Cliff’s vapid interview, he should have mentioned that “Starbuck Jones” had a contest where the winner would be flown out to Hollywood and be put in a scene with Starbuck himself for an upcoming serial. The contest was duly run and a winner chosen, but when the winner came to Hollywood, it turned out that production was shut down for good on “Starbuck Jones.”

    The winner decided to stay in California and try to get a career in the movies. The winner, of course, was Marianne’s mom.

    Flash forward several decades, and the CME team decide it would be a cool idea to finally reward the contest winner. Marianne’s mother says she’s too old, but she knows her daughter would enjoy it–can she be a substitute?

    And they discover that she looks exactly like the Jupiter Moon they want for their movie. She’s cast, goes into rehearsals, films her scenes–everything looks great.

    NOW is when some nasty internet comments can have some effect. Because she’s not a seasoned actress, she’s a newcomer with no experience with this kind of thing. NOW this is something that can drive her to desperation.

    I thought of the above in about five minutes time last night, and I’d been drinking. Imagine what someone could do if they had a whole year to prepare this stuff.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Milksop Marianne is fine, just a bit shook up after insanely considering suicide immediately after her very first exposure to the evils of the internet. She came to her senses and dutifully huddled helplessly at the base of the big H until her non-sexual big-brother figure Mason finally rescued her, like any good milksop would. Now I assume it’s off to the hospital for some “observation” or maybe back to Mom’s house for some milk and Christmas cookies. You figure there’s gotta be a pizza place open somewhere at that hour, why not make a night out of it?

  3. Gerard Plourde

    I suppose we’ll learn tomorrow that the sequence showing her climbing and standing on top of the “H” was purely in her imagination and that she’s actually been cowering on the hillside the entire time at the very thought of it.

  4. louder

    Frick-on-a-stick! I hope Cindy starts yelling at Marianne about how this was all a stunt to get Pickle Jarree to fall in love with her. Why not? That makes as much sense as anything else in this crapfest.

  5. spacemanspiff85

    Bringing Cindy along when Marianne’s obviously incredibly unstable and fragile seems like a very bad idea. Of course knowing Batiuk, tomorrow they’ll probably be hugging and talking about what a great guy Mason is.

  6. Somebody wake me when this starts. But in the meantime, I stand in line, @beckoningchasm!

  7. I expect we’ll get more blubbering about evil stunted bully twitter tot people next year when there’s an arc about selfish and cruel and heartless complaints about a heroic author who isn’t “pulling his punches” or “being as predictable as the sunrise”, thank you very much. Oh, well. At least he actually cops to letting his mother issues turn him into a moaning fucktard in today’s Crankshaft.

  8. Rusty Shackleford

    Only surprise here is that he didn’t drag this out for another couple days and then treat us to a sideways strip on Christmas.

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    Why is she sitting there like she is lost and cold? If you decided not to jump, then get in your car and go. And get with the program already, you should already be on twitter, instagram, etc, shaming others for bullying you as you post a naked selfie with a stupid meme. #strong #battycantkillme #lesisadouche

  10. Chyron HR

    “I’m fine. This big pile of dirt broke my fall.”

  11. Professor fate

    Huddled in a ball under a big sign in the middle of the night is not ‘fine’.
    And oh dear god I hope they don’t go out for pizza.

  12. Rusty

    As a beady-eyed nitpicker, I can’t help but notice that the individual letters in the sign are now a whopping 6 feet across. So about 10 feet tall, rather than the 45 or so the current sign has.

  13. Charles

    As a beady-eyed nitpicker, I can’t help but notice that the individual letters in the sign are now a whopping 6 feet across. So about 10 feet tall, rather than the 45 or so the current sign has.

    Hey now, don’t mock! If Marianne had fallen on her keys, she might have really hurt herself!

  14. hitorque

    BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tom Batiuk you pussy!

  15. Unless I’m mistaken, Batiuk hasn’t had a proper tragedy since BSD Lisa. It’s just been a string of fake-outs and sermonozing and sentiment. Has he lost his nerve, or is he making sure nothing overshadows his masterwork?

  16. This ranks up there with the “Wally gets killed in a video game” arc from a few years ago.

  17. @TheDiva:

    Probably a little of both.

  18. Charles

    Unless I’m mistaken, Batiuk hasn’t had a proper tragedy since BSD Lisa.

    Depends on what you want to call a proper tragedy. He did have Fred’s stroke, although he’s done very little with it. If you think tragedy demands a death, he did have Jff’s mom over in Crankshaft die, but since he made her death all about dipshit Jff’s issues, that probably doesn’t count much either.

    Let’s see if he can stay consistent and have one of his asshole characters figure out how they can make Marianne’s flirting with suicide all about them. My money would be on Cindy if I felt he weren’t a complete sexist ass with female characterization, so Mason’s probably a better bet.

  19. Comic Book Harriet

    1.) I think it would be GREAT if she wasn’t contemplating suicide at all. She climbed the ‘H’ because it was something she’d always dreamed of, and now she finally had her change now that all the security guards weren’t around, and the safety fence had magically been teleported away.

    2.) The ghost of Peggy Entwistle will have appeared to her to talk her down and thus earned her angel wings. Batty can’t pass us a chance to show off his Wikipedia knowledge.

  20. bigd1992

    It’s not too late for coyotes to eat them, or to caught between bloods and crips.

  21. The Merry Pookster

    Much to do about nothing.

  22. Gerard Plourde

    Comic Book Harriet –

    I’ll go along with your second premise, but make it a tag-team match featuring Ms. Entwistle and Dead Saint Lisa.


    You know, she still isn’t safe up. there. Rockslides, Coyotes, Eathquake tremors, freek rainstorm, Gang Violence, Psychotic transients, Hell a stray gust of wind could send her tumbling. And what’s worse is that there are two others in danger up there. I would be happy if Joe A. Serial Killer comes by and decides to add three more pieces to his skin suit.

  24. batgirl

    Ah, there aren’t any roaming or natural hazards up by the sign. TB has seen the place in movies when the crew has been through to clear out the underbrush and chase off the undesirables. No one can be visible on screen but the stars and the extras.
    Until Crankshaft drives a school bus through the scene.