beckoningchasm

Don’t Box Me In

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Funky so determined on a goal as in panel one. Run, fat-boy, run! And panel two is also pretty remarkable, as the “monster” managed to shed his costume…and the boxes comprising said costume don’t have any holes cut into them! You know, what you’d need to do to make a costume out of pizza boxes. Either that, or the “monster” is still fully boxed and we see that Montoni’s just tosses the trash into the alley, like everyone else in Westview. Because what is there, apart from trash and garbage? Certainly nothing valuable.

The third denouement–that this was a magical pizza monster made of intact boxes–is probably what Batiuk hoped people will take from it, but the dash around the corner kills that stone dead.

And thus ends another remarkably stupid storyline. If I had to say something positive, well. at least Les wasn’t in it.

That positive won’t last, by the way. Just thought I’d throw a late Halloween scare at ya.

Hollow E’en

Link to today’s strip (eventually).

Today’s strip was not available for preview, but thanks to Fearless Leader’s diligence, we got a tiny glimpse of it. Looks like the pizza monster has obtained his yearly token of appreciation and left in a hurry. And there’s some speculation as to the identity of the fiend, with guesses of Crazy Harry and John, and a request for the monster operator’s initials.

Again, presented sideways–because Art has to Hurt or it isn’t REAL Art.

Looks (from the “preview”) like tomorrow’s episode will show Funky exerting himself, and…that’s all my eyestrain can take. Seriously, I already have ailments, I don’t need vision-related ones based on a gag. A gag, I note, that started out with a bit of promise, but as always with this strip, soon succumbed to the author’s inexplicable need to lower all standards. Can’t he tell a single stupid joke? Apparently, at one time, he was able to, but that ability was traded away for some magic beans labelled “Respectability.” And we all know what beans are best at producing.

Happy Halloween, everyone! Here’s hoping you enjoyed the holiday. It’s sometimes fun to be scared, but never fun to fear what comes next in Funky Winkerbean. Because the abyss is always looking back.

(I bet trick-r-treaters have learned to avoid the Batiuk house, since all he gives out are copies of Lisa’s Story. With the flourish of a felt-tip and an offer of an autograph.)

Breakneck Pacing

Link to today’s strip.

Looks like we’re in for a whole week of sideways strips. And once again, the format is pointless. Does Batiuk think New York Times readers will enjoy his daring staging? OOOoooOOoooOOooo…so avant garde! Expanding the boundaries of the comics page!

Or does he think they enjoy stretching their necks? If so, at least reward them with something worth the effort.

Which this decidedly is not. I thought the week started out well, as noted a tiny bit whimsical, but now it’s just more revenge porn against Funky. Yes, we are supposed to believe that Funky is so stupid he thinks this is a real monster, and he’d better cater to its wishes…or else. I mean, the damned thing is weaponless. Any sudden movement would send it to the floor in a heap.

Sigh. Heaven forbid you were the popular kid when Batiuk was in your high school class. How dare you be popular, and well-liked, and generally normal! Don’t you know Les’ wife died of cancer twenty years ago!!

In fact, the more I think about it, the more it seems that the “Lisa’s Story” garbage was thrown into the strip to point out to “new” readers that, yes, Bull died…but that’s not the death you need to concern yourself with. Just imagine the panic that must have gone through his mind when he realized people might say, “Funky Winkerbean? Oh, yeah, that’s the one where the coach died.”

Attack Interrupted

Link to today’s strip (eventually).

Today’s strip was not available for preview…hey, remember when I said that about six times in a row? Ah, memories.

I assume that we’ll get the “pizza monster” shambling around some more, and raising, well, noise levels if nothing else. Still have one more day before we can reveal the scamp behind it all!

Of course, Batiuk could throw us a curve ball–it’s not unknown for him to suddenly break, say, an arc dealing with CTE and suicide so that he could, say, shill his book for the billionth time.

I guess we’ll all find out later!

Boxers Briefed

Link to today’s strip.

I suppose I should be thankful that Halloween allows Batiuk to indulge his more whimsical side (a side otherwise kept carefully suppressed). And bravo to Tom Batiuk for trying something light. Especially considering that some of those New York Times readers might still be around.

The concept of a monster costume made out of pizza boxes is somewhat unique, I’ll give him that, though he has to admit in turn that it’s kind of stupid. In a kind of amazing twist that only happens in this strip, it’s very creative and yet short-circuits itself by its own blandness.

And why are those two lamebrains gaping in fear at this spectacle? Do they think it’s real–even for a moment? Do they feel threatened? Are they worried about how it will impact business? (Speaking of which, I have the feeling when it turns out to be Cory, Funky will just berate him for wasting resources.)

Whether it’s fake or a real monster, the worst thing this creature could do to you is fall on you. It doesn’t even have a mouth! See, a pizza box opens at a hinge, just a like a giant mouth, but this feature couldn’t be worked in. Its hands could wield pizza cutters, or a cutter and a spatula…Jason Vorhees did a lot more with less.

The lack of these things kind of dampens my initial interest in this story. I have this awful feeling it will wind down in the most boring way imaginable.

Finally, the vertical style should have been skipped. The artwork is too damned crowded together. Spread out over a typical horizontal strip, it might have made a more impressive tableau, but I guess Batiuk spent all that time lettering the boxes and was damned if anyone could escape that detail.