No Pizza Mind

Link To Today’s Strip

Man, Wally and Rachel must be livid right now. Despite working there for a combined one hundred years, their boss totally overlooks them and hands over temporary control of Westview’s pizza supply to the moronically grinning Corporal and his stupidly smirking sidekick Rocky instead. Of course The Corporal responds to this huge honor and massive responsibility by immediately resorting to imbecilic wordplay, the sort of thing that would have caught him a serious beating (at best) back during his Army days. No one respects Funky at all, possibly because of insanely stupid decisions like this.

Seriously though, in Westview pizza is like a public utility and ANY disruption in the pipeline could lead to throngs of malnourished comic book nerds doubling over with crippling hunger pains, something the town fathers are woefully unprepared for. Picture hordes of starving young comic book thugs ransacking homes and freezers looking for a Mama Celeste to tide them over..if you can stomach the thought, that is.

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24 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

24 responses to “No Pizza Mind

  1. Today’s episode would have been acceptable if it had ended with panel two. That is, if Batiuk wanted to entertain people and thought weak puns might work.

    But alas, we know that Batiuk regards “entertaining people” as something akin to “mopping up vomit” so instead, we have Funky trying to turn this episode into something else. Intrigued readers (first-timers, of course) would wonder what is going to be made of this, while anyone who has read any FW in the last ten years knows this is just award-bin polishing with no result in sight.

  2. Rusty Shackleford

    Batty’s pulling a lot of characters off the bench. Maybe he is giving everyone a last chance to play before he retires?

    Either way, Doofus1 and Doofus2 are off to Florida…oh goodie.

  3. Wally requested and presumably was given a manager role (and the coveted apartment above Montoni’s) when Darin and Blondie moved to California, and his wife Rachel has been a waitress there since she was a teenager. Cory had to be blackmailed by Les into staying in his summer job at the pizzeria, and his duties included parading in front of the restaurant in a pizza costume. But yeah, makes perfect sense to have Cory and his fiance of nearly three years run the store in Funky’s absence.

    • What does “water bottle” refer to? I assume it’s something convoluted and dull at the same time, but I’m curious (damn me).

      • The Lord of Language caught Cory cheating on a test, using notes that he’d hidden on the label of his water bottle:

        • Wow…what a truly lame threat. “If you don’t sweep the floor, I’ll tell Funky you cheated on a test. A test that I passed you on. And that’s already been recorded in your school records. And that I have no proof of your cheating. So I’ll come across as an even more pathetic dickhead, competing with your father for attention.”

          Funky, on the other hand: “Sweep the floor, or Les might hear about a certain cigar box.”

          Of course, that would make Funky superior to Les, and we simply cannot have that.

        • Rusty Shackleford

          Thanks for filling in the backstory!

        • Epicus Doomus

          Yes, I remember this one. It’s hard to believable but Cory was actually more likeable back then, as he was one of the few FW characters with a personality. Naturally Batom put a quick stop to THAT.

  4. bigd1992

    The only thing that can save this arc is Holly’s mom dying en route, and Funky puts her on the roof of the car like in “Vacation.”

  5. spacemanspiff85

    Yeah, put the guy who had to sell off his prized belongings to pay for an engagement, despite the fact that he just got back from a tour of duty where he was getting hazard pay and had basically all his bills paid for and should realistically have had some money saved up, in charge, that’ll go well.

  6. billytheskink

    This does initially seem ridiculous. I mean, there are several folks available who are more qualified to run a pizzeria than Cory and Rocky. Wally, Rache, Lefty, Summer, Mindy, Buddy, Band Box, the Green Pitcher, maybe even Crazy… the list could well continue. However, this ins Montoni’s we’re talking about. Cory knows just as well as you and I how many customers Montoni’s has. Pizza cake indeed.

  7. Gerard Plourde

    I was going to feign surprise on discovering that the Florida trek arc was continuing, but really it’s just another example of TomBa’s practice of drawing out an unfunny and irrational storyline.

  8. Jimmy

    If you have to ask the question, Funky, you don’t want to know the answer.

  9. At least he’s consistent. This is just the latest in the long string of horrible business decisions that ruined Montoni’s as a national franchise.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    Crankshaft: a touching Christmas memory of when they got drunk on Lilian’s rum balls while waiting for Ed to come home.

    But yeah, she just HAD to go to NYC to find an agent, assuming Apple Annie really is an agent.

    • billytheskink

      At least she didn’t do what Les did and fly all the way out to New York to meet with an agent she already employed for the sole purpose of being told that the Kent State University Press was going to publish her book within pleasant commute distance of her home.

  11. bobanero

    I guess it’s “What can possibly go wrong?” week at Montoni’s.

    Anyway, today we learn that the whole “Let’s drive across the country to Florida to pick up Holly’s mother because she’s too stupid to figure out how to get to the airport and Holly’s too stupid to tell her how.” arc is just a contrived way to get Funky and Holly out of Montoni’s so we can have some “Cory and Rocky try to figure out how pizza restaurants work” hijinks.

    But yeah, I guess poor Rachel hit the glass pizza ceiling of her career about 15 years ago.

  12. hitorque

    1. Somebody please shoot that pizza shit…

    2. As craptacular god awful as this storyline is going to be, at least it has nothing to do with Les, Atumikkk Komikkx, somebody getting an award nomination for doing nothing, or how Masone and Cindye are living their best Instagram lives and making all the poor and normals jealous…

  13. Professor Fate

    To nit pick – shouldn’t it the first panel read “So could you and Rocky run the show here…” instead? It doesn’t make sense the way it reads now. And the hell of it is now a-days this is all the author does. You’d think he might actually read the lines out loud to see if they scan but no. so we get this nonsense.

  14. Amy K

    Being out of the Army seems to have given Cory a more youthful appearance. He looks about 14 today