beckoningchasm

The Chick is in the Male

Okay, I know the implication we’re supposed to take from this is that Blondie is cheating on Dullard. But there are two things wrong with this scenario.

Firstly, Tom Batiuk seems to want to pull this “innocent happening taken as indecent” stunt again, after we’d just had the “Marianne Winters kills herself over kiss photo.” We know it’s going to turn out to be a big nothingburger. “Blondie has an affair” is not going to be on the menu. It’s a tease and everyone knows it’s a tease.

Secondly, this is Funky Winkerbean. Exciting (or even interesting) things are not allowed in this strip.

What I find most baffling about this episode is the architecture. Yesterday, Dullard opened the door right behind Blondie. Today, she goes wandering through the house, blithely unaware that Dullard is sneaking around behind her. Just how stupid and unaware is she supposed to be? Isn’t she supposed to be looking after a toddler, or has Skyler already wandered off to play in traffic? (Who wants to bet Skyler won’t make an appearance this week? Didn’t think so.)

Well, she’s a female character in Funky Winkerbean. I guess that answers that. Stupid and unaware are two of the major traits of the women in this strip. Throw in “fat” and Blondie’s future in this strip is set in cement.

Phonies

Link to today’s strip.

Greetings, folks, BChasm back in the stagnant pool for the next two weeks! Strap yourselves in and get ready for excitement! Ha ha, just kidding, I meant to say “excrement.”

So, we’re back with Dullard and Blondie, whose name I don’t remember and don’t really care to. Dullard, looking weary as usual, opens the door and then rummages in his purse for his keys…hey, that’s doing it backwards! Anyway, he overhears part of a conversation which gives his tiny brain a momentary pause.

Admittedly, he might have a reason to worry. If you’re talking about a bad thing (“I have cancer”), you’d phrase it in the way that Blondie phrases it. If you’re talking about a good thing (“I bought Dullard some of his favorite pencils for a surprise”) you’d probably add a phrase like “until the big day” or something. So it sounds kind of bad, especially if you’re of the mind that everything that happens is terrible, which certainly describes our cast.

However, the fact that she utters the phrase at all is pretty baffling here. How dense is Blondie, that she seems unaware that a door has just opened behind her? Pretty dense, I am gathering. This could have been fixed if panel one showed Dullard rummaging in his purse, then bumping the door which slowly opens, i.e., it was not really closed and could open silently. But that’s not what we’re shown. And, I should point out, I’m not a professional cartoonist. Is there a professional cartoonist in the house?

Editors? We don’t need no steenkin Editors!

Even His Tools Try To Escape From Him

Link to today’s strip.

Not much to say about this one. Of course it stars Les, so that’s a drop of three letter grades right there.

I nominate panel six as the Official Portrait of Les Moore. It’s his best side and self-descriptive at the same time.

Thus ends my stewardship in the Funkyverse. Let’s see, some people chatted about snacks, then other people chatted about awards. Holly printed something by mistake, and Les almost lost a pencil. Wow, it’s a wonder I was able to survive all that incredible action.

Starting tomorrow, the lovely and talented Epicus Doomus will be your host. Let’s all please give him a warm, SOSF welcome! (Applause sign lights up.)

Fruit of the Doom

Link to today’s strip.

I rate today’s episode two “Meh”s. It’s a good example of “Batiuking it.” It’s not terrible enough to be irksome, nor is it insensitive enough to provoke anger. It’s like something the dog left on the kitchen floor–he didn’t really mean to do it, it just happened by accidental instinct. Though at least the dog has enough self-awareness to look guilty about what he produced. Luckily, I have some paper towels.

Nice freeze-frame on that “Starbuck Jones” image. I assume someone hit the “pause” button, so that Mason and Cindy could chatter on brainlessly, but it’s entirely possible the scene is still running and consists of characters just chattering. That seems entirely Batiukian.

I wonder if that’s a workprint of the new film, or just Cliff and Vera again? I find I don’t really care about the answer. But, isn’t it funny that the characters here went out of their way to find the cast of the Starbuck Jones serial, but anyone who worked on the original comic book has been completely ignored. Who knows, they might still be alive, too! But then, artists and writers might want to do something creative (“This is not my vision!”); actors, on the other hand will just read the lines given to them. Whew! Dodged a bullet there.

As far as today’s “content” goes, let’s not forget that Cindy’s “going out on a limb” was not, repeat not, because she had great faith in BuddyBlog or because she believed in her own abilities to deliver stories. It was so she could seize Mason in her mandibles. That’s all. Mason’s either fine with that, unaware of it, or worse, pleased with how his personal magnetism snared his new paramour.

So, we’re not talking about someone striving for excellence in a new frontier. We’re talking about someone indulging her urges to keep her insecurities at bay.

Still, she did manage to find a nice piece of fruit.

Second Rate

Link to today’s strip.

Ho hum. Look at the expression on Mason’s face in panel one. Boy, those are some real sincere congratulations. He’s probably thinking, “Fine, can we talk about me now? Like, how awesome I am and stuff.”

And what is that thing under Cindy’s hand? Part of her bracelet, or a car key? Are they planning a dine ‘n’ dash? Because that would be exciting…but I think I might be able to handle that! Please go ahead and do it!

Unless you’re a long-time reader of this strip–and I hate to tell you this, Mr. Batiuk, but we’re it–you’ll have no idea who “Vera” is. Last time she was seen in the strip was some months ago, and I wonder if she was even referred to by name then. Cliff Anger was mentioned once earlier in the week, but given his idiotic name, one might have thought Cindy’s documentary was on the “[psychological condition known as] Cliff Anger [in which people who read a certain comic strip throw themselves off high mountains].”

It would have been funnier.

(Corrected for spelling…hey if Tom Batiuk can do it, so can I)