23 And Twee

Link To Today’s Strip

So apparently the script is already written, unless they’re just using the book, I guess. That “chemo playground” line is just so f*cking gross, but of course Pulitzer (nominee) Boy thinks it’s gold, thus the endless rehashing. And what more can you even say about Cindy’s deranged jealousy at this point? It was never funny and it grows less so each and every day.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

34 responses to “23 And Twee

  1. William Thompson

    In a jealous rage, Cindy attacks Masone. But Les beats her to the punch, and the emasculating kick, because Mason is desecrating Lisa’s memory. Cindy and Les end up battling over who gets to kill Mason.

  2. William Thompson

    “NOOOOO!” Les screams. “Mason, you sick freak, we never kissed that long and she never slipped me the tongue!”

  3. billytheskink

    I’d like to shoot scene 23 into the Sun…

    • Epicus Doomus

      Batiuk apparently thinks that bit of dialog was pure gold even though there’s not a single other person alive who agrees. NO ONE does “playful romantic banter” as poorly as Batty does. That “chemo playground” thing is just nauseating. I remember a lot of Act II being like that.

  4. The one thing you can always predict about Batiuk–once he coins a phrase he thinks just screams “awesomeness!” he is going to run it into the ground. “Dammit, I’m going to keep repeating this until you grow some appreciation!”

    • Jimmy

      I would like to dislike the comment because I bet that’s exactly how Batiuk thinks, but I gave you a thumbs up for nailing it.

    • LTPFTR

      Indeed. You know he pictured himself rounding the bases when he originally came up with it, and now he probably imagines himself coming out of the dugout to doff his cap to the adoring crowd still going crazy over this line.

  5. louder

    What until Cindy hears Mason crying out “LESS!” in the middle of sex.

  6. Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

    Is it just me, or would the guy behind the camcorder in panel one make a better-looking Les Moore than Masonne? And why does Cassidy’s profile change on a daily basis? That snoot she’s sporting today was non-existent yesterday.

    As far as Green-Eyed Cindy, boy, Battyuk sure knows how to write mature, three-dimensional female characters, don’t he? I wish his playground was permanently closed.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Cassidy looks like an Al Hirschfeld caricature.

    • billytheskink

      The cameraman is a small hairpiece and 50 pounds away from being a dead ringer for pre-dead skunk head haircut Act II John.

      I suspect the part of Lisa’s story where she used her lawyering skills to get him off he hook after Roberta Blackburn had him arrested for selling pornographic manga is not going to be in this film. Y’know, because it wasn’t about Les.

      • Hitorque

        Whoa stop wait… Comic book store guy peddles hentai? Was it mild, wild or “GOD DAMN THAT’S SICK!”

  7. Jimmy

    So, I guess Winters had the part from the get-go no matter what.

    Even Josef Stalin would say the auditions were a show trial.

  8. So, has it ever been established what it is about Marianne Winters that inspires such hatred in people? Les was adamant about NOT having her in the movie, and Cindy was apparently just fine with all the other women who were, uh, doing chemistry reads (or whatever Batiuk thinks they’re doing).

    All those other women were doing the exact same lines with Mason, and she was mostly “What do you think of her, Les?”

    • Epicus Doomus

      And the whole Marianne/Mason thing was already resolved way back during the Frankie Goes To Hollywood arc. Cindy knows the deal re: Marianne, yet this week it’s like it all never happened, which is even stranger than it usually is because Batom has mentioned like eight old stories in the last month. But not that one, I guess.

      I assume Les’ smug disdain for Marianne is because she starred in those huge Hollywood blockbuster action flicks and would thus be unable to handle playing someone as multi-faceted as Lisa was, or some variation on that. Which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense for many reasons, especially given how he once had a superhero-themed wedding and all.

      • AmigoLupus

        The root of all this is that Batiuk’s a misogynistic asshole. No one can ever measure up to the glory of Cancerwife, so Cayla’s always treated as 2nd place in Les’ life. Les sits through this audition judging the actresses for their looks and not for their acting ability. Marianne gets extra hate because how DARE this woman who only featured in action films dare try to portray the purity of St. Lisa?

        And let’s not forget hat Cindy’s jealous because Batiuk thinks “haw haw women be jealous creatures, amirite?” is funny.

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          Funky Winkerbean oozes sexism out all its pores. Women are little more than domestic servants, support mechanisms, and door prizes for men. Or they’re props to stand around while a man calls all the shots, even when she should be doing it. Even though Cassidy is the producer, Mason has chosen the director and the female lead, and Les’ feelings are given more weight. Because a woman can’t possibly make such an important decision as who should play a role in a movie, even when her company is putting up the money.

    • Hitorque

      1. Casting her in this movie opposite her Starsuck Jones co-star is not only uninspired, it’s lazy as hell…

      2. Since Marianne ran off the Starsux set and contemplated suicide for a day all because some unknown troll on Twitter tweeted some not so nice things about her, I’m not convinced she’s cut out for Hollywood…

      3. But none of this matters to Les, he just wants the perfect moment to claim his “kill fee” and go home because all women have sinned and fallen short of the role of Saint Lisa of the Closed Playground….

  9. Hitorque

    1. A mature person would excuse themselves before letting their emotions get out of hand, but fuck it, we might as well rename this strip to “Middle Aged Folks Acting Like Goddamn Children”

    2. I thought “chemistry reads” were for actors who HAVEN’T worked together before? And is actual kissing and copping a feel part of the exercise?

    3. And why hasn’t Les had anything to say so far? He had no problem shooting his mouth off for all the other auditions…

  10. AmigoLupus

    So is Les popping a boner from watching Mason and Marianne interact? Is that why he’s so quiet?

  11. PaulJones

    So…..if Masonne were to confess that kissing Marianne was like kissing Hitler, does that mean that Cindy would be insanely jealous of the Fuehrer?

  12. Why is there no set and just a plain backdrop? Please tell me this movie will be green-screened like “The Room.”

  13. Banana Jr. 6000

    How many weeks did this story spend talking about casting Marianne Winters as Lisa, and the power struggle between Mason who wants it and Les who doesn’t? And now that it should be reaching a climax, the story is ignoring it in favor of this utterly stupid Cindy subplot. And Les isn’t saying a word, after weeks of opposing Winters, and complaining about every other actress who came in.

    It’s as if Funky Winkerbean doesn’t want you to read it. It’s full of tedious stories about unlikeable characters doing boring things, and refuses to even resolve them. I expect Les to say “I have to protect Lisa because… (turns to camera) …what, you’re still here? Go away. I’m trying to retire, and I can’t do that until readership drops below a certain level. Please write your local paper and ask them to cancel us. We’re just going to talk about Lisa and comic books over and over.”

    • Mela

      Yes, after it has been repeatedly established that Les absolutely did not want Marianne in this part one would expect him to completely lose it when she walked in the door-or at the very least make a snide exclamation of “what is she doing here?”. But no, we get Cindy who finally had an adult moment a few days ago re: Mason acting with female co-stars going right back to the silly juvenile behavior we’ve seen before.

  14. Count of Tower Grove

    See? Masone Jarre is Les’ Joe Besser.

  15. Perfect Tommy

    “Lust for Lisa” is looking better every day.

    • Hitorque

      It’s a shame TomBa didn’t drag that storyline out a little longer because Les would have had an awkward time trying to explain why that strawberry blonde with the 40EEE warheads was too hot and sexy to play Lisa as he tried to suppress his boner…

  16. Gerard Plourde

    So based on the past months we can be certain that we’re going to be retreading the entirety of Lisa’s Story through TomBa’s “Hollywood” lens.

    So to use a car analogy for the creative process, we’ve moved through
    1. running low on gas
    2. the tank is empty
    3. running on fumes
    We’re now at the point of sitting by the side of the road remembering past drives.

    It’s going to be a long, hard slog to the 50th.

    • Charles

      I scanned over your message and I think it’s telling that when I saw your list, I initially thought it was a list of “retreads” we’d be seeing.

      1. Lisa runs low on gas.
      2. Lisa skins her knee.
      3. Lisa falls down the stairs.
      4. Lisa gets sunburn.

      I initially had sillier examples for my list, but I realized that they weren’t inane enough. It has to be uninteresting before it’s anything else.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Let’s fully Batiukize this story:

      1. Funky is driving Les to New York City to visit Lisa’s park bench. Les can’t drive himself in his own car because his passenger door has a slight scuff. Cayla advises Les that he must preserve Lisa’s memory.

      2. The gas tank is 1/4 full. Les insists you should never let it go below 1/4 full. Funky says he’ll refill it later. Les pouts for a week. On the Funky Winkerbean blog, an upcoming Sunday comic book cover is the subject of four different posts.

      3. The gas tank is 7/32 full. Les sees a roadsign “Last Gas Next 40 Miles.” It takes a week’s worth of strips for them to slowly and wordlessly drive past the sign while Les panics.

      4. The gas tank is 3/16 full. Funky pulls over at a roadside stop to take a walk. He sees Starbuck Jones, Rip Tide Scuba Cop, Miss American, Wayback Wendy, and the Inedible Pulp sitting on a bench, and talks with them. They are revealed to be a cardboard standup of a policeman, a family of three, and Les frantically looking for a map that lists every gas station in the county. Sunday’s strip is an Atomik Komix crossover cover with all of the characters, and an inset of Pete and Darrin smirking and high-fiving like they just copyrighted water.

      5. Chester Hagglemore buys five copies of the comic book on Monday, has them graded on Tuesday, and sells them on Wednesday for $1.6 million. On Saturday he gives it all to Ruby, Darrin, and Pete. Pete lists all the things he’ll spend it on, none of which is an upgrade to Mindy’s engagement tiger, or anything related to her. Mindy does not bat an eye at any of this.

      6. The gas tank is 11/64 full. They pass a sign that says New York City, 200 Miles. Funky asks Les if he saw the baseball game last night. They calmly discuss the large crowd, a spitting incident, the players hugging each other, and how great basketball season was. Les is completely calm during this exchange.

      7. A week of Dinkle and Becky making lame band jokes. Both are drawn like their faces are melting, but Becky’s missing arm sleeve is neatly pinned, lovingly drawn, and prominent all six days. Sunday’s strip is Les and Cayla, at home, talking about Lisa.

      8. Funky and Les arrive in New York City. They go to Lisa’s bench and genuflect about her for two solid weeks.

  17. Charles

    Cassidy looks like Snuffleupagas.

    I’m curious, did all the actresses have to kiss Mason for several seconds, or is it just Marianne?

    And not that I’m suggesting we need to drag this out, but Snuffleupagas and emaciated Gross John v1.0 have indicated that this just started, despite the fact that several of the previous versions showed dialogue in the scene prior to this exchange. Why did those two mooks have to say anything at all? Not enough going on otherwise? Why start now?

    Mason’s face in panel one is appalling. In fact, his whole body is gross and wrong. I guess this makes him perfect to play Les. I’ve just talked myself into it.

  18. I fear what the new header image portends. More damned “colorful” old people.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Is that Dinkle? And does he really say “they asked me to retire”, implying that he refused? Even though he retired years ago because of hearing loss? And the school has no power to forcibly get rid of his useless ass? And we’re cutting away from the Hollywood story now that there are two stupid unresolved conflicts?