Everybody Had Matching Towels

Link to today’s strip.

Wow, it looks like Bernie and Thatsnought are determined to make this sale!  In the second panel, it appears they are physically forcing the mattress against that lady, shoving her back into her own home!  “Buy this mattress or we will kill you with it!”  Wow, that eleven dollars is as good as theirs!

Many folks have pointed out the idiocy of this arc–you don’t lug the damned mattresses around, the same way you don’t carry around turkeys that are becoming dangerous by the minute as they thaw and incubate.  No, you show pictures to folks and take orders, then you order the stock, and then you deliver the orders.  But that’s not the way things work in the Batiukverse.

Okay, fine, comic strip rules are not the same as real-world rules.  But here’s my question, specifically about what we’re seeing here, with Bernie and Thatsnought shilling a mattress.

What happens if they sell it?  Are they done for the day, or do they have to go back and get another mattress, come back and start again at the next house on this street?  Is there a flatbed truck just out of sight that has a dozen or so more mattresses for them?  Has this arc been poorly thought out?

Uh, I mean um *cough*

Well, I’m sure there are at least half a dozen people saying, “Hey, you wanted him to do more funny strips and he’s doing them!  There are jokes!  You people are ungrateful and should be thanking him!”   Well, okay, but honestly, this strip doesn’t give me much to be thankful for.  The problem is, as far as “funny,” that ship has sailed many years ago.  Tom Batiuk has no idea how to be funny.

And if you’re not going to be funny, at least get the logistics right.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

17 responses to “Everybody Had Matching Towels

  1. DOlz

    I know TB enjoys making folks lose their jobs and take lower profile positions, but what did Al Roker ever do to him that he has to sell door-to-door mattresses?

  2. billytheskink

    After throwing in the towel, maybe Bernie will spit the bit… or cut bait… or raise the white flag… or say “uncle”… or cleverly insert some other idiom that has nothing at all to do with mattresses or marching bands into this conversation.

    • Epicus Doomus

      I didn’t understand the connection between mattresses and towels either. Maybe it’s an Ohio thing.

      So we know that high school marching bands selling mattresses is apparently a real thing. Thus we can safely conclude that this arc is based upon that “real life” scenario. I am going to assume that in “real life” the students don’t really carry the mattresses from door to door.

      So that means these two idiots lugging a mattress around IS the joke, not the mattress fund-raiser itself. I have to say, this is one of BanTom’s more “out there” premises of the year, as it’s a FW twist on a reference almost no one will get.

  3. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    12 year old Bernie Silverberg, Batty’s first Jewish character, shows he’s more than just a short, pudgy, nerdy, four-eyed stereotype. He’s also whiny and physically weak. Good thing he has his strapping, but balding, 40 year old black classmate to do the heavy lifting.

    Speaking of heavy lifting, didn’t BatHack hire a new artist? If so, why does the new artist do all the bad, sloppy things Batty does? Seems daft to have a new artist come in and imitate everything Batty was already doing wrong. Wouldn’t it make sense to bring in a new artist to IMPROVE the art??

    But either way, improved artwork couldn’t save this ridiculous “writing.” Selling mattresses door to door, one at a time, is too STUPID to be funny.

    • comicbookharriet

      However, the artist did choose to depict the mattress in dingy grey. As if it had been dragged from house to house by two lazy highschoolers, sucking up road grime and dirt all the way.

    • DOlz

      “Speaking of heavy lifting, didn’t BatHack hire a new artist? If so, why does the new artist do all the bad, sloppy things Batty does? Seems daft to have a new artist come in and imitate everything Batty was already doing wrong. Wouldn’t it make sense to bring in a new artist to IMPROVE the art??”

      Because that would damaged TB’s fragile little ego.

  4. spacemanspiff85

    This is yet another time when I really wish Batiuk didn’t feel the need to stretch every single idiotic idea that enters his head into at least a week-long arc. That’s got to be the worst thing about this strip. If you take one of his random Sunday or Monday strips by itself, it’s probably lame and not funny, but it’s just one strip. But you just know you’re going to get basically that same exact thing for at least five or six more days.
    Every week, I’m somehow honestly still hopeful about this strip. And then every week, I see it and just think “Well crap, it’s band mattresses/Les/Darrin/Mason/Starbuck Jones all week. Maybe next week will have something worthwhile”.

    • bobanero

      Yep, if he had just gone with the one Sunday strip and the gym full of mattresses, that would have been acceptable (not particularly funny, but acceptable). Now that we have an entire week of lame door-to-door mattress selling gags, we’ve crossed the line from barely acceptable into downright pitiful. One week closer to his finish line, I guess.

  5. The idea seems to be “subjecting teenagers to pointless misery because their elders are rock fucking stupid” IS funny. From the indignity of lugging a turkey door to door like morons to this atrocity, it’s supposed to be funny that inept bigshots force kids to do the stupidest thing possible to make a sale. This allows for Batiuk’s other favourite thing: wailing and gnashing his teeth because the rate-payers keep voting down a school levy in hopes of killing a school that makes one bad decision after another.

  6. Rusty Shackleford

    Why Batty, why? Why do you hate your readers so much? Is there nothing interesting and somewhat funny that you can do?

    • Saturnino

      He is fueled by the comments posted here. More than a couple of days of good comments and he would wither and die.

  7. Last time I saw a floppy grey mattress like that was in prison. Ordinary civilians have firm looking pure white mattresses.

  8. In the “¼" from reality” department: it just so happens that the Medina, Ohio H.S. Musical Bees conduct a mattress “funds-raiser”, though I doubt it’s done in a laff-provoking door-to-door fashion.

    • I betcha they went door to door with order forms like other people do with turkeys for sale. As I’ve said before, the reason these idiots don’t do the simple thing is that Batiuk loooooooooves the image of high school students suffering for the idiocy of their revered dick-faced imbecile elders.

  9. At least he’s focusing on characters under the age of 25 for once.

  10. Lord Flatulence

    There’s nothing like a dirty, grey, pee soaked mattress.