Uniformly Awful

Link to today’s strip

Speaking of uniform, every single Dinkle strip is exactly the same. Premise, premise, sub-moronic Dinkle punchline delivered with grotesque cackle as background characters look on bemusedly. Yeah Harry, if this Van Houten guy hadn’t discovered how to make chocolate more palatable you wouldn’t have been able to sell chocolate to raise money for (sigh) band uniforms…what an incredible lucky break for you. And if early man hadn’t discovered how to kill, behead and eat large birds you’d have been shit out of luck on Thanksgiving too. Who the f*ck THINKS this way? Does this man EVER think about anything other than marching bands and fundraisers? I guess that’s supposed to be the joke, I think. But it’s not funny enough (at all) to be the joke, unless of course you think band fundraising is inherently funny, which almost no one does. I can’t even begin to imagine what someone unfamiliar with FW would think upon reading this. Fortunately though, that scenario rarely comes up.

Coming this fall: Harry’s scheme to create band uniforms MADE of band candy is thwarted when his clarinet section goes down with a near-fatal peanut allergy. Attempts to design peanut product-free band uniforms prove futile.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

10 responses to “Uniformly Awful

  1. I keep hoping Dinkle suffers a heart attack, is killed by terrorists, or his plane home flies into the Bermuda Triangle and winds up in the Stone Age. Yabba-Dabba Dinkle!

  2. Epicus Doomus

    So it turns out that this Van Houten guy is real, which only serves to further blur the point of this story. Did BanTom or someone he knows visit Belgium recently or something?

  3. billytheskink

    If someone took this strip back in time and showed it to Conraad Van Houten, there would be no chocolate today. “I will have no part of this”, Van Houten would say, except he would probably say it in some dialect of Dutch.


    I wonder if Dr. Van Houten could reduce the natural bitterness of Funky Winkerbean and make it more pleasing?

  5. Gerard Plourde

    I’m not sure which is worse, Dinkle’s blabbing or the display of misanthropic meanness being spouted by Crankshaft this week.

  6. spacemanspiff85

    This is from the guy who’s had “Crankshaft hit his friend’s mailbox” as literally the entire punchline of probably hundreds of strips. What do you expect?

  7. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    Harriet, after seeing Dinkle’s face in the last two strips: “Harry! Are you having a stroke?”

    Dinkle, slurring out of the side of his mouth: “Shaddup! I’m gettin’ an award!”

  8. Yes, everything does feed directly into his stupid obsession with that idiotic band. If it didn’t, he’d be a tiresome old fool who wasted his life and mistreated children to feed a bloated ego.

  9. billytheskink

    As several people have reminded me this morning, today is the day that the Walt Disney Company’s remarkably successful marketing campaign encourages us all to talk about Star Wars. This, in turn, reminded me of Funky Winkerbean‘s “Jedi Jokes” series series from 1984, where TB wrote a week’s worth of Star Wars puns and popsicle stick-level jokes and then had readers submit their own to fill 3-4 more weeks. It is interesting to compare TB’s punning (Jabba the Mutt, Obi-Two Kenobi) with that of his readers (Old Mill-wookie, Droids of London).

  10. Professor Fate

    One finds oneself hoping for an accident “I’m sorry Mrs. Dinke but you husband just fell in a vat of chocolate and has drowned.”
    “are you going fish him out?”
    “if we did it wouldn’t be crunchy would it?”
    “well all for the best I suppose. Maybe he wanted it this way. Now at least he’ll be sweet to someone.”