Tarps for everyone.

Today’s strip reminds me of a story I once heard.

There was an old farmer, set in his ways. His son went to college and came back with all kinds of new-fangled ways to ‘maximize profits.’ He no longer wanted to hear his dad’s old advice, about snakes on the road or frogs chirping, relying instead on science or innovation.

He upgraded all their equipment, used his smart phone to run their irrigation system, bought drones to guard the sheep from wolves instead of the old donkey. But most contentious between father and son was changing the way they handled the manure from their feedlot and pig sheds. The old farmer had always dry composted it for fertilizer, but his son badgered him to build huge wet lagoons covered in plastic tarps to collect all the methane to generate electricity.

Everything went fine. Until one May, it rained and rained and rained and rained, until the lagoons were full to the brim with a fecal slurry. It was on a May day, during the heart of tornado season that a dark funnel cloud formed south of their farm. Touching down over the hog buildings and their very new, very full lagoons, and then headed straight toward the farm house.

“Dad! Dad! We gotta get to the cellar!” The son shouted over the howling wind.

“I got one thing I have to do!” The dad shouted back, as he ran out to the stock barns.

The son followed him at a sprint. His dad grabbed an dusty oil cloth and threw it over the old guard donkey in it’s stall.

“Dad! What the hell are you doing!” His son yelled!

“Son.” the old farmer said, solemnly, “Every old farmer knows, when a shitstorm is coming, you gotta cover your ass.”

Now look at that pile of ‘comic-books’ and tell me that Rusty’s store, (and us by extension) didn’t just get overwhelmed by a massive shitstorm.

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15 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

15 responses to “Tarps for everyone.

  1. erdmann

    This issue: Witness the fear-fraught birth of COMICS-THING!
    Is it man or is it comics?
    Horror as you like it — in the Mighty Bat– that is, the Mighty Atomik Comics Manner!

    Anyone else suspect there’s a comic book cover Sunday strip headed our way? I’m going to go out on a limb and guess the artist will be Michael T. Gilbert. I think he would draw a good soggy comic book monster.

  2. billytheskink

    If all the chemicals in the paper and ink of thousands of comic books can mutate a guy when combined with reservoir water, imagine what they were doing to the average, non-drowned comic reader…

    Probably slowly giving them cancer, which fits Funky Winkerbean all too well, doesn’t it?

  3. spacemanspiff85

    I wonder if young (or possibly current) Tom Batiuk dreamed of this happening to him as he hung out in comic book stores. Given how every other character he’s showcased was a product of his eight year old mind, I’d say yes. And really, the only way he could become anymore obsessed with comic books is to actually become one.

  4. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “Did I mention that the water was radioactive?”

  5. Gaze in horror as The Mighty Apathy Man takes an iconic character and makes him so bland and silly, you wonder why you cared about the original.

  6. The Nelson Puppet

    A comic strip that is about two comic book writers dreaming up…yet another comic! This is like one of those Russian nesting dolls….

  7. I like to imagine the pitch to Chester, who then sits back for a moment, nods his head, rubs his chin thoughtfully, and says, “You’re fired.”

  8. louder

    This whole story proves we’re all sinners in the hands of an angry god.

  9. Epicus Doomus

    No wonder no one remembers Pete’s stint with Marvel or his “Mister Sponge” title. His ideas are like a vacuum cleaner…they simultaneously suck and blow.

  10. DOlz

    It’s a shame you can’t give the host comment a thumbs up.

  11. Jimmy

    I can’t believe he actually went throught with Comic Book Man as a character. What a flaming turd.

  12. hitorque

    I swear to Christ if this dude has the combined powers of all those comic book characters, then not only is TB a lazy, unimaginative motherfucker, he’s also a plagiarist…

    The Simpsons Comic Book Store Guy’s “Everyman” did this much, much better…

    • DOlz

      “The Simpsons Comic Book Store Guy’s “Everyman” did this much, much better…”

      And before that there was the Composite Superman who had all the powers of the Legion of Super Heroes.