It’s All About The He Said He Said Comic Book Bullshit

Link To Saturday

A dumb premise, centered around two characters no one cares about, executed poorly…this one truly had it all. My goal is to forget about Phil, Flash and their imbecilic comic book drivel as quickly as possible, which should be really, really easy. I’ve seen plenty of stupefying, tedious FW arcs in my day, but man oh man, this one was right up (or down) there with ANY of them. Hopefully tomorrow’s comic book cover shovels dirt on this thing, because it’s definitely time to move the f*ck on from whatever this was supposed to be.

32 Comments

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32 responses to “It’s All About The He Said He Said Comic Book Bullshit

  1. billytheskink

    And that goes for both of these shmucks.

    • Leslie Walsh

      The current Funky Winkerbean storyline is like, what if you could bring back the most famous and iconic creators born in the 1910s. Writers and artists who, in the 30s-60s, gave us characters who are still hugely popular today.

      And you show them creating new characters in 2022, as if they’re fifty years younger than they would be.

      And all the dialogue is:

      “What if there were a blue guy called Blue-O?”
      “NO! F*ck you! It’s been done! What if there were a red guy called Red-O?”
      “NO! F*ck you! It’s been done! What if there were a green guy called Green-O?”

  2. “Why don’t we all just kill ourselves, and everyone around us?”

    • Epicus Doomus

      It’s the most deranged “creative process” ever to be immortalized in comic strip form.

      “We need characters to fight with our already very poorly-defined characters.”

      “Ummm, we could name them after things.”

      “Yes, great idea. And if they sound like other things, that’d be excellent.”

      “So who gets the credit here?”

      I mean, this is troubling even by Batiukian standards. It’s not merely not how comic book creators would interact, it’s not how human beings interact and it’s not even close, either. It’s like he’s lost his frame of reference with reality itself. It’s so bad that I’m actually almost concerned.

      • Y. Knott

        Yup. At some point in the not-too-distant future — maybe not for two or three years, but soon — it will be revealed that Batiuk is suffering from some form of early-stage dementia. I’m not trying to be snarky or mean here. Just looking at the evidence. He’ll be seventy-five in a month, and the ability to tell a coherent story and to remember details is slipping. He keeps returning to the same simple themes over and over again. And the rhythms of ordinary conversation — let alone how to structure a joke — are something he can seemingly no longer grasp.

        Batiuk may never have been especially good at writing, but he’s getting progressively worse in a way that can only suggest an overall cognitive decline.

        • Gerard Plourde

          This is something I’ve been wondering for some time, but I don’t see a corresponding decline in his blog posts “Flash Fridays” or his discussion of Asimov’s works (his most recent post on this topic with comments critiquing the Apple TV series is dated December 9). I did find it odd that his statement on the Michael D. Sewell Foundation site wasn’t a live video, unlike the others, but that could have been for logistical reasons.

          We may get more evidence to evaluate when the previously teased New York storyline is printed.

          • ComicBookHarriet

            I’m honestly not sure if this is cognitive decline, or if Batiuk has just always been terrible at, “Creative Comes Up With Idea,” when he uses it for a week, and since he has his play comic empire to write for, he’s been doing it more and more.

            I mean, Pete fighting the Lord of Late was usually pretty awful back in the day. And it almost always ended with a TERRIBLE new villain.

          • Banana Jr. 6000

            Tom Batiuk has Adam Sandler Disease. It occurs when an artist is given too much creative freedom and too little oversight.

          • be ware of eve hill

            I don’t believe Batty is suffering from cognitive decline. I think it’s just a change in attitude.

            Batty most likely believes he has written with the readers’ interest in mind for decades. Now that he is nearing the end, he’s doing whatever he wants to do. He’s writing vanity projects for himself. He has job security and doesn’t care if the readers don’t like it.

            He’d probably tell us to go read another comic strip if we don’t like it.

            Hmmm, where have we heard that before?

        • Epicus Doomus

          I was sort of half kidding, and these “issues” don’t seem to affect his blog posts at all. And it’s a bit unfair to speculate. But so far in 2022 the whole thing seems more askew than it did before, relatively speaking. Although in fairness, perhaps it’s my perspective that’s skewed.

          • batgirl

            Aren’t most of his blog posts reprints from the intros to his collections, and so written some time ago?
            Have there been fewer comics cover posts that actually discuss the cover art?

  3. Sourbelly

    Oh, you two are both definitely “units.” Subatomic “units” at that.

  4. J.J. O'Malley

    You know, if the real Stan Lee and Jack Kirby went through all this nonsense trying to create super-characters, Marvel Comics would still be publishing such titles as “Homer the Happy Ghost,” “Millie the Model,” “Sailor Sweeney,” “Sherry the Showgirl,” and “Yellow Claw.”

  5. William Thompson

    “And we’ll be known as the weak force!”

    “Hey, bring your technobabble into this century! Scientists talk about the electroweak force! Shocking, isn’t it?”

  6. erdmann

    That’s Masone smirking in the logo, isn’t it? And this week they announced the…. That means….
    Oh no.
    Oh god no.
    Brace yourselves, everyone. I fear we have a slew of “Most Punchable Les Moore Face” candidates barreling our way.

  7. Suicide Squirrel

    Flash and Phil are allegedly comic book Hall of Famers? The two of them finding the nemeses for The Elementals should be somewhat easy. I haven’t read comic books since the early 1980s, but have come up with the following.

    Here’s a list of the Elementals and their opposition:

    The Subterranean vs. Avalanche, who has the power to move soil and rock.

    Scorch vs. Frostbite, who has the ability to manipulate ice and cold by freezing water vapor around them. (like Ice Man of the X-Men)

    Okay, maybe not so easy. The other two are a lot harder.

    What is Dr. Atmos power? As far as we know, he is a gaseous entity in a containment suit. Who would be his nemesis? Dr. Needle?

    Can Dr. Atmos control air currents, lightning and other weather phenomena? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    The Oceanaire? Once again, we have no idea what her powers are.
    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    If the Oceanaire can control the creatures of the deep, wouldn’t her nemesis be someone who could remove oxygen from the water? Red Tide?
    Her total opposite? The Aridaire?

    Oceanaire? Sounds like some kind of saline nasal spray.
    Voice over: “Suffering from dehydrated nasal passages? Buy Oceanaire saline nasal spray!”

    If Flash and Phil are having a hard time developing super villains for The Elementals, perhaps their characters shouldn’t have been so sucky to begin with, eh?

    • Tom from Finland

      Now that you mentioned Dr. Atmos, I hate to say I’m exited to see tomorrow’s cover, since I’m still not sure which of the characters in the cover of JJCTJR ATMJS no.1 was actually supposed to be Dr. Atmos.
      I hope he will appear on the cover.

    • “Well, Batman, in order to solve this crime, we’re going to need the Oceanaire.”
      “I agree, old chum! A couple of weeks relaxing on a Caribbean beach would do wonders for us.”
      “No…not the ‘ocean air.’ I meant the Oceanaire.”
      “Robin, have you been reading Funky Winkerbean again?”

    • be ware of eve hill

      Oceanaire saline nasal spray? I thought it sounded like a bathroom deodorizer.

      I believe someone said Oceanaire is a seafood restaurant chain and an air conditioner brand.

      Both make more sense than a superhero name. I doubt the name Oceanaire would strike too much fear in the bad guys.

  8. none

    This week, two Ideas Guys talk about Ideas, establishing nothing further than four characters initial single sketches and names, and then today’s entry touches on creative right ownership.

    Stardusters is made and there is more discussion attributing its genesis to Hoagy Carmichael than there is about anything that the comic is about or what its characters do.

    Phil Holt comes back form the dead and the last thing Ruby Lith says out loud in the arc, at a panel at which she’s the headlining presence and is literally upstaged from it, concerns rights ownership. Prior to that, the central point to Phil’s previous actions at Batom Comics was rights ownership.

    Ideas Guy likes to talk about Ideas and very little else, but he will make god damned sure that there is some time in the strip to publicly discuss ownership rights for these arcs. We can establish this as being his true passion, yes?

    I am The World’s Greatest Comic Strip Writer. My characters. My work. Me. Me. Me.

  9. The Duck of Death

    Anyone glance at the BattyBlog today? Highly unusual. He’s posted one of the magazine covers Alphonse Mucha did for Hearst’s International in the early 20s. It’s vaguely Christmas-themed (December issue), so it’s not even particularly seasonal.

    I can’t quarrel with posting a Mucha, but there’s no context or explanation. Very odd.

    • Tom from Finland

      It’s now close enough to Valentine’s day and the cover has kind of Valentines day’s type of feeling, so Batiuk probably decided that it’s good enough for a Valentine’s day post.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      If only blogs had some kind of… verbal component, which the author could use to explain his reasoning for the images he chooses to display there.

      • The Duck of Death

        I’m picturing the English assignment from Tommy Batiuk, Age 11:

        Did you enjoy reading The Yearling? Write a paragraph of at least several lines explaining why or why not. Be specific.

        The Yearling was a very, very, very, very, very, very good story. It had a deer. It was sad. It was very, very, very, very, very good. I liked it. The cover was a boy and a deer and it was very, very, very, very, very nice.

  10. Banana Jr. 6000

    “We’re back into who-made-up-what territory?” I’m sorry, Phil, did we go there sometime this week? And “we’re a unit”? Does that include the guy you were actively excluding?

    • ComicBookHarriet

      No, they said they’re ‘a unit’ specifically to exclude Pete. And I don’t blame them.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        That can’t be Batiuk’s intent, though. It implies a power struggle, which can’t exist in the World’s Most Perfect Comic Book Company, in Noconflictville, Ohio.

        Pete’s Backstory Randomizer must have landed on “Young Starting Out Guy” again this week. Maybe next week it’ll land on World’s Greatest Comic Book Writer or Guy Who Wrote The Multi-Octillion Dollar Movie again, when he’s asked to write Lisa’s Story 2.

  11. The Duck of Death

    Jeezum Crow, just when you think it cannot get any dumber, or any lazier… it does. Somehow it does.

  12. Chester the Dog

    Does Karen Moy brainstorm like this, too?