Tag Archives: Clay Wallace

Haik-UNIVAC

Still talking about
Holtron ownership transfer
here in today’s strip?!

Wealthy Boomers are
Out there laying down stacks for
Sperry-Rand mainframes?

Why didn’t props group
Make a more mobile Holtron
For the first movie?

No really, why not?
Or why did they need Holtron
In the first place, huh?

Sentient Holtron
Has always been property
This is just so wrong

A better comic
Would be Short Circuit rip-off
With Holtron and Frank

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Holtron, I’m Comin’

Clever move by Mr. Director and smarmy Clay Wallace in today’s strip, getting Pete and Durwood to haul away their trash for FREE. Heck, P&D are pretty much thanking them for the privilege. Morons.

Wait, wait, wait.. wasn’t it strongly implied that Holtron is sentient? Yeah, Conan O’Brien tackled it for responding to a heckler (it mistook for a time machine?) back during last year’s Starbuck Jones Comic-Con panel. And now Holtron, a true breakthrough in artificial intelligence, is the property of these two shmucks, wrapped up in one of those stupid giant bows from the Lexus commercials… You’re sick, Tom Batiuk. Sick.

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If You Cedarville, Say Hello

If I were Hollywood producer Clay Wallace, I’d be leaning back with my feet on the desk too! When your director, leading man, screenwriter, storyboard artist, and their assorted hangers-on make brilliant decisions regarding casting, location shooting, publicity, and every other aspect of putting out a major motion picture, what’s left to do except kick back and enjoy things like palm trees outside and inside your office.

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The Line Starts Behind You, Beardo

Link To Today’s Strip

Well, I’m no PROFESSIONAL WRITER or anything, but according to the definition of “kill fee” that I read, it’s more like a guarantee in case a writer’s work ends up not being used through no fault of their own. However, in the Batiukverse it appears to be a fee Les collects when he just doesn’t feel like working anymore, which is completely moronic on every level. So Les lives it up for a few months in a first-class, fully-paid for hotel suite, does no “writing” at all, then collects a “kill fee” when he decides to up and quit without any notice whatsoever? OK Tom, whatever you say. TB’s vision of “reality” gets weirder and weirder every day.

And then, just to remind everyone why Les is the most despised character in the entire history of fiction, he makes a little “joke” implying that’s he’s just exasperated to death by “Hollywood” and the “LFL” production. Always with the cynical obnoxious wisecracks, the Dick With Ears never fails to live up to his reputation. The jerk gets a golden opportunity just dropped right into his lap and all he can do with it is simper, whine and complain about it, non-stop. Utterly ridiculous and stunningly stupid, even by FW’s pitifully low standards.

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I Was Sorta Hoping You’d Tell Us, Clay

Link To Today’s Strip

Good question, Clay. It appears to be a bunch of little black dots on the floor, although I suppose it MIGHT be a “clue” involving a very important and totally unexpected plot twist that somehow would make this week become at least somewhat coherent…oh, he means the trenchcoat, doesn’t he? Sigh. Forget everything I just said.

Wow, that’s some hatchet face on Clay in panel one. All in all the artwork this week hasn’t been all that awful, I’ll give him that much. It doesn’t come close to making up for the content, though, which has been absolutely stuporous. I lost the “plot thread” a few days back, now it’s like being in the dentist’s chair, gripping the armrests and hoping that whatever he’s doing ends as mercifully and painlessly as possible. Hey, maybe some nitrous oxide would help this make more sense…..damn it, nope. Still baffled.

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I’m Just Mad about Saffron

I would’ve bet anything that my Google skills would uncover a real-world “Saffron Indian Restaurant” in Hollywood (or even better, somewhere in Ohio’s Western Reserve) that served as a model for the restaurant in today’s strip, but I came up empty handed. Meanwhile, Les has yet another of his Hollywood illusions shattered when he discovers that the “script doctor” in whose hands his masterpiece wound up moonlights as a waiter.

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Testing Credibility

★ ★ ★ ★ ★  Happy Independence Day from SoSF! ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

 

Charles
July 2, 2014 at 11:06 pm
…You don’t run a script or treatment past a test audience. That would be absurd…Never mind that no one making a crappy little movie to fill the Tuesday night slot on a basic cable channel would bother running it past test audiences.

This Hollywood arc has veered so far from reality to the point where even Les begins to suspect that it’s all bullshit. And he’s right: the “testing” seems to have been conducted by a succession of random people, each person having even less connection to the industry than the last. And hotshot “script doctor” Ken Casey is totally on board with that.

beckoningchasm
July 2, 2014 at 10:52 pm
…I find it interesting that Tom Batiuk gets worked up into high dudgeon when someone dares alter Lisa’s Story or question the value of comic books, but he simply can’t be bothered to respect the details in any other sphere (making films, as one example in a long list).

Yes, filmmaking ranks on par with or below the ability to make “a wicked tandoori chicken.”

Apparently.

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Doctor My Ass

If script doctor “Ken Casey’s” name is a play on “Ben Casey“, TB’s crafted yet another hoary cultural reference that’s sure to elicit a chuckle from those readers who appreciate “Jungle Jim toppers”. But it’s still better than naming him after a porn star (see “Mason Jarr“).

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Mala Adaptation

Hey all! TFHackett here, slingin’ the summertime snark for the next se’nnight or two. Let me start by offering kudos to Epicus Doomus, and to David O, Oddnoc,  and Beckoning Chasm, the Murderer’s Row of snark, for their brilliant contributions to SoSF!

Readers, remember how we’d bemoan Batiuk’s habit of weekly skipping from arc to arc, without ever resolving any of them? Well, the first half of 2014 has been taken up mainly by “Holly’s Kwest for Kory’s Komix” and “The Making of Lisa’s Story” (with a month-long detour into “Jessica’s Father, John Darling,” which at least was resolved, albeit in incredibly lame fashion).

Like TB, I have no working knowledge of the made-for-TV-movie making process, and I can’t wait for those of you who do to gauge exactly how many “quarter-inches from reality” today’s strip is.

Les meets the director and principal cast of “Lust for Lisa” (guess that wildly inappropriate title is going to stick), none of who can be bothered to stand and greet him. “Seth Wheeler” looks and sounds plausible enough. Then we meet “Mason Jarr”, har-dee-har-har (they couldnt afford Robert Downey Jr.). Mason’s no physical match for the real Les, but he’s already working on his disdainful smirk. “Sherry Carlyle” is a closer physical match to the titular character…and when I say “titular” I’m not talking about her bazoombas!

And who’s the peanut head? Why, he’s the catalyst for today’s “punchline,” which  in addition to being unfunny and leaden, is pretty cynical. Assuming that “Fox Spanish” is the IRL Mundo Fox, it’s not likely they have room on their schedule for a made for TV weeper, with or without a written-in token Latino character.

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Thelma And Ennuis

Link To Today’s Strip

Today sees Tombat trying way, way too hard to drive home his “point” about how horrible “Hollywood” is yet again, this time via “Thelma”, Clay Wallace’s awful, rude, somewhat mysterious and clearly miserable office drone. Man, if that woman (she IS a woman…right?) isn’t a born Westviewian I don’t know who is, she’d fit right in at WHS, Montoni’s or the front desk at the local cancer hospital without missing a beat. Awful hair, worse attitude, obnoxiously rude…forget about those “Hollywood starlets on the make” because Thelma is the REAL threat, a woman seemingly MADE for Les Moore. Methinks they’ll get along wonderfully as they attack the business at hand.

Of course I have no idea what that business might entail, as Batom has wasted the entire week with a bunch of nonsensical and unrelated babbling, but still. I’m sure he’ll get to the “script doctor” and the “table read” eventually and then maybe this idiotic tale might start to become somewhat coherent. And then again, maybe it won’t. Either way, it won’t really matter as we all know this idiocy will end with Les sitting on that crappy porch swing ruminating over how turning down that filthy Hollywood loot was the only real choice he had because of Lisa and his “art” and so on and so forth. Dopey premise, weeks of pointless repetition and senseless yammering, quick and cheap “resolution”, that’s the time-tested FW formula responsible for churning out all this fantastic art over the years. Why tamper with success, you know? Sigh.

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