Cindy Wants Mason and Les to Do It

What on earth is the right way to do Lisa’s Story? True to life, where it just focuses on Les’s reaction to everything, and skips right over the really difficult and interesting part of how he adjusts to life without her? Or focusing on the ridiculous medical paperwork mishap that anyone who saw it in a movie (or a comic) would say is just laughably bad writing?
Actually I think it’s pretty clear what “the right way” means. Lisa Must Die. Because serious art requires beloved characters to die in a very serious, very profound way. Except Bull. Bull you just knock off as quick as possible so you can get to Lisa. Again.
That “Cindy…?” is hilarious to me.  “Formerly hot girl I used to stare at in high school and have no real meaningful relationship with, do you think I should make this beg life decision?  Because yours is the only opinion that matters to me, way way more than my secondary wife’s.”


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

35 responses to “Cindy Wants Mason and Les to Do It

  1. William Thompson

    And if the former most popular girl at Westview High School thinks you should run with scissors, would you do it? Please?

  2. William Thompson

    Bull dies under suspicious circumstances and Creepy Les has a sudden burst of undeserved good luck. I say we search Les’s house for a Satanic altar, because this whole arc suddenly reeks of necromancy and human sacrifice.

  3. ComicTrek

    Note to the Bat: SHE’S NOT THE FOREVER MOST POPULAR GIRL IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE! SHE’S A LONG-GROWN WOMAN, LES IS A LONG-GROWN MAN, AND LISA AND BULL ARE DEAD! Let! The past! GO! Especially if all you’re going to do is destroy everything it used to be!

    • Epicus Doomus

      Cindy is an Emmy award winning documentarian and a former national network TV news anchor, easily the most accomplished and famous person WHS has ever produced. But to BatYap she’s still nothing more than the “it” girl from high school. Talk about issues with women.

      • Charles

        I think it goes back to the point that I made earlier about how Batiuk has no idea what it takes to put together a truly great Emmy-winning documentary, and thus doesn’t respect the accomplishments he gives Cindy.

        I think he honestly believes that the Cliff Anger Saga was such a dynamite story that Cindy didn’t have to do much of anything to make it worthy of an Emmy. Any idiot with a video camera and the ability to interview Cliff Anger and Vera whatshername would have been able to make a great Emmy-worthy documentary simply based on what’s provided. Cindy didn’t have to do any work at all. Neither did Jessica or any of the unseen assistants that Cindy would have required to put together the documentary. It was just that good.

        So when he looks at Cindy he doesn’t see an Emmy-winning documentarian. He doesn’t see someone who had to have talent and drive and who was willing to put in a lot of hard work to get where she is. He just sees her as the popular high school girl who just did what she was destined to when she became the most popular girl in her high school.

        Want to know what became of the most popular girls in my high school class? Depending on your definition of “most popular”, she became a kindergarten teacher or a cosmetologist. Not everyone grows up to be Katie Couric, even if they want nothing more in the world.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    Boy that’s a mighty hunk of wildly expository and unwieldy dialog, isn’t it? For the second time in a few weeks BatBrain feels compelled to remind everyone who Cindy is, or was as the case may be. And is Les actually saying he’ll take her advice because she used to be hot back in high school? Does BatYam even read this shit before he stuffs it in the prepaid CK envelope?

    There’s no doubt that this movie is a go now. It’s going to take years and years but it’s coming, bet on it. And it’ll end up being a cinematic masterpiece too, but of course something will prevent it from becoming a global blockbuster, like a kill fee or a lost screenplay or a lawsuit or some other cheap contrivance.

    Casting, re-writes, filming, promotion, jobs for his friends, intense angst…this could easily go on for years, possibly taking us right into Year Fifty. This arc will vanish here and there, sometimes for months a time then bam, one fine Monday you’ll see Les on the set weeping over Marianne Winters in her Lisa wig then chatting with her mom about what a “fine young woman” she’s become, followed by a visit from Summer and you’ll be yearning for a “Funky exercises” arc like you’ve never yearned for anything before. This will be the one that finally chases his remaining readers away for good, mark my words.

  5. billytheskink

    Oh good grief, leave high school already Les! Cindy is an Emmy-winning documentary creator. Dumb as that story arc and the Butter Brickle-Brinkel documentary story arc were, in the Batiukverse’s upside-down world Cindy is someone who should be listened to for her experience and success in the entertainment industry, not because she spent 4 years not dating you 30-40 years ago. Heck, if Cindy was as high school-obsessed as Les, she’d still hold a grudge over that time he tried to sue her for not going out with him.

    • Epicus Doomus

      It’s yet another FW conversation that could never, ever happen in real life. “Well, if the girl who let me feel her up in my old Chevy Vega thinks I should consider writing a movie about my dead wife…”, I mean no one Les’ age still talks or thinks about high school to this degree. In “real life” Cindy would be rolling her eyes (at best) and standing up to leave right now. Why Batiuk felt he needed to explain who Cindy was again is a mystery to me, once again the only conclusion you can reach is that he assumes his daily readers are a bunch (okay, a smattering) of complete idiots.

      • spacemanspiff85

        It just comes off like a weird pathetic kind of bragging on Les/Batiuk’s part. “Back in high school I was a nerd, and look at me now-I’m talking to the most popular girl in high school!”

        • Perfect Tommy

          After driving off No Bottom Hill, Les regained consciousness to find himself the captive of a deranged super fan. Refusing to write an updated “Lisa’s Story”, he was hobbled to prevent him from running to Montonis for help.

    • erdmann

      Why was Les on crutches back then? Please tell me Bull ran his legs over with a golf cart. Two or three times.

  6. The whole strip has just become Batiuk’s fantasy land, where everything he ever wanted to happen when it could have (and didn’t)…is just going to happen anyway, because Authorial Megalomania.

    It’s awful and horrible, but it makes perfect sense. Of course, Les, the sensitive genius, is going to have his dreams fulfilled. Of course, Mason, Chester, et al–who have unlimited resources to make The Author’s Wishes come true–will put aside everything and anything that might hinder Les’ destiny.

    And everything will turn out great, and even better, because of course it will.

    I played similar games when I was young…but I was around three or four years old.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Truth. Batiuk definitely believes that his magnum opus didn’t receive the recognition it merited and he’s still beating that drum twelve long years later. Every single one of his “Hollywood” arcs just dripped with his disgust and disdain for the industry that failed to see the brilliance of his masterpiece, he’ll never let that grudge go. He’ll never admit that “Lisa’s Story” itself sucked and the attention it generated was just novelty shock-value, as you don’t ordinarily see a lot of comic strip characters dying of cancer.

    • spacemanspiff85

      I’m still waiting for the reveal that Cayla is actually Lisa with a tan and slightly longer hair.

  7. Banana Jr. 6000

    Why in the name of all things holy is Les asking CINDY for approval? Never mind that they have no relationship; she’s also the wife of the person who’s pitching the idea! What’s she going to say, “Nah, my husband’s idea of paying you a lot of money and indulging your fantasy is stupid, don’t do that.”

    • Charles

      Seriously. “I came out here expressly to tell you to turn my husband down. It’s a terrible idea that’s going to waste everyone’s time and money.”

  8. Oh yes, “we should talk about it,” because we sure as hell aren’t going to see it happen.

  9. William Thompson

    “Do it the right way?” Does that mean you’ll play along with Les’s original script, which has the camera on him while he reads the entire book aloud?

    • spacemanspiff85

      Les’s original idea would be just to show all the Lisa videos back to back with a little window in the bottom right showing him weeping as he watches them.

    • Charles

      What’s interesting is going back to the August 2014 strips to look at that conversation between Mason and Les about the script and Les’ character, Mason, by design, doesn’t appear to give the slightest shit about Les’ ideas about the “right way” to make Lisa’s Story. He’s a feckless boob, but he also clearly doesn’t care how much the edited script deviated from Real Life.

      Wonder what changed.

  10. Banana Jr. 6000

    I actually wonder what Bull Bushka is thinking right now. “Yeah, well, life was hard, and ending it was tough to do, but… I’m at peace now, and I’m ready to go to heaven and be with Jesus, and – wait a minute, why am I in an enclosed space? Why can’t I move? Why can’t – oh my God, they buried me alive! BATIUK, YOU IDIOT, YOU FORGOT TO KILL ME! HELP! HEEEEEELP!!!!”

    • Epicus Doomus

      If Batiuk really had a sense of humor Bull’s last words would have been “wait, did I remember to sign that insurance poli….”.

      • William Thompson

        “Touchdown! At long las–“

      • Charles

        What would be great is if Les does a kind of “Bull’s Story”, in which he discovers that Bull’s death was a suicide, which Bull’s life insurance company takes special interest in.

  11. Max Power

    That is some smugfest those three are holding. The level of unearned self satisfaction they are emanating is off the charts.

  12. Paul Jones

    Doing it the way he’d like it to would mean that it’s a direct-to-cellphone mess about a morbid thickhead too obsessed with who people were in high school to function in adult society.

  13. Count of Tower Grove

    The right way: Lisa realizes what a minge Less is and drives off Nobottom Road.

  14. Professor Fate

    This is just sad. Les’s need to drag his high school years into EVERYTHING (Bull’s Death and now do we make a movie about Lisa who was a grown woman when she died) is both pathetic and creepy. That the Author wrote this says a lot about him, and nothing, nothing good.

  15. Let’s see. How can I bring up the only character arc I got recognition for and not seem like a butt-wipe. I know, I will kill off the character who represents those who bullied me when I was younger and bring up Lisa’s story again at his funeral. It’s such a natural transition that no one would ever accuse me of beating the proverbial dead horse. – Something no writer of note has ever said.

  16. timbuys

    ‘Secondary’ wife is inspired writing. Good stuff!

  17. hitorque

    And *THIS* is why Cindy Sommers-Winkerbean-Jarre keeps coming back to Westview — To bask in the utter boot-licking ego-stroking fealty from literally everyone in northeast Ahia… Somehow *SHE* is always the superstar here and not the dude who is the hottest star in Hollywood after his lead role in the worldwide highest-grossing comic book movie of all time? She might as well be the de facto governor.

    Do I have this right? Lester has spent like 80% of his waking life in Westview and he has literally *NEVER* seen another girl as hot/beautiful/desirable/popular as Cindy? I guess Lisa was his Silver Medal then, and Cayla his (literal) Bronze… And is it me, or does Cindy have like no friends whatsoever; only devoted ass-kissers? That ain’t “popularity”, it’s despotism…

    Not that I’ve fared much better, but I’ve seen what happens to the “popular” kids/jocks/hotties/etc. from high school decades later. The usually become regular people and nobody gives a shit about all the clout they had for one school year. That tall, shapely Asian head cheerleader from my high school who was too cool to talk to folks and who literally everybody wanted because she was the undisputed #1 hottie (it was a small school) and I’d jacked off to her a thousand times and I’d watch her routine all game long while my ass was pinned to the last seat on the varsity basketball bench? Twenty-five years later she’s married got five kids and added 75+ lbs to her frame… I’m not joking or gloating or whatever because she’s a good woman; I’m just saying that when we run into each other on occasion I’m not reminding her (or her husband) about how she really filled out that cute green-and-white cheerleading outfit or my unbridled teenage lust which bordered on stalkerish behavior, or despite this being a Catholic school how I would have signed over my soul to Satan for the chance to dive into those thighs and shotgun my loads into her deepest innards…