Zeno’s Janitor.

Link to today’s strip

We come closer and closer and closer to the point, and yet we never arrive. Because there’s always one more lame rodent pun to make. At least I have a faint, unenthusiastic, hope that this week we’ll actually have a dull dud of a conclusion. Though last week watching Funky panic over nothing like a deer on meth was more fun to look at. It was stupid, but it was weirdly energetic.

This week makes a little more sense, but all for the worse. We only have Becky, and Dinkle, and Mr. Janitor Man. Mr. Janitor, who stares at the floor with a soul crushing grimace, somewhere between pain and boredom. Inching his way past the band room one agonizing day at a time, sweeping up the trash.

This week, we are all the janitor.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

19 responses to “Zeno’s Janitor.

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Why, I’m old enough to remember when Tom Batiuk only needed three panels to tell a joke. Now, sadly, he needs six days and even then it’s iffy at best. I almost actually want to see how he ties this all together but on the other hand I sort of don’t, you know? I mean I guess it’ll be something to the effect of “planting the seed of music” and a dig at how shitty most of the kids in the band are, but meh.

  2. billytheskink

    Oh, what a timely reference to Kung Fu from Dinkle, a television show that is as old as this comic strip. It was a reference my parents had to explain to me when I saw it on the loading screen of Virtua Fighter Remix, a video game that is now old enough to rent a car in most states.

    What’s worse is that it is reference I would rather enjoy had it not come from the mouth of a Funky Winkerbean character. Especially Dinkle.

  3. William Thompson

    If Lefty shows any more patience, she’ll be the guest of honor at an autopsy.

  4. Doghouse Reilly

    Man, that’s a lot of throw-up-absorbing-sawdust that school janitor “Broom” Bushka has been sweeping up this week. Must have been due to students walking by the Band Room, hearing the inane conversation going on inside, and upchucking in disgust.

  5. Paul Jones

    His reasoning is flawed. Squirrels don’t take six days to tell Dad jokes.

  6. Banana Jr. 6000

    Oh, f*ck you, Dinkle. NOW you tell us this is all just inching towards some incredibly lame payoff. You know, she’s been the band director for 12 years, your insipid observation that some students take root and others don’t or whatever isn’t news to her.

    Becky exists only to be demeaned. Dinkle patronizes her, undermines her, wastes her time, never actually helps her, and invites himself along on trips as if a 46-year-old woman needs a chaperone. Her husband Skunk Head John apparently can’t pry himself away from Fantastic Four #1 long enough to accompany his wife on a two-hour trip in support of her actual career. Then again, in the Funkyverse, a comic book store employee is probably the family breadwinner.

    • AmigoLupus

      With the way Dinkle keeps being a patronizing jackass and latching onto her, wouldn’t this count as workplace harassment? Becky took over his job and he’s semi(?)-retired, so there’s really no good reason for her to just stand there and have this asshole waste her time with his shitty jokes for years.

      Man, remember when TomBat tried to make A Point with Ruby and all her tales of workplace misogyny as if he thinks he’s being a feminist for doing a story like that? But the way Tom writes women in his comic proves he doesn’t believe any of that. Like how the female victim of Zanzibar’s murder wasn’t even a footnote in that story, or how Lena is constantly bullied at work by Crankshaft, or how Linda was sidelined in her own goddamn story to make it all about Les, or how Cayla and Cindy finally got a chance to talk except it’s about Les or how men only like women for their looks.

      It really leaves an awful taste in the mouth.

  7. Gerard Plourde

    Since this arc is moving glacially to its drawn-out conclusion, my attention has drifted to a question that I’ve entertained whenever a Becky arc runs. Could a one-armed person actually do the job of a musical conductor, a job that requires use of the hands and arms to communicate? I can’t find any examples.

    • I just had a horrible thought. Slot machines in Las Vegas used to be (and may still be) called “One-armed bandits.” Do you think Batiuk giving Becky the job of band director is just a poorly-thought out pun?

      As for one-armed conductors, I don’t know, but there was Paul Wittgenstein, a pianist who lost his right arm in WWI. He commissioned several well-known composers to write works for the left hand only, and he continued to have a successful career.

    • comicbookharriet

      I can’t find any real life one armed band teachers, though there are plenty of one armed musicians playing everything from guitar to sax without prosthesis. Was Becky on the trombone? That seems to be one of the easiest to learn one handed with the correct equipment.

      As far as being a teacher. You can keep time with one hand, and you could train your band to also watch for your head movements as a cue when to come in or take direction. Also, most high school band students are too buried in the sheet music to actually pay attention to the director telling them to be louder or quieter.

  8. See my comment earlier this week about squirrels dashing 90% of the way across a road, only to panic and double back, dashing to their original side rather than take a risk-free 10% and complete their goal.

    Remove the “panic” and the idea that the goal had a point, and you have Tom Batiuk.

  9. Count of Tower Grove

    “NUTS.” BG Anthony McAuliffe 101st Airborne Division, Bastogne, December 22, 1944.

  10. Banana Jr. 6000

    Why is marching band such a constant topic in Funky Winkerbean, when the strip hasn’t been about high school kids in almost 30 years?

    Having a crazy band director as part of the cast made sense in Act I, when the main characters were teenagers who had to deal with him. Now that it’s about the life and times of sad-sack 46-year-olds, it doesn’t anymore. Dinkle’s an artifact.

    And even if Dinkle wasn’t an artifact, he’s lost everything that once made him interesting. His over-the-top obsessiveness captured something real about band directors. Now he’s just another old, boring narcissist aimlessly prattling on about his one interest and making crappy puns.

    • Count of Tower Grove

      Most of these sad sacks are now in their sixties. Dinkle pushing eighty.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        I don’t think they’re quite that old. As I understand it, at the end of Act I, Batiuk set the main cast’s graduation year at 1988. So Les, Funky, Holly, dead Lisa, Bull Bushka, Linda, Cindy, Jessica, etc., would all be born in or near 1970, and therefore about 50 now. Lisa was pregnant with Darin at this time, which would make him about 32 now. We don’t know Dinkle’s exact age in Act I, but based his on his appearance now, he’s about 75 and would have been 42 in Act I.

  11. hitorque

    I’m done… If Batiuk is going to just phone it in today I will too…

    We’ve been putting more effort into our snark than he has into the actual strip…

  12. Professor Fate

    “Nothing happens. Nobody comes, nobody goes. It’s awful”. – Waiting for Godot.

  13. A Lurking Lurker

    Is he implying that band directors eat 25% of their students?