Stocking Snuffer

Link To Today’s Atrocity

The joke here is that the Lisa Cancer Trilogy collection is so massive, expansive and all-encompassing it’s way too big to fit properly in this weirdo’s dead wife’s Xmas stocking. Imagine trying to explain this strip to someone unfamiliar with the eccentricities of the Funkyverse…

“Wait, the guy is buying a book about that guy’s dead wife as a Xmas gift for HIS dead wife?”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
“I don’t think we should be friends anymore.”

Three dudes hanging out at a book signing, just shooting the shit about the dead women in their lives. There’s only one “writer” alive today who’d mine that premise for chuckles. This is possibly the single worst Christmas story ever written and this Anon-O-Widower guy is one of BatHead’s most perverse creations ever. A guy who buys “Lisa’s Story” as a gift for his own dead wife…that’s a f*cking warped and disturbing fantasy scenario to dream up, even by FW standards.

A guy met Les at a “Lisa’s Trilogy” book signing and bought a copy to give to his dead wife as a Christmas present. Everyone smirked. This actually happened. We’re through the snarking glass here, people.

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27 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “Stocking Snuffer

  1. billytheskink

    Too big for a stocking, but the perfect size for a fireplace or garbage can.

  2. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Ugh. Seems like BatWit ordered too much Mawkish & Maudlin this year, and is trying to use it all up before the end of the month.

    “Well, it’s been a pleasure meeting you. Thanks for buying my book. I’ve always wondered if there was another guy out there as pathologically obsessed with his dead wife as I am. What’s your name?”

    “Oh, it’s Fonzarelli. Arthur Fonzarelli.”

    “Oh! Hiya, Fonzie! The black leather jacket and white tee shirt underneath should have been a dead (smirk) giveaway.”

    (smirk)

    (smirk)

    “Thanks again for the autograph. AAAAAAAY!” (exits)

    “So, Darin — What the Hell’s bugging YOU now?”

    “All you guys with dead wives. Just feelin’ a little left out.”

  3. It’s funny because on the Comics Kingdom/Disqus blog, there’s a new poster busily defending this development. “SnowBlizzard,” which sounds like something Tom Batiuk would make up–or are there other kinds of blizzards? Manure blizzards?

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      The Batyuck Apologists have been few and far between in recent times. I’m surprised to see any at all. Not a whole Hell of a lot to defend — The stories and artwork have been awful.

      There’s another guy called “Bogy.” He’s a minister of some sort, and I call him Reverend Bluejeans. A real smug prick who seems to get a stiffie out of lecturing people who are just trying to have a little fun.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      It is a name Todd would use. But I don’t think that is him. Over on another discussion he asks which other strips are from Ohio, Batty would know this for sure.

      Years ago I would see Chip Samson (Born Loser) playing in his band around Cleveland. He lived in Lakewood and knew Batty and all the other cartoonists in NE Ohio.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    The weirdest thing about it is how light-hearted and wry it is, like it’s just another amusing situation an author who does popular book signings sometimes finds himself in. Meanwhile this sad and lonely Les fan will trudge back to his dim and empty house where he’ll meticulously wrap The Trilogy then gently place it among the seventeen years worth of Xmas, birthday and anniversary gifts he’s bought for Irene over the years, ever since the tragic gun-cleaning accident that changed everything. But hey, f*ck him, he served his purpose.

    • comicbookharriet

      Also, why are both strips right now about buying presents for dead people? Is that what Christmas is for Batty? Buying presents for dead people. Poor Tom. He should have been born in Mexico. Then he’d have the Day of the Dead.

  5. spacemanspiff85

    What kind of response is “It’s okay.” to “I’m sorry to hear about your wife dying?”?

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      “It’s okay because now all I have to do is buy her presents, which has turned out to be a lot easier than listening to her give me shit all the time.”

    • Epicus Doomus

      “Hey, no problem! Mine too! Wanna go grab a beer?”

  6. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “No, it’s too big!

    “I can’t take it, it’s too big!

    “No! No! Gluggerphahh!”

  7. comicbookharriet

    I can almost see shopping for someone who has passed, IF you then donate the gifts. Like buying what your deceased mom would have liked, and donating it to a woman’s shelter. Or buying toys for tots.

    But no library, bookshop, or school is going to want Lisa’s Legacy Trilogy. That brick of sap is getting donated to a dumpster fire.

    • Saturnino

      Durrrrrrrrrrrrr and Less are smirking not out of empathy with their client, but because they realize there just might be a market for all of those VCR tapes converted to DVD with outtakes.

      • Hitorque

        I’m actually surprised Les hasn’t thought of that yet… God knows Lisa left enough content for an 8-DVD set.

  8. If you think this is glurge-a-riffic, go to the other side and watch the guy from Crankshaft spend Christmas with ghosts.

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      I had not been following CrankShat, but I am now. He does the same lame, drippy shit over there that he does in Wankerbean. Good snarking on Comics Kingdom too, along with the occasional indignant objection.

      You just KNOW something creepy is gonna go on with that bike. If he donates it to a kid in need, I’ll be relieved — but surprised!

      • That’s not going to happen. What’s going to happen is that he’s going to have Christmas with his wife’s ghost and his son’s ghost only his son’s ghost will be eight years old. Donating it to a child in need is not a way a Batiuk can honour the deceased because it’s sane and life-affirming and all the other things he hates.

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    The program length advertisement for Lisa’s story continues on.

  10. Here’s a fun riddle. What do FW and The Room have in common? Hint: it’s not that both are unmitigated pop culture train wrecks, and it starts with the letter L…

  11. Sgt Saunders

    He apparently has the ability to rethink most anything what with that huge cranium. It’s like Sputnik. It has it’s own weather system. HEED! DOON!

  12. Gerard Plourde

    So does he keep the presents he buys for his deceased wife? If that goes on for some time, he could be featured on “Hoarders”.