He never knows….

Link to today’s strip, oriented correctly since you might actually want to read it

Today’s strip features one of the few things Batiuk does that actually amuses me. He owns himself.

Lillian tells Les that he inspired her to become a writer simply due to his appearance at her bookstore a quarter of a century ago, then promptly lists all the books she’s written, all of them filthy genre fiction. Batiuk links all of her novels’ titles together with the presumed joke being that they’re all derivative, insipid and absurd. He then mocks the prolific Sue Grafton out of nowhere by suggesting that that’s where Lillian got the idea.

But the fact is, Lillian’s asinine Murder-by-places-you-buy-books conceit could have been directly inspired by Les. After all, here’s Les, who’s supposed to be a respectable writer revered by his peers and his creator for his great artistry and vision, yet over the course of the last two decades, here are all the books he’s written:

  • Lisa Before She Died
  • Lisa Dying
  • Lisa After She Died

That’s an own goal.

I’m also curious about Les’s omnibus Lisa edition. I’m going to assume that “Lisa Before She Died” was the same standard non-fiction prose of “Lisa’s Story”, but “Lisa After She Died” was clearly portrayed as a graphic novel. So are we supposed to think that there are two staid non-fiction stories, followed up by a story told through pictures? How would you even format such a monstrosity?



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

17 responses to “He never knows….

  1. I’m still trying to comprehend the “blob on the bench” pix for the L Thing trilogy cover on the Batty blog. Fun Batiuk activity-turn the cover sideways and the head hair sorta looks like a deformed polar bear.

  2. count of tower grove

    “How nice,” says Less. “Now, are you going to buy my fucking book, bayitch?

  3. Epicus Doomus

    So Dick Facey, the guy who loathes and struggles with every single aspect of his chosen craft, is an inspiration to others now? “I saw the way you agonized over your dead wife, suffered through bouts of intense doubt and crippling writer’s block and struggled with the realities of the publishing business and thought yes, this is for me”.

    Don’t forget “Fallen Star”, Les’ look at the rise and fall of one John Darling. Not sure if it was ever actually published or not, as you know these things tend to vary in the Funkyverse. “Prelude” fascinates me more than “The Last Leaf” does, as I assumed “Lisa’s Story” (the fictional one) already covered the bulk of Les & Lisa’s (sigh) courtship and marriage. So are we to now assume that “LS” starts with the cancer and that it doesn’t provide any background? Weird.

    Like I said yesterday, I can almost sort of see someone wanting to read the real-life “Prelude” just for the sake of seeing the old FW strips, but the potential audience for “The Last Leaf” collection is kind of, well, hmmmm. How do I put this? Ah, yes, “non-existent”…THAT’S the word I’m looking for. No one could possibly want to re-live those stinky old Act III strips, particularly the Lisa-centric ones. That New Year’s Eve strip from a few years back is still to this day the single most nauseating and disturbing single strip he’s ever done, I’d allow a rabid opossum in my house before I’d let a copy of that strip get through the door. Bet you it’s in there though.

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      You sez: “That New Year’s Eve strip from a few years back is still to this day the single most nauseating and disturbing single strip he’s ever done.”

      It is. And for dumbest, most infuriating line ever – As Slutty Susan was packing to leave the school in disgrace, her career over and life ruined after kissing Dickface, Les says, “By the way, nice kiss.” If i recall, Susan responded with that sheepish, stoned grin of hers. A real Earth Human would have stabbed him in the eye with a large, pointy pair of metal scissors.

  4. Jimmy

    I read quite frequently, but I had to look up Sue Grafton. Am I uncultured or normal?

    • count of tower grove

      If you’re not into formulaic murders mysteries, I’d say you’re normal, but I’m no psychologist.

  5. billytheskink

    I’d say it’s about time for Murder in the Columbus Museum Of Art Gift Shop. Start your research as soon as you like, Lillian.

  6. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Well, so here we are again with this shit. In Batty’s pointy little head, everybody wants to be a writer, or IS a writer, in addition to being whatever they really are. Or maybe once they dreeeeeamed of being a writer, like Fishsticks Annie. Dinkleberry is, of course, the world’s greatest band director (and chocolate salesman!), but he’s also a WRITER! And if you’re a WRITER, girls don’t care that you’re a big nosed, baggy eyed, bad-haired, bad clothes, smelly, creepy, man-child dweeboid like Pete. Writers everywhere you look! You’re either a “writer” or “jobless bedwetter.”

    A kid comes over to mow Batty’s grass every Saturday. Batty stands at his doorway and asks the guy, “So. You holding any book signings soon?”

    Kid says, “Hunh?”

    “Oh. Are you saying you’re NOT a writer?”

  7. Spacemanspiff85

    “I hallucinate a blue cat too!”

  8. Since Batiuk lacks self-awareness, it does make sense that he doesn’t realize that he’s committed an own goal. Also, why do I think that each and every victim in the “Murder At The Book Depository” series is a grouchy old bus driver who was a failed ball player and liked to set things on fire?

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    Crankshaft: So Cshaft is in the union, that explains why he was never fired for gross incompetence. Always wondered how he managed to keep his job.

    FW: Sorry Batty, its impossible to read sideways strips on a tablet, so I’m skipping today’s installment.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    And Ohio lets you run a business out of your garage? I knew a guy that tried to sell model trains and hobby supplies out of his house. The city made him stop and he rented a small storefront.

  11. sgtsaunders

    “Murder on Amazon” is actually pretty humorous. B’attic must be slipping.

  12. Professor Fate

    “and they are being made in to a series for Netflix! I could buy and sell you.”

  13. hitorque

    I was thinking about the Funkyshaftverse when I saw this piece, since this is something they would totally do…