“Door jamb”??? That’s not a “door jamb”. Sigh. What can you even say about such a stupid and blatant piece of time-killing tripe like this? Maybe BatTrudge has a secret fantasy about an extremely wealthy FW fan who got rich after selling his paperback FW collection and now lives in a FW-themed mansion full of FW-related trinkets, like the soda machine from King Features main office or the label from the bottle of prescription cough syrup Batom slammed before he dreamed up this steaming pile of hogwash. It’s about as plausible as this stupid premise is. I’d be willing to wager that this strip represents the very first time the words “door jamb” have ever been used in a comic strip, unless Crankshaft or Mary Worth had some home remodeling done recently.
Whenever he does one of these idiotic vertical strips I always picture the guy trying to fit it into that day’s comics page, banging his head on his desk and shaking his fist skyward while screaming “BAAATIIIIUK!!!!!”. That’s two of them in just a few weeks, which is two too many IMO. If you really need to kill all this time perhaps a (ahem) “re-assessment” of your “writing” abilities needs to happen (fat chance).
“Holy door jamb”…sigh again. It’s not even a joke. Pete whispers to Boy Lisa…”this guy has Batom in the belfry”…yes it’s a terrible, terrible pun but still 1000% better than…this. Coming tomorrow: Pete gets to use the same urinal Phil Holt used back in the day and Boy Lisa helps himself to a few rolls of official Batom Inc. toilet paper that Chester swiped when he was looting the Batom offices. This segues neatly into a three week long discussion about how the old timey hand-cranked pencil sharpeners were just SO MUCH BETTER than these modern electric ones they force us to use nowadays.
Son of Stuck Funky 
This had seriously better end with Chester having Pete and Darin killed and then stuffed so he can add them to his collection.
Really, it could just continue from today.
“And I also have been able to rebuild the entire office of Batom Comics, right in this room! All that it’s lacking is a writer and artist . . .”
And then after Pete and Darin are stuffed, Chester dresses them to look just like they do in Pete’s stupid daydreams about what it’d be like to work for Batom in the days of yore.
I think Chester will drug them, chain them to the desks behind that door and force them to draw a new issue of BadTom Comics.
Honestly, this has morphed into “serial killer” territory. And I mean that, seriously, in a “glad I don’t live in Ohio” way. I mean, this is legitimately frightening.
I know it’s futile to try to make a logical and consistent history out of this but here goes. According to the “official” history of Batom – “In the spring of 1972, federal agents entered the converted warehouse on West Third Street in Cleveland that housed the editorial offices of Batom Comics.” Are we to assume that Chester was in a position in the Spring of 1972 to purchase the door? How old is Chester supposed to be? He looks younger than Pam and Jeff, who were still in college in 1970. Heck, he looks younger than Funky, Crazy, Les and most of the original Westview crowd.
Age aside, it seems pretty improbable that he was able to become a multi-millionaire by selling comics in 1972. I wasn’t around back then, but my understanding is that comic collecting wouldn’t become such a lucrative hobby until far later.
so what does Chester want? the original Starbuck Jones cover drawings that Darrin was auctioning off? what else valuable do they have?
Guy who wrote for Marvel and DC impressed with door from third-rate house. I bet Pete would be impressed with my complete 1991 Donruss card collection.
On a somewhat related note, TFH’s tweet with the Stan Lee article is sad, but worth a read.
Thanks for the Twitter love!
I read it too. Very sad. Thanks for linking though. Maybe if the news gets out Stan Lee’s massive fanclub can serve as a social pressure to keep Stan Lee safe into his twilight years.
“Isn’t that a def jamb?”
“Jam up and jelly tight.”
“All I can say is kick out the jambs, motherfuckers!”
“Why did you want to see us, Chester?”
“I just wanted to gloat over the cool shit that I have.”
Ah, now it all makes sense. Batom’s fan magazine, “Batom Bulletins,” was actually not published by Batom, but was a fanzine produced on a Ditto machine by a couple of Missouri teenagers for a few years in the early 1960s. Every night, Chester gently leafs through the crumbling, yellowed pages. He squints to make out the badly faded words of purple ink and inhales deeply the still pungent aroma of the printing chemicals, chemicals that over the years have eaten away at his brain.
Ah, the ditto machine smell, that takes me back. Sniffing those freshly printed papers. The glue was better back then too.
Good times. Good times.
Not only have I read every Son Of Stuck Funky post ever published, but I have read every post of its predecessor, Stuck Funky.
Now I’m off to draw a comic about this obsession allowing me to live in a mansion. Se you all in 5-10 minutes…
There’s an original SF site?
WHY THE HELL AREN’T I NOTIFIED ABOUT THESE THINGS??
Ponderous and stupid. I’d rather he followed an up-tempo song with a Long Distance Dedication about a fucking dog dying instead of boasting about his ultra-cheesy tribute to The House Of Shitty, Nebulous Ideas.
“I own every imaginary comic ever published by an imaginary comix company invented by a guy who was turned down by every REAL comix company.”
“Hey that’s real cool, but our bosses at work are wondering where we are, and we drove across the country to find out what you wanted. So why did you ask to see us?”
“Oh, no reason. I just wanted to spend a week showing you all this comix stuff I have.”
“WHAT??? That’s it?? Why didn’t you TELL us??”
“Why didn’t you ASK? Idiots. Now over here, in this big cardboard box, is a bunch of secret decoder rings!”
Lol, as if Pete and Darin would be mad if all this was just a tour of Chester’s collection. They visited the FLASH MUSEUM and flew all the way back to Ohio to watch a MOVIE SERIAL. If Chester just showed them around and showed them the door, they would still be happy as clams tickled pink.
Yeah, and I was just kidding about their bosses wondering where they are. They don’t get paid, and they do no work. They just sit in their office smirking and making googly eyes at each other.
I kind of wonder why, since Chester is apparently the world’s greatest BaTom fanboy, he doesn’t have a wrought iron BaTom logo or some Starbuck Jones icon on his front gate, instead of the Superman and Batman logos. The front gates seem to be the only thing that Chester has that’s not related to BaTom.
Oh just watch. Next time we see the gate, it will have the ButtTom logo.
Because the usual attention to continuity.
It will never happen, but the only thing that would save this arc would be Chester making Pete and Darin dress up like Phil Holt and Flash Freeman and locking them up in his recreated Batom Bullpen.
It rubs the lotion on the skin, or else it gets the hose again