beckoningchasm

Blightmare

Here’s something I like about today’s strip. No, it’s not the idiotic word-play. It’s not the artwork, the falling leaves, or the grotesque slab of Les’ greasy hair in panel two. (Seriously, look at that. I mean, we all want him to melt in agony, yet here it is and it isn’t any fun at all!)

No, what I like are the expressions in panel three. Those are three of the most bitter, most miserable people in the world. Even the guy who’s delivering the pun doesn’t look pleased with himself–he looks as if he’s really loathing himself for having to do this.

What we see here are three people realizing that they are mere toys in the hands of an angry god, and they must dance for his pleasure or burn. They have one freedom left: the freedom not to smirk at a pun. They can withhold their approval in this one thing without fear of annihilation.

No wonder both Les and Cayla envy Les’ dead wife. Even though the dead can never rest, they can’t die again. either.

Of course, Les’ expression in panel three is typical of him when someone else delivers wordplay. It just galls him when someone beats him to the punline. I recall Barry Balderman’s remark about “Life is like masking tape, the more you use, the less you have” (or whatever he said). Les’ face then was just Boy do I hate you. Boy do I hate you. Lisadamnit, I’m supposed to do the clever stuff.

Given what passes for “clever” in these parts, I suspect most cast members would be happy to pass it off to Les. “Happy” being the completely wrong word, of course….

Long Arm of the Lawn

Link to today’s strip.

Or, even better, Long Yarn of the Yawn.

I remember reading Dick Tracy years ago, and a retired police chief had opened a gardening supply store named Lawn Order. I thought that was pretty clever, as puns go.

This? This isn’t clever. I bet there are hundreds of tree-care folks who use this as an actual slogan. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me at all of Tom Batiuk was driving around, spotted this on the side of a truck, and thought Well, there’s a daily strip right there.

I don’t know what is more sad. That Tom Batiuk did twenty years of gag-a-day strips, and thirty years of bland garbage, or that he actually thinks those thirty years are what will constitute his fame.

(Yes, in the “thirty years” I’m including from now to March, 2022. That’s the only endpoint left here.)

For Leaf Closure

Link to today’s strip.

Dear Mr. Batiuk–

Look, we get it. You killed off one of your favorites to win a prize, and when you didn’t win that prize, you’ve tasted ashes and been filled with regrets ever since.

But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s dead, and you need to stop bringing her back. Either that, or finally give Cayla a small bit of dignity and have her divorce Les for “irreconcilable differences.” She can even make puns on the way out the door. Then Les (and Summer) can wallow in Lisa memories until March 2022.

She’s not poignant. She’s not insightful, or funny, or even interesting. Les’ continued need for her makes him look even more pathetic than he actually is. Here’s the thing: The more you bring her back, the less special her death becomes.

It’s like the dork who finally gets a laugh with one of his dumb jokes, so he repeats it endlessly until everyone was sorry they laughed in the first place. And they wonder why they laughed at all.

One thing I’m sure of. I’m willing to bet real money that the Pulitzer Committee is not reading this strip and thinking, Wow, we really made a mistake. This is great stuff. Let’s award him a do-over prize! No, like most of humanity, they’re not reading this strip at all. And if they did, they’d think, Wow, we were lucky on that one. How did we even nominate this? Were we drunk?

We get it. “Lisa’s Story” was your crowning achievement. Typically, when one has a crowning achievement, one retires. Otherwise, as one’s crowning achievement recedes more and more into the distance, that crowning achievement begins to look a lot less like the result of talent and more the result of blind luck. And one ends up as one of those sad old people whose every sentence begins with, “Hey remember when I…”

Monday, October 26, 2015

Greetings, folks, BChasm back for another round. Today’s strip was not available for preview. Based on John’s sad expression on Saturday, I’ll hazard the guess that John will take this week (and probably next) to extol the virtues and magnificence of comic books. This will help Cory see the light and he’ll decide to keep and treasure the Starbuck Jones collection his mother took a year or two to complete.

However, as always has to be pointed out, this is Funky Winkerbean we’re talking about. While unfolding, the stories ooze like molasses, but when a story-shift needs to occur, it will happen with blinding speed. So we may get a week of band members selling frozen turkeys, or Funky at the gym.

Of course, we might get a week of Lisa Fun Run strips, as we haven’t had much Lisa in a couple of weeks. And that may tie us into Cory. As many (including myself) have pointed out, selling the Starbuck Jones collection would be a way for Cory to repay the eleven dollars he stole from the Lisa Fund way back when*. And as the Army had turned Punk Cory into Saint Cory, this has no doubt been gnawing at him greatly.

Wow, three whole paragraphs on a strip that hasn’t even appeared! You may be in a rough ride from both Tom Batiuk and me!

*I refuse to believe the Lisa Fun Run has ever raised more than eleven dollars. I like that thought. Because, like Lex Luthor, I’m evil.

Huis-clos

Link to today’s strip.

So…for Les, life is watching blonde women interact with their lockers while he endlessly walks down a brick corridor. Or some damn thing–who honestly knows what the point of this strip is supposed to be. I’m starting to think that Tom Batiuk is simply trolling us (as others here have pointed out). I’ve read this episode over carefully and I cannot make head nor tail out of it. Is the point supposed to be “High school lasts forever”? Is it that Les hates his job because it makes his life Hell? Is it that hairstyles on blondes are getting shorter? (Panel four must be from a previous year, since Les is dressed differently.) Or is the point that, every time the school year starts, there are blonde women with lockers–only, get this, the women are different each time! Really, that sounds the most plausible but it’s weak, even for this strip.

So, I don’t get this one. I honestly thought we’d get the “bullying” arc started up again, but I guess Mr. Batiuk thought we needed some Les Wisdom(c) dropped on us. Too bad he forgot the Les Wisdom Decoder Ring(c) to go with it. It just looks like a hellscape to me, with a pair of word balloons pasted on. (Look at that dialogue. Tell me than any random sentences couldn’t substitute there and make the same amount of sense.)

Sorry for rambling, but I don’t see this one as an “episode.” Instead I see things like the adult Les’ face in the “Westview Class” masthead image among all the teenagers and I think, Is that supposed to mean something? Les has always been old? Then I note that in the penultimate panel, Les’ hair is all disheveled, and it’s neatly combed in the last panel. Again, is there a point to that?

I do like the Modigliani face in panel five, and I like that someone went nuts with the Scotch tape in panel three. And all those bricks. Endless bricks.

Bricks.

Ah, I get it now. We’re supposed to want to slam endless bricks against Les’ head. Okay!

Thus ends my time in the Les Chair. Tomorrow, the fabulous DavidO takes over the hosting duties…and good luck to him!

See you then, and thank you for your indulgence!