They’re Jewish, Get It?

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You know, last week after Batiuk went out of his way to make sure you knew the guys pulling the strings in Hollywood were Jewish, I wondered why Batiuk didn’t just have Bernie’s dad be an executive. And it sure looks like that’s where things are headed. Although it’s possible Batiuk just forgot Silver was Bernie’s last name. Someone last week stated that Batiuk clearly isn’t a racist. Maybe not, but the macaque strip and now two straight weeks of “Jews run Hollywood” don’t help things.  I am very, very grateful Les never did take Cayla to China.
This might possibly be the least warranted “smug Les face” I can remember seeing. What is he so smug about? The fact that Mason has the gumption to ask for a cucumber sandwich? Baituk can’t even keep his own writing coherent. As was already pointed out, I really don’t think someone who seems to be set up as the equivalent of Chris Pratt or Tom Cruise would just sit quietly in a waiting room until someone gets around to see him, and I really don’t think Les should be shocked that Mason would ask for a sandwich.
This does carry on the long Batiuk tradition of people being smug jerks to people who’ve literally done them nothing wrong and are just doing their jobs, though.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

38 responses to “They’re Jewish, Get It?

  1. billytheskink

    Two goys, a girl, and a waste of space.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    First it took him forever to get to The Big Pitch Meeting. Now it’s nothing but Big Pitch Meetings. And, as usual, phones seem to play no role in the Funkyverse, at least not lately.

    • Count of Tower Grove

      Perhaps Todd and Ayers have read so many posts saying “who the fuck holds a phone (or pizza slices) like that?”

  3. Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

    Say, is Vivian Sparkling Water the name of an up-and-coming young starlet who’s under studio contract and is obliged to service the star in their trailer at all times?

    • justifiable

      HA HA, it’s funny because it’s a clever riff on Evian Sparkling Water! No, really, it’s clever! And funny! Is Masonne planning on bring his sammie with him into the meeting, or just make everyone wait until he’s done eating it in the outer office?

      What’s fucking ridiculous is that this is exactly the sort of tiresome demand that stars actually have written into in their contracts – and if not, it’s their agents who get on the horn to the front office, not the stars themselves. Masonne Jerkke Jarre demanding to have exactly what the other actor has makes it pretty clear that whether he’s the star or an executive producer in this turkey, he’ll still be an insecure pissy little bitch who’ll be impossible to work with.

  4. William Thompson

    “Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Jaray, but the boss is expecting a visit from a famous actor and a renowned author.”

    “That’s us!”

    “Seriously, Mr. Jaray? Well, just remember our motto–Practice Makes Perfect!”

  5. William Thompson

    “And a sour pickle for my friend to suck on!”

  6. William Thompson

    Okay, so just how trayf is a ham actor like Mason Jarre?

  7. Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

    As I also meant to say…

    So, here we are a week later, and the pitch meetings have progressed to the point that Masonne is about to get himself a tasty cucumber sandwich. Maybe by Memorial Day he and Less will be sharing a meal at the famed Brown Derby with Sol Mendelbaum, Barry Goldfish, and the gang from Mogen David Studios. Oy gevalt!

  8. justifiable

    I just want to know who the hell claimed that Batiuk “clearly isn’t a racist.” Because that’s fucking bullshit.

    • Epicus Doomus

      I honestly don’t think he is. I think it’s more a matter of only knowing one way to write…the stupid way. It tends to lead to a lot of ham-handedness.

      • justifiable

        I don’t think I’ve ever disagreed with anything you’ve written before, but IMO that’s an enabling excuse. You have to be more than “ham-handed” to think catch phrases involving monkeys and apes applied to a black woman isn’t just hideously inappropriate, but so funny that you really expect it to become part of the lexicon – you’d literally have had to live under a rock since 2008 to be that oblivious. If Todd truly is that unaware that Michelle Obama was called “an ape in heels” by a WV woman who claimed that no way was that a racist remark, he’s also got a much younger editor whose job it is to know better.

        There’s actual stupidity, and then there’s institutionalized racism that insulates and protects people like Todd from their own not-so-casual bias – their notion of a racist is the KKK or Nazis or screaming people outside of Little Rock school, and by gosh, that sure as heck isn’t them. Todd isn’t writing “the stupid way” – he’s writing like an old privileged white guy who doesn’t see that the stereotypes he’s thoughtlessly promoting, from “Hershey Barr” the rapper, to an exec putting a Hispanic son in Lust for Lisa so that Fox can pick it up if it tanks at CME, to a Jew in every Hollywood studio Less and Masonne pitch to, are bigoted as fuck.
        They’re endings that need to be urned.

        • Rusty Shackleford

          No, you have this all wrong. He is a typical Kent State boomer liberal. (This week he will set up his memorial for 4 dead in Ohio).

          Cayla was shoe horned in so as to prove Batty’s leftist bonafides.

          The remarks he made are due to laziness and the fact that he has no editor. Laziness is how those remarks came to be, and since there is no editor, these potentially inflammatory words made it to press.

          Batty may be a lot of things, but he is no racist.

          • justifiable

            Being a “boomer liberal” isn’t an inoculation against having racial bias. White people in this country have an internalized racist worldview because it’s impossible not to, and they’re hostile and defensive as hell when it comes to even considering it. If KS boomer liberal-types had zero investment in a racist system that served them well, then why weren’t all their kids on the buses to desegregate schools? You can be liberal in the abstract, but when push comes to shove, most people fold and embrace a system that benefits them personally.

            If Cayla was shoehorned in a Guess-Who’s-Coming-To-Dinner way to prove how not-a-racist ol’ inclusive Todd is, then why do her current features, hair and skin color bear zero resemblance to the original character, so that she’s now a homogenized slightly-tanned clone of Cindy Summers?

            “Lazy thinking” or “laziness” means a failure to question your biases and beliefs – the more consistent with your beliefs an concept is, the less likely you are to challenge it. Todd apparently believes there’s a Jew running every Hollywood studio, that Hispanics actually wanting programs that are targeted toward their demographic is something to snicker at, and that no one sexually assaults women unless they’re young and hot. To blame his editor because people got to see these “potentially inflammatory words,” while failing to call the person who actually produced them to account makes no sense.

        • Epicus Doomus

          I once had a very large deaf cat who’d climb on tables and knock things over with his tail. He didn’t know he was doing it and it wasn’t deliberate, he was just large and deaf. That cat was like TomBan.

          Like with Act III Les. I genuinely don’t think he has any idea how detestable Les is, it’s not intentional. He thinks Les is “sensitive” and (forgive me) “sweet”. He sees “awwwww”, we see “ewwwwww”.

    • Christopher Robin

      At least Masonnaise didn’t ask for a ham & swiss.

    • William Thompson

      I think it’s a white-privilege thing. He has the luxury of not knowing how bad he looks, of working for people who don’t have a problem with that, and not needing to exert himself to tell better stories.

      • Gerard Plourde

        I think that it probably is unconscious white privilege. He lives in a town of about 27,000 residents that, according to the 2010 census was 93.3% white and 3.1% African American (less than 840 residents). He could literally go days on end seeing and interacting only with white people. Given his cluelessness and lack of curiosity on other matters (readily apparent in the strip, which provides almost endless grist for our mills) this fits right in.

    • (Raises hand) That was me. Your points are well taken, and I’ll even go along with your description of TB as an “old privileged white guy” who doesn’t know better. The last thing I want is to get into any kind of serious debate here (I learned my lesson during the Global Warming Kerfuffle of 2012), but I respectfully stand by what I said. Nobody got hurt by Batiuk giving an imaginary rapper the name “Hershey Barr,” Thank you for reading and commenting.

      • gleeb

        How about all those “I Chong” strips, some of which he’s written within the last decade, so it’s not just a provincial kid from suburban Ohio?

      • spacemanspiff85

        I think it’s more his just generally being out of touch than anything else, really. I don’t think he really means anything by it, it’s just that it’s extremely obvious he doesn’t think about how other people view what he writes, and hasn’t for the past five or so years, at least. When you write a whole arc about two dorks going to a Flash museum and buying a dolly, or have Buck hit on his dead friend’s widow and then make it seem like he’s a great catch and she’s sad she can’t be with him, clearly you’re either not stopping to think about how that comes off, or you don’t really care. So it’s kind of inevitable that he’d include racial elements that come off badly, even if he doesn’t mean it.
        Honestly what baffles me more is how editors don’t catch this stuff. Batiuk might be oblivious to how it appears, but I’m just shocked that someone else wouldn’t read this before it’s printed and think “maybe let’s reword calling the black woman a macaque, or maybe not give all the Hollywood executives obvious Jewish names, or maybe let’s not have Ed Crankshaft tell a woman she doesn’t need to worry about being sexually assaulted because she’s too old and unattractive (sorry, that one is still especially amazing to me)”. If you told me whoever was supposed to be reviewing and editing Batiuk’s strips had died ten years ago and nobody has noticed yet, it would explain an awful lot.

        • Christopher Robin

          Well, but… what do you call people who need to take active effort to remember that people outside their own demographic are not abnormal — whose default, unexamined thoughts about others are derogatory stereotypes?

        • justifiable

          “I don’t think he really means anything by it.”

          And that’s the problem. “Racism” for most white people means an intentional, conscious act of malice, which means they never need to examine if the possibility exists in themselves any further; they can claim racial innocence in a society that’s anything but devoid of it. It also means Batiuk has a permission slip to keep on pushing “racial elements that come off badly” [do they ever come off favorably?] or biased stereotypes and notions that spring from his core biases and beliefs, because he’s just “out of touch” or “writes stupidly” or somehow just doesn’t know any better. It means his not having to be held accountable for the pain he might have caused anyone by that macaque exchange, or thinking no harm was done by giving a rapper a name that’s synonymous with chocolate, because it’s too uncomfortable to consider otherwise.
          Not having to consider any other POV other than one that’s white, without really asking yourself what that means, is exactly what white privilege is. So when you state that Batiuk “doesn’t think about how other people view what he writes,” you never wrote a truer word – he doesn’t have to, so he never will.

          When several papers refused to run that gobsmacking Crankshaft rape whistle strip, they held the person who wrote it accountable, and not his editors for failing to riding herd on Batiuk’s misogyny. He didn’t do it intentionally, in a conscious, malicious act designed to hurt women, but he caused pain nonetheless. Does that make him any less of a misogynist?

      • justifiable

        No disrespect intended on my part, either. I happen to disagree with you, but hopefully I presented my reasons without sticking a finger in anyone’s eye.

  9. Christopher Robin

    Ha ha, it’s funny because she said cucumber sandwiches on the phone, so he… asked for a cucumber sandwich… and that makes sense because… um… yeah, no, I got nothing. Less sure seems to think it’s clever AF though.

    Say Tom, you think next time you could try thinking up a fake name that parodies a brand of sparkling water? Or would that mean too much research?

  10. Hitorque

    Am I the only one who has never heard of a cucumber sandwich?

    • Christopher Robin

      I like cucumber sandwiches, I just didn’t get where the “joke” was in Masonne asking for one, until justifiable explained it.

      • Christopher Robin

        Err, that was a bit oblique as a response to your actual question, wasn’t it? I think it’s bedtime for me. Why is it that I always make the biggest flubs in formats with no edit / delete option?

        • justifiable

          Join the club – my first comment ever here was largely in italics because I’d left out the forward slash needed to end it, so I looked like a prime idiot.

    • justifiable

      It’s not anything you’d be likely to find on a restaurant menu in this country – you’d find them served at an upper-class British afternoon tea. Think dainty thinly sliced cucumbers on tiny little triangles of buttered white bead with the crusts cut off.

  11. Paul Jones

    Not only do we get an unreflective repetition of an old canard, we watch Mason line up behind a million suck-ups trying to curry favour with someone.

  12. Banana Jr. 6000

    We’re doing the “he’s on a call, would you like a sparkling water” bit again? Is that going to be every Monday for the next month?

  13. Can't Look Away

    I hear Tom is suing the Harold Ramis estate for the Groundhog Day money – Tom INVENTED the concept

  14. Banana Jr. 6000

    And I don’t think a lowly receptionist would be handling the diva’s request, beyond answrring the phone. The receptionist would route the request to the craft services manager, or whoever’s job it is to keep the studio’s
    stars happy.

  15. Hannibal’s Lectern

    Since it hasn’t been mentioned here, and I don’t have to use roundabout language to evade the CK nannybot…

    Is “Sparkling Vivian Water” code for a golden shower from Ethel Mertz? If so, is it the most specialized fetish ever invented?

    • Epicus Doomus

      No nannybot here. The only rules are: no politics, no personal attacks (that includes the guy who writes this thing, whatshisname, that guy), stay on topic and if you think your post might be “over the line” it probably is. Otherwise enjoy!