Making History

Spaceman Spiff jinxed me yesterday! But joke’s on him, I’m not even going to talk about today’s dumb Dinkle strip.

Why?

Well, I and others on this blog have long admired the blog Mary Worth and Me. It has been going strong for 15 years, all helmed by the esteemed blogmeister, Wanders. The undoubted highlight of each year on the blog is the Worthy Awards, which just wrapped up voting. Many have expressed a desire to see a similar event for Funky Winkerbean.

This year, Son of Stuck Funky is proud to announce the first ever Funky Awards!

Votes will be accepted through midnight January 16th. Winners will be announced throughout the following week.

Vote Early! Vote Often! Vote HERE!

Before we present our nominees, I would like to take a moment to thank Wanders. I reached out to him for pointers on how to set these up, and he responded with the kind of humor and advice that would have made Mary herself proud.

I know that I speak for all of us here at Son of Stuck Funky when I extend my heartfelt condolences to the Mary Worth community as they mourn today’s tragic cruise ship death of strip regular Wilbur Weston.

And now onto the nominees!

The Thatsnot Hewmore Award for Standout Unnamed Character

1.) Referential Heckler

2.) Suffering Saint Nursing Assistant

3.) Average Comics Fan

4.) Mature Comic Con Attendee

5.) Zombie Orderly

6.) Oblivious Parade Spectator

***

The Livinia Memorial Award for Achievements in Feminism

1.) Women Be Shopping

2.) Women Be Changing Their Minds

3.) Women Be Jealous

4.) Women Be Catty

5.) Women Be Another Species Entirely

6.) Women Be Tiny and Disappearing in the Background

***

The Backpfeifengesicht Award for Most Punchable Les Moore

1.) Remembering Old Friends (For the First Time in Years)

2.) A Single “Manly” Tear

3.) No True Sports-Fan Fallacy

4.) Self-Centered Stage

5.) Deadly Pundemic

6.) The Smile on My Face

7.) Interacting With Fans

***

Most Puzzling Continuity Questions of 2021

1.) Who Directs the Community Band?

2.) What is Rachel’s Major?

3.) Who Did the Dinkles Have for Thanksgiving?

4.) Are the Reindeer Broken or is Tony Dead?

5.) Was Phil Holt Really a Ghost?

6.) Where Are the Kids? Who Are the Kids?

7.) What Even Is Continuity?

***

Story Arc of the Year

1.) Dinkle Joins the Choir

2.) ‘Lisa’s Story: The Movie’ Wraps and Flops

3.) Phil Holt: Resurrections

4.) The Winkerbeans Rehab, Reno, and Recover

5.) Tom Worships Idols of Silver

***

The Panel of the Year

1.) The Final Note

2.) Rare Flying Discman

3.) Take THAT History!

4.) Smoking Vader

5.) Les Waterboards Himself

6.) Eros Panoptes

7.) Stag Film

8.) Pizza Box Signal

***

The Best Funky Winkerbean Strip 0f 2021

1.) Expensive Equipment

2.) Accessorizing

3.) The Joys of Reading Over 50

4.) Interdisciplinary Thinking

5.) Funkyverse in a Cookieshell

6.) I’ve Seen Things You People Wouldn’t Believe

***

The Worst Funky Winkerbean Strip of 2021

1.) War of the Word Zeppelins

2.) Post Pandemic Doom Posting

3.) ‘Disappointed a Lot of Fans’

4.) Feeling Blue

5.) Randy Old Man

6.) Gross Randy Old Man

7.) Just Gross

Once again, vote HERE! Voting ends January 16th.

52 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

52 responses to “Making History

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Nicely done, CBH! When you take a comprehensive look back at 2021, you can’t help but marvel over a) how little actually happened and b) how unspeakably awful it was. Each year totally outdoes the previous one.

    • spacemanspiff85

      Yeah, my reaction when reading the “Story Arc of the Year” category was “There were story arcs this year?”.

    • ComicBookHarriet

      I will say, that while this year had some pretty insufferable arcs at least we didn’t have a major bungled ‘prestige’ storyline to cringe at, (apart from beating a dead Lisa of course.) 2019 will always stand out as a horrible year for me, just because that was the year of Bull’s suicide.

  2. Brava, CBH! We have our work cut out for us, so many categories and tough calls…

  3. Many thanks, CBH, and I promise I’ll vote…when I’m more sober. Might be a few weeks….

  4. Jeeze, thanks for the Mary Worth spoiler! Not that I read Mary Worth but I know there’s a lot of crossover among our hate readers and theirs. That last panel misled me: I thought Wilbur’s line in the preceding panel would be “Goodbye cruel…“, not “I’m the king of the…”

    • The Duck of Death

      It’s notable that yesterday, the day that panel was published, the MW artist, June Brigman, posted on CK amidst all the snarkers. She wrote:

      Happy New Year! Thank you for all your kind words of support in 2021. It really means a lot to me. Ha ha, just kidding. But seriously, keep on snarking. Every comment represents a click, and the clicks keep Mary Worth alive. So let’s all raise a muffin to 2022, and snark on!

      Can you imagine TB having the guts, the self-awareness, and the sense of humor to do that?

      • none

        It’s his having the complete opposite of those kinds of guts and self-awareness which is part of what draws such an incredible and deserved backlash against his work.

        Practically everything he does in the strip could be handwaved away if he made it clear that he’s having fun with it all and for it to not be taken at anything more than its superficial quality. But he doesn’t.

        The difference in snark and responses between the comments for MW and FW are abundantly clear within a moment’s comparison among them. People make fun with MW. People make fun of FW. In both cases, the responses are deserved.

    • J.J. O'Malley

      Say, I just had a terrifying thought. What if this is all a set-up for an epic MW/FW cross-over, and Wilbur is rescued from his watery grave-to-be at the last minute by the Oceanaire? Atomik Comix gets the rights to publish his thrilling story in a best-selling graphic novel (script by Wilbur, art by The Late Phil Holt), and Masonne Jarre agrees to gain 60 pound and shave his scalp to play Wilbur in the motion picture adaptation, which outperforms “Lisa’s Story” at the box office?

      • Y. Knott

        No need to worry. This would actually be interesting, and therefore has no chance of happening in a Batiuk-approved comic.

    • I won’t believe that Wilbur’s actually gone until I see the uncomfortable exchange between Mary and Estelle at his wake.

  5. DickJohnson

    How was wieners and legumes not considered for worst panel of the year, that gave me nightmares

  6. billytheskink

    What a tremendous set of nominees for these awards!

    I see Dinkle’s autobiography progress continues to track with the publishing of The Complete Funky Winkerbean, 10 volumes of which have been released thus far. Dinkle is working on #11 just as the KSU press presumably is.

  7. spacemanspiff85

    When I voted, I was half expecting to receive an error saying something along the lines of “You selected one strip as the best of the year. Please correct this, as there were no good strips this year.”.

    • Y. Knott

      Wonderful job, Harriet … but I couldn’t bring myself to vote for “best strip of the year”. A 365-way tie for last?

  8. be ware of eve hill

    Ooooooo! Someone posted the other day how much they’d like to see a Worthy Awards type event on SOSF.

    The Funky Awards. This is great! Well done. How long was this being planned?

    Sheesh CBH, you have more things to vote for than my general election ballot last November. Thanks for giving us the week to vote. I have my homework cut out for me.

    Sweet!

    • The Duck of Death

      That was me, and I’m overjoyed to see my dream come true! As much as I enjoy the Worthies, I think Funky snarkers have much more over-the-top material to work with. The Worthies don’t have a category for continuity errors, for example.

      A thousand thanks to CBH, TFH, and all of our gracious and hardworking hosts for making this happen. My only regret is that I can’t honor each of the nominees with a well-deserved Funky Award.

  9. be ware of eve hill

    You Really Haven’t Retired Until All the Band Turkeys Are Gone From Your Freezer the Turkey of a Retired Band Director stays the Hell out of the Band Room

    FIFY

    Get back Dinkle. Your wife, Hop Frog… I mean, Harriet is waiting for you. Wearing her high heels and her low neck sweater.

  10. erdmann

    Ohhh, so many punchable Les faces. Decisions, decisions…
    Meanwhile, I think they can already close down voting for Panel of the Year 2022 at the Worthies. Heck, Wilbur’s swan dive might be Panel of the Decade.

    “I’d like to say something. Doesn’t matter that Wilbur’s gone. People die everyday—friends..family. Yeah, we lost Wilbur tonight. But Les is still with us…in ‘Funky Winkerbean.’ So is Dinkle, Dead Skunk Head John, Wally…all of them. They didn’t die! And neither did the dad in ‘Dustin!’ Not yet, at least! It’s not over!”

  11. be ware of eve hill

    Last post, I swear. I’m still kind of wired.

    Anti-sporto Batty mocked the NFL in yesterday’s Sunday strip. I don’t know how many of you watch pro football, but I do, and yesterday was fantastic. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a more enjoyable day watching football, and my team didn’t even play.

    All three games I watched went into overtime and were decided by a field goal. All three games involved teams that were fighting for playoff spots. The first game was a defensive struggle. The second game featured a 17 point comeback. The last game was an offensive battle, with the teams alternating the lead.

    If you get game replays, I highly recommend the SNF Chargers vs Raiders game. Whoooo!

    Stick it, Batty.

  12. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    Thanks for doing The FUnky Awards. Those are some great categories.
    A quick look at The Drunkenbeard Craptacular Comic Amelioration Initiative (DCCAI) shows that several hapless unnamed characters were chosen for Aesthetic Dialogue Enhancement.



    Dialogue Amelioration Project

  13. ian'sdrunkenbeard

  14. The Nelson Puppet

    “Where are the kids? Who are the kids?” had me in stitches! Batiuk should be ashamed of himself.

  15. Rusty Shackleford

    Thanks so much for creating “The Funkies” awards!

    One difference between this strip and Mary Worth is that I actually enjoyed some of the MW stories. With this strip, they were all terrible stories.

    And given I choose, I would rather hang out with Wilbur over Les.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Grrrr…. And given a choice….

      Speaking of Wilbur, it looks like he is back with his own kind…the manatees!

  16. Banana Jr. 6000

    “You haven’t really retired until all the band turkeys have gone from the freezer”? What kind of stupid shit is that? If you have excess merchandise, you return it, liquidate it, or donate it. The end. It’s not an existential crisis!

    And this neverending “house full of unsold band merchandise” bit really makes Dinkle look incompetent. As anyone who’s ever sold fundraising candy knows, the school has to buy it wholesale first. Excess/unsold product is a liability. Foodstuffs expire.

    Apparently Dinkle bought so much unsold band candy in his life that he was flown to Belgium and given an award. And so much unsold band turkey he’s still keeping it in his garage 30 years later and feeding it to people over the holidays. You don’t win those awards for how much you sell; it’s for how much you buy. Like so many things Dinkle, this joke worked in Act I but not anymore.

    • The Duck of Death

      Wouldn’t the candy have been bought by the PTA or the Band Fund or some other nonprofit school organization? Dinkle is clearly, blatantly committing fraud.

      Of course, TB has a well-known pro-fraud stance, as demonstrated when he showed “good guy” Linda Bushka committing insurance fraud with a knowing assist from law enforcement.

      And when he showed Skip proudly declaring that he would destroy his publisher’s property because his feelings were hurt.

    • hitorque

      It’s funny because you’d at least THINK that someone as obsessed with music as The Big Dink is, his multi-volume autobiography would be about something a little more than goddamned candy bars and frozen turkeys…

  17. Banana Jr. 6000

    The “embouchere” strip is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen. Dinkle wants to feign a loving act for the actual purpose of using a human being as a musical instrument. This sounds like a humiliation-based sex fetish, a niche horror movie plot, or a real-life atrocity from an ethnic war.

    And TB thinks it’s cute, and that a 70-something wife would respond positively to the suggestion.

  18. Gerard Plourde

    I admire your thoroughness, CBH. It’s going to be very hard to choose “winners” with so many outstanding qualifying candidates.

    Looking over this compilation, I realized that we should be thankful that we experience Act 3 three or six panels at a time. Seeing all of this a one time is overwhelming.

  19. There’s a lot of difficult choices among those nominees. I salute you for having the stamina to review 365 daily comic strips and determine which ones should be nominated. It will surely require years of therapy to recover from that task.

  20. The Duck of Death

    I was gonna suggest that there should have been a “Women Be Mere Appendages to the Greatness of Men” category, but then I realized there’d be no point. Harriet would win every single year.

  21. Maxine of Arc

    CBH, you spoil us.

  22. Mela

    This is fine work CBH! I truly enjoyed this, although some of the choices were really tough. The face plant on the organ, though-that’s my favorite because it really captured the essence of that arc. The dark humor followed by the lack of any human emotion of shock, grief, or sorrow over the sudden death of a long time fellow church member, all so that Dinkle could walk in and do his “TA-DA” I’m here to be your new oppressive leader” bit with an audition consisting of a band candy medal around his neck. The dissonant note from the dead organist really says it all. Definitely panel of the year for me.

    • Gerard Plourde

      You’ve summed up exactly the feelings I had concerning that arc. I was really put off by that image, even though in another context, i.e. Monty Python, I’d be laughing at it. TomBa doesn’t seem to understand that the “quarter-inch from reality” shift he made in Act 2 precludes him from engaging in outright absurdity and shock humor.

  23. hitorque

    Wow… The Funkyverse is just like the Covid pandemic era in that only with the full scope of historic hindsight can we begin to measure its complete and unrelenting suckitude…

    • hitorque

      Seriously, this year-in-review is raising my blood pressure.

      WHO IN FUCK’S NAME TALKS LIKE THIS?

      “I’m Becky and this is my loser manchild second husband, our adopted ethnic daughter Rana because fuck canon, and this is my loser manchild first husband Wally who I divorced when he was in the Army because he kept trying to defect to the Taliban (who wouldn’t have him because even *they* have standards), his son Billy who used to be a PTSD therapy dog, and that way-too-hot-for-him Little Miss Copper Top is Rachel, who’s in Year 9 at Westview County Junior College!”

      Damn, no wonder Cindye-Sommerse-Winkerbeane-Jarre never comes home for family gatherings — Her introductions could take all fucking night.

  24. Suicide Squirrel

    The Backpfeifengesicht Award for Most Punchable Les Moore

    8.) All of the above

  25. In the spirit of Tom Batiuk, I voted this morning, and I cannot remember which ones I voted for.