He’s A Capricorn And She Had Cancer

Link To Today’s Strip

Get a load of Pulitzer (nominee) Boy, shamelessly using Christmas to plug his dusty old cancer book again. Who are the people at this event? Does “Lisa’s Story” have some sort of weird cult following or something? And assuming that these weirdos are die-hard “LS” fans, wouldn’t they have already heard this cheesy gag dozens of times? I know I have.

This is Dick Facey at his most dick faciest. Smug obnoxious gloating, sub-moronic wordplay, a snide remark AND that f*cking “Lisa’s Story” banner…he touched all the bases today. I wish I could bludgeon him with a “Trilogy” then strangle him with that conveniently-placed wreath. I don’t think this sudden year-end burst of Les bodes well for 2020 at all, my friends. We’ve been very, very fortunate over the last few years regarding Les arcs but I have the sinking feeling that run is coming to an end soon. It’s gonna be horrible, too.

32 Comments

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32 responses to “He’s A Capricorn And She Had Cancer

  1. William Thompson

    I wonder what chemicals Least took at those sessions. And wasn’t that “chemosabe” pun first used by an autograph seeker at one of his signings? Is Batiuk so desperate for ideas he’ll steal from his own characters?

  2. As I recall, the “kemosabe” thing was done pretty recently, I think during the Bull’s death story.

    But why are we here? Why isn’t Les celebrating with his family, since (we’re told) he misses them when they’re away?

    I suppose the point is that THIS, people who come to book signings, are his real family.

  3. spacemanspiff85

    “I went with my wife to the doctor when she was sick and dying? Isn’t that remarkable? Aren’t I a saint?”
    Using the story of how your wife died to make yourself sound awesome is pretty disgusting, and totally par for the course for Les.

    • billytheskink

      Les is a saint indeed for his actions, as most men in the Batiukverse get angry at their wives for having cancer and leave them…

      • gleeb

        Long, drawn-out illnesses like cancer can put huge stresses on marriages and other relationships. It is not talked about because the societal expectation is that one will be a good “chemosabe”, but some folks don’t know how to do that. And because it isn’t talked about, they don’t have anyone to turn to to learn how.

        That being said, this strip was a one-off, never referred to afterwards, like Batton Thomas was crossing an entry off a list.

      • Count of Tower Grove

        The guy on the phone must’ve been Newt Gingrich.

      • Maxine of Arc

        Lisa’s such a saint she just let that obviously devastated woman cry there in the waiting room all by herself.

  4. Gerard Plourde

    Also not to be missed is the sloppy tape job on the “Book Signing Today” sign.

    And is Northeastern Ohio so devoid of authors that whatever location this is has to bring in someone whose most recent published work is several years old?

    • ian'sdrunkenbeard

      Tape, tape, tape. Perhaps FW has a tie in with 3M.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        What a juxtaposition. Yesterday Les was home with his current wife and family, not helping with the Christmas decorations, and today he’s talking about Dead Lisa again! To a rapt crowd that has somehow assembled at the height of Christmas shopping season for this purpose.

        Serious question: why did Les remarry? He has zero interest in Cayla, even less in her family, and yesterday she didn’t even bother asking Les to participation in a traditional family Christmas activity.
        Apparently she knew he was far too busy.

        • Double Sided Scooby Snack

          Why did Goatee McDickface remarry? Hoo boy. Loaded question! I understand Les and Batyecch had some furious battles over that! If you recall, Cayla was originally Black. Like really BLACK. Maybe an 8 or 9 on the Scale of Blackness. Had the Afro hairdo… flat nose… big lips. The whole cucaracha!

          Batty originally brought in Cayla as a love interest for Princ’pal Nate so they could fuck like bunnies in the boiler room. (Well, they still did, but Batty never “wrote” about it.) Then one fateful day, one of Batty’s whiny, Libtard, aging ex-hippie draft dodger friends tearfully scolded him for not having any interracial relationships in the comic. “Just look at the TV ads, man! Interracial marriages are IN! That’s all we see on TV now! Man, you’re not WITH it!”

          Batty offered his dear friend a hankie and nodded. “Challenge accepted.”

          Bats realized he had no better candidate for an interracial marriage than The World’s Whitest White Man, Leslie Fuckin’ Moore. He called Les in for a meeting and told him his plans. First Les cursed. Then he cried. Then he threw staplers, tape dispensers, pens, and pencils around the room. I guess you could say he was on the fence about the whole thing.

          “I… am NOT… marrying that… that nappy headed…butt ugly…”

          “Whoa… whoa… whoa… settle down, Les. We can make this work. Hmmm… and maybe there’s an award in it for ME!”

          Batso experimented with new looks for Cayla. Remember the snake hair? Batty thought Les would think that look was “cool.” He hated it. Thought it made her look “angry at the White Devil.” Les insisted he would not marry Cayla, and threatened to quit and take an offer to be a kindly Socialized Medicine Quack over at For Better or Worse.

          Okay, this story is already WAAAY too long, and now I have to take a WICKED dump, so let’s quickly wrap this up. Batty whitened Cayla up big time. Straight hair, little pointy nose, lighter skin. Regular sized lips. Basically became Karen the Soccer Mom with a bit of a tan. Originally, Les was going to tell her how impressed he was with her newfound whiteness, but his snowflakey friends shit themselves when they heard about that. That episode was cut. So Cayla got real white, and – yadda yadda yadda – they got married.

          Questions? Better yet. Don’t bother me with your pin headed questions. Google it!

    • Rusty Shackleford

      We are so behind the times here that Lisa’s story just came out in print.

      But this strip has everything, hastily taped up sign, Les preaching to idiots, bad word play….but at least he didn’t say Grandpa Google. I wonder why not?

  5. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Tomorrow, slapnuts hilarious writer and standup comic Goatee Boy reveals that he got the Hivvy after years of hot, unprotected butt sex with Bull.

    “Bull went with me to all my treatments. In fact, I used to call him my AIDS de Camp! I will now pause for smirks and sticky-out-tongue laughs.”

  6. The Nelson Puppet

    Batiuk has some kind of fetish for book signings.

  7. Doghouse Reilly

    So for Christmas 2019 Battyuk is giving us a re-gifting of the “kemo sabe” joke from a couple of months ago between Cindy and Cliff? And there’s no sign of anyone in the audience laughing at Les’s bon mot? And a woman who looks to be at least middle-aged (born in the early ’70s or earlier) never heard of the Lone Ranger’s nickname?
    Or, put more simply…IT”S NOT A GREAT BOOK SIGNING WHEN: Les Moore shows up.

  8. William Thompson

    If anyone doesn’t get the reference, it should be Creepy Les. He’s too hoity-toity to admit to knowing anything about pop culture.

  9. Paul Jones

    I’m reminded of the episode of The Critic wherein everyone’s response to Jay chanting “BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK!” is to point a gun at him. The reason I mention this is that he had the sense to shut up.

  10. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    I’ve never wanted to punch my computer screen more than after seeing today’s strip.

  11. louder

    What kind of book store has a book signing event that centers around someone’s death by cancer a week before Christmas? Only in morbid Cancerville. Maybe a better question is what kind of writer does that?

  12. Buckeye Feculence

    Les Moore – One Hit Wonder

  13. Count of Tower Grove

    Less’ fellow Ahian, Chrissie Hynde is like this “google it” shit too. Four years ago she was on a book tour and hit NPR and when asked about the content said she wasn’t there for a reading. No one asked for one. If you’re going on the air or at a signing for a book tour, isn’t a given that you talk about the content in order to pique someone’s interest in buying?
    https://www.npr.org/2015/10/06/446083413/chrissie-hynde-im-just-telling-my-story

  14. If you actually google “chemosabe”, you will see that this is not at all an original concept. At best for FW, it is a bit of really lame wordplay, and a joke that should not have been used more than once, much less shoehorned into conversations twice in 7 months. He would do better just to rehash a couple of “that grumpy guy who dressed up as Santa Claus and came and scared the children that one time” strips.

  15. Professor Fate

    Ah Les, the point of book signings are to SELL books not insult potential buyers and that you are colossal dick.
    Frankly I can hardly wait to see those heartless Hollywood types tear into Lisa’s story again, granted the Author will find some BS way for Les to win out in the end but still his suffering will be pleasant to watch.

  16. William Thompson

    What’s with that blond kid in today’s SoSF banner? Is it little Skynut? Why the grimace and bent head? Is he showing Daddy Darrin how to use the potty? That would make life easier and more sanitary, especially in the Atomik Komix megacomplex.

  17. Charles

    shamelessly using Christmas to plug his dusty old cancer book again. Who are the people at this event? Does “Lisa’s Story” have some sort of weird cult following or something?

    It makes me wonder if Les would be a smidgen less loathsome if he wrote another book to hawk and it wasn’t some book about grievances he has against the world. So no new Lisa book and no “Bull’s Story” either. Like, just a book a local writer writes about, say, the people who first settled Westview or two brothers from Westview who fought in WWII or something. But something where he’s not going to talk about how much he’s suffered or how wonderful he is or how cruel the world is to people like him – something that wouldn’t prompt him to really talk about himself at all.

    Part of me thinks that might make him less of a shithead, because he’s no longer going into his ninth year or so of living off his wife’s cancer-ridden corpse. But then, part of me thinks that he’s crossed over the Dickface Event Horizon and nothing can save him now.