Harry and the Chocolate Factory

Just as he’s outstayed his welcome around the halls of Westview High, Dinkle has lingered way too long in Funky Winkerbean, Act III. I’d supposed Harry went around giving “band candy motivational speeches” to fellow music educators or Becky’s current students simply as a way to keep busy, but it turns out he’s a compensated shill for Big Chocolate. He rushes home to share his big news with his wife Harriet (we must assume that’s Harriet, though she now looks like a 53 year old, instead of someone who’s been married 53 years).

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12 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

12 responses to “Harry and the Chocolate Factory

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Oh man. I assumed this would be a one-weeker given BanTom’s propensity toward hopscotching around so far this year. And of course the son of a bitch trips me up again, that confounded bastard. Look at Dinkle today, he’s a living monstrosity. The nose, that infernal cackle, he’s truly a character forged in the blackest recesses of Batom Inc.’s private purgatory of disinterest and mediocrity.

    And he’s a real asshole too. Gloating about forcing his unpaid students to shamelessly hawk band candy door-to-door to an already-dangerously overweight local population just to fund his egomaniacal band escapades and various vanity projects like it’s a source of pride to him…what a dick. Now he’s cashing in yet again, greedily accepting this perk as if he did anything other than order some candy, all because no one at WHS has the balls to tell him he can either contribute something or get the hell out of the building. All he really does is distract the staff and waste classroom time on cracking wise about the various “fund-raising” scams he’s pulled, he’s little more than a low-rent con artist.

  2. billytheskink

    This is gonna get real awkward when Crazy Harry gets home.

  3. spacemanspiff85

    Honestly, I doubt they care how much he sold. The band would buy it from the company and then be responsible for selling it themselves. The company could care less if you sell it or not, as long as you bought it from them. So what this reward would really be is “Jackass Who Spent More School District Money Than Anyone Else”, really.

  4. I really hope that Harry spent all of his money, including future earnings, to pay the Jim Henson Company to make a Harriet muppet. That would not only explain the hideous rictus on Harriet’s face, but give an added dimension to Harry’s life (ie, he stuffed his wife’s corpse and turned her into a foam-construct).

  5. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    Harry is such a blowhard that his wife looks like the tv weather lady who has been sent outside in a hurricane to deliver her report. I’ll bet she’s not exactly staying dry, either.

    “The pathetic fools who failed to recognize my greatness will now be forced to acknowledge the magnificence of Harry L. Dinkle! Those maggots will cower before me! I’ll make them rue the day they were born! HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR…!”

    “You’re late for your medicine again, Harry. Here, take your pills and drink your whiskey, and I’ll turn on ‘Dr. Phil’ for you.”

  6. Jimmy

    Once again, Dinkle confusing buying with selling. He (or more accurately, the school) bought all that candy. The person who should be getting the award is the Belgian chocolate sales Midwestern sales rep.

  7. Rusty Shackleford

    Looks like a Harry took a new, younger wife, or Battys assistant just winged it.

  8. Once he finally gets the recognition that he’s sacrificed his and so many other’s lives for, he can then die on the spot and make the world a better place.

  9. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Three things

    1. If Harry Dinkle is the biggest seller, that company went out of business years ago and this is some elaborate version of the “Nigerian prince” scam!

    2. Why do they need to spend so much goddamn money inviting him over for this fucking award??!! Just overnight him a plaque of something with a handwriting note!!! Are they going to release doves and have an honor guard for him or something???!! Is this what Tom Batiuk imagines will happen to him once Europe realizes his genius!

    3. I’ve said this before, but what the hell is up with Harry Dinkle’s nose?? We’ve called Les, Dickface, I think we can dub Harry, Dicknose!!

  10. Hitorque

    Dinkle has a wife? I honestly thought Holly was having an affair or something… Why the hell must so many characters look alike?

    In any other strip, the gag would be Dinkle getting hoaxed or pranked by former students because there’s no way a readership or even the characters could credibly believe someone getting honored almost 20 years after retirement… But sadly we know Batiuk is serious because of course he’s fuckin’ serious when it comes to comics, pizza and high school marching bands…

  11. Jimmy

    @Hitorque: I think he’s most serious about long-overdue prizes.

  12. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    I’m pretty sure Hairy Dongle is being punked. He’s taking this award WAAAAY too much to heart, especially today, where he’s linked the award to his accomplishments in music. Tommy McHackWriter is really telegraphing the fact that Dingle is in for a BIG letdown.

    So who set this up? Normally, I’d suspect Corey or Wool Hat Boy, but both of them have fallen into the Bermuda Triangle of Forgotten Batyuck Characters. But then I realized — It was the 40 year old Black student who told Dingle his puns weren’t “humor.” Of course it was! Remember, we cut abruptly from “That’s not humor” to “Here’s a letter for you, Harry.” Look for Harry to get really worked up about this absurd award, only to have 40 Year Old Nameless Black Student say, “I GOT ya!! Now THAT’s humor!!”

    Remember, you heard it here first… Unless you heard it on Comics Kingdom, where I posted it a few minutes ago.

    I fully expect to win a “Bingo, Sherlock” award for this. Just don’t tell me I have to fly to Westview to collect it.