Death Takes A Holly Day

Link To Today’s Sad Display Of Comic Ineptitude

“Hey, you know how everyone always says “gotta go, my phone’s about to die” when I call them? Well, I thought it’d be very, very funny if Funky thought his wife was dying only to discover it was her PHONE that was about to die. What do you think?”

“Oh man, you’re breaking up, my phone’s about to die, gotta run Tom.”

This would have been pretty hilarious if only he’d swapped out Funky for Les and Holly for Cayla. You know, because of the whole Lisa thing. “Oh no, mamma mia…not again!”. TomBan really seems to genuinely enjoy torturing Funky, even if it’s just for laughs. Like when he was in that crippling car accident, for example. Oh, the zaniness, it was unbridled knee-slapping from the second the EMTs lugged his broken body out of that ravine to the moment he completed his grueling and painful physical therapy. With most of his punching bags you can understand the motive. They bullied Les in high school, they were better looking and cooler than Les in high school, they wouldn’t date Les in high school and so forth. But what did Funky ever do to merit such punishment?




Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “Death Takes A Holly Day

  1. I’m just relieved that today’s strip wasn’t a continuation of the encrypted marriage proposal.

    Anyway, why is Holly talking to Funky on her cell phone if she’s in their house? A certified plugger household like the Winkerbeans certainly hasn’t gotten rid of their land line yet.

  2. spacemanspiff85

    I know it’s hard to remember, Batiuk, but Dinkle’s the one with the hearing loss, not Funky.

  3. Gerard Plourde

    And as usual, a character in this strip acts as if emergency services don’t exist. Wouldn’t the normal thing to do to be to call 911 and have trained and equipped EMTs handle the call. If Batty’s dubious aim is to make Funly look like a fool it would be even more embarrassing for him to arrive at home to be confronted with glaring emergency personnel and Holly explaining how he misunderstood her.

  4. You have to admit, this is the most concern Funky has shown his wife in years.

  5. billytheskink

    I’ll give Funky a pass here. This is Westview, after all. What he thought Holly said was totally plausible to someone as beaten down by life in the Batiukverse as Funky. Add in the fact that Holly had breast cancer back in Act II and his his concern seems even more valid.

  6. Jimmy

    No, no, no, he thought she said, “I’m throwing out your comic books.” Any right-thinking person would go into a panic about that. Can you imagine living without Starbucks Jones?

  7. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    Flunky goes out, slamming the door in disgust at being called away from his coffee and “One Life to Live”.

    Holly, on her phone: “Sorry, Crazy. It didn’t work. Maybe next time.”

  8. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “No. I said I want a divorce.”

  9. spacemanspiff85

    And what did he think she said? “I’m dying”, when she really said “my phone is dying”? Those two don’t sound alike, at all. And I assume she was calm when she said it. So Funky just assumed she casually dropped “I’m dying” at the end of another conversation?
    “So we’re having pepperoni for dinner? And then reading Starbuck Jones together? So where is Cory, anyway? I’m dying.”
    And I assume Funky just hung up on her as soon as he heard the word dying. Because I doubt her phone just died as soon as she said it was dying. And if he hung up on her, why on earth didn’t she call him back? She’s at him, where she could plug her phone in. So really, there’s no need to even tell him her phone’s dying.

  10. Once again, we combine Batiuk’s irritating need to turn women into brainless hindrances because the girl he wanted wouldn’t have him AND his stupid belief that a ‘real’ man wouldn’t need to rely on paramedics with his need to pay a friendly BMOC back for not doing him the favour of destroying his reputation so everyone can fawn over a geeky, clueless, gormless and arrogant twit who never met a social norm that didn’t leave him totally stumped.

  11. sgtsaunders

    I think Batcave is trying to out-smart us by giving zero content, hoping that zero content cripples the snark reflex.

  12. Most of this strip looked to me like Funky was desperate to find a bathroom. And of course, Montoni’s doesn’t have any bathrooms.

  13. Rusty

    How is this a profitable business again? Even Harry isn’t drinking free coffee at the counter anymore.

  14. @sgtsaunders It’s certainly working on me.

  15. This being Worstview, the phone must be dying of cancer. Next year, expect to see the Holly’s Phone Fun Run.

  16. A HREF

    So what happened to Funky’s Volvo “Snowball”? The one that Les flew back from Africa mid-Kilamanjaro trip to look at? Now he is driving a Kia?

  17. I choose to believe Holly noticed her phone happened to be out of charge and then decided to call Funky and declare “I’m dying” and let things cut off there.

  18. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    One thing for — It’s not like he had a pizza in the oven. He could scoot home in the snow any time of day. Does Moroni’s ever get customers.

    Guessing Batty is patting himself on the back and high-fiving himself for launching a “zinger” at all those whippersnapper techno hipsters who say things like “my phone is dying.”

    “PHONES DON’T DIE! Lisa died! Cancer people die! If I say that enough, I’ll win a goddam award already!”

  19. DSSD: If he thought he was doing that, he fell well short of the mark. All he’s succeeded in doing is making Funky look like the focus of an up-coming saga on hearing loss in fifty year old men.

  20. To be fair, poor battery life is a contemporary issue.

  21. Charles

    Most of this strip looked to me like Funky was desperate to find a bathroom. And of course, Montoni’s doesn’t have any bathrooms.

    Much more amusing to imagine that Funky wouldn’t use them because they’re so filthy.

    I do like how he, in spite of his haste, decided to remove his apron first. His wife may be dying, but first things first! He doesn’t want the moment ruined!

    So what happened to Funky’s Volvo “Snowball”? The one that Les flew back from Africa mid-Kilamanjaro trip to look at? Now he is driving a Kia?

    Kia? Nah. That’s clearly a 1976 Chevy Chevette. Just the thing for the town’s pizza mogul!