A Very Winkerbean Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, loyal SoSF readers!

It’s a virtual cavalcade of stars today, featuring TWELVE of FW’s most beloved and adored characters. That’s over ten percent of the cast, in case you’re keeping score at home. I certainly hope Harriet started cooking early, or it’s gonna be a long, long night. I can’t imagine for the life of me why the entire Winkerbean clan would go to Dinkle’s house for Thanksgiving dinner, but hey, no one ever said a holiday garbage dump arc has to make logical sense. I assume that Rocky’s forgotten mom is sitting by the phone, forlorn and alone.

Coming tomorrow: Thanksgiving dinner at Dinkle Manor ends abruptly when Morton gets into the Sambuca and ends up exposing himself to Harriet in the hallway. Fortunately, though, it’s played for laughs and everyone smirks knowingly at the old coot’s perverse antics. Happy Thanksgiving!


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

50 responses to “A Very Winkerbean Thanksgiving

  1. The Duck of Death

    What could possibly be more fun than a reunion with your daughter and grandchildren whom you haven’t seen in years, which is instantly interrupted by a surprise appearance by an ex-student whom you remember so dimly that your wife has to introduce her by her name and remind you how you knew her in the first place?

    Oh, wait, I know — the only thing more fun would be if she brought along five family members, most of whom you wouldn’t know from Adam, and stood outside introducing them to you one by one, as your wife exhorts you to lug more chairs and turkeys upstairs!

    Also, if the crowd included a former juvenile delinquent thief, a demented(?) predatory sex pest, and an unregenerate old bitchbag.

    Lucky, lucky Dinkle!

  2. As I said yesterday, this is just pathetic. A good jazz musician can take a melody and improvise over it until it becomes a new thing, a combination of the old familiar and the new strange.

    This is just terrible. “Keep doing four beats on the ride cymbal. Just keep doing that. DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING. Four beats on the ride cymbal. Trust me, the morons out there will love it. They’re simple saps who like dull things. You like your job, right? You like getting a paycheck? Four beats on the ride cymbal. Downbeat Magazine is gathering award nominations this week. You’ll thank me, years from now.”

    • spacemanspiff85

      Also, the beats on the cymbal are doing really, really terribly, like worse than anyone has ever beat on a cymbal. Don’t leave that part out.

    • Epicus Doomus

      I picture Batiuk as more like George Costanza, when he was pitching the show to NBC. “No, no! Nothing happens! Some people show up at your door on Thanksgiving…boom, there’s a strip!”.

      • spacemanspiff85

        If Batiuk did the opposite of everything he does when it comes to writing this strip, it would be fantastic.

      • Sourbelly

        AYERS: Well, when Tom says it’s a strip about “nothing”, that still leaves room for me to draw some hilarious off-model characters, and maybe we could introduce Harry’s live-in butler, who he won in a law…”
        BATASS: No! No interesting artwork! No funny characters! Just bricks and smirks! Got it, Chuck?”
        SYNDICATE EXEC: Why would anyone read a comic strip about nothing?
        BATASS: Because it’s in the newspaper!
        SYNDICATE EXEC: Newspapers?

        • Anonymous Sparrow

          “Harry’s live-in butler, who he won in a law…” sent me back to 1935’s “Ruggles of Red Gap” to hear Charles Laughton recite the Gettysburg Address.

          It’s very stirring. If we had it here, it would be more like Oliver Jensen’s rendering of it in Dwight Eisenhower speak:

          I haven’t checked these figures but 87 years ago, I think it was, a number of individuals organized a governmental set-up here in this country, I believe it covered certain Eastern areas, with this idea they were following up based on a sort of national independence arrangement and the program that every individual is just as good as every other individual. Well, now, of course, we are dealing with this big difference of opinion, civil disturbance you might say, although I don’t like to appear to take sides or name any individuals, and the point is naturally to check up, by actual experience in the field, to see whether any governmental set-up with a basis like the one I was mentioning has any validity and find out whether that dedication by those early individuals will pay off in lasting values and things of that kind. . . .

          But if you look at the over-all picture of this, we can’t pay any tribute – we can’t sanctify this area, you might say – we can’t hallow according to whatever individual creeds or faiths or sort of religious outlooks are involved like I said about this particular area. It was those individuals themselves, including the enlisted men, very brave individuals, who have given the religious character to the area. The way I see it, the rest of the world will not remember any statements issued here but it will never forget how these men put their shoulders to the wheel and carried this idea down the fairway.

          Now frankly, our job, the living individuals’ job here is to pick up the burden and sink the putt they made these big efforts here for. It is our job to get on with the assignment – and from these deceased fine individuals to take extra inspiration, you could call it, for the same theories about the set-up for which they made such a big contribution. We have to make up our minds right here and now, as I see it, that they didn’t put out all that blood, perspiration and – well – that they didn’t just make a dry run here, and that all of us here, under God, that is, the God of our choice, shall beef up this idea about freedom and liberty and those kind of arrangements, and that government of all individuals, by all individuals and for the individuals, shall not pass out of the world-picture.

          See you at the Anglo-American Grill!

    • ComicBookHarriet

      “I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is more Dinkle.”

    • Ralph the Wonder Llama 🦙

      Oh, I’m sure there are a contingent of people, most likely band directors, who cream their pants about any strip having to do with Dinkle.

      And Batyuk accommodates them. Sometimes with tales of the mundane, like this week. Too many times Batyuk is more risque revealing Dinkle’s sex life. With Batyuk, there are no boundaries as far as Dinkle is concerned.

      I fearfully await the day Batyuk shows Dinkle on the crapper. Dinkle’s fans will still post the strip on refrigerators and bulletin boards.

      • spacemanspiff85

        It’ll be a sideways Sunday strip, with Dinkle calling out to Harriet that he just conducted his second movement.

  3. I’m just amazed they were able to get a visit from Conan O’Brien circa 1995! He’s looking great after finally getting NBC to give him more than a 13-week airing commitment!

  4. Jimmy

    If I have a frozen turkey, it takes days to defrost. Is there some kind of technique where one can defrost and cook a whole turkey in a matter of a couple of hours?

    • There is! It’s called “Lazy Uncaring Storytelling with the Word Story in Quotes” and it can solve all of your problems in instants! The only drawback is that it makes all food taste like cardboard. As a plus, it’s good quality cardboard, and most people don’t throw up at all!

    • erdmann

      “Harry, bring up that freezer-burnt band turkey from 1999. It should be ready to eat by suppertime on Sunday.”
      “Wonderful. We’ll pass the time talking about my greatness and why the Pulitzers should have a band director category.”

    • batgirl

      The most jarring part of this is that over on Crankshaft, Pam is fretting in the middle of the night over whether the turkey is in at the right temperature – so TB is aware that turkeys take a long time to cook. (I’m honestly surprised he hasn’t done a Crankshaft-deepfries-a-turkey-wackiness-ensues arc.)

      I could see this arc working if more and more people keep showing up, and Harry keeps bringing up more turkeys, then it turns out that Harriet is pranking him and she invited everyone secretly, and already has like 4 turkeys baked and ready to serve.
      But Harriet is not allowed agency, so that isn’t going to happen.

    • The Duck of Death

      And also, it was established last year that their usual Thanksgiving dinner is meatloaf, per Harriet as she served a Mary Worth-style meat blob to the table.

    • robertodobbs

      You’re absolutely right. It takes 6-8 hours to thaw a frozen turkey with the cold water soak method (usually done of course the day before), and then another 3-5 hours in the oven depending on weight. Are they going to microwave the frozen bird?

  5. batgirl

    While I’m being annoyed about Crankshaft, what’s this deal with Loathsome Lillian being a regular at their Thanksgivings? A few years back, Crankshaft found out that fellow driver Mary (a very sweet lady) was going to be alone for Thanksgiving and studiously avoided inviting her to join his family.
    I mean, okay, Lillian deserves to spend time trapped with Crankshaft, but still.

  6. billytheskink

    It’s been a while since an idiocy of Winkerbeans has shown up, and what idiocy they’ve brought. The Winkerbeans don’t have their own thing going on for Thanksgiving? They’re going to make the Dinkles, who are about as old as Melinda and Mort, cook for them?

    This would make more sense if Durwood and Jess (and Skyler) showed up, since we know they both routinely ignore their parents to spend time with the schmuckiest of Westview’s schmucks.

  7. be ware of eve hill

    Who’s the young couple in the right side background of panel #1? I’m referring to the woman in the green horizontal striped top and the man in the black shirt? Where did they come from? Did they just spontaneously pop up out of the carpet? Close the doors, they’re coming through the windows.

    Also, aren’t the Dinkles going to invite Becky? Oh nevermind, Becky would have to bring DeadSkunkhead John. Gross! 🤢

    Sorry, Becky!

    • be ware of eve hill

      Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

    • J.J. O'Malley

      I believe they are supposed be the offspring of Halle Dinkle and Mr. Fantastic, and they appear to have aged about three or four years between standing on the front stoop in yesterday’s strip and standing in the living room today. That Funkyverse Time Warp sure is a random and capricious thing, isn’t she?

      And no, Harry and Frau DInkle can’t invite Becky and her skunk-headed hubby, because these days the Beckster “never touches a turkey” during Thanksgiving, thanks to the Internet.

      “Never touch a turkey, you say?”

      Happy T-Day, y’all.

      • be ware of eve hill

        Your identifications make sense. The hairstyles match. In yesterday’s strip, I would have estimated the ages of Halle’s kids to be 10 for the daughter and 12 for the son. They both appear to be about sixteen in today’s strip. I guess being in the proximity of der Dinkle would age anyone.

        Good one about Becky. How could I forget the “Never touch a turkey, you say?” strip? Dinkle was close to having a stroke in that one.

        To whom it may concern: Thank you for posting the cropped image. I wasn’t sure if my description of the two people was clear.


  8. Banana Jr. 6000

    Apparently Batiuk’s figured out he can fill all kinds of space just by having his characters constantly introduce themselves to each other. Oh goody.

  9. The Dreamer

    So Cory and Rocky still aren’t married?! They got engaged at least ten years ago after returning from the Iraq War didn’t they? And Funky didnt even invite Wally and Rachel Maybe thwy got stuck keeping Montoni’s open Some people like pizza on Thanksgiving

    • Cory proposed in November of 2015:

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        And to think this isn’t the worst marriage proposal in the history of the Funkyverse.

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          You know what? I was wrong. That wasn’t a fair criticism.

          I forgot Rocky was in the military also. That being the case, I think this is fine. I’m on the record as being vehemently opposed to “novelty” marriage proposals and ceremonies. I think they’re tacky, manipulative, and a red flag that the proposer doesn’t take it seriously enough.

          But this isn’t novelty for the sake of being novelty. It refers to an experience the two of them shared. It’s not manipulative. And it’s clear. If you read the soldier dialogue again, these are sentiments you would express in a marriage proposal. It uses coded language, but it clearly asks the key question, and gives the woman an easy way to say “yes” or “no.”

          I’ll reverse my stance and say that this is very good. In context, it’s thoughtful, sweet and well-written. And since this is a day of thanks, I’ll thank Tom Batiuk and Funky Winkerbean for giving me something nice to read today. Even if it is a repeat of a past strip. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

          • Jeff M.

            Yeah, that is a good strip. Takes a stock situation and makes it interesting, and actually based on the characters’ backstory. Got a little “Aww” out of me even. So what happened?

          • ComicBookHarriet

            He proposed to her in a fancy restaurant with an actual ring, and didn’t spend the entire time blathering on about himself and his past trauma. He also doesn’t reuse a location from a previous relationship. Miracle of miracles, he didn’t propose to her in Montoni’s pizza.

            Cody beats Les, Pete, Funky 2 and Wally 2, in the proposal game. If he can avoid having the wedding at Montoni’s, he’ll win the wedding wars.

      • Anonymous Sparrow

        I think Alfred, Lord Tennyson and Nathan Detroit hold the engagement record, with fourteen years between engagement and marriage.

        You have eight years to go, Cory. Why not use the time to refund the Lisa Legacy’s contribution you stole?

        Or to pay back your uncle…er, cousin…who made good on the theft?

  10. ComicTrek

    Well, I’m “ComicTrek”. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

    • The Duck of Death

      Pleased to meet you, ComicTrek! I am The Duck of Death. Like you, I am also a frequent commenter on this message board at sonofstuckfunky.com, where I comment about the Funky Winkerbean syndicated comic strip by Pulitzer nominee and Ohio resident Tom Batiuk.

  11. Rusty Shackleford

    You think this is dumb? Well check out today’s Crankshaft. Zucchini stuffing….hahahaha

    Disappointed there was no mention of Thanksgiving in Mary Worth.

    • The Duck of Death

      As I predicted, after almost an entire week of unbearable tension re: Lillian’s cranberry relish — will she remember it? Won’t she? Should we have backup cranberry plans in case she forgets? — it is not seen or mentioned at the actual meal. There’s not even a dish with a dot of red.

      Also, zucchini is a summer vegetable, Tom. Dammit, don’t make gardening the focus of a character if you refuse to even read the back of a seed packet for research.

  12. So, they’ve got ten surprise guests for Thanksgiving dinner, and from the looks of it, every single one of them showed up empty handed. So all they have to eat are frozen band turkeys?

  13. Count of Tower Grove

    Huzzah! Dinkle wipes out the Fungyverse with underdone twenty-five year old turkeys!

  14. Perfect Tommy

    Hey Dinkle! How about we watch some football while we’re waiting for dinner? Oh, we only watch the halftime show.

  15. Banana Jr. 6000

    There is also A Very Caillou Thanksgiving:

  16. The Duck of Death

    When does Margaret Dumont show up? I’m getting vibes of the famous stateroom scene from A Night at the Opera. Only the Marx Brothers were talented and funny, and Tom Batiuk is… you know.

    You don’t have to be the Marx Brothers — anyone with a modicum of talent or imagination could have parlayed “sudden crowds of surprise guests” into a good arc. But Tom Batiuk…. well, you know.

  17. be ware of eve hill

    This is screwy. Batty features introductions for the characters we already know but we never learned the names of Halle’s spouse and children.

    Do they have proper names or are they only referred to in generic terms?

    Dinkle: Halle’s husband, please pass the potatoes.
    Harriet: Halle’s daughter, how is school?
    Halle: My son, elbows off the table.

    Maybe their intros will be handled in tomorrow’s strip. Let’s make a week of it.