Life’s a Beach.

Link to today’s strip

Lisa’s Legacy Fund must really be running on empty if Jess is about to burst into tears over… (checking the actual auction prices,) seven hundred dollars. Though I suppose since there’s a couple days left, the Busty Beauties ‘Jupiter Moon’ cover by Neal Adams could go for more.

Oh Lisa, that look she’s giving Darrin isn’t exactly a doting mother. I’ve seen people give that look to their pets when they start hacking up something inedible on the rug. We know why Jess and Darrin are sitting in the back now, because they planned on shouting vapid observations at each other the entire auction.

Poor Phil. He can hardly keep his jaw from dropping to the floor like Jacob Marley’s ghost in ‘A Christmas Carol.’ All those hours and hours of scribbling out caricatures with increasingly arthritic hands for snot nosed Hollywood brats to cover the rent on a one room studio in LA, his entire penurious old age that could have been spent in comfort and accolades, all of it will haunt his ghost for eternity. His purgatory has just become Hell.

His only recourse is to pop over to Rex Morgan MD, where he can haunt Horrible Hank, who not only had a successful career after comic books that included marriage and children, but later DID get discovered again, DIDN’T immediately die, and now gets to cruise around comic conventions soaking up admiration and sweet sweet commission money. Haunt him Phil Holt, terrify him with your misshapen jowls and droopy uneven eyes! You’ve earned it.

Masone and Cindy sure care a lot about this auction; seeing as they couldn’t be bothered to get up off their beach chairs and drive a couple blocks down the street to go bid in person. How much time do they spend on the beach anyway? They’re always there! Did Masone lose their house after he blew the paychecks from his two movies on private jet rides to Westview, and now they’re living in a tent on Venice Beach?

And who wears sunglasses AND baseball caps while sunbathing?

Nice to see Cindy is enjoying her book though, “A Single Shade of Grey.” It’s what passes for kinky in Funkyverse.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

19 responses to “Life’s a Beach.

  1. The

    Look at Ghost of Lisa’s face…she is bidding against Mason, probably using Les’s name! Les is going to find himself having to pay a big price for a comic book cover he doesn’t want and didn’t bid on. Horrifying him until somehow he figures out that St. Lisa wanted him to have it

    • comicbookharriet

      A comic book cover he didn’t bid on… sure.

      But no protagonist in Funkyverse could ever receive an unwanted comic book cover.

  2. “A Christmas Carol?” Of course! That explains all. The look on Dead Fucking Lisa’s face says there’s more of the grave than gravy about all this humbuggery! Soon she will be visited by the Ghosts of Comic Books Past, Present and Future. Once she learns the true value of comic books, she will be released from her ghostly existence and go to . . . well, who cares, just as long as she goes?

  3. billytheskink

    Phil got Bell’s palsy after he died. That’s how the Batiukverse go.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    Not only do the characters talk about and react to off-screen action we can’t see, but the one character who’s actually participating in the auction isn’t even physically there! Just amazing.

    What’s Ghost Lisa’s problem? She looks annoyed that the subject has veered away from her charity for a second. Fret not, Ghost Lisa, as something tells me they’ll be back to you in a jiff.

    “I can’t believe that cover sold for….
    “A roll of Canadian quarters”
    “Half a tuna sub and a Diet Sprite”
    “The cost of postage and handling”
    “Anything whatsoever”

    I guess it’s pretty funny how Phil’s dreary life of toil, squalor and lack of recognition could have easily been avoided, but then again not really. Obviously BanTom felt that his tragic back story and sudden premature death were essential to the narrative here and there simply wasn’t a real artistic alternative that made sense. Or maybe his pizza and comic books were getting cold and he just filled in the word balloons randomly. There’s just no way of knowing.

  5. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Blondie McDimbulb is taking gas watching the money she COULD have had get flushed down the toilet that IS the Lisa Larceny Fund.

    Goodbye, house down payment.

    Goodbye, Skylark’s college fund.

    Goodbye, nest egg for when Durrhurr is back in Ahia washing dishes.

    Fast forward four or five years:

    “Gee whiz, Jess. I’m sure glad we donated those komix to Lisa’s Larceny. They raised $250,000 at that auction, if you recall!”

    “So, Dillweed, 5 years and two fifty K later, did Lisa come back to life?”

    “Umm, no…”

    “Is cancer any closer to being cured?”

    “Welllllll, not really.”

    “How much in the savings account?”

    “Oh, probably about $700.”

    “You asshole.”

  6. Unless you’re Les Moore, your fate in the Funkyverse is shattering disappointment. You exist only to extol the virtues of Les, and if you try to achieve something more, you’ll be paddled by TB’s felt tip.

    You wanted a vintage comic book cover? And yet you didn’t show up at a Les Moore signing? Better schedule an appointment with your oncologist. You might be his next book! Or at least mentioned as he talked about how he suffered watching you die.

  7. Charles

    How much time do they spend on the beach anyway? They’re always there!

    Well, duh. When you live in a metro area with a population of 18.5 million, it’s not as if there’d be anything else to do.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      And we know that if you work in the entertainment industry, you have tons of free time! It’s not like Masone and Cindy are cartoonists.

      Just a lazy way of showing that they line in California, but can’t be bothered to make the short drive from Malibu to Beverly Hills.

  8. The absurdity of Holt’s enforced penury pales in comparison to the absurdity to come: us being expected to howl in rage along with the cast and Batiuk because a straw fanboy who is Against Small Town Life is the maniac who bid the whopping sum that’s a week’s paycheque after taxes on glurge.

  9. Sgt Saunders

    There’s a serious disconnect in today’s episode. Jarre is all jazzed up on eBay, bidding on a gen-u-wine January 1972 issue of Oui, slabbed, with none of the pages stuck together.

  10. Gerard Plourde

    I dread putting this speculation on paper, but I see the likelihood that Lisa and Phil are primed to make regular appearances in the strip as the cult of Starbuck Jones takes over.

  11. Not one vote to put “Especially me either” in the Batiuktionary? This really is something people say?

    • Comic Book Harriet

      I think it’s one of those things that your brain doesn’t register as wrong because it can’t even come close to processing it.

  12. Professor Fate

    Why is Phil, who is dead, even thinking about money? One presumes part of the afterlife gig is that money isn’t important anymore yes? Unless the ghost piazza isn’t free.

  13. Jimmy

    This strip just sucks, but I will go on record as wearing a ballcap and sunglasses on the beach (often I will wear a large-brimmed hat). Spending so much time in the Florida sun as a kid destroyed my skin (cover up, kids).

  14. The Dreamer

    Could this be the beginning of a romance between Ghost Lisa and Ghost Phil? I mean it must get lonely in purgatory and not many ghosts to choose from. When on a desert island…