The Westviewian Book Of The Dead

Link To Today’s Strip

“Lisa’s Trilogy”…the PERFECT holiday gift for that dead spouse in your life! Flowers, votive candles…that crap is all so temporary and trite. But “Lisa’s Trilogy”, now THERE’S a gift with some serious heft and permanence! Why, in a pinch it makes a totally acceptable tombstone…no worries about grave robbers with that weighty tome sitting on your loved one’s burial plot! And once it gets wet, soggy and frozen you’ll need a f*cking backhoe to drag “The Trilogy” out of there.

And for those still-living readers, what better way to re-live your own sense of deep loss and crushing grief than with a blow-by-blow account of Lisa Moore’s star-crossed poodle-headed life and tragic overwrought melodramatic death? See, some folks DO have things worse than you and you CAN’T do anything about it! It’s almost like an inspirational self-help guide, but the opposite! AND it’s personalized by the author himself!

“To my biggest dead fan…Merry Christmas! Condolences, Les Moore”…with a little Boy Lisa smiley face sketch beneath it. Man oh man, I have no idea what prompted this but Batiuk is going off the Lisa deep end again, killing off EVERYONE’S beloved wife in an increasingly desperate attempt to force everyone to remember his most prestigious prestige arc of all-time. It’s like he knows the ten year anniversary of “Lisa’s Story” is almost up and he’s racing to cram as much Lisa as possible into the strip before 2017 runs out. What a nut.

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18 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “The Westviewian Book Of The Dead

  1. Doc

    The widower looks like one of those FOB (Friend O Batiuk) who pays some cash to get drawn in the strip. Wonder how much it costs to get depicted as an insane gonzo widower…

  2. Wait, so 19 years of Funky Winkerean’s jogging made him lose 65 pounds and turn his hair un-grey suddenly and all at once?

  3. DOlz

    Oh for pity’s sake! TB gets more ham-handed with each passing strip. This guy is still grieving over the loss of his wife and these two jackasses are smirking at each other like his pain is a joke.

  4. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “She would’ve loved it – before I murdered her.”

    (Late comment to yesterday’s strip)
    “Mom! That weird guy farted in my book and said it was a “smell-o-graph!”

    “I wonder how much it would go for on MeBray?”

  5. billytheskink

    Creating a fictional dead woman for the sole purpose of inserting her name and husband into a comic strip that is blatantly shilling for a collection of old strips about another fictional dead woman is, well, awful.

    On the plus side, Fonzie the widower here may well be play to bury his copy of the Lisa Trilogy six feet under, which is one of the best possible places for it.

  6. spacemanspiff85

    “My wife would’ve loved this book about this guy whose original wife died, and then he got rich off her death and married someone else.” Okay, then.

  7. Epicus Doomus

    Coming soon: an unhappy Irene meets Les over at the park bench and demands a refund for “The Trilogy”, which she found far too trite, overbearing, maudlin and self-indulgent for her tastes. As it turns out, her husband was always known as something of a shitty gift-buyer who always waited til the last minute. The punch line is a single-panel shot of her grave, piled high with soggy Garfield calendars and rusting George Foreman grills.

  8. What’s really annoying is not just that we’re supposed to laud his hijacking her suffering to make himself look better. It’s that we remember that he behaved like he always does and spent her last days standing around like a shivering pillar of shit trying to figure out what was going on around him.

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    Wait, so the theme here is: if my wife didn’t die of cancer, she would have enjoyed reading about someone who did. Makes sense.

  10. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “I’m getting this book for my dead wife.”

    “YaY! Dead wives are the best! We’re very happy for you. I was just a skinny, nerdy dope until my wife did me a favor and died. Now I’m a famous author with all kinds of women always sniffing around!”

    “Okay, that’s great, but could you just hurry up and sign it? Victoria’s Secret closes in five minutes, and I need to buy her a couple Christmas presents there too.”

    “Wait, so she’s…”

    “Yep, in my basement. Later, bro.”

  11. Professor Fate

    This strip is 18 different kinds of wrong all wrapped into one. Really the creepy dead wife worship reaches its zenith here and the smirks (and who smirks at something like this) add a level of creepy that is deeply disturbing And the topping is course Boy Lisa come to watch his not any kind of father sign books about his bio mom’s long lingering death while the people that raised him are trapped in a wheelchair and loveless marriage. Never mind that he’s abandoned his wife and child to wallow in this creepy death cult.
    arggg.

  12. bobanero

    Nothing provides inspiration like the story of a woman whose entire existence was defined by a debilitating disease.
    Anyway, TB passed on a golden opportunity to actually have a Holiday Homecoming arc and catch us up on the forgotten characters, and instead went with a continuing shameless promotion of his stupid fucking book trilogy. It’s fine to promote this crap on your blog, but keep it out of your comic strip.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Which only goes to show that he cares more about himself than his readers. Look at me I wrote a comic about a lady who died from cancer. Then I repackaged it all and tried to sell it again.

  13. erdmann

    I said it before and I’ll say it again: “Good night, Irene. What manner of nitwittery is this?”

    Seems appropriate in this case, eh?

  14. comicbookharriet

    Maybe my mind is always more in the gutter over the holiday season. But in Crankshaft today, the look that the old man is giving that tree in the last panel, isn’t, “I’m going to put a tree up on my son’s grave” but more “Tonight, I fuck a pine.”

  15. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “So… this dead wife of yours… Does she have long talks with you on a park bench?”

    “Um… well, no.”

    “Do you dance with her at midnight every New Years Eve?”

    “No! Why are you…”

    “Has she ever called you on an airport phone to warn you about getting on a flight?”

    “What?? No!”

    “Well, surely she still laces up her sneakers and runs marathons, right?”

    “Thanks for the autograph. I better…”

    “Wait — Before she died, did she make about fifty video tapes, some including hidden, surprise “Easter eggs,” about how to live your life in her absence?”

    “Um, hey, I gotta… go. Thanks again. Um… for the autograph…” (Exits hastily, shaking his head in disbelief.)

    “Hmmfff. Some dead wives WERE left behind!”