Chemical Snore Fare

Link To The Latest Breaking Lisa News

Awww, how adorable. Cindy will graciously refrain from being a psychotic, jealous, sexually-threatened shrew while her husband does his job. How very thoughtful of her. Why she needs to be involved in the cancer movie is another question entirely, but that’s just how things work in the Funkyverse. By the time this is over Pete will be “head writer”, Boy Lisa will be “storyboarding” it and Funky will be running craft services, from Ohio, via Skype.

You don’t normally see a lot of cleavage in the strip. Not that I’m demanding more, mind you, in fact quite the opposite is true. But, for reasons only known to him and probably best left unexplored, he had to make sure to remind readers that Cindy is still hot, just in case we somehow missed every Cindy arc since her ignominious Act III return. The characters in this strip “grow” more slowly than stalagmites.

In case you’re counting, “Cindy is jealous over Mason’s co-star” is the sixth old arc he’s mentioned over the last four weeks. It’s officially a trend now and not just a weird FW anomaly. Someone’s wallowing in nostalgia again, why is anyone’s guess. It seems that having an excuse to use Lisa again sort of jump-started his interest a little, which had been noticeably waning over the last, uh, five years or so. Sigh.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

34 responses to “Chemical Snore Fare

  1. billytheskink

    Cindy saw the Les-Lisa “romance” happen up close and in real life. She’s probably so comfortable she could take a nap.

  2. William Thompson

    Only an idiot would think Les can be comfortable with any actress playing Lisa. Which is why this conversation involves Mason and Cindy.

  3. William Thompson

    In a slightly more realistic universe, Cindy is saying “FFS, Mason, I’m a big girl and I know it’s called acting!” In a reality-based universe this conversation wouldn’t happen at all, because it is a silly thing.

    • Hitorque

      Except for that infamous time she actually DID ruin a scene just to stop her husband from kissing his co-star…

      • batgirl

        But that was in the Funkiverse, not the hypothetical more realistic universe. That quarter-inch from reality must take a detour through the multiverse to reach the Funkiverse.

  4. Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

    So, now it’s Cindy’s turn to do “jazz hands,” in panel three? Is this a weekly thing all of a sudden?

    “I promise not to yell ‘cut’ in the middle of a scene…”? Why in God’s name would you even be on the set in the first place, Cindy? This sort of thing almost cost Ingrid Bergman the co-lead in “Casablanca,” as Humphrey Bogart’s jealous then-wife, Mayo Methot, became convinced Bergman was trying to lure Bogey away from her and stalked her at the studio.

    All the nonsense of the past few weeks would be worth it, though, if this latest arc of the maybe-it’ll-be-over-sometime-in-2021 “Lisa’s Story: The Movie 2: LesMoore Boogaloo” saga climaxes on Saturday with Les himself showing up at the reads in a blonde wig, after he decides that he and only he has the emotional gravitas to portray Dead St. Lisa on the screen. “Now, shut up and kiss me, Masonne!”

    • William Thompson

      This arc will only end when Batiuk has Les kill the movie. The movie can’t be made because then Batiuk would have to give up his varied obsessions with making the most perfect movie about the most perfect story ever. Even if he describes the movie as a turkey, he’d have to face the fact that no studio would film an instant remake.

      • Epicus Doomus

        I think he will make it this time. My guess is that he’s going to drag this out right up to the 50th anniversary, which will be a Sunday strip featuring The Gang attending the premiere, with Lisa looking down from above. Then on Monday the strip will abruptly shift to an arc about Funky jogging followed by a four week arc about Pete and Mindy’s wedding plans. The movie will never be mentioned again.

        • I think Les will torpedo it. That Rip Tide cover Batiuk is threatening will be called “Escape from the Maelstrom!” and there’ll be a corner with Les saying, “That goodness we’re out of that mess, Lisa.”

          • Epicus Doomus

            You guys may very well be correct, I could definitely see it. The Big 50th Anniversary Grand Finale theory is a little too ambitious, but then again he is on a major Lisa jag here, so I dunno. If Les does bag the project it’s not going to happen soon, though, there’s no way he’s letting Lisa go again that easily.

            But then again, the Rip Tide cover could have a reality bubble with Pete telling Boy Lisa “next time we’ll just order your pens online”.

  5. Hitorque

    1. This is what passes for “maturity” in the Funkyverse, when a 58-year-old woman gives a half-hearted promise to her husband to *not* act like a 14 year old and ruin his flow when he’s trying to work…

    2. It’s funny because she’s worked in broadcast media for decades but the moviemaking process still needs to be fully explained to her like she’s a first grader

    2a. Extra credit to Masone not seeing his wife’s jealous paranoia as the big honking red flag that it is…

    3. I’ve pointed out the weirdness of reverse aging Cindye a thousand times, so let’s skip it

    4. I’m going to keep on asking until I get an answer: Where is Marianne Winters?

    • Epicus Doomus

      I hate Insecure Ditz Cindy, as she was never especially insecure and or ditzy before. She was the super-popular trend-setting snob, not the weird needy psycho girlfriend. She supposed to be a “winner”, not some dude’s dumb comic foil. Bringing her back at all was a really dumb mistake, but that describes Act III as a whole, so there you go.

      • Hitorque

        Marrying her off to a vain, dimwitted movie star (who presumably had infinitely better options to choose from) and giving her the perpetual face and body of a 22-year-old when classmates like Bull and Crazy Larry became worn out soulless husks and Funky+Holly already have one foot in the grave was definitely a mistake…

        How much you wanna bet Cindye gets preggers next year at age 60?

  6. Charles

    That’s certainly a couch belonging to a hugely successful multi-millionaire, all right. I think he got it from a liquidation sale for a hotel off the interstate in rural Oklahoma, or something.

    Anyway, I didn’t think that Marianne would be the actress to portray Lisa, simply because with the way this is playing out, that means that Mason pulled one over on Les. He only gave Les the illusion of control but was only manipulating him. This crashes up against Batiuk’s laziness that mandates that it’s Marianne because it keeps him from having to create another character. But now I’m coming around to the idea that this will either bring Mason around to Les’s thinking, or will bring Les around to Mason’s thinking, almost certainly the latter. Les will see a bunch of actresses and will reject them for stupid and petty reasons, having nothing to do with their acting ability or anything they actually do in the reads with Mason. But then a perfect candidate steps up and Les is stunned that this woman is a perfect candidate and when she takes off the wig, it’s Marianne, thus resolving this stupid conflict. (I mean, she’s modest! She looks like Summer! She kissed Crazy Harry at Comic Con! She loved the idea of holding the Starbuck Jones premiere in Asshole, Ohio! She lives with her mom! How much more wholesome and unpretentious could Les possibly expect?)

    Or Batiuk goes full into Crazytown and Summer inexplicably shows up and is immediately cast as Lisa. Would give her something to do, at least.

    • justifiable

      Let’s just say that no one who’s successful at anything would even sit on a sofa that looks like that, let alone actually own it.

      • Rusty Shackleford

        I had nicer furniture in my run down college house. We found our couch in the neighbors trash and brought it over.

        So this is just Batty reminiscing about his old KSU days by throwing in an Easter egg. It’s this attention to stupidity that keeps us old timers coming back for more!

    • billytheskink

      Is no one concerned that their end table is a tree stump?

    • Epicus Doomus

      I’ll be stunned if there isn’t a “L-L-Lisa????” moment re: Marianne. It’s so perfectly Batiukian and it’s definitely simplistic and dumb enough to pass FW muster.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Supposedly this happened on the set of Man In The Moon, when Jim Carrey got into character as Andy Kaufman. Kaufman’s real family was stunned at how much Carrey looked and acted like the real Andy. He also stayed in character for the entire shoot and was obnoxious to work with.

    • William Thompson

      There is only one person who is worthy enough to play Dead Fucking Lisa. You’ll see her at 2:51 in this clip:

      She’s the perfect Batiukian female. She doesn’t even speak!

      • Charles

        Thing is, Lisa was the exception to the whole “the best Batiuk woman is a silent woman” thing. She smarmed all over the place and Batiuk loved her for it. Imagine Les without the self-loathing but with all the ego and you’d get Lisa.

        Summer also doesn’t tie into the silent woman conceit primarily because she’s Lisa’s daughter.

        • Epicus Doomus

          The whole gag with Summer was that she was sort of the anti-Les. All of her mother’s positive traits and the opposite of her dad’s. Self-assured, popular, great at sports.

          • Charles

            Batiuk also repeated that gag with Jinx and Bull. She was smart. Bull was an idiot. She was unathletic. Bull was a college athlete. She was smug. Bull was befuddled.

            It’s a shame that Batiuk didn’t run that with Crazy and Maddie, instead making Maddie a clone of her stupid-ass father.

  7. justifiable

    This is all flavors of fuckwitted since whether Masonne has chemistry with whomever is NOT the issue for pissyface Less. Presumably Jarrehead has oodles of spark with Marianne WintersSummers in no less than two Starfuck Jones films, yet Less is still adamantly opposed to her playing Lisa.

    Less wants Lisa to be perfectly imitated, or not at all – and if Todd had any imagination, Less would instantly fall in love with the one woman who could convincingly act being a nonentity with no personality opposite Masonne.

  8. Paul Jones

    And here we go again with Cindy being the exact same person she was in high school. No character growth, no wisdom gained from experience, just more being a high school mean girl. Yuck.

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    I just had a horrible thought. You don’t suppose these “chemistry reads” are testing for chemistry WITH LES?! As opposed to the actor who’s playing Les?

  10. justifiable

    “Actresses”? Really, Todd? Do you refer to women in the medical field as “lady doctors”? If you aren’t calling Lillian an “authoress,” then they’re actors, you dinosaur.

  11. Rusty Shackleford

    Five years ago in June, Batty was doing a story about Cindy. She looked older then.

  12. Banana Jr. 6000

    That “Cindy yells cut” strip was one of the stupidest things this strip has ever done (and I know that’s saying a lot). First of all, anyone who did that would be thrown off the set so hard they’d land in Nevada. For someone who works in television, it might even have career repercussions. Most importantly, getting jealous over kissing is a DeGrassi High plot, not something that 50-year-olds do. More evidence that everyone in this world has severe maturity problems. So of course Batiuk wants to revisit it, like it’s one of his greatest hits.

  13. Banana Jr. 6000

    Cindy is getting as needy as Les. “Are you comfortable with the chemistry reads?” Seriously, Mason? You need to make sure your wife is okay with you standing next to another woman and reading a script? Sheesh, I hope you never get a part that has a sex scene. Not even a lying in bed, talking, shoulders only scene from a PG-13 comedy.

  14. Don

    Prediction: the actress Les “agrees to have portray” (or at least “tolerates portraying”) Lisa has “creative differences” with the producers – i.e. she and Les think she’s perfect for the role, but the producers want someone who can generate a larger box office – and somebody Les would never have accepted ends up in the role

  15. Gerard Plourde

    Two quick reactions to today’s strip – From the position of the dialogue bubble, it appears the Mason and Cindy are having their conversation in the garage. And when do you suppose Lampey from “Apartment 3-G” will join the Jarr(e)-Summers furniture collection?