Finally. It all makes perfect sense now! Boy Lisa is turning Phil Holt’s terrible spaceship drawing into a skeet target, which they will then shoot with Mitchell’s unwanted handgun. It was just so obvious all along. I’m quite frankly embarrassed and ashamed that we didn’t see this coming. Focus, people. Gotta start staying on freaking topic around here, dammit.
The biggest mystery? Why does Boy Lisa have modeling clay just lying around? He’s an illustrator/storyboarder, not a sculptor or a, uh, clay-molderer. Right now, I have to believe that SoSF commenter J.J. O’Malley might have been on to something yesterday, as this whole thing is veering off in a seriously queasy direction.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Once the sculpture is completed, how much will Kitch Swoon pay for it? Will it feature in a Phil Holt gallery show, or will it be the centerpiece of some sort of “Art of Komix” multi-artist extravaganza? Will Chester Hagglemore and Mitchell Knox get into a bidding war over it?
And is there anyone on the entire planet aside from Tom Batiuk who could possibly even have the merest fraction of a scintilla of an iota of a smidgen of interest in this stupid plot?
“And is there anyone on the entire planet aside from Tom Batiuk who could possibly even have the merest fraction of a scintilla of an iota of a smidgen of interest in this stupid plot?”
The answer just might surprise you! Scroll down to see more!
As far as I could see, the answer is ‘no’. I mean, of course, in any real, non-ironic actual story-experiencing sense, as opposed to “Purely as an exercise in the limits of the theoretical, I’m interested in discovering if there’s a way for this to get even stupider.”
Which, granted, is maybe the only legitimate way to ‘enjoy’ the current iteration of the strip!
I’m not sure Batty is interested in it either. I really wonder about his mental state.
There is no connection to yesterday’s strip. CBH, don’t let that stop you from creating your own adult take on the topic.
But seriously, there is no connection, unless Boy Lisa plans on disassembling the handgun, and molding the clay around it to form the spaceship. 🚀
In my best bwoeh voice: “Oh, Skyler dear! Your Daddy took the handgun that killed your GranDaddy and made you a special toy. The ship’s torpedoes actually work!”
Ah, but you see MR. SP, that is the SKILL of Batiuk’s writing. The preservation of mystery and questions. These two strips might APPEAR to be unrelated, but with the benefit of hindsight, when the tale is complete, you’ll understand how it all fits together.
Why does the camera keep cutting to rats? What does THAT have to do with anything? Why was there a LEMON TREE in the background of that scene?
Someday, we’ll know.
It’s just like Breaking Bad!
CBH, you have comforted me. I can rest knowing that these 2 strips can join in matrimony and produce ‘plot’ children.
In my best bwoeh voice: ???
You read my comments with a certain voice in mind?
(slowly backs away)
You have piqued my interest, sir. What does your “best bwoeh voice” sound like? Lauren Bacall? Audrey Hepburn, Kathleen Turner, Eartha Kitt? Jennifer Tilly? Kristen Schaal? Fran Drescher?
Oh, no! In your mind’s ear, I sound like the Crazy Cat Lady. Don’t I?
(Snicker, snicker. giggle, giggle.) Mr. bwoeh, if I remember correctly, has said that you have a soft, melodious voice. You have described your appearance sort of like Kristen Chenoweth, so I am guessing you sound like her. On your next post, sing it. Do not write it. I will compare. Would that be so heinous?
Mr. bwoeh said I have a soft, melodious voice? Well, he’s a little biased. I’m sure there are some days he thinks I sound like a banshee.
Kristen Chenoweth? Mmmm, no. I’m a good ten inches taller and not blonde.
I’ve been told I resemble Laura Dern (except she’s slightly taller, slightly younger… and blonde).
Sing? Yes, that would be heinous. I can’t carry a tune in a bucket. While singing hymns at church, instead of singing, I pretend to sing by opening and closing my mouth like goldfish.
Eve, you are the original lip syncer!
Regarding the fourth (!) week of this fakakta JD-related arc, I don’t know if I was “on to something” yesterday, but Lord knows I wish that wasn’t the case, because it sure looks as if Batiuk is about to break the goofy meter again.
Given all available evidence, it sure seems like the only possible path this story could take. Then again, with this Batiuk guy, you never really know. It really is kind of astounding how he managed to work Phil Holt’s idiotic drawing back into the plot though, isn’t it? I mean, none of this would have occurred to anyone else.
Batiuk can’t throw away his story points fast enough. What happened to Jessica wanting of a memento of her father? Now she wants it converted into something else completely? And what of Channel One re-hiring that dumb couple? Guess they’re quitting again! That failed movie theater isn’t going to fail itself! The failed movie theater they still somehow have ownership of despite selling it to someone else, and which is in the same condition despite the buyers converted the building to a different purpose. It was randomly discovered by a Hollywood celebrity who is just randomly throwing money at them to run it, despite them being the reason it failed. What’s the point of anything?
I think the story in Crankshaft is more repulsive than the story here. Such BS, all of it in service of Batty’s silly interests.
That isn’t how you sculpt clay into anything more sophisticated than a summer-camp ash tray. You use sculpting tools to shape the clay; otherwise you’re going to leave thumbprints all over the piece. And if you’re going to build a model of anything, you’ll need more than a single sketch that shows one side of it. And how is he going to dry it? Clay generally requires a kiln. You can put a piece in a kitchen oven, if you’re using something like Sculpey, but that isn’t what’s meant by “modeling clay” and large pieces don’t dry properly in an oven.
Let’s see if I understand this: Dimbulb is going to hid the gun inside a handmade model of Phil Holt’s badly-drawn Mon Calamari Star Cruiser so no one will suspect he intends to shoot… uh, Phil? Chester? Mitchell Knox? Peter Mossman? Masonne Jarre? Les?
Yeah, let’s go with Les.
Why does Skyler have to be asleep? These two regularly shove off and do things without him, leaving him to wander the slums of east Westview or, worse, have Pete and Mindy babysit him. Durwood could practice his new magically-granted sculpting skills about whenever he wants (likely at work) and not have to worry about catching Sky’s eyes.
“Modeling ClayE“? Did Durwood get it from his good friend Masone Jarre?
Does he keep modeling clay around the house specifically for this kind of eventuality?
“Why, that’s a SWELL idea, Jess! Fetch me my modeling clay!”
Or, upon hearing her idea, did Boy Lisa immediately drive to the nearest art supply store, then return home and immediately master yet another artistic discipline? “Well, I already draw and storyboard, how hard could clay modeling be?”. The whole story is just littered with unanswered questions like this.
Maybe he is a Scientologist, they love to play with that stuff. Mason and Cindy probably recruited him.
Fetch me Mahatma Kane Jeeves, as W.C. Fields would say.
If Skyler is going to end up playing with a clay spaceship, how long before he drops it? “Daddy daddy daddy the Xanax Warriors blowed up my rocket ship!”
Again, it doesn’t matter if having a murder weapon inspires Boy Lisa to do something related to comics. These two nitwits wouldn’t know gun safety if it bit him so Skyler is going to end up like the dude from Chicago who forgot two important things:
1) ALWAYS assume a round is chambered.
2) Never point a gun at something you are not willing to see destroyed…..like, say, your own head.
Terry Kath! I was thinking about him this week after seeing his replacement in Chicago (Donnie Dacus) in “Hair.” (He plays Woof.)
What a coincidence. Jupiter must be aligning with Mars, or Lisa and Bull are twinkling above us as we twinkle below.
Color my world with hope
I’ll do my best, sorialpromise, though the rain, it raineth every day.
To extend the Chicago image, even those who don’t really know what time it is know that you can’t keep showing “The Phantom Empire” and expect to make a profit.
The concept does Make me Smile.
But my response is question 67 and 68 on my list.
Or–as Kath had just enough time to think once he pulled the trigger and felt the chamber’s weight–Baby, What a Big Surprise.
I’m thinking the modeling clay must have been leftover from that time Darrin was tasked with designing the toys and action figures and other merchandising swag for the Starsuck Prequel Trilogy, I guess??
I don’t know what’s more ridiculous — The fact that the director and lead actor of a billion dollar movie would handle merch design instead of, you know, some mega conglomerate toy corporation; or the fact that they would delegate the responsibility to some inexperienced sketch artist no one ever heard of…
But of course the merch was a runaway success so that’s yet another forgotten source of phantom income which by itself should have made Darren a millionaire many times over (yet it didn’t result in a lucrative job in the toy industry because Funkyverse logic)… No wonder he and the wifey have so much free time on their hands and can skip out on work or parenting whenever it suits them…
It’s Because He’s Just So Talented! As a comic book artist, Darren is the greatest form of creative human that can possibly exist. All other forms of art, from building web apps to prototyping toys with clay, are so far beneath him that all he has to do is keep the basic tools around to complete any project.
Another longtime Funkyverse trope that pisses me off is how universally well behaved babies and toddlers are… Say what you will about High and Lois, Luann, Mary Worth, Family Circus, Marvin, Jumpstart, FBOFW, etc… But those babies/toddlers would scream all night, throw tantrums in public, cry, fight, get into trouble or potentially dangerous situations, vomit, throw their food, soil their diapers at inconvenient times, and cause infinite amounts of parental strife because of childcare and/or scheduling conflicts… Not in the Funkyverse, though — These babies practically raise themselves with only minimal supervision needed and never, ever act as obstacles to what a parent is trying to do at any given time…
FFS I don’t even have kids of my own yet how do I know this when TomBa doesn’t??
Like everything else in the Funkyverse, they’re basically 1950s kids. They have no interest in technology, anything modern, or anything that isn’t comic books.
I know it’s bullshit because Krankenschaaften, AKA the grandaddy of all mean, ugly, misanthropic grouches and notorious terrorizer of children, has had a baby living in his home for the past several months and there hasn’t been a single complaint out of him…
Right. This is a perfect setup for some crazy antics between Cranky and his great grandson. But no, we get to see his idiot grandkid act like a complete fool.
They don’t even have that interest, really. We’ve seen a few children (all male) at the Komix Korner, accompanied by their fathers, but we don’t see modern kids reading comics to anything like the frequency of Young!Jeff or Young!Batton in memories or adults like Masonne and Adult!Jeff curled up in the attic with their Silver Age comics.
I seem to recall Skyler having one grumpy episode about getting clothes for Christmas. But otherwise he’s been a proxy for D-boy to suck up to Phil Holt.
Batiuk has no idea what modern kids actually read, and if he did I’m sure he wouldn’t understand it.
A lot of Fifties kids had an interest in technology, among many other things that weren’t comic books. The problem is that Batiuk rarely looks beyond his own experiences. When he does, he gets it wrong–cf. Cliff Anger vs. McCarthy, or his riff on Fatty Arbuckle’s troubles.
An interesting point. Perhaps it’s because the kids are actually vampires like Renesmee Cullen.
(Bella Swan gets even more free stuff thrown at her than the inhabitants of Westview and Centerville.)
“Pretty scary, boys and girls!” — Count Floyd, host of “Monster Chiller Horror Theatre”
Watterson never had children and yet he was able to accurately replicate the minds of young children and use that to come up with interesting insights and humorous stories.
Batty used to be able to write some decent jokes and make some interesting observations. But once he was freed from the shackles of having an editor he went off the deep end.
They’re well-behaved except when the parents dump them on the grandparents. Then the kids are balls of toxic energy who run the old folks to exhaustion. Which is a thing that happens in the real world, and when it happens more than a few times it’s a sign of bad parenting. Somehow Batiuk seems well-informed on how to be a bad parent.
So… he’s going to have a mold made of his clay sculpture, and the gun melted down and cast into the mold, is that it?
I hope not, since anyone who can see where a given arc is going should get to a neurologist quick and get a full dementia screening.
But it’s such a morbid, repulsive idea that it would fit this morbid, repulsive arc and the entire morbid, repulsive strip….
I don’t hate you, but I hate the fact that you are probably right and there’s nothing that I can do about it.
Gosh these stories go in such odd directions. If this strip had a theme song, it would be by Ornette Coleman.
I think the author might be going for something he regards as big here. Maybe Atomik Komix (or however the eff you spell it) will enter the toy merchandise market with a line of old-timey spaceships and such featuring actual molecules of steel from melted-down firearms.
The awards are afoot!
If I’m right about having the gun cast into a spaceship toy — and Lord, I hope I’m not — then I foresee a heavy-handed “swords into plowshares” message here.
And Puff Batty, smirking as the brilliant story unfolds day by day, strip by strip, once again adjusts the spotlight on that special, empty spot on the wall just above the center of his mantelpiece. For so long it’s shone on bare, barren brick. But soon… soon comes the Pulitzer to take its rightful place over the hearth. Soon… it’s just a waiting game now…
I can see something far more stupid here: Dullard makes the clay spaceship, bakes it in the oven, paints it, lets Skylark drool over it–then sets it up as a target and shoots it with the Darling murder pistol. “See how dangerous guns are?” he says as Skeeter bawls his eyes out.
That idea is so out there, it could be very good. Edgy. Quite readable. I like it!
Krankenschaaften:
1. I guess Masone is lucky he didn’t get married at the Eiffel Tower or the Taj Mahal or the Great Wall of Red China lest he have to buy one of those instead…
1a. Masone was so “sentimental” about the place where he got hitched that he completely forgot about it for 4-5 years and only remembered it on a whim while driving by…
2. Well Montoni’s is where Masone and Cindye had their first date, er, I mean 100% professional and legit “media interview” which was completely above board, so why isn’t he buying that place as well?
Yeah, another well written and plausible story from Batty.
Batty must have friends at the Cedar Lee in Cleveland Heights.
http://cinematreasures.org/theaters/2871/photos
Ok, I was wrong. While Batty draws The Valentine like the Cedar Lee, there was an actual Valentine in Toledo, Ohio.
http://cinematreasures.org/theaters/486
But do you think that TomBa’s “research” would have actually have found it?
“If I’m right about having the gun cast into a spaceship toy — and Lord, I hope I’m not — then I foresee a heavy-handed “swords into plowshares” message here.”
That is so creepy and demented that it actually makes sense that this is the direction we’re headed. And of course TomBa has no idea how complicated the process of firearm destruction by smelting is.
https://abc7.com/rancho-cucamonga-gun-melt-illegal-guns-melted-weapons/2233829/
Chelsea Edwards of KABC 7 NEWS is all right… A bona fide sex machine!
If she was 67 years old she might be able to pass for Cindye Sommerse-Winkerbeane-Jarre…
Washington Post in the last year ran a story about the appalling number of child deaths caused by crap-ass firearms security in the home. And the majority of parents were never charged with negligence – I guess on the pretext that they “had suffered enough” and maybe “had learned their lesson” (I’d love to see some follow-up on whether they did in fact change anything).
That would actually be a storyline worth considering, but TB has already done his one-dimensional gun violence story (containing no violence or threat of violence), plus it would mean acknowledging that Boy Lisa and She Whose Dad Was Murdered are neglectful parents.
The clay model is to make a mold so they can melt down the gun to make a spaceship, spaceship, SPACESHIP! And honestly, destroying a murder weapon to make a child’s toy feels like the type of trite and obvious fantasy that a writer whose solution to an ICE storyline was “Bill Clinton to the rescue!” would come up with.
What bugs the hell out of me is the implication that Darin’s going to try and pull it off in a single all-nighter.
The murder weapon is *obviously* going to be the *armature* in the raygun. Years from now, it will accidentally kill someone who was going to die of cancer, anyway, because no one ever bothered to check if it were loaded. This will lead to reminiscing about Lisa.
I don’t know if I subscribe to the theory of the gun getting melted down and cast into a toy spaceship. A revolver like the one that killed John Darling could easily weigh a pound.
Is it a good idea to let Skyler potentially throw around a toy that heavy? Think of the walls, lamps and furnishings. You might as well hand Skyler a hammer and watch as he goes nuts, punching holes in the dry wall and smashing everything in the house.😬
Not to mention human skulls.
Skyler: Daddy! Catch the spaceship!
(Skyler beans Duhruin in the head with the spaceship)
Skyler: Daddy? Wake up. This is no time to sleep… Daddy?
Duhruin continues to lay upon the ground as an ever widening crimson pool engulfs his head. 🥳
On second thought, go ahead and make that toy, Darin. Knock yourself out.
Oops.