Chester Roasting On An Open Fire

Link To Today’s Strip

Uh, correct me if I’m wrong here but that comic book has not been properly slabbed and bagged, which makes it WORTHLESS. Why, sometimes it makes me wonder if these idiots are really “comic book collectors” at all. At least BatBore acknowledged the already-established fact that Chester already has every issue of SJ ever, which was a major plot point way back when he still represented the evil side of comic book (sigh) collecting.

So, did Octoshark have a shark head and octopus tentacles or was he just an eight-finned shark? Because one of those seems sort of better than the other. In any event, maybe he could apply this premise to the other characters. Holly could give Funky a slightly sharper pizza-cutter, Les could give Summer a slightly less slovenly hoodie, Cayla could give Les a slightly more cancer-y cancer book and so on. The possibilities are limitless.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

16 responses to “Chester Roasting On An Open Fire

  1. CRM114

    Help! I’ve got whiplash. I’m on a weird funky rollercoaster ride and I can’t get off. Wake me, please.

  2. William Thompson

    First Lefty & Dinkle, then Fishface & Friends, then Lecturing Les, now Pester & Fester. It’s like Batiuk is having a year-end clearance sale: half-price for half-baked ideas.

  3. billytheskink

    Durwood, hard at work as usual.

  4. Rich Egenriether

    Who the fuck gives their boss a Christmas present?

  5. Doghouse Reilly

    Okay, where to start…
    1. Buying your boss a Christmas gift on your own? Brown-nosing 101.
    2. How do you know it’s “Ultra-Fine”? It’s not graded and/or slabbed. It’s just a loose copy that might have gotten damaged when you wrapped it or Chester tore the package open.
    3. There’s no such comic grade as “Ultra-Fine.” Calling it “Near Mint” would have made more sense.
    4. How does Durwood have such intimate knowledge of Chester’s Starbuck Jones comic book collection as to know the condition of one particular issue?
    5. “Octoshark”? Now TB is ripping up the 2010 SyFy movie “Sharktopus?”

    Say. Tom, how about giving the readers a joke?

    • comicbookharriet

      He could be informally grading it himself, the system used to grade comics is public. Grading a comic is a confirmation of the quality it already holds because of it’s condition, and slabbing it is a way of preserving that value. But you can hazard a guess that a comic is near mint without it being slabbed.

      You’re totally right though that ultra fine isn’t a grade. Very Fine is. I’m guessing the joke was supposed to be that Durwood is a moron that doesn’t understand his own industry.

  6. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “Hey Mr. Hagglestein! Merry Christmas! Here’s a komix I’ve handled with my greasy, booger encrusted, butt-smelling fingers! Oh, speaking of which, there hasn’t been any soap in the bathroom for two weeks.”

    “First of all, back off with Merry Christmas shit. I’m Jewish. Duh, obvious! And you jerkoffs are STILL working Christmas Eve night through Christmas Day to make up for all the time you pissed away going to art galleries and blabbering with anyone who walked through the door.”

    “YaY, komix!”

    “I’ll send out for Chinese for you idiots. Gimme ten bucks from everybody. Do we have a menu for that Happy Ending Garden joint down the street? I LOVE their Cream of Sum Yung Guy. The Sum Dum Goy is also pretty good.”

    “We’re making KOMIX!”

  7. Banana Jr. 6000

    I think the joke is “Darin(?) gives Chester a comic book he already has, but the gift is that he raises the grade on it.” Problems with that:

    1. People can’t raise grades. Only grading services can officially assign a grade.

    2. “Ultra-Fine” isn’t a grade.

    3. Why is Chester so delighted to get this gift in Panel 2? From his perspective, before the punchline, he’s getting something he already has. He should be angry or disappointed. Especially since we know from prior arcs that Chester collects them all.

    4 If done correctly, this would actually be an amazing gift! I have a trading card collection, and the value difference of one grade can be substantial. If Darin had correctly identified Chester’s comic as being undergraded, paid the evaluation fee, and gotten it back with a better grade, all without Chester knowing, that would be tremendous.

    5. Why do we not see Chester’s face in Panel 3 when the real value of the gift is revealed? That’s when we should see it! But this strip goes out of its way to replace any real emorion with empty smirking.

    This is why people hate and make fun of your comic strip, Tom Batiuk. I know you’re reading this, so pay attention: You can’t tell a simple joke right. You can’t get details about comic book collecting right, even though you shove this subject down your audience’s throat. You hide your characters’ faces when we should be seeing them react.

    And worst of all – worse than all of that combined – you cap off this hatchet job with that goddamned Funky Winkerbean I’m-so-clever smirk. Look at that smug prick in Panel 3. He’s practically indicating where the blow job line begins.

    Pro tip: nobody wants a gift from someone like this. Because we know what’s expected in return. This isn’t a gift, it’s an I.O.U. That’s all anyone in your strip does: hand our I.O.U.s.

    Remember Linda talking to Les? “Here’s a cancelled check to your donation! It proves Bull really was your friend! Never mind the decades of bullying.” That’s not a gift, it’s an I.O.U.

    Remember Pete’s wedding proposal? “I can’t buy you a proper wedding ring because I spent all my money playing ball toss?” That’e not a proposal: it’s an I.O.U. And it’s the kind MRAs hand out. It’s disgusting. Stop rewarding it!

    Bull Bushka can’t even die without other people taking what they want from it. “High school football coach died driving off a cliff without a helmet on? Uh-oh, that wouldn’t look good for football, better leave that out of the police report.” Never mind Linda’s extensive complicity and Bull’s obvious clues.

    I could go on, but those are the big problems with FW: it”s poorly written, factually wrong, selfish, smug, and self-congratulatory.

  8. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “Duuuhhhren! This must have cost THREE WHOLE DOLLARS! Where did you get the money for this??”

    “I shoplifted it from Komix Coroner. Skunkhead and Beardo were tag-teaming some high school boys in the back room, so I shoved it down my pants and walked out. I forget – does smegma increase or decrease the value of a komix?”

    “Oooooh! INCREASE! Definitely increase!”

  9. I hate that I remember this, but I think Octoshark was featured on a guest artist Starbuck Jones cover.

  10. comicbookharriet

    Looks like we got a case of the trolls for Christmas!

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Yeah, some of us got a sudden double-downvote! What’s weird is who did and who didn’t. You got one, and Doghouse Reilly didn’t, for making exactly the same point. Mocking Durwood, and the jerky momentum of the strip, didn’t get a downvote. But “who gives their boss a Christmas present?” did. I’ll have to look at yesterday’s too, and see if there’s a pattern.

  11. spacemanspiff85

    These people get way too smug about the dumbest crap.

  12. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “That was you bidding against me on Fleabay, Durrel?”