And The Signing Said Annoying Bearded Geeky People Need Not Apply

Link To Today’s Strip

Oh, OK, I get it now. This gag is obviously aimed at Batiuk’s fellow “authors”, or at least those who’ve participated in book signings. See, if you’re doing a book signing and it’s a busy and successful book signing, you won’t have the time to fool around with your technology device and check your email, as you’re way too busy signing books. At the book signing. Hilarious. “Les always says”…uh yeah Cayla, Les says a lot of things but Confucius he ain’t.

And just think, if you’ve written a Trilogy that’s THREE books, hence thrice the signings. Book signings, just to be clear. I know I say this a lot but goddamn, that is some of the clunkiest and downright piss-poor dialog ever written, by anyone, ever. He just has a knack for putting together sentences that simply couldn’t exist anywhere else. The artwork kind of blows too, especially Cayla in that last panel, as I’m pretty sure she still had teeth the last time we saw her. Although a toothless woman delivering a toothless punch line is pretty apt.

Speaking of crappy writing, I hate how everyone always endlessly repeats the full official title of everything every single time they mention it.

“Les isn’t here, he’s at a Lisa’s Trilogy book signing.”
“How are the Lisa’s Trilogy book signings going?”
“The Lisa’s Trilogy book signings are going well. Like Les always says, it’s a great Lisa’s Trilogy book signing if a SoSF guest host loses it and goes completely off the rails over typing the words “signing” and “Lisa’s Trilogy” over and over again!”

Maybe that’s why he does it, or maybe he just assumes his readers are total imbeciles, or maybe he’s just extremely lazy. I figure it’s all of the above plus a bunch of other stuff I don’t know (and don’t want to know) about. It’s one of his most annoying traits and whether he grasps it or not it makes his characters seem like total idiots.

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27 Comments

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27 responses to “And The Signing Said Annoying Bearded Geeky People Need Not Apply

  1. countoftowergrove

    Panel one, does Durward’s left leg having a cramp? Panel two, Caucayla’s tongue looks like it’s about to fall out of her mouth, kind of like Gayle on “Bob’s Burgers.”

  2. DOlz

    And TB continues to shill his bovine excretment instead of actually writing an entertaining strip.

    • comicbookharriet

      As a farm girl, I can attest that Bovine Excrement is much much much more useful and valuable than this. Batuik hasn’t enriched any fertile ground in years.

  3. billytheskink

    Having time to check your e-mail because no one wants to meet you/will buy your book/knows who you are… TB subscribing to the old adage, “write what you know”.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Who checks email? These days people check Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

    • Epicus Doomus

      LOL…typical passive-aggressive TB humble-bragging hidden within a weak mundane “observation”…”oh, the woes of author-dom”.

  4. spacemanspiff85

    I’d be honestly shocked if Batiuk had a phone that was capable of checking e-mail.

    • Epicus Doomus

      “This…this…this is AMAZING! The emails…they’re RIGHT THERE! And look, there’s a little envelope on the screen when you get a new one! This is going to REALLY come in handy somehow!”

    • Rusty Shackleford

      And you know he probably brags about how his phone is just for talking.

  5. spacemanspiff85

    And seriously, what an absolute jackass.
    Darrin: “I’m here to see Les.”
    Cayla: “Les isn’t here right now.”
    Darrin: “So how’s Les doing?”
    Not “How are you doing, Cayla?” or “How’s your daughter doing?” or “Does your daughter still exist?”.

    • comicbookharriet

      We can ASSUME that those niceties were spoken between strips while the cocoa was poured. Batty just chose not to show them because it would break the strips flow of lisalisalisaleslisacancerbooksigninglisalesscancercancerbooksbookstrilogybooksigningbooks

    • hitorque

      It’s funny because Cayla’s body language is practically screaming “HURRY UP AND POUND MY HOLES BEFORE LES GETS BACK! I HAVEN’T GOTTEN STRETCHED OUT IN FIVE YEARS!”

    • Epicus Doomus

      Oh yes, Summer and Keisha, apparently attending KSU on the Owen & Cody plan, successfully breezing through that all-important fifth year of college…I remember them vaguely. Why, I’m old enough to remember when Summer was still Lisa’s main offspring, back before Les brainwashed Darin into bankrolling his cancer fun run charity.

  6. There’s worse jackassery than his need to glean darshan from fellow irritant (and hierophant of the Cult Of Saint Dead Lisa Of Futilely Dying Because Chemo Hurts) Dick Facey. There is also the need to smugly ignore the Fairgoods because their love has been made into a lie.

  7. Snifit

    You couldn’t draw derpier faces if you tried.

  8. I just saw there are 1,559 strips to go until the 50th anniversary. I’ll just bet we’ll have a fourth Lisa book by then (Lisa’s Trilogy: A Retrospective).

    “So how are the signings for the Lisa’s Quadrilogy going?”
    “The signings for the Lisa’s Quadrilogy are really going poorly. Les has had time to answer all his fan email.”
    (awkward silence)
    “Sooo…what else did he do in all that time?”
    “He wrote a fifth Lisa book.”

  9. Rusty

    Does Westview, Ohio, lead the nation in per-capita hot chocolate consumption?

  10. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “I’m afraid that Les is at a bookstore signing right now. By the way, did you know there’s this new thing now called a telephone? They even have small, battery powered ones you can carry around. Almost everybody has one now! See, if you used one of those, you could have found out Les wasn’t home before you drove all the way over here in the snow like a big dumbass.”

    “And if you weren’t such an arrogant little ditz, you could have told me this before taking off my coat, wandering off to the kitchen, and making hot chocolate!”

    Seriously, help me with this one. Dilldough shows up unannounced at their door, in the middle of a snowstorm, expecting to talk to is idol, the great Goatee Prick. And yet, Crayola doesn’t get around to telling him Les isn’t home until she’s taken off his coat, hung it up, disappeared into the kitchen, made hot chocolate, brought it out of the kitchen, and plopped down in front of the tree?

    About an hour ago, back at the Fartgood’s, assuming Duuuhhhren remembers they used to be his parents, Boy Lisa, Blondie McBighair, Skyhook, Frrddd, and Fishstick Annie were having a nice visit when Duuuhhhren gets up and puts his coat on.

    “Where are you going, Darin? It’s snowing like a muthafugga out there!”

    “Oh, I’m going to visit Les, the world’s greatest author, and husband of my bio-mom. Don’t wait up.”

    “Do you think you better call first to make sure he’s home? Would be a shame to waste a trip in this weather! And why do you have to leave now anyway? We haven’t seen you for over a year!”

    “Ha ha! Don’t be ridiculous! Here inside Batty’s pointy little bald head, people just show up at your door with no warning all the time. Sometimes people drive half way across the country to drop in on people unexpectedly. So chill out, old lady who isn’t even my real mom.”

    “Ssssya ltrr, Drrrnnnnnn.”

    • hitorque

      Nevermind the fact that the first time in years that I’ve *EVER* seen Darrin spend any time with his brat, he went to a birthday party and spent the entire afternoon chatting up some old bitter comic artist who was too fucking stupid to realize his old artwork collecting dust in his garage was worth seven figures to collectors…

      Comicon? Wifey+Brat left home
      Flash Museum? Wifey+Brat left home
      Starbuck Jones World Premiere? Wifey+Brat left home
      Comes back to Westview multiple times? Wifey+Brat left home even though they’re from there and all their relatives live there….

      How has his wife not filed for divorce yet? How does the brat not grow up absolutely despising his old man? How do Darrin+Pete keep up the charade that they’re well-adjusted heteros who totally don’t have a Brokeback Mountain thing going on??

      • Double Sided Scooby Snack

        And if you have a good memory, recall that Pete — whose face looks like Mike Tyson used it for a speed bag — hooked up with some surprisingly attractive young girl some time back. This is surprising because Pete is majority shareholder of Ugly, Inc, and most of Batty’s women look like 14 year old boys. Most likely, Batnesia has forgotten about her.

  11. hitorque

    Krankenschaaften: So throughout his *ENTIRE* childhood he never got a bike when the economic situation improved? Mom+Dad couldn’t even spring for a USED bike? And their kid died in Gulf War I, right?? Because they’re WAY too old to be parents of a casualty from any later military action… Hell, I’ve seen parents still in their 30s who lost kids in Iraq/Afghanistan….

    • comicbookharriet

      Even more unrealistic in the other direction apparently…Billytheskink said they lost him in Vietnam.

      • billytheskink

        Crankshaft features a WWII veteran who also pitched against Charlie Gehringer in a 1940 exhibition game and continues to hold a daily job as a school bus driver in an apparently contemporary year. It has all sorts of time line issues these days.

  12. Don

    I just got a “holiday card” from King Features…notice any particular King Features strip missing?
    [video src="http://kingfeatures.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/KFS.mp4" /]

  13. Le Chat Bleu

    The Christmas tree *clearly* moves across the room to behind Cayla’s couch between panels.

    • Le Chat Bleu

      I’m also really amused by that TB quote on the sidebar:

      “You can stack the deck all you want, but chance gets the last deal.” — Tom Batiuk, Funky Winkerbean Cartoon

      Talk about finding the most awkward, convoluted way to express a trite sentiment.