Confirmation Pie-as

Link To Today’s (zzzzzzzz)

Like I often say, this Pulitzer (nominee) Boy guy really, REALLY needs to get out more. While it’s nice to see Rachel the green pitcher again, this is a weak, weak gag, even by FW standards. I mean sure, it’s the second weekend of January 2018 and the 2019 strips are finished and ready to go into the prepaid CK envelope but he’s still a few strips short and has to come up with something fast or the whole weekend will be ruined so he throws together a few slapdash strips on the fly. I get that, but still, at least pretending to try would be the polite and decent thing to do for the readers, CK and himself…or so you’d think if you knew nothing about FW and the guy who writes it. But alas, I do. Every minute spent on FW is another minute he can’t spend at that pizza place, the post office signing books or looking out the window and as Lisa showed us, life is short.

27 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “Confirmation Pie-as

  1. billytheskink

    So, is it “Black Friday” or did that art teacher certification not work out?

    • Epicus Doomus

      So Montoni’s employs two college graduates and an art student? Well, la-dee-freakin-da! Looks like we got ourselves some sort of hoity-toidy free-thinking hippie pizza commune going on over there in Olde Westview Town. “Hey, Professor Braniac, I said Coke, this is f*cking diet.”

      Man, I forgot all about that dangling plot thread. Talk about inconsequential. If he ever actually re-visits and or follows up on that one I’ll be astounded. The world is in dire need of a complete FW database so I could find out exactly how many unresolved story arcs there are right now. There are probably dozens I’ve completely forgotten about.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        This raises a good question: how many people work at Montoni’s? There’s Funky, Holly, Cody/Cory (I forget which); Adeela, and now this Rachel. That’s more customers than I’ve ever seen them have.

        • Epicus Doomus

          Tony, Funky, Holly, Wally, Rachel, Adeela and sometimes Cory, that’s current as far as I know. Former employees include Les, Boy Lisa, Maddie, the night manager and probably a few I’m forgetting.

    • Charles

      Remember, Batiuk doesn’t have anything happen with his characters if it doesn’t happen within the strip itself (or if the sudden development helps him pander for awards). And because he couldn’t give any less of a shit about Rachel now that Wally’s set, and since it’s certainly nothing that’s going to garner awards from anybody, Rachel will never be getting her art certification.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Also, no one in the strip is ever allowed to get what they want, unless they’re an aspiring author, comic book creator, or high school popular girl. Even though Rachel’s career goal aligns perfectly with the only viable job in town, teaching at Westview High School. Nope! It’s off to Montoni’s with you, tertiary character who exists to be the butt of lame jokes.

        I imagine the WHS Art Department has its own version of Harry Dinkle. Rachel can take over for him after he retires due to Batiukian irony (arthritis, sudden color blindness, etc.) and then be the butt of more lame jokes as he randomly shows up in class to undermine her authority.

    • William Thompson

      She didn’t realize that Frau Frump heard it as “Bleak Friday” and held her to that word.

  2. Banana Jr. 6000

    Giving an overly specific answer in response to “confirm your location” might work as a joke. Giving an overly specific answer while leaving out your house number, apartment number, township, county, and solar system is just being a dick.

  3. William Thompson

    “Confirm my location? What am I, a Catholic?”

  4. See, if Les Moore had been the voice on on the other end, this would have been HILARIOUS. Remember when Les flaunted all those airline regulations? He was the hero we all needed.!

    • Epicus Doomus

      Coming in 2020: a series of ill-conceived Les prank phone calls leads to a rift in Les and Funky’s decades-old friendship. After eleven weeks it’s resolved after Funky apologizes to Les for overreacting after the SWAT team raid left the band box in ruins. Traditional apology pizzas are then served.

    • Hannibal's Lectern

      I assumed the missing fourth panel was Less on the other end of the call, smirking–without such a panel, this isn’t really up to the normal standards of BatHackery, as nobody in his universe ever misses an opportunity to smirk after inflicting mild annoyance on another.

      I also assumed the missing fifth panel would be Rachel, with an honest smile on her face, spitting onto the pizza as she closes up the box.

      I remarked over at CK that this is a perfect example of how BatHack turns a perfectly inoffensive and mildly smile-inducing jokelet (indeed, I smile at this every time I open a six-pack of beer from Lagunitas, which gives its address as “Petaluma, California, USA, Earth, Sol System, West Spiral Arm, Milky Way Galaxy, Local Group, Virgo Supercluster, Space”) into a “humor-rhoid.” In his pointy bald head, the purpose of a joke is not to make people chuckle; it’s to inflict a bit of inconvenience and/or misery on another human being… and that’s what he shows in this strip.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      See, if Les Moore had been the voice on the other end, this would have been HILARIOUS.

      Exactly! It depends on who’s giving the abuse and who’s taking it.

      Just compare December 28 to December 24. Holly asks a stupid question to a postal worker, and gets a snotty, pissy-faced response, while she looks embarrassed and sad. The artist is clearly implying that the postal worker is out of line. Four days later, Rachel asks a perfectly reasonable question to a customer, gets an uncalled for, unfunny, poorly conceived answer, and is powerless to do anything but make faces.

      In both cases, the abuse is going in the wrong direction.

  5. Doghouse Reilly

    Quick anecdote: Last month my mother opened a box of old papers in her house and found a paperback dictionary I used in 5th grade. On the inside cover I had written–along with my name, grade and school–my street address, city, state, country, continent, planet, solar system and galaxy. How frightening to know that at the age of 10 I had the same sense of humor as Battyuk.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      How frightening to know that at the age of 10 I had the same sense of humor as Battyuk.

      It’s OK to have a 10-year-old’s sense of humor when you’re 10. Batiuk’s problem is he never outgrew out. Except maybe to age 13, so he can be hateful towards things he doesn’t like.

  6. comicbookharriet

    Every single item on that counter looks circa 1970. I imagine the inside of that green plastic pitcher is completely brown inside from iced tea stains.

  7. Paul Jones

    The non-joke is that she thinks that an idiot is a smart-ass.It’s gotta be Les on the other end of the phone.

  8. sgtsaunders

    SOMEwhere on Center Damn Street, I guess.

  9. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Skunk Head and Beardo McMailman love to prank call Carpet McDrapey when there are no teenage boys for them to “service.”

    Missing last panel: Reds hangs up in disgust when the caller says the delivery is for Hugh Jassoll.

  10. The call is coming from inside the house! It’s Derheyy calling in from the apartment upstairs.

  11. Mark LaSalandra

    Milky Way galaxy but no house number