Link To The One Today

OK, I’ll just come right out and say it: this isn’t the worst FW gag I’ve ever seen. A little edgy (by FW standards), a little crazy (by FW standards)…if BatHam could string together another 359 of these in a row perhaps 2021 might not be so bad. If anyone wants trillion-to-one odds on that proposition, PM me please.

I still don’t really understand what that thing is supposed to be. I mean I know it’s Iron Man, but is it a movie prop, a rare collectible or what? How did lowly slovenly John obtain it? How is that jerk going to make it down those stairs with that thing? Who in Westview even has $8,000? You can buy an entire fleet of Batiukmobiles for that AND register and insure them too.

And what’s with BatYam equating comic book collecting with some weird form of marital strife? I’m sure there are plenty (or maybe a few) wives out there who really don’t give a shit about their husband’s dumb hobby, as well as plenty (a few) women who collect the goddamned things themselves. So what’s his f*cking problem, man? I have to wonder if there’s a hand-lettered, poorly taped sign on the door of that studio of his that says “no gurls aloud”.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

38 responses to “D-I-V-O-R-C-(zzzzzz)

  1. William Thompson

    It’s funny because when Westview men spend that much money on a life-sized doll, it’s usually Inflatable Ingrid.

  2. 1. The poster behind the “transaction” looks nothing at all like Harley Quinn, in any version.
    2. What’s the very sad multi-tentacled thing on the shelf below the magic 8-ball? Cthuloser?
    3. In all seriousness…boy is this terrible, and so badly “thought out.” Guy wants to get rid of his comic books because his harridan virago insists, and he thinks bringing home an 8-grand Iron Man dolly is going to be okay with her? “Oh good, you got rid of the comic books, but what’s this? Oh, it’ll be great in the foyer!”

    Tom Batiuk needs to retire. Tomorrow. This is awful even by HIS standards.

    • J.J. O'Malley

      1. The poster is clearly either Daredevil villain The Jester or Silver Age Captain Atom foe Punch (from the criminal duo Punch and Jewelee).
      2. It’s clearly a Martian from Marvel’s 1970s “War of the Worlds” series, which ran in “Amazing Adventures.” And yes, it’s clear I’ve also wasted my life.
      3. It’s clear we both like the word “harridan,” and that Battyuk’s view of marriage was shaped by “The Honeymooners.”

      • Damn it, I–*cough* actually own the Killraven issues, most of them anyway. Points to you.

        • J.J. O'Malley

          Thanks, Beckoning. WoW was one of my favorite ’70s Marvel series, and a key piece of art on my “comic book nerd wall” is a Herb Trimpe sketch of Killraven in all his long-tressed glory.

    • Epicus Doomus

      That’s the same guy from yesterday? So essentially he traded his comic books for an $8,000 action figure? Seems like a bad deal. Perhaps his wife isn’t such a shrill harpy after all.

  3. J.J. O'Malley

    Wait a minute. Is that the guy looking to sell his one-box comic book “collection” yesterday (same color hat, jacket, hair, and same nose)? His harridan of a spouse was forcing him to part with it, presumably because they needed money, and now today he spent 8 grand (nice price tag) on a life-size Iron Man statue? How the heck does he think dear Xanthippe is going to react when she finds out? I hope tomorrow’s strip shows an irate wife–looking like Gladys Ormphby from “Laugh-In”–climbing the Komix Korner steps to wallop Skunkhead John with her purse.

    Also, when did Skunky turn into Crazy Harry? Or is Chameleon Boy from the Legion of Super-Heroes working at KKr?

  4. Gerard Plourde

    I have to jump in here with my killjoy lawyer’s hat. While legal document preparation services are available in many states, they are considered the unauthorized practice of law in Ohio. [Board on the Unauthorized Practice of Law of The Supreme Court of Ohio Opinion UPL 2008-03].

    In addition, there’s the implied misogyny (this looks like the guy who was just selling his collection yesterday). And $8,000 isn’t chump change. What percentage of the household income annual income does it represent?

    (I know I’m being really critical of a comic strip, but this is ‘50s sitcom humor and, as such, it’s more evidence of his lazy work habits.)

  5. Gerard Plourde

    And while I’m complaining, that has to be the smallest comic store in Ohio. It looks like it’s all of seven feet from the door to the counter.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      And notice how you now enter through a dedicated stairway. Other drawings depicted a suite of offices above Montoni’s. At least he got rid of the outdoor stairway.

      • J.J. O'Malley

        Kinda makes you wonder how they got those live reindeer that Tony bought/rented/kidnapped for Christmas off the roof, doesn’t it?

  6. Better than the world’s worst ice cream parlor, I guess.


    • The Duck of Death

      Even seeing Achewood mentioned here is a shock to the system. Like when you were little and saw your kindergarten teacher at the grocery store. It’s worlds colliding.

      The world of sublime genius colliding with the world of crass hackery.

    • Hitorque

      What the hell is going on there??

  7. erdmann

    In 29 years my wife has never complained about my comics collecting… except for when I’ve occasionally prattled on a bit too much about some obscure trivia that would probably bore other nerds. And I know she wouldn’t gripe if I spent $8,000 on a giant-size Iron Man doll, nor would she divorce me.
    No, she would just beat me over the head with the damn thing and be entirely justified in doing so. Lord, that’s 40 times what I paid for my first car!

  8. billytheskink

    Huh, so Westview doesn’t have one of those divorce lawyers who operates out of an old Ford Aerostar with 3 flat tires parked at a gas station? I’d be happy to send the one that sits a few miles from house up there.

    I’ll give TB this, this gag may be too hacky for Henny Youngman, but it genuinely surprised me. Westview’s comic book nerds are usually the ones depicted with the most stable marriages and relationships in this strip (granted, a lot of that is accomplished by avoiding showing them interacting with their significant others at all). It’s the non-major comics fans like Funky and Holly and Cindy, etc. who have all of the relationship trouble and divorce.

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    This is a three-part joke that’s missing the second part. We needed a strip between yesterday’s and today’s. In which the man is distracted from his mission to sell his comics, and gets interested in buying something instead. Like:

    Panel 1: Man is putting cash in his wallet, the box is on a shelf behind John. “Thanks.” “Come back any time.”
    Panel 2: Man says “my wife said the collectibles had to go.” John: “We get that a lot.”
    Panel 3: Camera pulls back to reveal Iron Man statue with $8000 price tag. Man, wide-eyed, asks “is that an authentic, life-size…?” John, knowingly: “Yes.”

    Then when the man is walking out with the thing on the third day, Harry’s comment is a lot funnier. It’s a complete story now. With the middle of the story missing, our minds have to do too much work to piece together what happened. Look at the comments above: we’re all going “is that the guy from yesterday?” “why is he buying something when he went there to sell?” “Oh, his wife’s not going to be happy!” We’re all just confused.

    I think Tom Batiuk thinks he’s being subtle when he writes like this. But he’s really just botching his own jokes, by omitting necessary details. A joke comes from showing an incomplete story, and the reader’s mind putting together the missing piece that is shocking, unusual, or unexpected.

    Which is a shame, because this is a rare case of Batiuk capturing a real human sentiment. Selling your childhood collectibles often turns into buying more instead.

  10. ComicBookHarriet

    1.) I would never get mad at my husband for pursuing his hobbies, as long as it didn’t interfere with his work or our financial security, because I would expect the same courtesy from him.
    2.) I would murder my husband for making an 8k purchase without consulting me.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      That’s how a real marriage works. In this fantasy land every marriage is dysfunctional. Heck, the star character still obsesses over his dead wife and the dead wife attempts to control everything from beyond the grave. WTF?

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Every marriage in Funky Winkerbean is dysfunctional. But the “my wife is making me sell my comic books” joke gets made at the expense of a generic walk-on character. By Skunk Head John and “Crazy” Harry, two men whose wives NEED to make them their comic books and grow the hell up. It’s like watching Garfield tell Nermal he needs to eat healthier. It is insanely hypocritical.

  11. sgtsaunders

    It also comes with that thing’s inflatable “girlfriend”.

  12. Cabbage Jack

    I went to his blog this morning because I knew Batty, above all else, would have something both inane and tepid to say about yesterday. I was not disappointed.

    “Yesterday was a sad and distressing chapter in our history. America’s strength has always resided in its middle… and the middle will see us through this. There really isn’t any other choice.”

    While I admit, The Middle was a very pleasant and distracting sitcom, I don’t see what a rewatching of the series will do for us right now.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      The entry from Jan 6 is just infuriating. I almost want to reply to it.

    • Gerard Plourde

      That blog post fits right in the “Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?” category for cluelessness and insipidity. I would expect nothing different from TomBa.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Wow. Just wow.

      Funny that I see no blog posts about Akron’s murder rate nor any mention of the peaceful protests in Cleveland last summer that left East 4th street in shambles.

      This doesn’t mean I support what happened yesterday.

    • Hitorque

      That’s why to this day I’ve never gone anywhere near his blog… I’d end up writing him hate emails every day for the rest of my life

  13. Jimmy

    What’s the deal with the sign on the counter? Do people just walk around shirtless into Komix Korner? Do David Banner/Hulk enthusiasts cosplay as they’re entering the store? So many questions here…

    • Gerard Plourde

      I’ve been wondering about that too. If he’s going to have that sign shouldn’t it be on the entry door downstairs?

      • Mr. A

        Maybe it’s a comics-themed joke sign. I can picture it now: “No shirt, no shoes, no-body likes me when I’m angry. HULK.”

        Obviously that’s an awkward turn of phrase, but what else is new in this strip?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      And it looks like it’s taped to a crate, which they’re using as a counter. Could this store have ONE professional cabinet or display rack in it? Small-time collectors should have better storage gear than this! I said it already, but the whole store looks like someone’s creepy apartment.

      And I’d love to see Skunk Head John change the name of the store to “My Wife Is Making Me Sell My Comic Books.” How’d you like to drive by a second-floor apartment space with that phrase written on the windows? It’d look more like a secret pedophile club than it already does. Yecch.

      • Charles

        And it looks like it’s taped to a crate, which they’re using as a counter. Could this store have ONE professional cabinet or display rack in it?

        Gross John sold all that stuff to afford the engagement ring he bought Becky.

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          I think he sold all the stores’ merchandise, too. What is even on that pressboard dorm shelf? Some old books, an oversized Magic 8-ball, a seal figurine on a base, and a Krang toy? And apparently some architectural drawings are sticking up behind the wooden crate.

  14. newagepalimpsest

    FFS guys, you made an $8,000 sale and you can’t help the guy take it out to his car? No wonder this place is going down the tubes every other day!

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      This place really is the worst, isn’t it? Not only do they not help him, but this wrinkly old beardo comes out of nowhere to insult him.

    • DSH John

      You want delivery on that $8,000 item? Come on, man! We ain’t Best Buy.

      Oh, you break it, you bought it. No backsies, neither.

  15. Mr. A

    “Harry, don’t tell him his wife will divorce him! You’re going to blow the sale!”
    “Divorce is the only way this sale can go through! Otherwise he’ll just return it tomorrow.”
    “That’s what the fake ‘Out of Business’ sign is for! We rehearsed this!”
    “Then tell me this, John: if these forms are such a bad idea, why did you agree to print them up in the first place?”
    “I didn’t! You told me you wanted to print liability wavers for the customers we exposed to asbestos.”
    “It covers both!”
    “Hey, fellas? I’m still standing right here.”
    “You keep out of this.”

  16. Hitorque

    Absent of context, you’d think this dude is about to flee to a state where he can legally marry his Ironman statue…