An Object At Rest

Link to today’s strip

We are well and truly frozen in time this week. The janitor hasn’t moved, Becky and Dinkle are still in the band room. The joke is still nonsensical. (Squirrels aren’t nuts. Nuts are nuts. Squirrels eat nuts. I guess if you are what you eat..FORGET IT. THERE IS LITERALLY NO POINT.)

See what you did there Batiuk? You made me type in ALL CAPS. Like Terry Pratchett’s DEATH. Or like an elderly woman texting who can’t read her own phone screen.

Not even the coffee cup has moved. Dinkle’s coffee cup. Which he keeps in the band room as a way of marking his territory. Like leaving a coat on a chair, or purse on a pew, or a dog pissing on a couch. It hasn’t moved in years. The top of that piano must look like someone’s old Spirograph art.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to “An Object At Rest

  1. William Thompson

    Lady, I know nuts, and you don’t have what it takes to be nuts.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Sigh. What the odds that he somehow ties this all together in the end? A million to one? A billion? A Funkzillion? That’s a zero followed by one million million zeroes, by the way. In an equation it’s the blank spaces between all the numbers.

    Coming next week: A five week arc commences where Funky compares owning a pizzeria to being a doorknob after seeing a Youtube tutorial on doorknob replacements.

  3. billytheskink

    TB’s Editor: Squirrel gags, eh? I guess there is some material there. What do you know about squirrels?

    TB: They eat nuts, I think.

    TB’s Editor: Yeah, OK, they do that. Anything else?

    TB: No… YES! They don’t just eat nuts, they ARE nuts. Literally, they are plant seeds that grow squirrel trees, which makes them just like music educators!

    TB’s Editor: That doesn’t make any…

    TB: No, it’ll be great! Dinkle will read this book about squirrels and then recap it for Becky and… wait a second… I don’t have an editor!

    TB’s Editor: *vanishes into the aether*

  4. William Thompson

    Twice, now, Batiuk has implied that there’s a better, funnier punch line to the “joke,” Eventually he’s going to have to put that one in the open for us. Either that or show a scene where the janitor reveals he’s a scientific observer, and Westview is an experiment in what happens when you place ignorant narcissists in an enclosed society.

    • A Lurking Lurker

      It’s going to be Schrodinger’s Punchline, existing in a perpetual state of funny/not funny for all eternity and we’ll never know the truth.

      (We know the odds are pretty good for which way it’d turn out though…)

  5. Doghouse Reilly

    I hate to be the one to break it to you, Dinkleberg and Lefty, but the simple truth is NO ONE ever thinks about music teachers. Music teachers do not figure in any way in the vast majority of any adults’ lives worldwide. They do not even loom large in the consciousness of most school-age children, save the few who still have music classes, or are in band, choir, or glee club. And for that matter, they haven’t been noticed by Hollywood since “Glee” went off the air, or on the big screen since Mr. Holland worked on his opus a quarter-century ago.
    Only within the sad little worlds of your Band Room of Solitude, the “band practice” (football) field, and at those music educators’ conferences will your pathetic attempts at meaningfulness offer you the slightest iota of solace. You might as well let the squirrels gather you up and bury you now.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      NO ONE ever thinks about music teachers.

      Or pizzeria owners. Or comic book collectors. Or comic book creators. Or comic book store employees. Or artist’s business relationships with publishing syndicates. Or the importance of high school in your late 40s. Or, worst of all, the horrible pain of someone wanting to make a big Hollywood movie about your 13-years-dead cancer wife. And even if they did, these subjects are all treated so vacuously as to be devoid of any insight.

  6. Paul Jones

    Friday means more stalling before he makes his triie, banal and ham-fisted point about his meaningless life.

  7. Gerard Plourde

    If this is how he’s planning to stretch things out to reach the 50th anniversary, we’ve got a long slog ahead.

  8. William Thompson

    Is this going to end with that old candy-commercial jingle? “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t?” I will leave the inappropriate imagery to your horrified imaginations.

    • Doghouse Reilly

      Can’t be. That ad jingle was for Mounds and Almond Joy, and everyone knows there’s no Joy of any kind to be found in Westview.

  9. What are the chances that both the Friday and Saturday strip contain both words “squirrels” and “nuts”?

    Seriously, 2020 has been an A3G level quality slide for FW.

  10. I think I know what has happened. Zanzibar has taken over the writing of the strip.

    • Count of Those Grove

      As rational as any explanation.

    • billytheskink

      Probably, and unfortunately true. But things could be a lot better even if TB is outsourcing his writing to primates. It wouldn’t take 999 more Zanzibars with 999 more typewriters to improve on this…

      • Well, if you had a million monkeys, they’d be writing Shakespeare. For Funky Winkerbean, one monkey will do.

        One monkey who has been drinking, has the TV on, is playing a game on the PC, and has his nagging ex on speakerphone is more than enough.

        • Epicus Doomus

          It’s like he’s pulling random words out of a hat. “Dinkle, book, squirrel”. Next week might be “Wally, coat, dishwasher” or “Les, Lisa, smug”. Oh, wait, that second one is really more of a template.

  11. hitorque

    1. Who the hell thinks music teachers are “nuts”? Les has shown more nutty behavior in class than the two of them combined… So has Bull, for that matter (you will remember he substituted Chullo Kid into a football game against BWT wearing a full mascot uniform, which was probably the time he should have been put in a white jacket and carted off to a “facility”)


  12. Professor Fate

    1) Really this arc is the equal of any of the Author’s pervious excursions in to Dadaist anti-narrative storytelling. There is an absurd Waiting for Godot quality to these “so music teachers are like squirrels because x? Well that is true but not what I was thinking about” exchanges. To be honest it would be impressive if he was doing this on purpose rather than failing about trying to drag a one day premise out to a week.
    2) Once again Dinkle’s face in the last panel is hideous. One starts to think that the person drawing this strip HATES this character.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Again, this feels like an actual attempt at anti-humor. Most of the time FW’s third panel is everyone smirking at lame, obvious punchlines, but here he’s omitting the attempt and just prolonging the conversation with empty words. There’s no attempt at resolution or even continuation.

      It all seems like some kind of troll, which Batiuk is executing about as well as he does everything else.