How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Tom

Link To Today’s Strip

So, after five weeks of plodding ponderous dialog and endless time-wasting the premise is at long last revealed and…believe it or not…it involves comic (sigh) books…again. Chester wants to resurrect the “spirit” of those wonderful old Batom Comics of yesteryear. Bored listless employees, a fabled comic book artist working children’s birthday parties to make ends meet, an annoying cigar-chomping boss…yep, when Batom Comics folded it left a huge gaping void in the industry all right, a void only Pete and his faithful sidekick Boy Lisa can fill. If he’s looking for two boring nerds who daydream and skip work a lot, he totally nailed it.

“Batom”…”atom”…”ic”…sure Chester, makes sense to me. I suppose it’s better than “Bamto Comics” or “Tobam Occmis”…albeit not by a whole lot though. I can see the headlines now…

“Atomic Bomb – Hagglemore Bankrupted By Idiotic Dream, Drinking Heavily”

“Atomic Waste – Unsold Comic Books Worthless As Pulp & Do Not Degrade, Placing Strain On Local Landfills”

“Atomic Pile – Atomic Comics Creditors At Critical Mass As Hagglemore Sighted In Caymans”

“Atomic Fallout – Starbuck Sequels On Hiatus After Creative Team Leaves For Stupid New Gig, Hundreds Left Unemployed, Future Of Franchise In Doubt”

Yes siree, it’s a can’t-miss proposition. Everywhere you go these days all you hear are “these kids today” sighing to themselves over the comic book racks, sadly lamenting how today’s comic books are totally worthless when compared to the old-timey Golden Age comic books they can’t possibly remember. If you don’t believe me just visit your local megaplex and see the throngs of kids ignoring the latest superhero flicks, there’s all the proof you need. Kids today aren’t that much different than their parents were, they just want to sit in the attic with their vape pens and energy drinks and bags of flakka and read some good old fashioned comic books just like dear old dad used to do before the comic book industry sold them out and destroyed their dreams back in 1940 or 1960 or 1980 or thereabouts. By golly, Chester just wants to bring that “spirit” back and judging by the reaction from “young” Pete and Darin he’s really on to something here. “Cool”…”sweet”…he really captures the way the kids speak nowadays, doesn’t he?

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14 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

14 responses to “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Tom

  1. DOlz

    Atomic Comics in Hagerstown, MD is going to be trilled to be associated with FW.

  2. spacemanspiff85

    There was a split second where I honestly thought “wow, this could lead to something new and exciting”, and then I remembered what strip I was reading.

  3. I’m honestly surprised Chester didn’t go all out and say he was going to resurrect this crap as the “TomBatiuk Comics Group.”

    “It references a true genius of the comics world, one who sadly was not able to ennoble the moronic DC or Marvel ‘comics’ companies because of their short-sightedness, but who truly understood what made comic books shine in greatness. Here…check out this ‘Complete Crankshaft, Volume Eight’ hardback book…and and who’s that ringing the doorbell? Why, it’s Crankshaft himself!”

  4. billytheskink

    Did Chester design that logo in Wordperfect? There is no way he paid anything for that piece of clipart.

    Anyways, if the spirit of Batom Comics is anything like the fever dreams that Pete and Durwood have about it, it’s better left in the grave.

  5. Gerard Plourde

    I sure hope Chester has set aside sufficient resources to fund the legal team he’s going to need to defend the lawsuit he’s about to get for interfering with the contracts that Pete and Darin are most likely to have with the studio for their work on the Starbuck Jones sequels, not to mention the possible copyright infringement suits if any of the characters created for the new line resemble existing characters too closely.

    And will he also cover Pete’s and Darin’s legal fees for the suits they may have if their new work breaches a non-compete clause?

    The level of fantasy wish fulfillment is approaching stratospheric.

  6. I remember his bleating about what really killed Batom: they tried plagiarizing Not!Spider-Man TOO blatantly and hey, presto, Not!Marvel “cheated” by insisting on maintaining their copyright instead of being “nice people” and letting any random asshole infringe on their rights. Chester bids fair to do the same stupid thing because funny books have rotted his brain.

  7. Professor Fate

    Yes indeed nothing will push back against the grim and gritty trend in comics today and restore innocent fun like a comic book company whose logo is a picture of the weapon that killed Tens of thousands in its only two uses and whose continued existence threatens all of human civilization if not all life on earth.
    I suppose one can be nostalgic for the late 50’s and early 60’s before say Spider man and the Beatles but to use this as a symbol for that is pretty damn twisted. Unless he LIKED duck and cover drills, which is not out of the question.

  8. sgtsaunders

    “Atomic Comics”!! Nice, maybe the logo can be an atom, some stylized electron orbiting a nucleus – but no, TomBat has to use a fookin mushroom cloud! The worst possible use of atomic energy, one that results in mega-deaths … wait a minute… This is Funky Winkerbean we’re talking about. . I get it now.

  9. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Hey, he can’t take Duuuhhhren and Baggy Eyes! They’re the only writer and artist in Hollywood! And Hollywood had to go all the way to Ohio to find them!

  10. Don

    And maybe it can call its first title…Pest.

    Oh, wait, Atomic Comics already did that…in 1993:

    https://www.mycomicshop.com/search?TID=493501

  11. Hitorque

    For non- hardcore comics people like me, exactly what the hell IS the “old spirit” he’s talking about?

    Batiuk does realize not all his readers are hardcore geeks and don’t know what that means, right?

    • Gerard Plourde

      I’m no hardcore comics person either, but having grown up in the Silver Age I’m familiar with the types of stories that appeared in DC in the late ‘50s and early ‘60s.

      By and large, the stories were only a few pages long (each issue contained two or three self-contained stories), the superheroes didn’t display existential angst (or deep character development for that matter).

  12. Jimmy

    This hits close to home for me. I’m getting ready to leave my stable job for an exciting new opportunity someone pitched this week: opening a baseball card store.