Everyone is severely intoxicated in today’s strip, right? Those glasses everybody has been carrying around have surely been filled and emptied many times by now, yes?
Because I don’t really know how else to explain this. The exaggerated hand gestures, the jumping on tables, the applause, the addressing of a group of full-grown adults as “kids”… Heck, alcohol may not really be enough to explain this. Not even something as dumb as Funky still dreaming in a coma back in 2010 effectively covers this ridiculousness.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Mason jumps up on a table (that probably collapsed under his weight). He gestures and spins fables. Asking “why” only shows that you are not of the body!!
And…new, unimagined realms of terribleness are just around the corner.
So in less than a week we’ve retconned from a summer blockbuster that merited a packed, Conan-hosted panel discussion at ComiCon to a virtual home movie that needs Judy and Mickey (or will it be Spanky and Alfalfa) putting on a show in the barn to generate publicity.
Is this some weak attempt at a Hey, let’s put on a show! trope?
Whoah! Masone Jarre putting on a show for you to see. Does he think he’s Leon Russell?
No…. no…. lemme look…. No, that’s Summer, back from K*nt State, the Bermuda Triangle, the fourth dimension, or wherever she’s been banished to since she left high school.
Coming Monday:
It turns out the Valentine is out of business, because the goateed idiot who ran it sold it so he could buy old Starbuck Jones comics.
bobanero: It sure is, it’s like that “Brady Bunch” episode where they put on a performance of “Snow White” in their backyard. Except this time it’s a major big studio motion picture.
“Bizarre Premier Location Leaves Starbuck Fans And Studio Heads Baffled”…yep, that’s “publicity” all right. So is “SJ Film Tanks After Bizarre Premier Kills Momentum” and “Jarre, SJ Head Writer Canned After Private Jet Bills Come To Light”. And you know what they say about publicity and all.
You know what would generate more publicity than premiering Starbuck Jones at a third-run theater in Stumblebum, Ohio?
Paparazzi video of a completely wasted Masone staggering around on top of a restaurant table until the manager has him escorted out while he shouts nonsensically about “putting on a show”.
This strip is just a perfect example of how Batiuk treats women in this strip: Male acts like an idiot while being far too enthusiastic about something stupid related to comics, and the hot women in his life sit mutely and applaud him for it.
It’s a perfect example as it shows how Batty draws women: Cindy = hot, the rest are drawn like teenage boys.
“Obsolete And Understaffed Old Movie House Struggles To Prepare For Starbuck Hysteria”…”Site Of Fatal Starbuck Fire Had No Sprinklers, Fire Doors”…”Judge Rules That Starbuck Lawsuits May Move Forward”…”Eyesore Valentine Theater Finally Demolished”.
Keep in mind that Director Man has made this decision without even having seen this theater. All he knows about it is that it’s owned by this dipshit old guy on Twitter’s son, it’s located in Asshole, Ohio, and is at least seventy years old.
I’m sure he’ll be pleased bringing all those Hollywood bigwigs in when he discovers that the second toilet in the men’s room is broken and clogged (and there are only 2 toilets), the refreshment area has had trouble with roaches and rats, the popcorn has some nasty butter substitute on it (real butter is too expensive, you see) that resembles Pennzoil, and there’s nowhere anyone can get good cell service because the town thinks that would ruin its wholesomeness.
Come to think of it, “Starbuck Jones Director and Stars Lose Their Damn Minds” would generate some publicity.
Anyway, one of Hollywood’s biggest actors deciding to “put on a show” in some shithole town in Ohio in response to one stupid tweet from some rando. Jesus, Batiuk’s a loon.
“I Didn’t Know”…Director Explains Bizarre Decision To Hold Premier In Deathtrap In Exclusive Jailhouse Interview”…”We Wanted To Put On A Show”…Unauthorized Pyrotechnics Cited As Cause Of Inferno”…”Actress Winters On Suicide Watch”…”Inferno Victims Have Local Ties”…”Actor Anger Still Missing, Presumed Dead”
“It is reported that local High School Teacher Les Moore was among the victims”
More likely – “Local high school teacher Les Moore was the sole survivor of the fire that consumed the Valentine Theater in Centerville last night. Among the dead were his entire high school graduating class, his wife, his daughter and her high school graduating class.”
I forgot!
I’m sure he’ll be pleased bringing all those Hollywood bigwigs in when he discovers that…
This little podunk theater in small town Ohio can’t possibly handle an event of this magnitude. I suppose this little bouquet of dipshits would have enough space to congregate in the lobby after the showing, provided no one else on the planet shows up, but just barely. Christ, it only has one ticket booth! And the guy selling the tickets apparently does everything else as well. Maybe he’ll hire someone to sell popcorn and someone else to usher! I’m sure there’s a sequence Batiuk could squeeze out showing everyone complaining about how hard it is. And then everyone can go to Montoni’s!
I’ve actually been to the theaters in Los Angeles that are often used in world premieres. In fact, I’ve gone to the one that premiered The Force Awakens. The reason why they use those few theaters again and again is because they can actually handle the event and the crowds that these world premieres pull in. Your local theater with a public seating area and an arcade for the kids isn’t gonna cut it.
I’m sure the run down old shell of a theater has enough seating for Les, that odd unknown woman who hangs around Les’s house, Funky, Holly, Beardo, Mrs Beardo, Skunk Head, Lefty, Mr and Mrs Dinkleberry, Duuuhhhren and Mopey Pete (who will probably be fine with just one seat to share), and Princ’pal Nate. Who else NEEDS to come?
Music will be provided by the high school marching band and the nursing home band. Blondie McBighair can video it on her Pineapple smartphone. Catering by… yeah, that’s right!
Quarter of an inch from reality, my ass. This is the absurd wish fulfillment fantasy of a particularly dim-witted eleven year old.
Wow! Think of the crowds this B movie will draw in Bum F***k Obio, not. All of the press will sleep in their cars for lack of hotel space. Sounds like a plot out of a Little Rascals movie. We want the Flori Dories.
The only way this plotline can justify itself is if there is some sort of mass killing at the Valentine, whether its some nut with a Glock, a bombing, or a stampede of Starbuck Jones fans wanting to get good seats. Either that, or the CEO of Cable Films for Television tell them their idea is full of sh!t.
Could that fucking small-ass theatre even hold all the guest such a premier would need? Well, maybe every one knows the movie is complete shit so they’re expecting a small audience. Okay, I buy that.
And more insane is the fact that you KNOW the reception’s going to be filled with Westview residents like Funky and Crazy and Gross John. (But none of their kids) So instead of having a few thousand Hollywood bigwigs, it’s filled with these sadsack losers who have nothing to do with anything.
And again we see the Author presents us with Dada level anti-story. We are conditioned expect stories to have consistent characters, conflict and resolution, and yet, as he has so often the Author just yanks those expectations right out from under us. Honestly if there was a next frame and it had some one saying something like “the turnips are screaming and are as white as the Rhine” would anybody be that shocked? It would make as much or as little sense as anything else in the strip.
it of course would be more impressive if he actually meant to create this effect but of course he didn’t.
And the premiere’s after party can be held at Montoni’s Pizza, featuring the double wedding of Mason Jarr and Cindy, and Cory Winkerbean and Rocky (remember Cory sold his complete Starbuck Jones collection to buy Rocky a wedding ring)
The Hollywood crowd is sure to love the thick doughy crust, the canned sauce, and plastic mozzarella at Montoni’s. Just have a look at Luigi’s Akron on Yelp for a preview .
But they will get to see the bandbox, so…
Off Topic
Sad news, June Foray passed away on July 26. Fans of Jay Ward and Stan Freiberg’s work will have been familiar with her voice.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_Foray
About anyone who watched a cartoon ever would have been familiar (well, at least heard) her voice. What a phenomenal career.
It’s almost like Buttiuk remembered his throwaway “joke” that Mason Jar is bipolar. He’s definitely acting like someone who’s off his meds and in a manic phase.
Inside Batty’s pointy little bald man-child head, adults act like 9 year olds. Whereas adults might explore whether this is something the studio wants to do, whether the facility and neighborhood could support such an event, how much time and money it would cost to set up this facility for a (supposedly) major movie premier, and all that other icky grownup stuff, they’re sending secret code messages.
Batty really needs to make up is mind whether this is the biggest movie of the year, or something a bunch of school friends are putting together in one of their basements.
Probably not even worth asking how this could be a Summer Blockbuster when they haven’t even finalized plans for the premier. It will be August in a few days, and the kids will be back in school in only a few weeks.
But enough of all that beady eyed nitpicking — WE’RE GOING TO OHIO!!! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!