The Dicey Shipwreck Hits Bedrock Or Something

Link To Today’s Strip

Sigh. Even BatYak’s own personal comic book fantasies are full of indecision, waffling and confusing metaphors. Our dimwitted heroes are clearly unimpressed by Chester’s moronic idea, which makes one wonder why they didn’t just discuss this over the phone or via email or text or something instead of driving all the way to Ohio for no real reason. I’m slightly surprised that two guys who still play with Flash treadmills and “dollies” are so pragmatic about this, as it’s somewhat out of character. But something that’s very much IN character is the way BatHack’s personal fantasy world is every bit as boring and overly-chatty as FW is.

Who “says” when you build a ship you’re building a shipwreck? Remind me to avoid Batom Inc.’s ship-building division, please. I mean wow, talk about a negative approach. When Funky builds a pizza is it standard to expect a few hairs in it? When Les teaches a student are we to expect that student to be an illiterate dolt? When Masone makes a film should he expect it to bomb horribly? When a comic strip writer puts together a five week long arc about starting a new comic book company should it culminate with the lead characters shrugging indifferently? The constant smirking and wry wordplay belies the sick and disturbed darkness at the heart of this strip. These people, always with the dropping shoes.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “The Dicey Shipwreck Hits Bedrock Or Something

  1. You know what Chester ought to do? He should just create an entire fictional comic book company. Then he can write endless blog entries all about the history, the editorial staff, the creators, and of course the comics themselves. He could say that these comics were beloved by every child, but were still financial failures until the Rockets Redglare movie came out. He could talk about a young fan, Lester Buylots, who became rich stealing these neglected, unwanted, universally beloved masterpieces.

    • Epicus Doomus

      And Chester’s fictional comic book company would create comic books about another fictional comic book company, a comic book company devoted to producing stories about…you guessed it…another fictional comic book company.

      It’s amazing how his blog entries detailed Batom Comics right down to the square footage of the supply closet but within the strip itself he didn’t bother to include any details about any Batom Comics title at all. Even Chester’s “presentation” consisted of nothing but an old photo of a nuclear test. IMO even doing a brief two week arc centering around Space Penis’ origin story would atone for most of Act III but he saves the good stuff like that for his weird blog that no one reads.

  2. The Dreamer

    you can see where this is going. It is well known that the creators of Superman, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster of Cleveland, were forced to sign over lifetime rights to Superman by the owner of National (later DC) Comics and got royally screwed. Pete and Darrin are stand ins for Siegel and Shuster and Chester the Chisler is the stand in for Harry Donenfeld, the evil owner of National/DC. They will go to work for Chester at Atomic Comics and then find out Chester the Chisler has stolen the rights to all their characters. Except unlike Siegel and Shuster, they get revenge!

    • batgirl

      That’s where it would be going if there were such a thing as a story arc in this strip. I suspect all TB can summon up the energy for is to have Pete and Darrin make wry comments about how that was what happened back then.

  3. ian'srunkenbeard

    “Gee…I don’t know…Will we get free comic books out of it?”









    “Count us in!”

  4. I’m sorry. I know that I’m supposed to be all about how Batiuk is never going to get over having two improvident dolts from Ahia thinking that they weren’t going to get fucked over by someone from the Evil City of New York but the word “bedrock” makes me think that Fred and Barney would have been more sanguine about signing up with Chester.

  5. When he’s not posting random, dated John Darling strips, Batiuk uses the official FW blog to repurpose the prefaces from the Complete Funky Winkerbean collection. Today he’s shared a little insight (in his chatty, long-winded way) about “Schrödinger’s equation for relativistic quantum wave theory and how it relates to the space/time continuum where comic strip characters reside”:

    …It involves a whole lot of complicated math and this really isn’t the venue, but, short and sweet, time in comic strips moves more slowly than time in the real world. Trust me on that. Using a back of the envelope calculation, it comes out to about three comic strip years to one real-world year.

    As a bonus, he includes a strip of Coach Stropp on his deathbed.

    • billytheskink

      And then this, after his 3 comic strip years to 1 real year estimate:

      So the Funky gang was only just entering their senior year in the Funkyverse, which meant I still had a cushion.

      This was written about 1983, which means that Funky and Co.’s senior year was… 3 years long (graduation happened in May 1992). The less said about what this 3-1 rule does to Summer and Cody’s high school time, the better. It is almost funny, had he not tried to justify his own comic strip’s time, he would not have dug himself into another hole. But that’s what he does, digs himself deeper every time.

    • DOlz

      “…It involves a whole lot of complicated math and this really isn’t the venue”

      Screw you TB! Considering what you think a quarter inch is, I wouldn’t trust you to add 2 plus 2 without a (evil new tech) calculator and a week to check your work. Speaking of Schrödinger every day I perform his thought experiment with the cat in a box. The difference is I use your strip and this blog. Until I read the blog your strip is either cancelled or still going. To my continual dismay whenever I check its still going. (wistfully) Someday, someday.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    LOL at Batom and his warped timeline. He just wildly overestimated his ambition and interest, that’s all. When he skipped ahead ten years he was still riding a wave of “Lisa’s Story” euphoria but after a year or two his interest clearly waned and he just wasn’t up to the challenge involved with “writing” for all those new and updated characters. “Complicated math”…”three years of comic strip time equals one year of real time”…hogwash. Always using an entire week to establish what could have been established in a day or two is his trademark, it’s only so unbelievably slow because he made it that way.

  7. Professor Fate

    Ah here’s something that came to me – While Mopey Pete has been involved in writing comic books for years and so asking him on board makes a certain amount of sense – Boy Lisa has been doing storyboards for a movie and before that illustrations or something for Les’s book “Why Marrying my second wife made me miss Lisa even more” or something. Hardly the person one would select to be the PRIMARY artist for a new comic book line, especially considering the many folks whose work Chester could know about from the intertubes and especially considering Boy Lisa’s Pen fetish and work habits – mostly doing nothing and then whining about it.
    Another example if any more was needed of the sloppiness of the Author.
    Honestly I think I spent more time on this than the Author did. Remember Chester was looking for Mopey Pete not Pete and Boy Lisa.

  8. hitorque

    No, Peter… A motherfucking “dicey” proposal was Masone Jarre firing all his writers for a $120 million budgeted movie project and hiring *ONE* dude (who just got fired from his job in the industry, mind you) from Central Bumblefuck, Ohio because of a SECONDHAND recommendation based on a couple of sentences from an overheard conversation from the woman Masone was fucking at the time (and still is)…

    And then that script writer hires a failed entrepreneur whose only artistic experience came from doodles in high school study hall to be a storyboard artist because WESTVIEW NEPOTISM MAFIA FOR LIFE, BABY!!!


    So is he saying that when you start any venture the inevitable outcome is destruction and failure? I think we’ve reached Peak Batiuk.

    • comicbookharriet

      No, he’s saying that any time you ‘ship’ two characters together in a relation’ship’ you are also setting the foundation for wrecking the ‘ship’ if your audience doesn’t jump aboard.

      • LTPFTR

        I highly doubt Batiuk is hip enough to today’s lingo to work “ship” into his characters’ dialog. Or that he could come up with wordplay that nimble and lacking in any Battyisms.

  10. Of course, the real problem I have is that watching Crankshaft bowl despite having pneumonia makes more sense than this and he’s more sympathetic than anyone I see talking about funny books.