Chester Has The Runs

Link To Today’s Strip

Big deal. I have a “complete run” of Blue Oyster Cult’s early work but you don’t hear me gloating about it. I hate it when BatNard wallows in his own self-indulgent crapulence like this. How many goddamned universes full of undeveloped characters can one comic strip creator have?

Well, at least we now know why there isn’t any Mrs. Hagglemore, as his mansion walls are literally lined with female repellent. Batty never fails to find new and innovative ways to remind regular FW readers about his cleverness, like those stupid sidewards Batom Comic covers are something we all look back on fondly or something. He wishes. The only one I really “remember” is the SJ wedding one featuring the space penis, although I try to forget it each and every day. Just so you know, no SoSF guest host is going to come out of this totally unscathed, I’m living proof.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “Chester Has The Runs

  1. bigd1992


  2. batgirl

    Wow, Darrin’s nose is almost completely absorbed by the flat plane of his face.

    • billytheskink

      And to think, he used to get mistaken for Pinocchio at Disneyland.

      • Epicus Doomus

        I have to assume that Boy Lisa’s Big City MBA career somehow involved frequent blows to the nose, which would explain how his Bob Hope ski-jump proboscis morphed into (yet another) misshapen Funky-like schnozz. Then again, it might just be unfathomable laziness.

  3. We’re all living proof, Epicus. Like, 45% proof. {hic!} Maybe more, when Batom Comics are involved. {hic!}

  4. Gerard Plourde

    Glaciers move faster than the plot of this shaggy dog story.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Ok, Chester. Well, thanks for having me over. Gotta run now…cya.

      • comicbookharriet

        While I agree that Chester’s obsessiveness definitely marks him as a 60 year old virgin, I do take umbrage at the idea that his collection is ‘female repellent.’ While it DOES cut him off from relationships, there are thousands of crazed, mouth-breathing, socially awkward female nerds wandering around comic-con dressed as Harley Quinn who would stalk Chester obsessively if he ever deigned to lower himself to ‘gen-con’ status and left his house.

        • Epicus Doomus

          They’re not female repellent because they’re comic book covers, they’re female repellent because they’re SHITTY comic book covers. Even the most dedicated female comic book nerd is going to roll her eyes and look for the nearest exit upon seeking “Moon Meek Mile” or whatever the hell its name is. I mean at least throw a copy of “Action #1” or “Spiderman #1” up there to impress and or lend that display a little “class” (as it were).

        • Rusty Shackleford

          I never got into comic books, but can appreciate the artwork. I’m just more annoyed by the way Batty is dragging this out.

          It would be different if Batty was doing an interesting story on comic books.

  5. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    EVER published by BatTom Comix? Hmmmm, let’s see, that would be…. hmm, let’s just run a total… carry the three… hmmmm… NONE. Batom has never published a single comic. Ever. Not a one. See, that’s because BatTom Comix exists only in the pointy little bald head of TomBat, the guy who was turned down by every REAL comix company.

    Meanwhile, Tomahack is stuck in Empty Filler Mode. Oh, sure, in his tiny man-child brain, he’s building suspense. But to everyone else, he’s treading water, stalling for time and eating up the clock. That’s to say nothing’s happening.

    Meanwhile, BatBoy is desperately trying to prove that, yes, you can become fabulously wealthy collecting comix — provided you get your start stealing 6 or 7 of them from a drug store.

  6. redsnifit

    Self-indulgent is an understatement, Batiuk’s just fellating himself at this point. This arc is so plodding not because he’s incapable of making a well-paced (or at least better-paced) story, but because the “story” is just an excuse for this wish fulfillment.

  7. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    LOL at “literally lined with female repellent.” How true. In fact, Chestermore Hagglestein is so revolting, even with his vast Comix fortune, he can’t attract his own rarely-seen-never-heard woman to take his guests’ coats and bring mugs of hot chocolate. Even prize assholes like Funky and Les managed to find someone with low enough self esteem to sign up for the job. Yet Man-Baby Warbucks goes unclaimed. Hard to figure.

    This assumes he even likes “icky gorls.” I’ll leave it at that.

  8. spacemanspiff85

    What are the odds that this right here is the sole reason he invited Pete over?

  9. I would have used a different adjective for this whole arc. “ponderous.” Or, as Casey Kasem put it when he was really pissed…fucking ponderous.

  10. hitorque

    “…Literally lined with female repellent…”

    Dude, this is the Funkyverse we’re talking about… Comics are the catnip that will get a bunch of hotties in your bed faster than having a dick made out of rolled-up $100 bills…!

    Darrin? Hotwife
    DSH John? Hotwife
    Crazy-assed Harry? Hotwife
    That Iraq invasion PTSD mook? Hotwife
    That other PTSD mook from Afghanistan? Hotwife
    Masone Jarre once he took the plunge into a comic book movie? Hotwife and Oscar nomination
    Pete Rattabastardo? 22-year-old sexpot is just begging for his ‘D’
    Dr. Funkenstein? **TWO** Hotwives…
    That black dude who hangs with Bernie Birnbaum? Hot girlfriend

    The list goes on…

    So either Batiuk is trying way too hard to make Chester into some bad guy, or Chester just doesn’t like women…

  11. hitorque

    1. For fuck’s sake… How many more snarky “Golly Gee Gosh that Chester sure is rich!” lines are we going to get? It’s been well established already!

    2. It’s funny because this time a year ago these assholes were flying for free from LAX to Canton Regional Airport for free on Masone Jarre’s G650 and I don’t recall any of them playing class warfare against the wealthy then…

    3. Pete+Darrin are there out of curiosity and more importantly because they think whatever business proposal they’re about to hear will be miles better than the $200k salary no-show/no-work Hollywood jobs they have now… Can’t they show 30 seconds of fucking politeness to their host?

  12. timbuys

    I dunno why I’m even thinking about something so banal but the facial expressions read to me as Chester and Pete making eyes at each other (impressive!) while Darrin gets kinda snippy that someone is moving in on his bromance with that most valuable of dowries, comix.

  13. countoftowergrove

    Aren’t these the works of Phil Holt, who bequeathed them to Durward, who gave them to bio-mom’s auction, yet Durward doesn’t recognize them?