Holtron, I’m Comin’

Clever move by Mr. Director and smarmy Clay Wallace in today’s strip, getting Pete and Durwood to haul away their trash for FREE. Heck, P&D are pretty much thanking them for the privilege. Morons.

Wait, wait, wait.. wasn’t it strongly implied that Holtron is sentient? Yeah, Conan O’Brien tackled it for responding to a heckler (it mistook for a time machine?) back during last year’s Starbuck Jones Comic-Con panel. And now Holtron, a true breakthrough in artificial intelligence, is the property of these two shmucks, wrapped up in one of those stupid giant bows from the Lexus commercials… You’re sick, Tom Batiuk. Sick.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “Holtron, I’m Comin’

  1. Just think: the CME folks could have given Peeve and Dullard any random issue of The Flash, and gotten the same reaction for a tenth of the effort.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Jessica will no doubt be thrilled. Now they have to drag that piece of junk across the country along with the Flash treadmill and Pete’s “dollys”, all to take a massive pay cut. On the plus side, it’ll probably fetch a few days worth of grocery money on Fleabay after Atomic Comics goes belly-up.

  3. The Dreamer

    so Pete and Darrin get *rewarded* for breaching their contracts and quitting as writers in the middle of production. In real Hollywood, they’d be getting sued! Not to mention that the owners of Starbuck Jones comics, who’d own the movie, would have a non compete clause to prevent them from using their names (valued because they are in the credits) to start up a competing comics company

    • Jimmy

      What are you talking about? I always reward employees who quit midway through a project. Nothing says “go-getter” like someone who isn’t afraid to pull up stakes at a critical juncture.

    • Wait until tomorrow when they find out Cliffe Angere and Vera both died in their sleep last night and made these two assholes the sole inheritors of a shitload of priceless 50s memorabilia, along with Cliffe’s never-released list of who the REAL communists were in Hollywood and Government, and Vera’s never-released list of which 1950s leading men were gay….

  4. Jimmy

    I’ve been going through the original Stuck Funky site (thanks for sharing the link, Billytheskink), and Holly looks exactly like modern Cindy Summers in the old strips way back in 2007. Since I didn’t follow the strip until Act III, it confused me for a while.

    It’s almost as if TB only has one or two female templates.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      There are three templates:

      Cindy hot
      Fat, flabby, and old.
      Young but with boyish haircut and body.

  5. spacemanspiff85

    Okay, so Pete and Darin’s employers are giving them one single gift. Almost like they’re a couple or something, rather than friends. Huh.

  6. billytheskink

    Yeah, they’re excited now, but wait until they see how Holtron runs since being upgraded to Windows 10.

  7. redsnifit

    Yesterday TFHackett came up with the brilliant idea of removing the words from the last panel of the strip (kind of like the CAD Rule, come to think of it), which made it about 5000% funnier.

    But today’s is so dull I don’t think even that can save it. Next level dullness.

  8. spacemanspiff85

    By far the most annoying thing about this is that Batiuk somehow assumes there’s legions of die-hard fans out there who are losing their minds just to see that stupid computer again. I have to imagine he’s thinking they react like Star Wars fans did to seeing the Millenium Falcon again, or something. Which is just pathetic. Whenever he brings up this nostalgia crap from the strip he doesn’t bother to do anything funny or interesting with it. Which, okay, he doesn’t do that for any other thing in this strip, but still.

  9. People who came in late would have no real idea why they were happy to be given a piece of office equipment. People who remember the side character who thought it was the computer on the Enterprise would still not know why they were happy to see Holtron. I still don’t know why we expect better of Batyuck.

  10. 1. This old-school tape drive machinery which is presumably something like an IBM 729 (I refuse to call him by his sentient name) is technically the property of the Westview County Public Schools System and the studio should have shipped it back to them long ago… It does not belong to these mooks, it should not be wrapped with a christmas bow like a 1980s game show and nor should these jerkoffs be acting all giddy and surprised…

    2. Now I’m interested to see how they plan to get a goddamned 500+ pound tape drive home to Ahia… They gonna throw it in the trunk or something??

    3. Who is that weirdo standing next to Director Boy again??

    4. For all the stories and tropes over the decades about just how hard it is to make it in Hollywood and how every day is a hustle and grind, am I the only one shocked to see people actually working maybe 5% of the time??

  11. Don

    Assuming this is the old Westview computer, it is sentient, sort of; remember all of the Klingons that got scheduled into classes because it wouldn’t stop playing Star Trek?

  12. bobanero

    Wasn’t Holtron a regular character in the Starbuck Jones movie? (as evidenced by its presence on the discussion panel at ComicCon) So they’re actually giving away a key cast member to these two Goofus Toofuses, who are probably just going to bring it to Chez Chester to add to his collection of all things Starbuck.