Over the last two weeks, “Terrible” Tom Batiuk and “Dangerous” Dan Davis have decided to bless us with another entry in the current passionate epic that’s been the main romantic focus of the post-Funky Winkerbean Funkyverse; a love that burns hotter than the stairs outside of Lizard Lil’s bookstore. I am of course referring to the love story between comic book writer-turned-screenwriter-turned-pizza shop owner Pete Roberts-Reynolds and Mindy Murdoch, granddaughter of Ed Crankshaft. The tale truly told of these two and Pete’s new pizza-serving robot has really showcased the chemistry they have. Just look at what has basically been Mindy’s default expression in most of the strips focused on the compelling and hilarious antics of them and their new robot pal.
Much like Stu Pickles dealing with his bratty niece, Mindy has spent most of the time — as indeed she spends most of her appearances — looking like a woman who’s lost control of her life. She seemingly regrets every single choice that she’s made that’s brought her to this point and undoubtedly is hoping that her fiance’s pizza serving robot will go berserk, and leave her with a fat insurance payout. BJ6K talked at length about just why Batty’s relationships don’t work and today I’ll be reinforcing the idea that he sucks at writing them by exploring the awful one between a woman who has at least nominally reached adulthood and her idiotic manchild boyfriend.
Mindy’s crossing over from Crankshaft into Funky Winkerbean happened late in Act II when she’d shown up to take the now open waitressing spot vacated by Becky Three Limbs. There she hung around as part of the Montoni’s scenery until she rather inexplicably became interested in sick twisted firestarter Mooch Myers. As ComicBookHarriet wonderfully documented this led to a story where Mooch discovered Lucy McKenzie’s comic book collection that, after some shenanigans, DCH John would use to fund the Komix Korner’s continued existence. That’s about all that’s really done with that relationship and by the time Act III rolls around Mindy and Mooch have broken up. So the relationship seems to have been simply to set up a story to explain how John’s shoddy business is still running after the timeskip in a story that was likely pawned off onto Crankshaft because between Lisa’s cancer and Darin’s search for his bio-mom, Batty had no space for it in Funky Winkerbean.
For the purposes of this entry, it also sets up that Mindy apparently has terrible taste in men. Possibly because her main examples of what a man are happen to be a self-absorbed old bus driver given to wanton acts of destruction and a nebbish Tom Batiuk self-insert.
After hooking up with Mooch, Mindy disappears back into the pages of Crankshaft and since I’m not really as familiar with that strip I’m not going to pretend to know what if anything she got up to over there; instead we’ll fast forward to 2017. Production on the Starbuck Jones film had wrapped and it had been decided to hold the premiere — as well as the Mason Jarre/Cindy Summers and Cliff Anger/Vera Nash double wedding that comes with it — at the Valentine Theater in Centerville because of Jff’s Starbuck Jones fandom. Pete, the film’s writer, is sent to scout out the Valentine for some reason (shouldn’t that be someone in the studio’s marketing department?) and comes across Mindy, showing up in Funky Winkerbean for the first time in a decade.
Pete’s immediately smitten and because for some reason he has tons of unearned confidence he decides to ask her out within seconds of meeting her.
For whatever reason Mindy accepts and unsurprisingly the date is at Montoni’s. Batty also cruelly subjects readers to the second of two vertical strips in a single week.
Already Mindy seems to be regretting agreeing to do anything with this geek that’s not calling the cops on him for harassing her. But alas, she quickly gets over it when she detours from driving Pete to the airport to drown him in Lake Erie take him to Bedside Manor to meet her grandfather who is a quantum entity, simultaneously existing as a rotting husk in a Westview retirement home and a doddering, but still lively, old annoyance in Centerville.
Why does she really like him? Who knows. She only just met the guy, he acted like an ass and made bad jokes and took her to a crummy middling pizza joint that is an objective failure given what happened to it in Act III. None of it really matters of course. Batty loves using the red string to lasso his characters together so what need is there to explain it? Just accept it you terrible nitpickers!
In March 2018, Chester Hagglemore makes his non-anticipated return to the comic in order to announce that he’s reviving the “spirit of Batom Comics” by starting a new company called Atomic Comics — later chaged to Atomik Komix. As part of it he wants to recruit superstar (used very loosely) writer Pete to be his flagship (and seemingly only) writer, as well as Darin to do art. Pete tags along on Darin and Jess’ trip back to Westview and Pete laments the whole long distance relationship thing.
Of course it’s not helped by the fact that Pete basically blows her off for days at a time and she’s apparently just supposed to accept this as an amusing little quirk of his.
He also claims that they’ve been moving so slow and old-fashioned that they’re still only emailing one another which is immediately shown to be a lie when Mindy texts him.
Now the context is, as said, that they were taking things slow and old-fashioned and given that third panel, the implication that what was sent is anything but. So that to me reads like Mindy is sending him some pretty naughty stuff which means either she’s sending Pete erotic pictures of herself or some pretty spicy texts, like erotic roleplaying. Either way, the heavy implication is that she’s sexting her boyfriend who then shows it off to his own friend for… what? To brag, I guess, because look how goddamn smug Pete is in that third panel.
Seriously, what a rotten little creep.
Since he’s in Ohio, Creepy Pete naturally takes it as an opportunity to see Mindy again taking her out to a show at the Valentine (because they can get everything comped and he’s a cheapskate) and dinner at… well, guess. They’re celebrating their seven-and-a-half month anniversary and Pete is so excited because this is “usually” when he gets banished to the Friend Zone.
Mindy, of course, is not amused by this at all since the implication is that Pete is a terrible boyfriend which… yeah, no shit. He’s Pete. But the natural urge to devour his head as if she were a praying mantis passes and Mindy stays with him, apparently cool with the fact that he’s giving up his Hollywood job to move back to Westview and write comic books.
Maybe she just takes pity on him. Perhaps that’s the secret, she looks at morons like Pete and Mooch as if they were the person version of a stray animal and feels compelled to take them in and fix them up. But perhaps the real answer is that she’s a pretty (per the standards of this fictional universe) blonde which means that charmless dorks are deserving, nay entitled, to her. Whatever the reason, she deigns to give him a goodbye kiss before he flies back to California. No doubt she’s also secretly hoping that his plane crashes into a mountain on the way back.
Pete and Darin take the job of course which means that he and Mindy are able to see each other. Pete shows more of his trademark charm and once again Mindy must fight back the understandable urge to toss Pete and his eyebags into Montoni’s pizza oven.
With Atomik Komix now up and running — taking months to produce nothing but covers — Mindy decides to pay a visit to Pete at the studio. Pete proceeds to respond to her knowledge of comic book minutiae by acting like a patronizing dickhead.
Why is Pete surprised? He’s been talking to Mindy for about a year at this point. Mindy knows he writes comic books and likes comic books. Wouldn’t her knowing and liking comic books too be something that’s brought up early on as an interest both share and a common point of connection between them? Maybe Mindy just decided to hold that back otherwise Pete would have been proposing to her on date #1 ala DCH John and Becky. Or maybe it came up and Pete, being the unaware cretin he is, just ignored it because getting to know his girlfriend isn’t something he actually cares to do. He’s too busy creating bizarre fantasy scenarios in his head where he self-inserts into the lives old comic book creators after all.
Pete had been doing this thiking/fantasizing on the replica Cosmic Treadmill that had been lugged over to the studio and while Mindy waited for him to actually acknowledge her existence she’d also idly decided to color in an unfinished cover which Darin is flabbergasted by and lands her a job as Atomik Komix’s official in-house colorist thus proving that she has slightly more talent than her useless boyfriend.
Doubling down on being more useful than Pete, she comes up with the name Atomic Ape for the publisher’s trademark character after the boys have been tearing their hair out coming up with one. She also casually comes up with a sidekick for the character — Charger Chimp — when Chester suggests “the Lone Ranger needs a Tonto.” Pete responds to this like an absolute baby, throwing a giant bitchfit over her having the temerity to try and create a “cute and cuddly” sidekick for Atomic Ape (even though his boss is the one who suggested it) because he hates sidekicks.
Mindy once more overcomes her urge to shove the stupid little hobgoblin out of the window and the two continue on as normal. The next big moment in their relationship occurs in the summer of 2019 when Pete takes her to the county fair but fails to win Mindy a prize. Showing that he’s not allowed to suffer any setbacks, the carny (a folk known for their kindness and honesty) gives Pete a giant stuffed tiger out of pity.
How the hell did Pete blow through his savings at a stupid carnival game? God, what a dumb putz. Anyway, after the first of their engagements the next year Pete invites Mindy and Jff out to Los Angeles for the premiere of the new Starbucks Jones movie. The urge to drop Pete out of the bucket of one of the helicopters helping to put out the giant fire that Pete has kindly invited her to see likely crops up once more when she has to remind him that instead of visiting caves where they film old B-movie quality pulp serials, they should be spending the day together. Like adults in a relationship tend to do.
But somehow, like usual, she’s able to push down her disgust at the fact this idiot nearly got her father killed (her idiot father’s own stupidity not withstanding) and continue with the relationship. By this point, Mindy has also become the protege to Golden Age has-been Ruby Lith who’s regaled Mindy with stories about what a sexist hellhole the comic book industry is. Thus when a beady-eyed nitpicker wanders into the Komix Korner and begins to criticize the work of her and Atomik Komix as a whole (in a story that is totally not Batty venting), Mindy is ready to push back while Pete stands around like the useless turd he is.
Jumping ahead to the next major stop on the Pete & Mindy Romance Express, it’s now late 2023. Funky Winkerbean has been done for just about a year but Batty has decided he’s not quite done with one aspect of it. Thus Batty inexplicably has Pete decide to get out of comic books, where he’s paid by an immature man with infinite money to do nothing but come up with characters and ideas for terrible covers, in order to resurrect the Sacred Temple with Pizza Box Monster helping to foot the cost.
Mindy, naturally, is so thrilled at the prospect of Pete leaving behind his relatively stable career for the notoriously easy business of running a restaurant, a business that is not at all prone to failure. Really, why the hell would she stay with him after this? He quit his job and decided to take his savings, their savings really at this point, and buy into a pizza restaurant that closed due to bad business. All without consulting her about it beforehand. He just does it, then tells her after the fact.
Mindy should have left him then and there but she at least does immediately point out how stupid and poorly thought out the whole thing is.
Pete decides to spring one more surprise on her when he proposes to Mindy. Mindy, of course, accepts (despite already having been engaged for four years at this point) but inwardly she knows she made a mistake. Apparently she’s trapped in her own body, unable to control her own actions and thus is unable to stop herself from marrying the eyebagged munchkin. How terrifying for her.
So terrifying she’s apparently suffering some kind of psychotic break.
With Montoni’s successfully (?) reopened, they do what all young (??) couples living in Westview are expected to do and move into the apartment above Montoni’s. Once more, Mindy realizes that she’s got her work cut out for her with this doofus.
That more or less brings us up to the present. Most of Pete and Mindy’s appearances in Crankshaft basically fall into this category. Some crap happens at Montoni’s, Pete looks like a jackass, Mindy looks as if she’s hoping to come back as something other than a blonde woman surrounded by jackasses in the Greater Akron area in her next life. For a romantic couple they’re not even doing much coupley things as they seemed confined entirely to the space in and around Montoni’s — as if some kind of magic barrier has been erected that prevents them from leaving the immediate area — to engage in whatever wacky BS Pete’s dreamed up this week.
Pete and Mindy’s relationship is just really bad even by the standards of all the other bad relationships Batty’s forced readers to endure over the decades. There’s is nothing to show why she likes him and half their interactions are Pete being an annoying asshole while she contemplates if the negatives of a jail sentence will outweigh the relief of a little “accident” lifting the gun-wielding chimpanzee off of her back. And then in the end she swallows it down and resigns herself to having to play mommy-wife to an idiot manchild who may or may not even be able to tie his shoes without her help. Mindy herself doesn’t even seem to know why she’s going along with all of this half the time, it’s as if she has some vague awareness that her actions are being guided by outside forces and that she’s merely an action figure to be moved around to enact the childish scenarios this god has dreamed up for her.
It’s a truly awful relationship the embodies all of Batty’s worst traits in writing them. No reason for the characters to be together, no actual romance or chemistry or anything. The guy is a man who is broken or deficient in some way who’s essentially taken care of by the woman who somehow puts up with all of his crap. It’s like a whole “women are wiser” thing or the cliche sitcom set up of a schlubby moron and his pretty and smart wife but done in a way that feels even more outdated and lame. As if Mindy’s (or Rachel’s, Cayla’s, Lisa’s, Holly’s, etc.) role is to be a minder more than an actual wife or lover. Pete is just such an unlikable manchild even by the standards of the other manchildren in Batty’s work that it really makes the whole thing even worse than normal.
Really, if it’s possible to feel bad for a fictional character then I feel bad for Mindy. She’s not really all that interesting but she’s also fairly inoffensive which, for the characters occupying the Funkyverse, is usually the most postive thing that you can say about them. She doesn’t deserve to be shackled to such a failure and she herself seems to know it. Pete is not just an annoying twerp, he treats her like garbage by ignoring her, talking down to her and engaging in major life altering decisions that affect both of them without once ever talking to her and making sure she’s actually okay with any of it. Never once does he act like someone who’s actually in a relationship with another person who may have her own thoughts and feelings on things. He’s a selfish bastard who treats Mindy as someone who just kind of hangs around and who he occasionally gets to sleep with (unless she hopefully shuts him out when it comes to that) and for some reason Mindy is forced to go along with all of it, beholden to the whims of an immature moron because Batty has decided that she is to be Pete’s reward.
On the bright side, all of that regret and doubt that she’s forcing down into the deepest recesses of herself will eventually morph into cancer and allow her to ascend to sainthood. But as we’ve seen, not even death will free you from being trapped in Westview.
That about wraps it up for this timely little interlude into current Batiukian events. I’ll be getting back to the main event after this because there’s still so much more of Summer to see.
Today’s Crankfuckery
Day 9 of Pepper, The Robot Assistant at Montoni’s
(Chien, Mooch and Darin return after Pete tried to rope them into working at Mopetoni’s and spend turns beating the shit out of Pete)
This incel bullflop is what makes the smirking idiot so objectionable. He doesn’t want to bebullied into worth being around.
I’ve long argued that the world of Funky Winkerbean is one huge incel paradise. Because it works exactly how incels think the world should work: they should be able to get any girl they want, simply by existing near her and doing unwanted favors until she finally falls in love with you.
the things that were common and “funny” in boomer moved
It’s why he thinks that Women’s Lib is some sort of plot to deny him things he was meant to have.
3 September: Use the laser on that ferkakte idiot with the big stupid nose.
Also, caring about how awful it is to be yoked to a cruel, malicious, selfish and whiny child is not dreamed of in the philosophy of Silver Age Comics.
Oh man, the last few years of Davis’ tracings have made me almost wistful for the days of Burchett’s expressive oblong heads… I actually did not realize that even this much of Pete and Mindy’s relationship had been depicted. Remarkable how much more comfortable TB is writing for Pete when he’s with his long time work spouse (Durwood) instead of his actual spouse (turned work spouse).
I mean… not only do they share multiple Act II panels attending prom as part of the same group, Mindy is also the cousin of Pete’s best friends’ wife. It was always a stretch for TB to act they were just now crossing paths in a meaningful way.
The man thinks in cliches. He can’t have Boy meets Girl if Boy already knows Girl.
I have trouble keeping up with all the relationships. How is Mindy the cousin of Pete’s best friend’s wife? (I need the names and the details of the cousin relationship.) Thanks!
I’m struggling with this one too. Darin’s wife is Jessica Darling, the daughter of John Darling Who Was Murdered And Is Dead Now Because He Died. But I don’t remember the link between the Darling family and the Crankshaft family. Besides, the family tree of the Funkyverse is basically this:
The whole family tree for Crankshaft is a giant tangled mess that encompasses like half the major characters across three comic strips.
You have Ed himself, his daughter Pam and her husband Jeff Murdoch. Jeff’s sister Jan is the wife of John Darling and mother of Jessica Darling. Jeff and Pam’s daughter Mindy is engaged to Pete Roberts. Pete’s father is Reed Roberts, boss of John Darling; this means you can add Pete’s sister Ally into this as well. Jessica is married to Darin Fairgood whose adoptive parents are Fred and Ann Fairgood and whose step-sister (or whatever it would be?) is Kerry Fairgood as well as Darin and Jessica’s son Skyler.
Now of course Darin’s biological parents are Frankie Pierce and Lisa Moore. Through Lisa, this means the Crankshaft family tree includes Les Moore, Summer Moore, Cayla Williams-Moore and Keisha Williams as well as Ed’s former protege Smokey Williams.
I may be missing some people but at this point the only major families without any direct links into the Crankshaft family tree are the Winkerbeans, Klinghorns, Howards, Jarres-Summerses, Bushkas and Dinkles. And even then, the Bushkas have a close history via Bull’s grandfather, the Dinkles via Ed being part of Harry’s choir and Mason/Cindy for owning the Valentine where Max and Hannah work. So then the only people with zero direct ties in any capacity to Ed are the Winkerbeans, Klinghorns and Howards.
Narshe, I stand in line.
Well… if we’re counting the personal (but not familial) connections of the Bushkas and Dinkles… Mopey bought… something from Funky. It’s not clear whether he bought the entire building in which Montoni’s is situated, just the Montoni’s space (and apartment above?), or is just renting from Funky. So he could be Funky’s tenant? Either way, the Komix Korner is still in that building as well, so Dead Skunkhead is either Funky or Mopey’s tenant, and Crazy Harry works for DSH. And both Cindy and Becky used to be married into Clan Winkerbean.
So we can make at least tenuous connections between all those families as well, I suppose?
So Mindy and Jessica are cousins because Mindy’s father and Jessica’s mother are siblings. Jessica is married to Pete’s BFF Durwood. Jessica and Durwood, Mooch and Mindy, and Pete and Chein all attended the Westview High School prom together in 2007.
For an added non-familial connection, Pete’s father is Reed Roberts, the Channel 1 news director who both John Darling who was murdered and Jan Murdoch Darling worked under. Despite this, Pete and Jessica appeared to have little connection over this piece of shared history back in Act II (or today, for that matter), likely explained by Reed Roberts getting divorced in the John Darling strip when Pete was very young and appearing to have little to no involvement in the lives of his children during Act II FW.
Billy: Thanks, that’s exactly what I needed.
So Mindy and Jessica are cousins because Mindy’s father and Jessica’s mother are siblings. Jessica is married to Pete’s BFF Durwood. Jessica and Durwood, Mooch and Mindy, and Pete and Chein all attended the Westview High School prom together in 2007.
For an added non-familial connection, Pete’s father is Reed Roberts, the Channel 1 news director who both John Darling who was murdered and Jan Murdoch Darling worked under. Despite this, Pete and Jessica appeared to have little connection over this piece of shared history back in Act II (or today, for that matter), likely explained by Reed Roberts getting divorced in the John Darling strip when Pete was very young and appearing to have little to no involvement in the lives of his children during Act II FW.
Burchett’s enduring legacy is that Summer Moore was completely recognizable in her final arc because Ayers picked up drawing her based on one of the strips his brief replacement drew (and I’m pretty darn sure he mistook someone else for Summer).
Today’s Crankfuckery
Day 10 of Pepper, The Robot Assistant of Montoni’s
(Pepper then walks up to Pete and burns him into a crisp)
4: September: Having a stumblebum like Ed complain about incompetent anything is a bad joke.
My favorite “Pete treating Mindy like shit” moment was:
Mindy gives Pete an idea, and Pete wants to give co-creator credit to the long-dead person who wrote a song he overheard. Who, it should be pointed out, was a man. Smirks all around. Mindy should have left him, left Atomik Komix, kicked him square in the nuts, and shoved that “engagement tiger” up his ass.
But he doesn’t realize he’s treating her like garbage. He can’t. He is a character in this strip and thus shares his creators blind spot.
Neither Pete, Mindy, nor Tom Batiuk realizes.
Because he got married to his high school sweetheart and lives in the sticks.
Mopey was thinking of creating a hero named “Stardust”? Now I want a crossover where Mopey meets Stardust the Super-Wizard.
If you know, you know.
Okay, for those not in the know: back in the 40s, there was a creator named Fletcher Hanks, who had a character named Stardust the Super-Wizard. Stardust’s powers were… well, whatever Hanks wanted him to do at any given time. A normal Stardust story would see the Super-Wizard seeing some villain plotting a heinous crime. Like, sometimes genocidal-level crimes. Stardust would then proceed to punish them for their crimes… and not for attempting them, but for actually committing them. Yeah, he knew what they were going to do ahead of time, but he wouldn’t bother to stop them or anything, he’d just enact Old Testament vengeance on them. Stuff like making a guy’s head grow, while his body shrank, until he was just one big head. Which Stardust would then throw into space. Weird, demented stuff. All of Hanks’ stories (besides Stardust, he had Fantomah – one of the first female superheroes, predating even Wonder Woman – and others) read like the ravings of a demented lunatic. Which, based on stories of Fletcher Hanks personal life… yeah, they kind of were the ravings of a demented lunatic.
Anyway, now I want to see Mopey meeting Stardust the Super-Wizard.
Batty has developed a roster of unlikeable characters that far surpasses any other comic strip. What other cartoonist can create story arcs that begin with most readers saying to themselves, “Oh, God, not this guy!”?
The odd thing is that in other comic strips, the unlikeable characters are often the villains. In the Batiukverse, the unlikeable characters are the ones Batty thinks are the heroes. Weird.
As you said, Narshe, the best compliment you can pay a Batiukverse character is that they’re not unlikable. Quite often, those are the characters I end up pitying. Poor Mindy, who was forced into this relationship by a clueless writer just because Mopey Pete needed his own trophy indistinguishable blonde.
It’s curious how Batty writes the Creepy Pete, I mean, Mopey Pete, and Mindy’s relationship. Does Batty think this is how cool, confident, in-control guys behave in relationships?
Batty was fortunate enough to marry his high school (middle school?) sweetheart. He writes from his home, which he calls the Comics Castle, in rural Medina County. Perhaps he’s simply a little naive about how relationships work. As Mom used to say, “He needs to get out once in a while.”
Creepy Pete’s behavior reminds me of a guy I dated in college once, emphasis on “once.” He was on the football team and a decent-looking guy. I didn’t have any plans, so I said yes. I think he asked me out just to show his friends he could get a girl.
We were in a bar, where he spent the evening talking to his buddies and completely ignoring me. Eventually, he turned to me and ordered me to go to the bar and buy a pitcher of beer.
I grabbed my purse, walked past the bar, and went out the door.
Who the hell did he think he was?
We never spoke again. I like to think his buddies laughed themselves silly at his expense.
To be honest, I was flattered that a football player asked me out.
What’s his model for relationships? Freaking FUNNY BOOKS.
That’s a great point. Mope and Mindy’s relationship sure wasn’t modeled after a typical romance comic book, though. Batty most likely modeled their relationship on Barry Allen and Iris West from ‘The Flash’.
Since he’s kind of out of it, he doesn’t realize that Barry was being a shit.
Today’s Crankfuckery
Day 11 of Pepper, Mopetoni’s Robot Assistant
(Pepper then burns Ed into ashes with its laser)
5 September: So the robot knows who Lady Gaga is.
He doesn’t get relationships because he doesn’t get people.
Thank you for the excellent post, Narshe.
Where a post like this crosses me at the point in my life at present, and for the sake of saying something different, I think back to a current friend. The 5000 word summary is that he’s presently a whore (and has been for ten years now) and embraces it and enjoys it. He has receipts, much like the strip above where Pete shows Darin some… thing of Mindy from a text. Like himself, the women who he speaks of are all adults with grown children and are otherwise generally educated professional people, but he has charm and knows how to pick his targets. On paper, it shouldn’t work, but it does.
I say all this to assert that Mindy exactly deserves the paper-thin skinned and otherwise unfuckable manchild of Pete. Even with what ultimately little we know as shown through several years, we can ascertain that she has some kind of intelligence and marketable ability, acceptable physical appearance, and is not otherwise so entwined with Pete in a legal manner that she cannot simply walk away. She’s there because she ultimately wants to be there. No pity from me on that.
Pepper was getting a little “chippy”? Is this a new entry for the Batiuktionary?
Some kind of fusion of “snippy” and “chip,” because computers have chips, geddit, silicon chips, HAHAHA, HY-larious?
Or maybe it’s just creeping aphasia.
Merriam-Webster defines “chippy” as “aggressively belligerent”. So it looks like Batiuk may have actually used a word correctly? (I know, it’s surprising, but… it had to happen eventually.)
“Chippy” is particularly often used by sports announcers and fans to describe a game where tempers appear to be running high, leading to physicality beyond the legal bounds of the sport.
Today’s Crankfuckery
Day 12 of Pepper, Mopetoni’s Robot Assistant
(suddenly, a group of Daleks (which includes Dalek Jast, Dalek Thay, Dalek Caan and Dalek Sec arrives) and corner Pete)
Dalek Caan: EXTERMINATE!
(The Daleks then fire upon Pete. Somehow, Pete ends up surviving the barrage of lasers, and a portal appears, which the Doctor’s TARDIS (piloted by the Fourteenth Doctor) shoots out and destroys some of the Daleks, causing the rest of them to flee, The TARDIS then teleports away soon after)
Pepper: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?
Pete: Hell if I know, Pepper.
6 September: The robot gets wordplay too.
Who wants to bet Batiuk’s got another week of this shit planned?
The only thing worse than a week of that is the damned thing gushing in awe at Batton Thom…….OH, SHIT!!!!!
Oh, crap.
Just imagine if he combines them. Batton Thomas talking to Skip Brainless inside Mopetoni’s, being served by Pepper the Pizzabot while Dinkle stands around in the background looking forlornly at the picture of Daddy Dinkle plastered right next to John Darling’s ugly mug.
It’s like they gathered together all the people who need a punch to the face or faceplate depending on whether they are organic or metal.
And yet, even with all that combined punchability, Les Moore could casually amble in and make them all seem practically invisible to anyone with a clenched fist.
Today’s Crankfuckery
Day 13 of Pepper, Mopetoni’s Robot Assistant
(suddenly, Papa Louie enters the room and beats the shit out of Pete)
RE: Mon. 9/7’s C’Shaft:
That’s just what the “Crankshaft” comic strip needs to perk up its readership: yet another “Funky Winkerbean” castoff popping by for a visit. Will we now have a six-week story arc where Tony Montoni sees a picture of his late father on the wall and reminisces about how career-driven and aloof he was, then finds a long-lost pizza recipe that Papa Montoni wrote down but never made?
Incidentally, Mopey, if you want Tony to see things haven’t changed, why did you (presumably) spend thousands of dollars on a laser-equipped robot pizza server instead of hiring back Wally, Adeela, Rocky, or any of the other past employees? And why did you wait until the morning of his visit to tell your business partner/fiancee of seven years about it?
Forget “implausible deniabilty,” Mindull. This is “unreadable inanity.”
Bring on another Glup Shitto!
Labor Day: The bad wordplay hides a question that always bothered me: why did Tony give Montoni’s to Funky instead of his son?
Tony isn’t the founder of Montoni’s, his father is. I’m pretty sure there was at least a week dedicated him talking about when his father ran it and some other mentions. Why the need to say “the son of the founder” for a character who’s been around since the ’70s as opposed to “the former owner” is beyond me though.
He cut his teeth on something made to make little kids feel smart. The more pompous a way of saying stuff is, the better.
I agree with you on that “son of the founder” line. Not being quite the expert that others are here, when I saw that, I thought, “I didn’t remember Tony having a son — if he did, I certainly don’t remember Tony’s son being a recurring character.”
Also, he’s trying to explain things to the robot…..
Crankshaft: 9/7/2026: *Groan* Another week of Mope and Mindy at Monotoni’s, a.k.a. another episode of ‘As the Stomach Turns’?
Why would Tony Montoni travel all the way from Florida to visit a pizza place he sold years ago? What’s his motivation? Boredom? Schadenfreude? Forced and contrived writing from a hackneyed writer who’s well past his best?
Tony Montoni: Have you run this place into the ground yet?
Mopey Pete: We sure did. We use absolutely none of the recipes you left us. Have you met Pepper?
Ew. I can’t say I’m a fan of the chartreuse countertops with the dark rose stool tops. I guess the GoComics colorist monkey never learned about complementary colors in art school. Perhaps it’s Creepy Pete’s salute to the Incredible Hulk and his purple pants? I always figured Creepy Pete as more of a DC Comics guy, though.
I’ll give Batty a pass on this. Tony was already shown plenty of times to come back up from Florida during the summer and since he’s somehow still alive the idea that he’d want to check in on the business he dedicated so much of his life to isn’t too farfetched. That Batty is spending so much time (almost a month now) on Mopetoni’s makes me wonder if there’s any kind of bigger plan than the likely scenario for this week of Tony returning, reminiscing, then giving Pete his blessing. Like killing off Tony for real.
Yeah, I reckon we ain’t all that big on fair ’round these parts, partner.
I’m not sure how many restaurateurs are that desperate for the approval of the person they bought the restaurant from. Creepy Pete kept the restaurant’s name, but did he promise to carry on Montoni’s in the “Tony Montoni way”? Or does Batty’s conflict-free writing just imply that he did? To be honest, I don’t recall.
I can picture Creepy Pete tossing out the recipes and alienating all the vendors. Cutting corners on ingredients. It’s not mozzarella; it’s Notzarella™.
After three weeks of Creepy and Mindy, @Andrew’s comment below makes sense. Is it time for yet another superhero-themed Montoni’s wedding? After more than a half-dozen years, are these dopey kids, I mean, middle-agers, ready to tie the knot?
Would Tony Montoni approve of the counter’s Incredible Hulk color scheme?
Perhaps we haven’t seen Dead Skunkhead in Montoni’s because he’s boycotting in a snit. DSH suggested Batman colored counters.
Remember when Tony briefly appeared as a ghost when Funky was getting the Christmas decorations out of the basement? It was very important to establish that Tony could watch over the restaurant in spirit while still alive, just like one of those comic authors that knows Lisa’s ghost for some reason.
Also wow they’re sticking to the robot this long. I’m willing to give Batiuk kudos if he commits to keeping an artificial intelligence in the cast-full time for this, just the kind of goofy the Funkyverse needs even if he can’t do Act 1 anymore. But I’m also prepared if the other shoe drops to kick the robot to the curb depending on how Tony reacts I guess.
Also are we still due Pete and Mindy’s wedding this year? Trying to remember when Tom teased that, blog or otherwise.
Sidenote; but on the Batiuk blog we did actually reach the end of the John Darling funnies, so he is wrapping up that feature by posting its final week of dailies in full 80s coloring glory. That’ll be novel for getting images of John Darling Who was Murdered in such quality, at least.
Also to replace that and Flash Fridays, he’s now going to repost vintage 40s Sunday strips from “The Ripples” by George Clark. Man, wouldn’t it be funny if whoever owns the rights to that now serves the Komix Thoughts with a C&D?
Works published before 1964 needed to have their U.S. copyright renewed after 28 years. While most Hollywood productions did so, an awful lot of content creators across various media didn’t bother, particularly if they figured it wasn’t worth the time, energy and $$ to renew a work that was out of print and wasn’t going to generate further revenue. (Of course, some content creators just got careless, which is why there are scattered episodes of The Beverly Hillbillies, Dragnet, or The Andy Griffith Show that are technically in the public domain. Someone just didn’t do the paperwork.)
One estimate is that 85% of work published before 1964 didn’t have anyone bother to renew the 28-year copyright, and of course, all that work is now in the public domain.
8 September: It doesn’t mean much if the decor is the same when the people are all different.
Why the unnatural expository introductions? Anyone reading Crankshaft for any length of time knows who Pete and Mindy are by now and Tony basically had his unnatural expository introduction in yesterday’s strip for the benefit of any readers who were never Funky Winkerbean fans.
In-universe this clunky introduction is absurd:
Tony knows who Pete is. Pete was a regular customer at Montoni’s when Tony was involved in day-to-day operations. Pete lived in the apartment above Montoni’s for several years. Pete even asked Tony for a job at Montoni’s after DSH had to cut him loose from a part time position at Komix Korner back in Act II, a prospect that terrified Tony so much that he gave Komix Korner a break on rent so that they could keep Pete on their payroll. Unless TB is trying to tell us now that Pete Reynolds and Pete Roberts are different people…
Tony definitely knows who Mindy is, he signed her paychecks for a number of years.
Even if 1. and 2. were not the case… we know Tony’s visit was not spontaneous. Such an arranged visit would have Tony already understanding who he was going to be meeting at the restaurant.
That’s the thing though. He’s dipped into unnecessary exposition territory.
I don’t think most Crankshaft readers follow the strip so closely as to remember these characters, though. I read this blog regularly, and I have trouble identifying the young-ish blonde women characters myself. The exposition is unnecessary in-universe, but probably helpful to many readers.
It’s just that a normal guy would say “Our old boss Tony is dropping by.”
Perhaps so, but the young-ish blonde in this case is Crankshaft‘s granddaughter who has been a regular part of the strip pretty much since its debut.
Both Yesterday and Today’s Crankfuckery
Tony: WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO MY PIZZERIA!? WHY DO YOU HAVE A GODDAMN ROBOT WORKING FOR YOU!? (Pepper: I’d rather be doing anything else.) WHY IS THE MANAGER WEARING PIZZA BOXES ON THEIR BODY!? (Pizza Box Monster: I’m stayin’ outta this.) WHY DIDN’T WALLY WINKERBEAN TAKE OVER INSTEAD OF YOU?!
(Tony beats the hell out of Pete in a manner resembling the Seven Page Muda (which is Giorno Giovanni’s beatdown of Cioccolata) from JoJo’s Bizzare Adventure: Golden Wind)
I’d like it if he did to him what Bakugou did to All For One.
Yesterday had Tony wonder at the change in personnel. Today has him watch Pepper turn into Bender Rodriguez.
Today’s Crankfuckery
(After Tony gave Pete the beating of his life, Masao Kobayashi (from Kunio-kun) barges in, holding a battered Hiroshi and Misako in each arm, Kunio follows suit and attacks Kobayashi and they get into a brutal brawl, Mindy, Tony and Pepper look on in confusion)
RE: Thurs. 9/10’s C’Shaft:
Hahaha, it’s funny because a character who’s been a part of this comic’s shared universe for over half a century is about to have a potentially fatal myocardial infarction. Oh, well, at least now Tony can be an actual ghost, not simply errouneously depicted as one like he was a couple of Christmases ago.
The pleasure Pete takes in trashing his real legacy makes me hate him even more.
If Tony actually dies that would at least be something actually happening. As is I’m expecting it to just be a one off joke for today.
10 September: Batiuk will sink to the challenge of making tomorrow worse.