So to recap: an unstable weirdo they’d met only minutes before gave Boy Lisa and Jessica a misplaced handgun, which they then brought home and brandished while their eight year old son gleefully potty-trained in the background. Oh, and it’s not just any gun, but the gun that was used to kill Jessica’s father, John Darling. All very wholesome and normal.
And now, it would appear that Jessica is urging Boy Lisa to somehow use the handgun to…uh, I dunno, get Phil Holt to draw more spaceships for Skyler? I mean, only a fool would attempt to predict where this could be going, so I’ll leave that up to y’all. Just kidding. But seriously, WTF? This just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Jessica is going to give birth to another mutant? She wants someone to draw a picture of the gun that’s just as reality-free as that spaceship picture? Batiuk has gone from word salads to word smorgasbords: you’re not even sure what’s been thrown into the mix.
And all this time I thought I was the resident dirty filthy twisted lewd little mind at SOSF… Respect!
You have to raise your game, son. She’s passing you!
*choke* *cough* (leans back in chair, fanning myself)
Oh mercy me, I do declare, I have the vapors!
(someone please fetch me a glass of cool water)
Seriously though, this couple has shown a propensity for making out anywhere and in front of anyone.
What a day for SOSF body emissions:
“Snark Diarrhea” and “the Vapors”
Mr. bwoeh believes “the vapors” is just an excuse posh ladies use when they pass gas. Note the way they quickly fan themselves to get rid of the evidence.
😂
I yield to Mr. bwoeh’s greater knowledge.
So Mitchell gave them the gun and the coffee mug?
And did they check to make sure the gun isn’t loaded before bringing it home? Do they even know how to open the cylinder to make sure that there isn’t a round in firing position in the cylinder?
And even more basic – Given the reaction they exhibited last week when Darin discovered it, why did they bring the murder weapon home anyway?
I’m uneasy at the thought of someone who owns that drawing having a gun, regardless of what they intend to do with it…
And apparently they were just driving around with this unregistered handgun of unknown origin, and now it’s in their house, the house they share with a somewhat dimwitted eight year old, no less. It’s like the beginning of a really bad TV movie or an episode of “Dragnet”.
One Dragnet in particular comes to mind.
Marijuana is the fuse, heroin is the flame, LSD is the bomb.
Joe Friday was a much harder man in the 1960s than he was in the 1950s. Maybe it was being demoted back to sergeant, or losing Officer Frank Smith as a partner…
Gak!
I thought I was flabbergasted last week and now this.
I have not found a comic strip this fascinatingly appalling since Lynn Johnston warned Lizabeth that if she didn’t settle in and marry Granthony she was going to kill Grandpa Jim.
Good Lord, she actually took the gun. And it appears she’s going to use the weapon used in her father’s murder as a bargaining chip for free artwork? Gross. I think she has just become the most repugnant person in the strip, and that’s quite a feat considering who all lives nearby.
This can’t be what it looks like, can it? Please tell me Jessica’s not going to suggest to her spouse that Delamore somehow turn the gun that killed her father (Murdered talk show host John Darling, who…oh, you know the rest) into a toy spaceship that their offspring of indeterminate age could play with. Please tell me that’s not where we’re heading.
And why, exactly, did she have to whisper to him? Their brat was nowhere near them, and they had no trouble waving the gun around in his presence.
Whatever happens, it will be more frustrating and boring than what we can imagine. Here is the secret to Mr. Batiuk: in spite of all the FW experts on this site, he has the enormous capacity to find the most disappointing and worst possible conclusions to his stories.
Similar to ABC’s LOST. I watched every episode. Read most of the weekly commentaries. Doc Jeff Jensen’s blogs were SOSF quality. But then the final episode. Game of Thrones worthy crap.
LOST had an actor, Terry O’Quinn, that the brain trust loved, but apparently hated his character. Then the brain trust had an actor, they apparently hated, Titus Welliver, but they loved the character, Man in Black. So they combined them with Terry O’Quinn. The solution sucked!
I sense a disturbance in the force. I have a bad feeling about this. Sometimes, I hate being right.
I have an Australian friend who despises Titus Welliver for his performance as Harry Bosch. I should ask if she has any opinions of “Lost.”
The radio show “Suspense” had a Man in Black hosting its early years. The voice belonged to Joseph Kearns, who would go on to portray Mr. Wilson on “Dennis the Menace.”
I remember Joseph Kearns. He often performed on “the Jack Benny Show.” He also had a small role with a comedy line in “Anatomy of a Murder” 1959 Otto Preminger starring James Stewart. Great film. Great soundtrack by Duke Ellington. It is one of 3 films I keep on my DVR.
The other 2 are “the Gentlemen” 2019 Guy Ritchie starring Matthew McConaughey and a host of great actors. Especially one that I did not recognize until the credits and was completely shocked.
The 3rd is “Lincoln” 2012 Steven Spielberg starring Daniel Day-Lewis and another host of great actors. I am not aware of any bad Lincoln films. This film proves it. The film is all about Congress passing a constitutional amendment. It is gripping! (Another film about Lincoln is “Young Mr. Lincoln” 1939 John Ford starring Henry Fonda. Wonderful soundtrack. Ford reuses part of it in “the Man who shot Liberty Valence.” 1962 Lee Marvin is worthy to be mentioned as portraying one of film’s greatest villains.
What about “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”?
Haven’t seen that one but did read the book. I liked the book. Yet maybe it was because my daughter and I read the book at the same time.
What was surreal was seeing the doctored pictures in the book, and then seeing the real pictures in Ken Burns, “the Civil War.”
I’ve heard some pretty dismal things about D.W. Griffith’s “Abraham Lincoln” from 1930, but I’ve never seen it, so I can’t corroborate (or refute) them.
I saw “Young Mr. Lincoln” from start to finish for the first time on February 12, 2009 (the bicentennial of its subject’s birth) in a double-feature with Anthony Mann’s “Tall Target.” It was an inspired pairing.
(One day I have to see Mann’s “Black Book” to see if he did as well with the Reign of Terror as he did with the period before Lincoln took office. Based on the Westerns from him I’ve seen, I think he must have.)
Spielberg’s “Lincoln” is a splendid achievement. It is weird, though, that you wouldn’t know from it that Vice-President Hannibal Hamlin would leave office on March 4th, and Andrew Johnson (recently mentioned at SOSF!) would succeed him. (And six weeks later would succeed Lincoln.) But any objections I may have had basically faded when I saw a silent Native American in General Grant’s camp: he was Ely S. Parker, and that Spielberg and screenwriter Tony Kushner included him proved that they wanted to do this right.
The source material for the movie is Doris Kearns Goodwin’s *Team of Rivals,* and if you read Gore Vidal’s *Lincoln* novel, it’s almost as if he knew that somebody would write a book like that and he wanted to offer his own riposte to it. Near the end, Lincoln is getting ready to take the oath of office for the second time and he remarks to Secretary of State William H. Seward and Secretary of the Navy Gideon Welles that the three of them are the only ones left from the first inauguration.
I don’t know ‘The Gentlemen,” but I certainly know “Anatomy of a Murder.” It is a gem.
Kearns played several roles on radio’s “Jack Benny Program,” but his best is Ed, the guard of Benny’s vault, who’s been at his work so long that he doesn’t know what year (and sometimes even what century) it is.
1. You shocked me. I did not know that Kearns was the voice of the vault guard. Benny is my all time favorite comedian. My daughter got me a temporary subscription to Audible and I listened to some of his radio programs. As for his TV program, any episode of James Stewart with Barbara Nichols is comedy gold. Benny said once, “I don’t care who gets the laughs as long as the show is funny.” He was very generous in more ways than one.
2. I have seen “the Tall Target.” Both the production and the setting are so prophetic about our own day and time politically. Anthony Mann always gives 100%. I will check out Black Book.
3. It is a joy to converse with you. It is amazing the quality of people that Mr. Batiuk attracts to his strip.
“Why did you want this thing anyway?” Boy Lisa asks the question that I’m sure we’re all stupefied by. Because… seriously, WHY would you want the gun that was used to murder your father? (I mean, I’m sure something that’s supposed to resemble an answer is coming up, but I’m also sure it’s going to be completely deranged, given how utterly unhinged this story has been so far. Not that I haven’t been loving this past week; it’s been far more entertaining than at least the last decade of the comic…)
Well, I am delightfully surprised to see this plot line continue. Guess Boy Lisa really can do a shirt-hide trick. That or the old “actually there IS a gun my pocket!” trick.
As for Jessica’s cunning plan, if it isn’t a DIY toy spaceship as Mela guessed, my guess is turning it into a “harmless” toy ray gun, or some prop for Starbucks Jones 2. Either way is naturally pretty dumb, and I can only wonder what gun hobbyists would think of such casual tinkering with a lethal weapon.
Also this reminds me: there was actually a Batman story (Detective Comics 1000, in fact) where Brucie finds and acquires the gun used to kill his parents, and chooses the symbolic purpose of reforging it’s metal into the chest armor that goes right under his flashy yellow Bat-Emblem. It was pretty cute for a milestone comic, and I can’t help but wonder if this plot direction is a trademark “tip of the Funky felt tip” to his dream job, as he so loves to do.
I don’t know about you guys, but I’d rather read a strip using the story that little Skycap is making up about a spaceman, a shark, and a ghost.
I said before she is going to give the gun to Les as a gift. Les’s book did so much to get to the truth about the Darling murder. He can display it next to his Best Actress Oscar for Lisa’s Story
Or use it to shoot the Pizza Monster this Halloween
I would not be the least bit surprised (at either of those outcomes.)
Perhaps it figures into the upcoming Funkshaft Crankerbean mish-mash, in which Masoné Jarré The Actor turns on the TV in his Centerville hotel room, is fascinated by the endless repeats of the “John Darling (Who Was Murdered)” show, and becomes obsessed with filming JD’s life story—especially after learning that Less Moore wrote the Definitive* Biography of JDWWM. The gun will end up moving from Less’s mantelpiece to the set, where a “Rust”-like mishap will occur (timing’s about right, given Batty’s well-publicized two-year lead time). With any luck, Masoné will shoot Les. P. U. Litzer Prize, here we come!
*it’s “definitive” because it’s the only one
I — for once, I have no words. Speechless! O_O
P4:
BL “hey I forgot to mention that when I found the gun in the desk drawer there were also a bunch of your dad’s autopsy photos. Man, they were gross”
DOJDWWM “autopsy photos!?! That’s the best memento yet. Let’s get back over there!”
BL “but Jess, we just left the kid alone for two hours. Child services said we were on our last strike.”
DOJDWWM (already in the car) “LET’S GO!!!!”
This is absurd. She should be returning the damned thing to the police evidence locker so she can avoid a felony conviction for owning a stolen weapon.
I dunno, Creepy McWeirdo said everything he had was obtained legally, and if you can’t trust a guy who obsessively collects firearms and autopsy photos, who can you trust?
I choose to believe that Jessica is having a mental breakdown because of the horror of being handed her own father’s murder weapon.
Ayers has been on fire this week. I can hear Darrin’s whiny “eugh” as he continues to hold a gun like a dipshit.
I’ve been telling y’all that Jessica is just as fucked in the head as Mitchell Knox… At least Knox doesn’t try to deny or hide the fact that he’s batshit insane…
A couple weeks ago, when the spaceship drawing first popped up, Epicus, BSJ6K and Sorial mused on if it would come back in some way. I really didn’t think so. I figured it was a one and done kinda deal.
Kudos to those guys for proving me wrong. After all my hours of research I still don’t know Batiuk as well as Epicus does.
“While I think the drawing will definitely factor in, I’ll think it’ll play out in a way that none of us are warped enough to accurately imagine. He’ll find a resolution that’s WAY dumber and duller, because it’s what he does.”
It’s one of Batiuk’s tells, whenever something is oddly specific, it usually means something. Although not always. Sometimes a green pitcher is just a pitcher. And sometimes what you think you know gets totally upended out of nowhere.
It still resembles a toy elephant with horse blinders to me. Spaceship my heinie.
My guesses for the whispered line:
a)”Let’s give it to Skyler”
b)”Let’s throw it into trash”
“Let’s ‘give it’ to Les.”
In the U.K., Derek Bentley and Chris Craig were committing a robbery. A police officer cornered them, and Bentley said to Craig: “Let him have it, Chris.”
He meant “give him the gun”; however, Craig interrupted it to mean “shoot him.” So he did, the police officer died and while Craig had committed the shooting, he wasn’t a legal adult. Bentley, who was, went to the gallows for a misunderstood order.
So, Darin and Jessica, choose your words carefully, because if you don’t, there might be tragic consequences…and, even worse. Elvis Costello will never, ever write a song for you like “Let Him Dangle” (on the *Spike* album).
Or Ralph McTell’s “Bentley and Craig,” which June Tabor sings magnificently on *Aleyn.*
And never mind Ewan MacColl, father of the taken-too-soon Kirsty, with his “Ballad of Derek Bentley.” (Kirsty, as far as I know, never referred to Ewan as “my father, who was not murdered.” MacColl died of complications after heart surgery.)
Correction: while MacColl sang “The Ballad of Derek Bentley,” he didn’t write it. Its composer was Karl Dallas.
Don’t tell me I’m the first one to predict that these two items will be used to somehow inspire the creation of Atomikkk Komixxx’x next thrilling bestselling series title…
And naturally, instead of giving a shout out to Mitch for the idea, they’ll give official partial credit to Colt or Remington or the NRA or some bullshit (See: Pete’s “Stardusters”)
Come on, Hitorque. In your heart of hearts, you know somehow, someway, Les will get inspirational credit.
IM BAAAACCCKKK!!!!!!
Was on vacation for two weeks in Romania and Hungary. Spent all day yesterday on airplanes so I had time to catch up on this strip and Crankshaft. I now have snark diarrhea! My apologies if my thoughts mirror those previously discussed, but the snark is being pushed out and I have no control over it. Sorry for the splatter!
Is Batty talking about his own life as an obsessive collector ? Does he realize that he is stuck in the past and is now totally unable to relate to anything in present reality? No, I think this arc is just the result of his usual sloppy writing process. I really don’t think he is capable of seeing his faults.
Wow, he really wrote strips talking about Cleveland TV stars from long ago. I would have chosen SuperHost, Ghoulardi, or Houlihan and Big Chuck, but I’m sure they were not picked because all used to rip on the crappy old films they featured on their shows. This probably upset Batty.
SuperHost kept his schtick up till he died and would show up at local events dressed in costume. He would laugh and take pictures with his fans.
But does anybody care about old Cleveland TV? I grew up with it and I don’t. I enjoyed some of their shows but none would make an interesting comic, well not if Batty is writing it.
And that Mitchell Knox character, wow I thought Batty was doing a prestige arc on bipolar disorder. And why is he using the name Mitch so often? Is that the name of his favorite uncle or some other special person in Batty’s life? FW has turned into Batty’s Instagram page, since we know he would never actually use Instagram, heck, he can’t even put together a basic webpage.
“Snark Diarrhea!”
What a word picture! Crap! Damn! Now it’s an ear worm!
I envy you. Someday, I would love to visit Romania and Hungary. I bet 2 weeks were not enough. I bet it sped by like snark diarrhea.
Absolutely beautiful with warm friendly people and great food.
I had a part 2 to my post, but maBye it got stuck in moderation?
This will turn into a huge anti-gun arc. They will probably turn it in to the cops on some buy-back’ program and buy a spaceship for Skyler.
That actually makes sense. So no way.
I’m still not done splatter painting this blog with snark diarrhea. Crankshaft has been even worse than FW. Crankshaft was at least tolerable, but now Batty has to ruin that strip too.
Let’s see, Ed’s friend Ralph can’t keep the theater running and so he offloads it on Ed’s sucker grandkid and her husband who also can’t seem to turn a profit….and it all turns into a preachy arc about showing “films” as opposed to movies. Films being any obscure, low budget crap that Batty likes because it makes him feel like a real film connoisseur.
I suspect The Valentine is modeled after the Cedar Lee Theatre in Cleveland Heights. It’s an old timey theatre saved by a film buff. I’ve been there many times for the Jewish Film Festival and other special showings, but nowadays my wife and I just stream/download what we want. True, the film fest costs less overall, but like most people, going to the movies is a chore. One of my childhood friends had his film featured there and so I did attend that in person to support him.
Angel investors: Sorry Batty but that is modern usage for venture capitalists who take big risks funding highly speculative and unproven business models. But if the business takes off the angel and the owner both make lots of money.
Buying an old theater does not fall into this category.
Patrons are those who invest in the arts, artists, etc. You could compare this to angel investing for sure, but even this doesn’t apply here. Here, Masone is the owner and the kids are employees. In the unlikely event they make money, Mason is entitled to the profits and he uses those to pay the salaries of the employees.
So those kids will once again quit their prestigious TV network jobs to work minimum wage without benefits? And they are happy about this? They have a child of their own they need to provide for.
As my Jewish mom would say: “Don’t be an idiot, do something with your life.”
It’s the Funkyverse, which means now that they’ve got backing from an eccentric millionaire, everything they try from now on will be an unqualified moneymaking success despite having no business plan or strategy whatsoever (SEE: Chester Hagglemore’s Atomikkk Comixxx, which seems to be growing a forest of money trees even though they’ve got the highest paid staff in the industry in some fairly expensive gentrified office space in Cleveland’s Warehouse District or wherever and 80% of the time, nobody is actually doing any work.)
We all know Batiuk’s “formula” by now… Masone will no not only grossly overcompensate the two lovebirds, he’ll scratch out a blank check to get the entire place painted, scrub the sex stains out of the seats, redecorated, reupholstered, fumigated, cleared of mold and vermin, upgrade the pluming and the HVAC system, and cover all expenses+taxes… But Masone will of course leave the carcinogens and 1950s-era fire/safety hazards baked in so he can be “authentic to the times”… Then Masone will cut the lovebirds in for at least 50 percent of the profits out of the goodness of his heart because of course he will, and the only thing left to do will be to hire a bunch of ninety-something old-timey movie theater or studio employees, and Batiuk’s work on this Earth will be complete.
Meanwhile, in Krankenschaaften…
1. YES DUDE, WE GET IT!! You’ve told the entire state of Ohio a zillion times already that your brat son was conceived **AND** born in that dumbassed theater… No, you don’t have to illustrate the fact that your young wife is biologically capable of bearing offspring and you have a functional sex organ… People a whole lot dumber than you in the state of Ohio have intimate relations with each other and pop out hellspawn, so just get over yourself already!!
1a. I mean FFS… It’s almost like dude was thinking in the back of his mind: “If there’s no more Valentine Theater, then that means no more sex! And if there’s no more sex then we won’t get to have any more children!!” If little Nutley Junior had been conceived and/or born in the back of a rusted out ’71 AMC Hornet, would Batiuk have had Masone drop a huge check to resurrect the entire AMC corporation ?
2. This is the first I’m hearing that Krankenschaaften actually delivered his great-grandson… Do I even want to know what he was doing in an empty movie theater which was playing a movie he didn’t give a shit about on a 24/7 loop? A movie theater where the owners notoriously enjoyed having loud jungle sex in the seats??
2.
I figure your question was rhetorical, but there may be a few inquiring minds. It was an incredibly contrived story.
The snowstorm of the century had hit Centerville. The theater was featuring a Butter Bricknel film festival. Since there were no customers, Max and Hannah decided to shut down the theater and go home. Naturally, Crankshaft, the eternal buttinsky, shows up with his girlfriend Mary in tow. Mary is a big Butter Bricknel fan (of course she is). The show must go on because nobody can refuse Crankshaft (the irresistible force, the immovable object, both?) It was just the four of them. Five, including the Mitch to be.
There were a few other clichés. A passing snowplow blocked the front doors with snow. Princess Hannah sent Max out into the storm because she needed her sitting pillow and other precious items if they were going to spend the night at the theater. Naturally, Max gets stuck in a ditch and barely makes it back in time to witness the birth. Batiuk’s contrived writing at its best. Its worst?
Story arc starts
https://v7.comicskingdom.net/comics/crankshaft/2020-02-10/
——————————
Speaking of births, I’d like to thank all of you who recommended House of the Dragon.
*** SPOILERS ***
As a woman who gave birth via Caesarean section, I had fun watching Mr. bwoeh squirm during the childbirth scene in episode one. Yeah, buddy, I went through something like that. You did that to me. I couldn’t wear a bikini after that because of you. Wuss. 😂
Yeah, the Game of Thrones universe is not a great place for women.
Eve, thank you for posting that birth arc.
It is amazing by how good it was. It’s the best story line that I have read by Batiuk.
The Apartment 3G’ening of Funky Winkerbean (and Crankshaft) continues. The arcs get longer and more nonsensical; characters drift in and out of focus, untethered to any kind of linear continuity; and permeating every panel is an unceasing nostalgia for a past that never really was.
Hmmm….maybe Margo will show up one day as the publicist for Montoni’s and …. no, hold on a sec. A female character in Westview who has the potential to actually shake things up and do something? Scratch that.
Maybe LuAnn will show up and do some art and be kind of indecisive and ditzy in a dull, uninteresting way? There, that’s better!
Hm, LuAnn was the Generic Blonde Woman who didn’t have much of a discernable personality? Yeah, she’d fit in perfectly in Westview.
I’d mentioned something to the same effect back in my CC days…
How soon before they, er, “head off somewhere” and the gun is shown in Skyler’s hands?
So Derwood and Jessica are home holding this firearm just so nonchalantly.
Does Ohio not have any gun laws?