Monopolizing Time

Link to Today’s Comic.

It’s ten o’clock? And these two elderly people are still awake? My suspension of disbelief has been shattered. People over 80 go to bed by 9:00 at the latest. Period. And shouldn’t Mort be sundowning? After all nearly 2 in 5 patients with Alzheimer’s…oh, who are we kidding. Bill Bushka is currently more disabled than Mort here. Smoking has cured Mort’s Alzheimer’s and he now lives in Bedside Manor simply to hang with his rock band and shag all the Manorisms groupies.

Is there a speed Monopoly? My cousins and I used to play Monopoly for a while every Thanksgiving, but we only ever actually finished a game once. The last two players were locked in a monotonous monetary battle to the death for ten hours. In my experience, Monopoly isn’t a game you win or lose at, it’s a game you play for a while and then quit, and whoever quits with the most money feels like the winner, and whoever quits poor soothes their bitter resentment by telling themselves that if they had stuck with it a little longer they could have won. Monopoly is just like life.

The purpose of Monopoly isn’t to play it. The purpose of Monopoly is to sell it hundreds of times over via cool ‘branded’ sets; like Star Trek Monopoly, with properties to buy Vulcan and Romulus; or the Canada edition, with player pieces of a moose, a beaver, and a hockey player.

Maybe they’ll be playing Millennial Monopoly, where you win by accruing experiences rather than money, and you can land on a thrift shop, your parent’s basement, or a weeklong meditation retreat. The game sounds closer to depicting contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner than the last eight years of Funky Winkerbean strips.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “Monopolizing Time

  1. Charles

    You know, Funky could avoid all of this if he simply tells Mort “You’re not having sex with my mother-in-law in my house.”

    • Epicus Doomus

      This is just a sick perverse play on an old sitcom trope, the one where the male lead is in a panic over his attractive young daughter being alone in the same room with the studly football quarterback because she’s presumed to be hopelessly naive re: how men operate. Of course it doesn’t make even that much sense here, as Holly’s ninety year old mom has thus far seemed quite capable of rejecting, refusing and or protesting Morton’s unwanted advances herself, not to mention the fact that she probably already knows him and knows he’s a dementia patient too.

      But logic. common sense, a lack of entertainment value and common decency never stopped The Author before, so here we are, watching a sweaty Funky trying to prevent his father from banging Holly’s mom on the sofa. Of all the old coot premises he could have dreamed up, why he chose this one is the real mystery, a mystery that’s best left unsolved IMO.

      • The Nelson Puppet

        Epicus, I think Batiuk is blending tropes at this point: There’s also the “dirty old man” trope and the “son embarrassed by his parent’s sexuality” trope going on as well.

      • spacemanspiff85

        You’re giving Batiuk too much credit. This exact situation happened on King of Queens, where one of the main character’s dad was trying to seduce the other’s mom.

    • The Nelson Puppet

      Yeah, but then they forget that you told them that five minutes later…

  2. billytheskink

    Cockblocking with Monopoly?

    I’m not sure what scenario is more disturbing: that this sprung from TB’s imagination or that it was drawn from his personal experiences.

  3. Paul Jones

    And exactly how long would he have to live with the ‘problem’ if they did get together anyway? It’s not as if he’s going to have a step brother or call Mrs Budd “Mom” or nothing.

  4. gleeb

    Monopoly isn’t hat long a game if you play by the actual rules; auction properties that people land on and don’t immediately buy; don’t collect money for landing on “free parking”. It’s still a back-biting downward spiral that way, but much faster.

  5. Gerard Plourde

    It appears that TomBa’s latest idea is to take his “gag-a-day” format and run the same gag premise for weeks. Was he really planning this storyline a year ago?

  6. How about a Funky Winkerbean themed Monopoly? Players could collect diseases, disabilities, award nominations and comic books; whoever chose the Les Moore or Dinkle token would always win, and whoever chooses Funky loses straight out of the gate.

  7. DOlz

    CBH you forgot to include a link to the Kickstarter for your version of Monopoly. 🙂

    • comicbookharriet

      Right! my Silmarillion Monopoly! With tokens of obscure elves! And a Halls of Mandos instead of Jail. I’ve been working on it for years, but can never seem to finish it. I just can’t get the board catch fire and then sink into the ocean at the end of every game.

  8. Rusty Shackleford

    If you think this is bad, just check out Toddler Batty’s blog where he talks about Ruby Lith, another rich character that is sure to add some depth to an already deep strip.

    • I went to his blog and saw the “Lisa Christmas” pictures and got really sick.

      I bet Batiuk is the one who pulled LS out of the pile and put it sideways on the shelf. No store owner would ever highlight that book.

      • Rusty Shackleford

        Yeah, can you imagine buying this collection as a gift for someone…ugh.
        I borrowed The Complete FW from the library—no waiting for these books—and read the first couple of volumes. The early stuff isn’t too bad. But I wouldn’t give these as gifts either.

  9. The Nelson Puppet

    Oh Christ! Ruby Lith looks like 1965 John Lennon if he lived to the age of 80!