If You Cedarville, Say Hello

If I were Hollywood producer Clay Wallace, I’d be leaning back with my feet on the desk too! When your director, leading man, screenwriter, storyboard artist, and their assorted hangers-on make brilliant decisions regarding casting, location shooting, publicity, and every other aspect of putting out a major motion picture, what’s left to do except kick back and enjoy things like palm trees outside and inside your office.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

24 responses to “If You Cedarville, Say Hello

  1. Epicus Doomus

    “Producers Under Fire After Baffling Premier Decision”

    “Hick Town Premier Slows Starbuck Mania”

    “Centerville? Studio Alienates Sci-Fi Press With Bizarre Choice”

    Yep, SJ fans all over the globe are abuzz about the big premier in Centerville. Oh, wait…EVERY SJ fan lives withing a ten mile radius of Centerville, so yeah…if your globe only contains mid-central Ohio it’s indeed a global phenomenon.

    “Hey, did you know that SJ has deep deep roots in the Ohio town of Centerville?”…how could this possibly help the film? Why would a SJ fan in Orlando or Ann Arbor or Secaucus give half a damn? In fact, when the average SJ fan learns why they decided to stage the premier in Centerville they’ll be amazed at how incredibly mundane the reason was.

  2. billytheskink

    I like how this big-budget tentpole comic book film is still being made by Cable Movie Entertainment, which was initially portrayed as (and still has the name of) a mid-tier cable television network/studio that traded in cheesy schlock like Lust For Lisa or whatever Hallmark Hall of Fame ripoff Les thought the “Lisa’s Story” film was going to be.

    TB’s changed Pete’s last name, the end of Bull’s and/or Coach Stropp’s Westview career, the popularity level of Starbuck Jones, Eastern/Enormous Midwest University, Bernie Silver’s class, etc. etc. etc. etc. and etc.
    Changing the name of “Cable Movie Entertainment” to fit its new role in the strip? A bridge too far, apparently

  3. spacemanspiff85

    Centerville probably has like one motel, so I can’t see this going well at all.

    • DOlz

      Isn’t the apartment above Montoni’s empty at the moments? This movie is going to save the Valentine, Montoni’s, and Comix Corner (spill over traffic) from financial ruin. Yeah?

      • Wally supposedly took over the upstairs apartment as well as the “manager” position when Darin headed to Hollywood two years ago, though we’ve hardly seen Wally since.

        • DOlz

          Ah. Although in my defense trying to remember what happened in this strip two years ago through retcons, detours, dropped story lines, and whatever (when the great TB can’t/won’t remember what he wrote two weeks ago) is more than a little difficult. However; you constantly amaze me with your encyclopedic knowledge of all things FW.

  4. Jimmy

    Suddenly, director guy is not an evil Hollywood type. Did he eat some Montoni’s pizza, which turns one into a noble being?

  5. I should think that in the real world, he’d have cause to remember the name of the town where his studio died. Here, it’ll be another stupid victory of the forces of Flyover Country over the Evil Cities.

  6. Rusty Shackleford

    Well at least Les hasn’t been seen since he raced out of school on the last day.

  7. sgtsaunders

    Wait – “Cable Movie Entertainment”? Cable? And these douche nozzles are all steamed up over the premier. Better hope that Cinderville has a good cable provider and that the Valentine has the Showstopper Package.

  8. So, they have their gutter covering part of the studio name? Yeah, that just screams “competence.” And I like how director guy has the Westview scowl down pat, just like when someone else gets comic book details wrong.

  9. Gerard Plourde

    Meanwhile, over in Crankshaft the humor becomes cruel (and juvenile) when the punchline revolves around Jeff mistaking coyote urine for lemonade.

  10. Hitorque

    Krankenschaaften: GAWD DAMN, SON! So either your dumb ass didn’t read the label with the big-ass print, or Ed is keeping coyote urine in a regular unlabled pitcher in his fridge for unspecified reasons…

    Dr. Funkenstein: Okay, we get it Batiuk, you hate editors and you hate studio execs, even though the latter is about to literally pump a couple of million dollars into Winesburg, Ohio’s 75-cent economy… And no, in the grand scheme of things it isn’t very important whether or not some unnamed studio exec can remember the name of some unremarkable Ohio town in Meth County, on the banks of the Carcinogen River…

    Dr. Funkenstein 2: Bro, you’ve had leaks, teasers, trailers, merchandising, a sizzle reel, exclusive interviews, a (false) romance-on-set scandal, you’ve got a long-lost romance angle, Oscar nominations, the long-awaited return to the screen of the original, SJ plus he’s the subject of an Emmy-nominated series of interviews about the Red Scare, a leading man and his nationally known fiancee wedding angle, a fan fest in Cleveland, an appearance at a high school graduation, and 10,000 virginal geeks literally screaming for you to take their money already, and this movie is three years behind schedule and $1.3 billion over budget…. Even James Cameron doesn’t get this kind of leeway… The bottom line is the public IS AS PRIMED AS THEY’RE GONNA GET and you can’t fucking stall anymore so release the shit already.

    As an aside, why would a movie premier in Winesburg, Ohio be global news? I’m sure this is what the folks in Sierra Leone, China, Yemen, and up I-64 in Charlottesville (2.5 hours from where I live) would be talking about this morning…

  11. Comic Book Harriet

    In Crankyworld, I know that he probably keeps it around to sprinkle on his garden or something. But for today at least I’m going to imagine that Crankshaft’s drink of choice is imported Coyote Piss.

  12. Professor Fate

    Well it would seem many many years ago – Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention featuring Flo and Eddie played there – as noted in Frank’s film 200 Motels “Centerville, a real nice place to raise your kids in.” . “Churches. And Liquor Stores” – They failed to mention any Pizza place however


    You know what would be great? For the Super Bowl to be held in Green Bay. It would be nostalgic and whimsical. You know why they don’t do that? Because Green Bay is too fucking small to hold a huge ass event like a Super Bowl Game!! So now we are expected to believe that Cranshaftville will not only be capable of hosting this event, but that celebs, patrons, producers will want to even go to there!