So I guess some guy dressed as Mr. Monster (who is actually a character not created by Tom Batiuk, so I do feel bad now about making fun of, but really, if you’re doing a “tip of the felt tip” to another artist, maybe don’t do it super tiny in between the panels of a daily strip?) really did just bust into a crowded (ha) restaurant and pull what sure look like two real guns on somebody, just because they’re dressed up in pizza boxes? Just to find out their identity? And this is supposed to be funny? Wouldn’t it have been easier, and safer, if Funky and Harry and just pulled out bats and started beating the Pizza Monster, or maybe set the boxes on fire so the Monster would have to remove them? That seems much simpler than arranging for someone to hold somebody at gunpoint in the middle of your restaurant.
Putting aside the “haha, he never thought it could be a woman” angle, which is weird since Funky also referred to the Pizza Monster as a he earlier in the week, shouldn’t it be obvious who the Pizza Monster is, just based on the voice? Only like five people, at most, are ever shown eating in Montoni’s anymore, and it would be very weird (although much creepier) if this was just some random person with no ties at all to Montoni’s. Or is there a voice changer under the pizza boxes (that also have no eye holes, but that’s another issue)?


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

47 responses to “Unmanned

  1. Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

    The balloon says “GULP” but the expression says “I crapped my pants.”

  2. Epicus Doomus

    These weird vertical panels are really starting to annoy me now. I’m so sick of having to turn my laptop on its side. But anyway, yeah, this Mr. Monster guy is indeed waving a gun around while Funky looks on with apparent amusement, which is an odd FW visual. Usually you only see handguns in FW when characters are contemplating suicide or something like that, they’re hardly ever played for laughs anymore. Act I did prominently feature an old World War One-style machine gun on a tripod, but that was back in the 1970s when the idea of a machine gun in a high school was still considered funny.

    So, Pizza Monster’s identity is a little clearer now. Apparently it’s a woman with a very manly voice, which narrows things down a little. A stupid, pizza-crazed woman with a very manly voice, which doesn’t narrow anything down at all. Sigh.

  3. William Thompson

    “Who said I’m a man?” Any Funkyverse character could ask that question.

  4. billytheskink

    A female pizza monster? Sheesh, Maddie Klinghorn’s life is somehow even sadder than I thought…

    • Epicus Doomus

      Maddie hit a rough patch after high school. She fell in with Westview’s “bad crowd” and started eating subs and reading novels, after which she was obviously promptly disowned by her family.

  5. Gerard Plourde

    Maybe Summer has decided to declare themself non-binary.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      If so, good. It’s about time she declared herself something. This is what, year ten of college basketball with her little gal-pal?

    • Rusty Shackleford

      It does fit the woman who sounds like a man speculation.

      Maybe Summer has been taking roids to improve her athletic abilities.

      But wow, a female monster, what an unsuspected turn, that all of us anticipated.

      • William Thompson

        It would be unexpected for Batiuk to give an active role to a woman, and it would explain the “Women are geek kryptonite” line in the banner.

  6. I think, as SpacemanSpiff suggested, the Monster is using one of those voice changers.

    Although honestly, it could be that Batiuk just hasn’t put any thought into this at all, which would seem to be his working method these days.

  7. J.J. O'Malley

    Hooookay…so, which “boxes” did the PM remove–or reveal, I guess–to show Mr. Monster that they might not be a man?

    Also, one has to love the smirk on Funky’s face as a lunatic brandishing automatic pistols bursts in his store. It’s the sort of thing that could create a panic in other restaurants…but, then, other restaurants have customers to panic.

    • William Thompson

      “He’s armed!” Funky smirks. “I could hire him to bring in customers at gunpoint! And I bet minimum wage is better than what any do-gooding superhero makes!”

  8. Banana Jr. 6000

    Funky was pranked by the Pizza Box Monster last year, and failed to discover their identity. This year he arranged a counter-prank. The next scene should follow from that! Put ghost peppers on their pizza. Duct-tape them to the wall. Spray them with water. Cut the pizza boxes with scissors. Put an inner tube around them so they can’t fit through the door. Tie their shoelaces together. Decline their credit card. Have your new buddies from ICE demand to see their ID. Do any of ten other things people have suggested that would fit in with a light-hearted Halloween prank war, and Funky’s goal of identifying the Pizza Box Monster. Who of course would defeat these efforts, forcing Funky to wait until next Halloween to try again.

    What you don’t do is commission a guest artist to draw an obscure indie comic book character to point two realistic-looking handguns at them. Everything has to be interrupted by Tom Batiuk’s fetishes, even Tom Batiuk’s fetishes.

    • spacemanspiff85

      I really don’t know why this strip doesn’t just become a single repeated panel of Batton Thomas typing at a computer, with all the text being Batiuk’s blog copied and pasted in.

  9. Hitorque


  10. batgirl

    Not that I care, but is Mr. Monster meant to be some geek cosplayer in one of those fake padded muscle outfits, or is he meant to be the actual Mr. Monster superhero, whom Funky somehow can call in favours from, as with former-president Clinton?
    The idea of calling in a superhero cosplayer to fight a pizzabox cosplayer is kind of funny, but if he’s a real superhero, an adversary who extorts one pizza a year is pretty crap as a supervillain.

  11. batgirl

    And since I’m profoundly bored with the Pizza Monster Identity Reveal, I’m going to share this post from TB’s blog:


    You guys know I have more sympathy for Summer than TB ever wanted his audience to have, and this post does make me angrier on her fictional behalf.
    Summer’s story didn’t “have a natural home in Lisa’s Story” because Lisa’s story was Cancer Cancer Cancer, but it was important to show how brave Lisa was while preemie Summer fought for life in the ICU, so Summer is just “the final brush stroke to the picture I’ve been painting of Lisa” and also the “missing piece that ties together the tapestry of Lisa’s life” (Mix those metaphors, Tom! Be bold!).

    • William Thompson

      Summer doesn’t have a natural place in Lisa’s story? Granted there’s very little natural about the Funkyverse, but wasn’t Summer the target of the Dead Lisa tapes? You’d think that Batiuk would want to show her growing up as a normal, healthy person* thanks to her mother’s postmortem influence. Somehow having her daughter vanish makes Lisa a bit less than the superhero Batiuk calls her.

      * assuming he knows any.

      • comicbookharriet

        Let’s be real, there is no kid in this weird universe who has a ‘natural place’ in the story of their parents in late Act III. Each kid in story was a plot device for a single arc or two, and then was put on a bus only to be brought out to be the punchline of a joke. Even kids who should still be living with their parents.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      That is the worst blog entry ever. It looks like it was written in English but I just can’t derive any meaning from the words—and boy were there a lot of words.

      What the hell is a chapbook? Ok, it is a word. I guess that word fits since it refers to a small book that is cheaply produced with crude illustrations.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Ugh, that is appalling. Batiuk can’t fit Summer into Lisa’s story because Summer was just a badly-written prop. Summer was born for three reasons: so Lisa could suffer some more; to say sad little things while Lisa died; and so Lisa would have someone to talk to in her stupid tapes.

    • Dood

      You know what really chaps my ass? A self-identified wordsmith using “chapbook” over. And over. And over.

    • billytheskink

      Wow, that’s just awful… and from a guy who acts like Sadie Summers was his only mistake as a writer. I suppose its, uh, refreshing (?) that he pretty much admits that he doesn’t write anything for Summer anymore because he never cared for her character to begin with, which is more than he has admitted for every other post-Act I character not named Wally, Pete, or Durwood. What lazy and irresponsible writing.

      At least “Summer’s Story” is named after her. Cayla’s story (complete with her silhouette on the cover) is in a book titled “Lisa’s Story Concludes”, which I think cannot be stressed enough.

      • Rusty Shackleford

        Oh Lisa’s Story will never conclude…I can guarantee it.

        When Batty is finally dragged off the comics page, Batty will have a huge wall of incomprehensible dialogue, and Lisa will be smiling down from the heavens. She will be a big part of his final strip.

    • Maxine of Arc

      He thinks Lisa is a superhero? I. Words fail.

    • Cabbage Jack

      My favorite part is where he pretends he isn’t still flogging Lisa’s Story at least monthly in his horrid comic.

    • spacemanspiff85

      Summer exists because Batiuk realized Les needed somebody to talk about Lisa with after Lisa died.

    • Epicus Doomus

      LOL “Summer’s Story”. Drama, new baby character, basketball, ambition wanes, “who’s Summer?”. There you go…Summer’s Story.

  12. Doghouse Reilly (Minneapolis)

    It’s three small boys who couldn’t afford a trench coat.

  13. Rusty Shackleford

    Wow, even Hi and Lois can pull off a gag better than Batty. Read today’s Hi and Lois, then read this week’s Crankshaft.

  14. Don

    I have heard an explanation for all of this: Tom is competing with “Sally Forth” writer Francesco Marciuliano to see who can come up with the lamest “Halloween tradition” – which, of course, means that the Pizza Monster will probably never be revealed, unless there’s Yet Still Even Another Time Jump at some point (I still think either Summer or Keisha will end up as athletic director at Westview – first order of business: get rid of the football program) where there’s a throwaway gag of a bunch of pizza boxes lying around somewhere

  15. Cabbage Jack

    Bwahaha! Its hilarious because a guy in tights pulled two loaded guns on a kid in a goofy Halloween costume in the middle of a pizzeria because the store owner asked him to do so!

  16. Mr. A

    Haiku of the Day:

    Who said I’m a man?
    Women can do dumb things too.
    Check your privilege.


    Monster’s not a man?
    Jeepers! I can’t shoot a girl.
    What would Mother say?

  17. William Thompson

    What really sucks is that this is goin to end with everyone, monster and superzero included, merrily eating a Montoni’s pizza.