A Night to Never, Ever Remember

Oh, yay. Just what this strip needed. Les Moore-centric sexual jealousy. It’s like Batiuk thought “Oh, so people don’t like Les? They’re tired of Lisa’s Story: The Movie: Redux? I’ll show them! I’ll have a woman fretting and worrying about Les sleeping with someone hotter than her! I’ll force everyone to think about Les Moore’s sex life! Finally, I will have my revenge on the world that wronged me! All will suffer!” And then he cackles for ten minutes.
This is dumb and bad on so many levels. If Cayla seriously thinks the most popular girl in school slept with Les, she’s out of her mind. I mean she obviously already is, since she’s sleeping with and married to Les, but this is a whole other level. Also, given his creepy obsession with high school and blonde high schoolers, I guarantee Les would introduce himself to everyone he meets by saying “I’m Les Moore! Cindy Summers once slept with me!”. And then probably bring it up in literally every conversation thereafter.

26 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

26 responses to “A Night to Never, Ever Remember

  1. This the latest strip where my primary thought, in all honesty, is “Tom Batiuk–please seek help.”

    • spacemanspiff85

      Strips like this really make me think Batiuk passed off the writing duties a long time ago, probably to some random Kent State student, and he doesn’t pay any attention to it anymore.

  2. William Thompson

    “The little toadlicker kept me pinned down all night with his machine gun!”

  3. William Thompson

    “Les was being held in the psych ward for observation, and the doctors thought seeing me would distract him from his reflection in the window. I only planned to stay a few minutes, but they locked down the ward at six and didn’t open it until dawn.”

  4. Gerard Plourde

    Let’s take a step back before we jump to conclusions. While a retcon is not out of the realm of possibility, it’s more likely that TomBa is toying with us beedy-eyed nit pickers. He does this regularly (remember the time portal in Crazy Harry’s locker that turned out to be Les fainting at the class reunion?

  5. William Thompson

    Cayla: “Cindy says you fucked her in high school! Why didn’t you tell me?”

    Les: “My enormous modesty kept me from boasting about my greatest conquest.”

  6. billytheskink

    This is almost some Greg Evans Luann-level of dopey innuendo. Gross.

    But Cindy’s probably referring to New Years Eve of 1990:

    • comicbookharriet

      Many thanks to our mighty Grandmaster Lorekeeper!

    • Your powers of recall are simultaneously awesome and disturbing.

      I fully expect to see a half-assed photo-corner reproduction of this strip tomorrow (or later this week, if TB chooses to drag out the suspense).

    • TB really should hire you as his continuity/archivist. You’ve already demonstrated that you know his work better than he does. This is another example. Thank you for the reference.

  7. Doghouse Reilly

    In the immortal words of Mr. Cosmo Kramer, “Ye-Ye Catfight!”

  8. Banana Jr. 6000

    Seriously, Cayla? You married a man who told you you’ll always be second banana to a corpse WHILE HE WAS PROPOSING TO YOU, very much lives up to that promise, and you’re put off by this sub-Three’s Company setup? You’re honestly shocked that Les goddam Moore, a man who is at this very moment dictating the exact specifications of a shrine to another woman, might not be 100% loyal to you? You’re probably not even in his will.

    And what the hell is your game, little miss High School Popularity Rules? Again, you should be the voice of sanity here. You knew Les in high school. You know he was the school punching bag who threw himself at a teenaged rape victim because it’s the only way he’d ever get a girl. Why are you causing friction in the marriage of a man who, at this very moment, your husband is desperately trying to convince to sign on the dotted line? Why would you volunteer a fact that would be devastating to the high school popularity you so desperately cling to?

    • William Thompson

      Because this will give Creepy Les yet another excuse to kill the deal, and dump the blame on somebody else in the process? “Cayla! I had no idea that you’re so jealous that you would demand this just to keep Cindy from becoming known as the one-night paramour of an Oscar-winning author!” (Is that big enough to fill one of Batiuk’s word zeppelins?)

  9. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “Friends? Oh, hell no! Everybody hated him!”

  10. Paul Jones

    Batiuk can’t wrap his head around the idea of people growing up, can he? I mean, he’s got Cindy being the same thoughtless shit-disturber she was forty years ago when the sensible thing would be to say nothing more than “No. We weren’t. His late wife was more popular and everyone looked down on her so….”

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      But Batiuk’s not even true to that characterization. If Cindy’s going to cling to high school social rules, why does she have any respect for this nerd, and his sick relationship?

      Hell, this story would be more interesting if Cindy was actively opposed to the movie. It needs an antagonist. And a plot.

  11. AmigoLupus

    Oh my satan, this is going to be like that Mary Worth storyline where Toby thought Ian was sleeping with someone and spent weeks fretting to even talk about it. Worst case scenario is we get weeks of Cayla wondering if Les loves her or if he did sleep with Cindy, and ending with some marriage-affirming bullshit that somehow ties back to Cancerwife.

    And because this has Les Moore in it, the storyline would last longer than the 5 weeks Batiuk did for Bull’s CTE suicide “arc”.

  12. Count of Tower Grove

    BWAWHAWHAWHAW! It’s funny because Masone Jarre is the caboose on a long train!

  13. Professor Fate

    Even if they had, as the kids today say, ‘hooked up’ (doubtful of course because its so damn obvious that the author is going for a ‘wacky misunderstanding gag’ here – Ha! Ha! That wacky Cayla thinks they had sex! – seriously just shoot me now. ) they were what 17 then? And they are now what in their mid fifties? Lets say they are oh 55 (of course Funky is drawn much older and Cindy looks like she bathes it the blood of virgins but to heck with that for the moment) so this was a one time thing from (checks calculator because my brain is mush this am) THIRTY EIGHT YEARS AGO. Let met say that again: Thirty eight years ago. Why anyone would care is beyond me. It would seem the Author thinks people would care but he’s a special case locked forever into thinking high school is the be all and end all of life. That and comic books and hot coco. Honesty it’s a disturbing world view to contemplate.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      I think billytheskink is right – this is a reference to an ancient, minor story arc that Batiuk expects people to remember. He did the same thing during the alleged CTE arc, referencing Les attempting to play football for a week in 1979.

  14. Charles

    Man, this is like a dream week for Batiuk.

    He gets to do three things that he loves doing. He’s talking up the “Nice Guy” dork who really would be great to go out with, you hot yet spiteful high school bitches, if you only gave him a chance. He gets to lionize Les specifically, both by having the hot chick from his high school class talk fondly about how she “spent the night with him”, and by having his hot wife (notice how she’s kind of a photo negative Cindy) accept this premise and start to get jealous over it. Don’t worry, though. Cayla will eventually come around to the idea that Les is just the greatest thing ever by the end of this.

    And lastly, he gets to mail most of this week in by talking about and then running a rerun. If it had pizza and comic books, it’d be Batiuk nirvana.

  15. Mela

    Don’t Cindy and Cayla already know each other? Why would she ask this now instead of when they first met, when it would have been more plausible?